Do You Have My Steak Today?

You know what’s sad? News has gotten so weird that this story of a customer pulling a gun on a McDonald’s employee because they wouldn’t serve him a steak bagel at 3 in the morning probably wouldn’t have caught my eye. As scary as I’m sure it was for the girl working that night, nothing happened, thank goodness, except the poor girl found out how far some jerks will go for a stupid steak bagel. He pulled a gun, cursed at her and drove off. It wouldn’t have twigged me, except it reminded me of another disagreement over a McDonald’s bagel that I personally witnessed. Thankfully, this one didn’t involve guns and wasn’t a real disagreement, but for a second, I thought maybe some of the other customers might have turned it into a real fight.

I can’t remember if Steve has written about the antics that he and his buddy Greg used to do when they were younger, but some of it involved messing with people at drivethroughs. They didn’t do anything harmful, they would just ask for weird things like peanut butter sandwiches or try to ask the workers trivia questions or stuff like that. Well, one night when I was hanging out with them, Greg decided to ask for a breakfast bagel in the evening. The girl was nice, but said they couldn’t give him one. He pretended to be all disappointed, saying that he works during the time they served them, and really wanted one. When she said they didn’t have any, he wondered where they would get them from for the morning. When she said they had the materials but they were frozen, Greg said that was fine, he would warm it up. They went back and forth a little more, and then suddenly, from the car behind us we heard someone yell “She said no, stupid! Move it!” I was sure we were going to become the victim of road rage. Thankfully, nothing happened, Greg gave up the joke and moved on, but I was freaked out for a while.

Getting back to the story, I can’t imagine a steak bagel being so good that not being able to get one would be worth pulling a gun and getting a criminal charge over it. Sheesh, chill out, man!


I’ve never had the stuff and maybe it’s much better than I think it is,but I tend to question the sanity of people who pay for the privilege of eating food from a 7-Eleven. Maybe that offends some of the convenience store connoisseurs in the crowd and for that I apologize, but Stephanie Hicks here isn’t doing a whole lot to make me reconsider my approach.

The employee told police that Stephanie L. Hicks had entered the Melbourne store just before 2 a.m. last Thursday, the Palm Bay Daily reported.
She had ordered a sandwich and a cup of nacho cheese.
When asked not to open the hot cheese dispenser, Hicks, 31, replied she didn’t like the employee’s attitude, Palm Bay Daily stated.
The clerk’s feelings were mutual, and she denied her service.
Hicks, just 5-foot-3 and 95 pounds, responded by chucking the full cup of steamy cheese at her.

The clerk, understandably upset, told Hicks she was calling police, to which Hicks responded that “the customer is always right.”

Apparently confident in that position and the centuries of legal precedent on which it was built, Hicks actually waited for police to arrive. Why start acting logically now, I suppose. When they did and had a chance to speak to the clerk and review the film from the security camera, Hicks was arrested and charged with battery. Yes, the fact that there was no mention of intoxication scares me too, you guys.

I Just Wondered Wondered Where’s My Fucking Pizza Pizza ‘Cause I’m Hungry

It’s not every day that one of these messed up order food feud stories goes from fight between customer and cashier to all out drunken brawl, but that’s what happened in Toronto over the weekend. So much for Canadians being nice all the time, I guess.

Paul Michael, 23, was at the restaurant when the brawl began at around 2 a.m. He said it started when a woman entered the restaurant on Queen St. E., at Broadview Ave., and complained that her pizza order was late.
“They didn’t call her to tell her it was ready so in the middle of the Pizza Pizza, she started screaming how she wasn’t satisfied,” Michael said.
“She was making this big scene and then someone else said something and one person just started grabbing another. The big thing just started happening when she jumped over the counter and started throwing the chips on the floor. So everything just started going crazy.”
That’s when Michael started recording. The video has been watched almost 10,000 times on YouTube as of early Tuesday afternoon.
“Everyone started pushing each other,” he said. “I don’t know how those other people really got involved. I just sat there and filmed the whole event.”

Sorting out charges is a little confusing, as depending on which source you go by (including different lines in the same article) either nobody was charged with anything or one person was dinged for public intoxication. But for now, that’s really not important. What we really want to know is what became of the pizza at the centre of all this.

“She did get the pizza,” Michael told the Toronto Star. “She was yelling about it as she got it. She ended up throwing it on the floor.”

Good thing she went to all that trouble.

But You Were Asking For It!

Men! They’re so confusing! They go crazy when you eat the grilled cheese sandwich, but then go even crazier when you don’t! Who can understand them!?

According to a criminal complaint, the incident in question occurred at a residence in the 14300 block of West Lisbon Road on Jan. 9. The girl told police that she went to the house where she met with Hastings.
The girl told police that upon arriving, she found Hastings in his kitchen making a grilled cheese sandwich. After talking for a few minutes, she alleges that Hastings pulled a gun from his pocket and pressed the barrel against her forehead. She then told police that Hastings “ordered her to move into the living room where he said something along the lines of the only thing worse for a woman than getting killed is getting raped.”
At this point, the girl alleges that Hastings attempted to pull down her pants; however, he was unable due to them being too tight. Hastings then pointed the gun at her face again and the girl told him that “he was being dumb and that he wouldn’t actually shoot her.”
According to the girl, Hastings then put the gun down and said that he was joking and just trying to see how she would react. The girl then attempted to leave the residence, but Hastings blocked her from doing so.
The girl told police that she was eventually able to leave the residence at which point she left the scene and later called the police.

Justin Hastings, police say, told them repeatedly that all of this started because that grilled cheese sandwich he was making was meant for her. She had asked for one before she arrived but then refused to eat it when she got there, which pissed him off. Not helping matters was that during the bit with the gun which Hastings was sure to point out was an empty pellet gun, she was laughing at him and telling him to pull the trigger. Oh,and she also told him to “go die in a hole,” and that’s just plain mean.

But what about all that rapey stuff?

That, he said, was simply him grabbing her and pushing her toward the stairs so that her sandwich wasting ass could go the hell outside where it belonged.

He was charged with attempted sexual assault and false imprisonment, crimes which could net him up to 36 years should he be convicted.

Next time, just go the Brandon Vezmar route, dude. $3 for the bread, butter and cheese slice seems entirely reasonable.

Chinese Take You Out

What was supposed to be the dropping off of a former couple’s 8-year-old son turned into an argument over school attendance before ultimately becoming a food feud in Florida yesterday.

Responding to a disturbance at the China No. 1 restaurant in Vero Beach, a sheriff’s deputy discovered Brian Kusmer, 31, wearing his lunch. Kusmer said that he was waiting for his former girlfriend, Samantha Wilson, to drop off the couple’s eight-year-old son (whose custody they share).
When Wilson, 30, arrived at the restaurant, the duo argued about Wilson repeatedly keeping the child out of school, according to a police report. Kusmer told a cop that he asked Wilson to leave the restaurant after she got mad and began screaming at him.
Before departing, however, Wilson allegedly threw a plate of food on Kusmer, who later declined medical attention, but said “the sauce burned a little.”

When questioned, police say Wilson admitted that she had tossed the plate of pork fried rice, but seemed to offer up as a defense that she never actually touched him herself, a strategy that went over about as well as you’d expect.

She was charged with domestic battery and is currently free on her own recognizance with the condition that she have no contact with Brian the rice receptacle for the time being.

Just in case you were wanting to write this off as a heat of the moment type incident, it should be noted that Wilson is no stranger to being charged with things. Her record also includes criminal mischief, theft, negligence and perhaps most relevant at the moment, child abuse.

It’s Yours But I Can Have Some? With Me You’d Like To…BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!

55-year-old Maryland resident Daniel Brian Blackwell has been charged with attempted first degree murder, assault and reckless endangerment after rounding up a collection of guns and ammo, shooting at least four times through the kitchen floor of his home and engaging in a several hours long standoff with police. Why? Because his wife took a bite out of his grilled cheese sandwich. Why else would you do something like that?

Police say Daniel Brian Blackwell, 55, fired multiple rounds through his basement floor after he became angry when his wife took a bite out of his grilled cheese sandwich.
Detectives say the 55-year-old fired his gun at her through the basement floor while she was making dinner. When his wife went to check on him she found Blackwell surrounded by guns and ammunition.
“Soon after, the wife heard three more gunshots, the projectiles of which came through the kitchen floor near where she was standing,” Baltimore County Police said in a press release.

At that point she called police and got herself and the kids the hell out of there, thankfully before anyone was injured.

In addition to the charges, Blackwell was scheduled to be evaluated in hopes of figuring out what set him off. Whatever it was may not be a one time thing, as he was already prohibited from owning guns due to previous assault convictions.

Grease Is The Word. It Worked Better Than Stop, Anyway

Over the years we’ve seen a lot of strange reasons for people to attack one another. Somehow, unless I’m forgetting something, musical instruments haven’t featured nearly as prominently on that list as you’d think. But feature they do today, and you know what? Unless this fellow is a master of his art, I totally understand.

Encarnacion, cops say, was in the kitchen with the male victim, who “was playing a xylophone” around 9:20 PM. Encarnacion–apparently not enjoying the Friday evening musical performance–“asked him to stop,” according to a court filing.
When the man refused, Encarnacion “dumped a pot of cold cooking grease on him.”
An officer who responded to a 911 call noted that the victim had wet spots on his shirt and shorts, and that “there was a puddle of liquid on the ground where the victim was sitting near the xylophone.”

On the bright side, at least the grease wasn’t boiling this time.

Police have charged April Encarnacion with misdemeanor battery, and at last word she was in jail in lieu of $3,000 bond. If that number seems a little high, the reason most likely lies in the fact that Encarnacion was already on probation for a 2015 incident that saw her plead no contest to battery on a police officer who was probably messing around with one of those god damn toy pianos.

You Deserve A Broken Face Today

Mom won’t let me stay at her house anymore. I’m so pissed! So sad! How can I change her mind? I need to make this better. What can I do? Wait, I’ve got it! This’ll fix everything! We’ll be a happy family again!

The two women got in a fight after the mom told her daughter she could no longer stay at her home, said IMPD Officer Aaron Hamer. The mom drove her daughter to someone else’s house, but on the way, the daughter changed her mind about where she wanted to go.

The 60-year-old mother told officers her daughter, 39, started yelling at her, so she stopped at the McDonald’s drive-thru. The daughter was screaming and yelling as they drove, Hamer said.
After stopping in the parking lot so other passengers in the car could use the bathroom, the mother told police her daughter said she wished her mom would die, Hamer said.

“While her daughter was seated in the front passenger seat she took a bite out of her cheeseburger,” Hamer said. “The victim stated her daughter yelled ‘B—h I outta kill you’ and hit her in the left side of her face with her hand and the cheeseburger.”

Proving that things more than likely happened as mom said they did was fairly easy, as it’s doubtful she hit herself with a cheeseburger hard enough to cause redness, swelling and a case of ketchup and mustard shirt. But police are still investigating the case, perhaps because the article ends like so.

The daughter got into another driver’s vehicle and fled the scene, Hamer said.

Seriously, that’s how it ends. Who is this driver? Do they know each other? Was he a willing participant? Did she carjack somebody? You bet I’ll be keeping an eye on this one, at least as much as I can with no names having been released.

We’ve Got To Get These Orders Right. We’re Really Under The Gun Here

Kids today. No initiative. So entitled. So lazy. In my day when the supermarket made our pizza wrong, by god we’d all take the time and effort to get out of our stolen car and go inside before we started indiscriminately spraying bullets around in broad daylight like a bunch of drugged up wannabe gangster buffoons. That’s just how it was back then. You dealt with problems head-on and face to face like men, the way your daddy and his daddy before him did. Not like today. No respect, I tell ya. None.

An undercover detective was conducting surveillance near the D.B. Todd Market at 1509 D.B. Todd Jr. Boulevard when he witnessed the gunfire around 2 p.m. Tuesday.
The detective followed the suspects’ vehicle to a house on 32nd Avenue North and called for backup.
Three occupants in the vehicle, ages 16, 17 and 18, were arrested. The vehicle, a white Honda Accord, had been reported stolen.
One of the suspects told police that the gunfire was directed at the market because the clerk gave them the pizza with the wrong toppings.

All three of these disobedient hellions have been charged with 12 counts of aggravated assault, unlawful gun possession and vehicle theft. Djuan Bowers and Tynerick Turner, the two older ones who are clearly setting a poor example for their young friend who will hopefully realize soon that he’s running with a bad crowd and get himself back on the straight and narrow like a good boy before it’s too late, were also charged in connection with a robbery in February. Bowers was last reported to be in custody, where he probably gets all the pizza he wants and can watch himself on the news on his very own TV while he eats. Wouldn’t want any of these beautiful snowflakes to melt, you know.

The Customer Is Always Right Cross

The drive through is moving slowly. Cars are starting to get backed up, you’ve got places to be and man oh man, are you ever hungry. This is an understandably annoying situation especially since they do call it fast food, after all. And while there may be a way for you to help the situation like say perhaps getting out of the line and finding a different, less busy eatery, the course of action taken by William Silva does not fall into that category.

Investigators allege that William Silva, 49, exploded after being “tied up” in the drive-thru lane, which was “backed up” Sunday around 10:30 PM.
Silva, cops say, entered the Clearwater McDonald’s and started screaming and cursing at employees. After being asked to calm down, Silva allegedly attacked worker Manuel Cano, who was off-duty at the time.
Silva, a criminal complaint alleges, “delivered a front kick” to Cano, who countered with several blows to Silva’s head.

And that, my friends, is how you do pretty much everything wrong. Not only are you slowing things down even more,but you’re also taking out your big dumb aggression on a guy who can’t even help you and worse yet, he kicks your ass for your trouble.

Silva was charged with battery and disorderly conduct and later released after posting $650 bond.