Today’s Special Is Domestic Violence

If this happened to most of us it would be the strangest experience of our lives, but in Florida I bet it’s just Monday.

According to a Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office probable cause affidavit, Dankner and his mother were in their backyard when he asked her to dress his mannequin. After she refused to do so, Dankner stood in the doorway, blocking her from getting back inside the home, so she pushed the mannequin to the ground, deputies said.
As Dankner moved to pick up the mannequin, his mother ran inside, but Dankner followed her into the kitchen and pushed her to the floor, deputies said.
Dankner then picked up a small stool on the kitchen floor and struck her several times in the head with it, deputies said. He then “grabbed small dumplings made for dinner and started to shove them into her mouth,” the affidavit said.
After his mother told her she couldn’t breathe, Dankner stepped away from her and began throwing items around the kitchen, including a ceramic cup that shattered on the kitchen counter, the affidavit said.

Three things before we continue:

  1. No, I don’t know why Mikkel Dankner suddenly went from being a him to a her in that snip either. Pretty low rent, WPLG.
  2. It’s a bit on the line, but I think the use of the dumplings has to qualify this as a food feud.
  3. It occurs to me that a lot of you might not get the reference in the title, so have this and this:

Moving on…

Mom somehow managed to get away, and a neighbour called 911 when she heard screaming.

Police arrived and arrested Dankner, who they say was combative with them. But he seems so rational. How can that be?

He’s been charged with aggravated battery on a victim 65 or older and domestic battery by strangulation.

She was taken to the hospital where a cut on her head was stitched up.

The fate of the naked ass mannequin was not reported.

Next Time I’ll Kick You In The Bag

I’m not going to say I don’t understand the impulse because there isn’t much worse than finding your bread or eggs down at the bottom of a bag full of heavy shit, but it is important at times like those to do our best to act like a big boy and deal with the situation calmly and rationally. Don’t choke out the grocery kid, in other words.

According to Fairview Township Police, Bradley Bower was shopping with his wife at a Giant Food Store on Feb. 2 when he allegedly attacked the cashier for the way the clerk was handling his groceries.

Police noted in a criminal complaint that Bower explained to officers he had asked the clerk not to “throw his groceries around.” The man said he had several bags of chips and “didn’t want them to get all smashed up.”

Bower told police the cashier then proceeded to place the chips in the same bag as the canned goods the man had purchased, and the clerk was “smashing the chips.” The man said he asked the cashier to stop bagging his items in that manner.

The victim told police Bower had paid for his groceries and while he was walking away he turned and asked him: “Do you have a problem with me? Because I have a problem with you.”
The victim told officers he thought Bower was kidding and replied to the man: “Do you?”
That’s when police said Bower attacked the cashier, grabbing him around the neck and shoving the clerk against the cash register, while calling the victim an “idiot.”

Bower, who has been charged with simple assault, told police that he knew what he did was wrong, but that he was having a bad day and that “this issue with the chips just sent him over the edge.”

Dude. You’re still in the store. If they’re really jacked up, ask for new ones. You’re in the perfect place to do that if you’d just think for a second (see boy, big). I never discover this shit until I’m already back home. At that point I’m not going out again and the time for fighting has passed. I’m stuck sadly eating crusheds when all I want is chips and justice. You aren’t. Next time, make the most of the oh so rare opportunity you’ve been given to make things right. Right now, I think a lot of us are very, very disappointed in you. I know I am.

This Sandwich Is Cold. Here, Try Some

I want to know more about this “verbal altercation.” Can you please reheat this for me should not devolve into a food feud assuming that’s how the request was made. I’m assuming it wasn’t, but we may never know.

Corinthian Jones, 19, purchased the sandwich Friday night at a 7-Eleven in Bradenton, Florida. Jones got the pressed sandwich to go, a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office report notes.
Jones subsequently “took a couple of bites from one half of the sandwich and discovered it was cold,” a deputy reported. So Jones returned to 7-Eleven and asked clerk Victoria Vazquez, 26, to reheat the Cuban sandwich or return her money.
“The pair got into a verbal altercation at this point,” according to the report.
Jones later asked Vazquez again to reheat the sandwich, a request to which Vazquez agreed. But when the 7-Eleven employee reached for the grub, Jones allegedly “threw the sandwich into the victim’s face.” A witness confirmed Vazquez’s account that she was struck in the face by the Cuban sandwich.

Jones, as you might expect, remembered things differently. She admitted throwing the sandwich, but said that Vazquez had caught it with her hands, not her face. The target having good reflexes somehow makes it ok to make a target out of them, I guess.

She was charged with misdemeanor battery.

You’re Toast, Buddy!

Story is about a year old, but I’m still going to post it for a few reasons:

  1. Age ain’t nothin’ but a number.
  2. A fight broke out in a restaurant over a damn toaster, which is one of those dumb things we kind of keep track of.
  3. Is it common at British buffets to have to make your own toast? That seems odd.

Diners hoping to tuck into a £6.49 breakfast buffet at Harvester’s Aintree branch got more than they bargained for when one fry-up fan reportedly pushed into a queue to use the toaster – causing a fist-fight to break out in front of terrified diners.
Footage of the scrap, taken by a customer, shows a group of people rushing to intervene while onlookers scream and attempt to break up the fracas at around 10.30am on Friday, January 26.
One child, who we have chosen to pixelate, was visibly upset by the disturbance and, in the original footage, can be seen covering his hands and ears as he sobs.

A diner told the ECHO: “It was terrifying. We were just having our breakfast and one fella apparently pushed in to use the toaster.
“Someone else told him ‘f*** off, there’s a queue’ and they were shouting at each other. To be honest, it wasn’t the one that pushed in that was causing the problems, it was the other one.

“We heard him offering him outside for a fight and he kept coming back to his table and shouting down his ear asking him for a fight outside. He had a [young] baby with him. It was disgusting.”

“They went into the glass area near the doors, and the chefs were out trying to split it up as well as diners.
“One of the lad’s girlfriend was telling him to calm down, and the staff were as well, but it just went on.

“I felt really uncomfortable, it was awful. The police arrived as we were leaving.”

Yes, there is a bit of video to go along with the article. It autoplays and gets a bit shriekie, just so you know.

Run From The Early Shift

It makes sense that most of the restaurant food fights we see are worker vs. customer, but it is kind of surprising that with all that perfectly good weaponry just hanging around that we don’t see more worker on worker disagreements end that way. But here’s one.

Spartanburg cops were called to a Taco Bell Monday afternoon after employee Christopher Dalton got into a dispute with Patricia Keeley, his manager.
Keeley told an officer that Dalton was upset over his work schedule and “was getting into several verbal disputes with other coworkers.” Keeley said that when she told Dalton to “stop being a crybaby,” he exploded.
Dalton allegedly “slung” a burrito at Keeley, who told police that “the melted cheese got all over her left arm and went all down her left side and leg.” Keeley added that the airborne burrito “made a mess of the entire kitchen as well, getting cheese over all the appliances.”
Before storming out of the fast food restaurant, Dalton “took off his headset and broke it on his knee and threw it on the ground, causing it to break into several pieces.”

Dalton, who at least won’t have to worry about which shift he’s on for a while, was later arrested and charged with assault and battery and malicious damage.

Did Somebody Say Extra Ketchup?

This is basically your standard “I am displeased with the level of customer service and attention to detail at this establishment and shall soon turn to physical means to express such” story. We’ve been collecting them for ages, but I’m still sometimes surprised by how many there are.

Mayra Berenice Gallo
Photo of Mayra Berenice Gallo.

Mayra Berenice Gallo, 24, allegedly became enraged when she discovered there was not enough ketchup in the order when the incident occurred on Oct. 27.
After ordering in the drive-thru of the McDonald’s restaurant in the 1500 block of North Bristol Street in Santa Ana, California, she went into the restaurant through the employee entrance and asked for more ketchup.
The manager told her she couldn’t be in the building and Gallo allegedly “became combative” and started pushing, punching and choking the employee, police said.
Another worker tried to intervene and called other employees to help, the video showed.
A man who was believed to be with Gallo is credited with stopping the attack when he pulled the woman off the manager. The two then left the restaurant.

It took police a while, but they have arrested her and she’ll likely be facing assault charges.

How Do You Say Is Ear Of Owner On Special Tonight In Chinese

Customers and employees argue over restaurant food all the time, but rarely does one incident lead to three 911 calls.

Deputies say 24-year-old Jade Anderson walked ito the restaurant complaining about her order. She was complaining to the owners, who are also the victims in the assault.
Due to a language barrier, the victim’s son translated what Anderson was saying to his parents. That’s when Anderson allegedly pushed the son and threw her food onto the floor. She then started assaulting the female victim, and the male victim stepped in to protect his wife.
That’s when Anderson started assaulting the man. As she was pushed out of the store, she bit the man on the ear, partially detaching it.

To make matters worse, further investigation revealed that while Anderson was out on her food run turned crime spree, her child was at home by itself, presumably not biting off anyone’s ear.

So far she’s not in any extra trouble for that, but the assault and assault with intent to Mame charges that could land her ten years worth of jail may be trouble enough for the moment.

Assault And Vinegar

What goes better with dip than chips?

A South Carolina man turned violent in a dispute over salt-and-vinegar potato chips, authorities said.
Ryan Dean Langdale, 19, had warned his 17-year-old cousin not to eat his chips, but when his relative did, Langdale shot him, authorities said Wednesday.
“Do not touch my chips, or I’ll shoot you,” the cousin said Langdale had warned him, the Post and Courier of Charleston reported.

The charges of attempted murder and using a firearm in a violent crime that Langdale was going to be facing anyway would have been bad enough, but he managed to compound his stupidity and tack on one for obstruction of justice by tampering with the crime scene and trying to claim that the shooting was the result of a self-inflicted cleaning it and it went off accident.

Maybe he was cleaning out all the chip dust?

A Jarring Experience

When Alfonzo Stanley’s daughter made the mistake of eating some of his food, the 50-year-old reacted in the calm, understanding manner in which one would expect a father to react. He brained her with a jar of Doritos Nacho Cheese Dip.

Wait, Doritos makes cheese dip? I didn’t know that.

According to his arrest report, 50-year-old Alfonzo Stanley told police he hit his adult daughter because she was trying to eat his food.
Stanley’s daughter told police she tried to replace the food after her father said it was his, but he attacked her and slammed a glass jar of Doritos Nacho Cheese Dip into the left side of her face, the report said.
When police interviewed the woman at a friend’s apartment in the same complex she was holding a blood-soaked towel against the side of her face and had multiple cuts. The woman was taken to University Medical Center and needed a total of 40 stitches.

When police talked to Stanley, he said that the reason he hit her with the jar is because it was there. Had his cane been the first thing he saw, he told them, he would have hit her with that instead.

Good thing they weren’t near the car.

Stanley was taken into custody and charged with one count of domestic battery resulting in substantial bodily harm.

Somebody’s Cheesed Off Now…

This story about two men in their 70’s fighting over cheese samples is a funny enough scene on its own. One fellow repeatedly cut in line at free sample stations in front of this other fellow until they had words about it and the line-cutter hit the other guy. But for some reason, there’s a part of me that wonders if, in a couple of years, my dad could be one of the guys in the fight.

My dad is in his 70’s, a scary fact I know, and sometimes he can be a little bit cranky. Steve and I joke that he has a limited supply of chipper tokens and when he runs out, there are rough times ahead. I think for now, the only ones who are aware of the loss of tokens are family, but what does the future hold?

In my dad’s case, it would probably only amount to dad having some choice, probably hilarious, words with a guy cutting in line. I couldn’t see dad cutting in line or smacking anyone. But I definitely could see a future where he would lip someone off for doing something like that if he was especially frustrated. Hopefully I’m wrong. I’m glad he doesn’t have a Costco membership…for now.