But You Were Asking For It!

Men! They’re so confusing! They go crazy when you eat the grilled cheese sandwich, but then go even crazier when you don’t! Who can understand them!?

According to a criminal complaint, the incident in question occurred at a residence in the 14300 block of West Lisbon Road on Jan. 9. The girl told police that she went to the house where she met with Hastings.
The girl told police that upon arriving, she found Hastings in his kitchen making a grilled cheese sandwich. After talking for a few minutes, she alleges that Hastings pulled a gun from his pocket and pressed the barrel against her forehead. She then told police that Hastings “ordered her to move into the living room where he said something along the lines of the only thing worse for a woman than getting killed is getting raped.”
At this point, the girl alleges that Hastings attempted to pull down her pants; however, he was unable due to them being too tight. Hastings then pointed the gun at her face again and the girl told him that “he was being dumb and that he wouldn’t actually shoot her.”
According to the girl, Hastings then put the gun down and said that he was joking and just trying to see how she would react. The girl then attempted to leave the residence, but Hastings blocked her from doing so.
The girl told police that she was eventually able to leave the residence at which point she left the scene and later called the police.

Justin Hastings, police say, told them repeatedly that all of this started because that grilled cheese sandwich he was making was meant for her. She had asked for one before she arrived but then refused to eat it when she got there, which pissed him off. Not helping matters was that during the bit with the gun which Hastings was sure to point out was an empty pellet gun, she was laughing at him and telling him to pull the trigger. Oh,and she also told him to “go die in a hole,” and that’s just plain mean.

But what about all that rapey stuff?

That, he said, was simply him grabbing her and pushing her toward the stairs so that her sandwich wasting ass could go the hell outside where it belonged.

He was charged with attempted sexual assault and false imprisonment, crimes which could net him up to 36 years should he be convicted.

Next time, just go the Brandon Vezmar route, dude. $3 for the bread, butter and cheese slice seems entirely reasonable.

Chinese Take You Out

What was supposed to be the dropping off of a former couple’s 8-year-old son turned into an argument over school attendance before ultimately becoming a food feud in Florida yesterday.

Responding to a disturbance at the China No. 1 restaurant in Vero Beach, a sheriff’s deputy discovered Brian Kusmer, 31, wearing his lunch. Kusmer said that he was waiting for his former girlfriend, Samantha Wilson, to drop off the couple’s eight-year-old son (whose custody they share).
When Wilson, 30, arrived at the restaurant, the duo argued about Wilson repeatedly keeping the child out of school, according to a police report. Kusmer told a cop that he asked Wilson to leave the restaurant after she got mad and began screaming at him.
Before departing, however, Wilson allegedly threw a plate of food on Kusmer, who later declined medical attention, but said “the sauce burned a little.”

When questioned, police say Wilson admitted that she had tossed the plate of pork fried rice, but seemed to offer up as a defense that she never actually touched him herself, a strategy that went over about as well as you’d expect.

She was charged with domestic battery and is currently free on her own recognizance with the condition that she have no contact with Brian the rice receptacle for the time being.

Just in case you were wanting to write this off as a heat of the moment type incident, it should be noted that Wilson is no stranger to being charged with things. Her record also includes criminal mischief, theft, negligence and perhaps most relevant at the moment, child abuse.

It’s Yours But I Can Have Some? With Me You’d Like To…BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!


55-year-old Maryland resident Daniel Brian Blackwell has been charged with attempted first degree murder, assault and reckless endangerment after rounding up a collection of guns and ammo, shooting at least four times through the kitchen floor of his home and engaging in a several hours long standoff with police. Why? Because his wife took a bite out of his grilled cheese sandwich. Why else would you do something like that?

Police say Daniel Brian Blackwell, 55, fired multiple rounds through his basement floor after he became angry when his wife took a bite out of his grilled cheese sandwich.
Detectives say the 55-year-old fired his gun at her through the basement floor while she was making dinner. When his wife went to check on him she found Blackwell surrounded by guns and ammunition.
“Soon after, the wife heard three more gunshots, the projectiles of which came through the kitchen floor near where she was standing,” Baltimore County Police said in a press release.

At that point she called police and got herself and the kids the hell out of there, thankfully before anyone was injured.

In addition to the charges, Blackwell was scheduled to be evaluated in hopes of figuring out what set him off. Whatever it was may not be a one time thing, as he was already prohibited from owning guns due to previous assault convictions.

Grease Is The Word. It Worked Better Than Stop, Anyway

Over the years we’ve seen a lot of strange reasons for people to attack one another. Somehow, unless I’m forgetting something, musical instruments haven’t featured nearly as prominently on that list as you’d think. But feature they do today, and you know what? Unless this fellow is a master of his art, I totally understand.

Encarnacion, cops say, was in the kitchen with the male victim, who “was playing a xylophone” around 9:20 PM. Encarnacion–apparently not enjoying the Friday evening musical performance–“asked him to stop,” according to a court filing.
When the man refused, Encarnacion “dumped a pot of cold cooking grease on him.”
An officer who responded to a 911 call noted that the victim had wet spots on his shirt and shorts, and that “there was a puddle of liquid on the ground where the victim was sitting near the xylophone.”

On the bright side, at least the grease wasn’t boiling this time.

Police have charged April Encarnacion with misdemeanor battery, and at last word she was in jail in lieu of $3,000 bond. If that number seems a little high, the reason most likely lies in the fact that Encarnacion was already on probation for a 2015 incident that saw her plead no contest to battery on a police officer who was probably messing around with one of those god damn toy pianos.

You Deserve A Broken Face Today

Mom won’t let me stay at her house anymore. I’m so pissed! So sad! How can I change her mind? I need to make this better. What can I do? Wait, I’ve got it! This’ll fix everything! We’ll be a happy family again!

The two women got in a fight after the mom told her daughter she could no longer stay at her home, said IMPD Officer Aaron Hamer. The mom drove her daughter to someone else’s house, but on the way, the daughter changed her mind about where she wanted to go.

The 60-year-old mother told officers her daughter, 39, started yelling at her, so she stopped at the McDonald’s drive-thru. The daughter was screaming and yelling as they drove, Hamer said.
After stopping in the parking lot so other passengers in the car could use the bathroom, the mother told police her daughter said she wished her mom would die, Hamer said.

“While her daughter was seated in the front passenger seat she took a bite out of her cheeseburger,” Hamer said. “The victim stated her daughter yelled ‘B—h I outta kill you’ and hit her in the left side of her face with her hand and the cheeseburger.”

Proving that things more than likely happened as mom said they did was fairly easy, as it’s doubtful she hit herself with a cheeseburger hard enough to cause redness, swelling and a case of ketchup and mustard shirt. But police are still investigating the case, perhaps because the article ends like so.

The daughter got into another driver’s vehicle and fled the scene, Hamer said.

Seriously, that’s how it ends. Who is this driver? Do they know each other? Was he a willing participant? Did she carjack somebody? You bet I’ll be keeping an eye on this one, at least as much as I can with no names having been released.

We’ve Got To Get These Orders Right. We’re Really Under The Gun Here

Kids today. No initiative. So entitled. So lazy. In my day when the supermarket made our pizza wrong, by god we’d all take the time and effort to get out of our stolen car and go inside before we started indiscriminately spraying bullets around in broad daylight like a bunch of drugged up wannabe gangster buffoons. That’s just how it was back then. You dealt with problems head-on and face to face like men, the way your daddy and his daddy before him did. Not like today. No respect, I tell ya. None.

An undercover detective was conducting surveillance near the D.B. Todd Market at 1509 D.B. Todd Jr. Boulevard when he witnessed the gunfire around 2 p.m. Tuesday.
The detective followed the suspects’ vehicle to a house on 32nd Avenue North and called for backup.
Three occupants in the vehicle, ages 16, 17 and 18, were arrested. The vehicle, a white Honda Accord, had been reported stolen.
One of the suspects told police that the gunfire was directed at the market because the clerk gave them the pizza with the wrong toppings.

All three of these disobedient hellions have been charged with 12 counts of aggravated assault, unlawful gun possession and vehicle theft. Djuan Bowers and Tynerick Turner, the two older ones who are clearly setting a poor example for their young friend who will hopefully realize soon that he’s running with a bad crowd and get himself back on the straight and narrow like a good boy before it’s too late, were also charged in connection with a robbery in February. Bowers was last reported to be in custody, where he probably gets all the pizza he wants and can watch himself on the news on his very own TV while he eats. Wouldn’t want any of these beautiful snowflakes to melt, you know.

The Customer Is Always Right Cross

The drive through is moving slowly. Cars are starting to get backed up, you’ve got places to be and man oh man, are you ever hungry. This is an understandably annoying situation especially since they do call it fast food, after all. And while there may be a way for you to help the situation like say perhaps getting out of the line and finding a different, less busy eatery, the course of action taken by William Silva does not fall into that category.

Investigators allege that William Silva, 49, exploded after being “tied up” in the drive-thru lane, which was “backed up” Sunday around 10:30 PM.
Silva, cops say, entered the Clearwater McDonald’s and started screaming and cursing at employees. After being asked to calm down, Silva allegedly attacked worker Manuel Cano, who was off-duty at the time.
Silva, a criminal complaint alleges, “delivered a front kick” to Cano, who countered with several blows to Silva’s head.

And that, my friends, is how you do pretty much everything wrong. Not only are you slowing things down even more,but you’re also taking out your big dumb aggression on a guy who can’t even help you and worse yet, he kicks your ass for your trouble.

Silva was charged with battery and disorderly conduct and later released after posting $650 bond.

Run From The Bullets

I certainly don’t advocate this sort of thing, but based on what little information we have here, I’m pretty sure she shot the wrong one.

The woman reportedly became irate when a taco truck worker denied her request to reheat her taco when she said it was cold.

But when her boyfriend told her to calm down, she allegedly pulled out a gun.

Her boyfriend was shot at one point, but it is not clear if she intentionally shot him or if the gun fired accidentally.

He is expected to survive, and has hopefully already made a mental note to himself to be a bit more strict about when is and is not a good time to tell her to lighten up.

Did Somebody Say McBullets?

This is one of the sillier you got my order wrong related meltdowns I’ve seen, but even so, dude’s lucky he didn’t get himself killed.

A man was so angry he did not get his chicken nuggets, he jumped on the counter at McDonald’s and fired two toy Nerf guns at a staff member before spraying foam bullets around the fast food outlet.
Jacob Martin Geels, 22, was fined for disorderly behaviour in the Greymouth District Court yesterday.
He was angry that he did not get his chicken nuggets so he jumped on the counter, shouted at everyone and then fired the toy guns he had with him, before leaving.
“When he was spoken to by police later on he said he thought it was funny and didn’t think anyone would care,” police prosecutor Lisa Thomson told the court.

But people did care, at least enough to convict him and fine him $100 while admonishing him for displaying the maturity of a four-year-old. To be fair though, he was acting at least six, maybe seven. I’m not sure a four-year-old would have been able to get onto the counter.

She Brings Out The Worst In Him

Not much to add here. Just a possibly crazy man terrorizing and attacking his family with his hands and some frozen sausage.

Derek Kiesler, 24, was arrested earlier this month following a violent confrontation in the Bardstown home he shares with the victim and the couple’s nine-month-old child.
Police allege that Kiesler struck his girlfriend “several times in the face and arms” and even hit the baby, “busting the child’s chin.”
After dragging the woman down a hallway, Kiesler “grabbed a frozen log of sausage from the freezer and struck her in the head with it.” When the woman sought to dial 911, Kiesler smashed her fingers until she dropped the phone, cops charge.

It took six hours for police to find and arrest him, at which point he confessed to hitting her but said that he wasn’t in control of himself and that she had pushed him to do it. Whatever you say, buddy.

He was charged with domestic violence, child abuse and wanton endangerment. There’s one you don’t hear often.