It’s Yours But I Can Have Some? With Me You’d Like To…BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!

55-year-old Maryland resident Daniel Brian Blackwell has been charged with attempted first degree murder, assault and reckless endangerment after rounding up a collection of guns and ammo, shooting at least four times through the kitchen floor of his home and engaging in a several hours long standoff with police. Why? Because his wife took a bite out of his grilled cheese sandwich. Why else would you do something like that?

Police say Daniel Brian Blackwell, 55, fired multiple rounds through his basement floor after he became angry when his wife took a bite out of his grilled cheese sandwich.
Detectives say the 55-year-old fired his gun at her through the basement floor while she was making dinner. When his wife went to check on him she found Blackwell surrounded by guns and ammunition.
“Soon after, the wife heard three more gunshots, the projectiles of which came through the kitchen floor near where she was standing,” Baltimore County Police said in a press release.

At that point she called police and got herself and the kids the hell out of there, thankfully before anyone was injured.

In addition to the charges, Blackwell was scheduled to be evaluated in hopes of figuring out what set him off. Whatever it was may not be a one time thing, as he was already prohibited from owning guns due to previous assault convictions.

Grease Is The Word. It Worked Better Than Stop, Anyway

Over the years we’ve seen a lot of strange reasons for people to attack one another. Somehow, unless I’m forgetting something, musical instruments haven’t featured nearly as prominently on that list as you’d think. But feature they do today, and you know what? Unless this fellow is a master of his art, I totally understand.

Encarnacion, cops say, was in the kitchen with the male victim, who “was playing a xylophone” around 9:20 PM. Encarnacion–apparently not enjoying the Friday evening musical performance–“asked him to stop,” according to a court filing.
When the man refused, Encarnacion “dumped a pot of cold cooking grease on him.”
An officer who responded to a 911 call noted that the victim had wet spots on his shirt and shorts, and that “there was a puddle of liquid on the ground where the victim was sitting near the xylophone.”

On the bright side, at least the grease wasn’t boiling this time.

Police have charged April Encarnacion with misdemeanor battery, and at last word she was in jail in lieu of $3,000 bond. If that number seems a little high, the reason most likely lies in the fact that Encarnacion was already on probation for a 2015 incident that saw her plead no contest to battery on a police officer who was probably messing around with one of those god damn toy pianos.

You Deserve A Broken Face Today

Mom won’t let me stay at her house anymore. I’m so pissed! So sad! How can I change her mind? I need to make this better. What can I do? Wait, I’ve got it! This’ll fix everything! We’ll be a happy family again!

The two women got in a fight after the mom told her daughter she could no longer stay at her home, said IMPD Officer Aaron Hamer. The mom drove her daughter to someone else’s house, but on the way, the daughter changed her mind about where she wanted to go.

The 60-year-old mother told officers her daughter, 39, started yelling at her, so she stopped at the McDonald’s drive-thru. The daughter was screaming and yelling as they drove, Hamer said.
After stopping in the parking lot so other passengers in the car could use the bathroom, the mother told police her daughter said she wished her mom would die, Hamer said.

“While her daughter was seated in the front passenger seat she took a bite out of her cheeseburger,” Hamer said. “The victim stated her daughter yelled ‘B—h I outta kill you’ and hit her in the left side of her face with her hand and the cheeseburger.”

Proving that things more than likely happened as mom said they did was fairly easy, as it’s doubtful she hit herself with a cheeseburger hard enough to cause redness, swelling and a case of ketchup and mustard shirt. But police are still investigating the case, perhaps because the article ends like so.

The daughter got into another driver’s vehicle and fled the scene, Hamer said.

Seriously, that’s how it ends. Who is this driver? Do they know each other? Was he a willing participant? Did she carjack somebody? You bet I’ll be keeping an eye on this one, at least as much as I can with no names having been released.

We’ve Got To Get These Orders Right. We’re Really Under The Gun Here

Kids today. No initiative. So entitled. So lazy. In my day when the supermarket made our pizza wrong, by god we’d all take the time and effort to get out of our stolen car and go inside before we started indiscriminately spraying bullets around in broad daylight like a bunch of drugged up wannabe gangster buffoons. That’s just how it was back then. You dealt with problems head-on and face to face like men, the way your daddy and his daddy before him did. Not like today. No respect, I tell ya. None.

An undercover detective was conducting surveillance near the D.B. Todd Market at 1509 D.B. Todd Jr. Boulevard when he witnessed the gunfire around 2 p.m. Tuesday.
The detective followed the suspects’ vehicle to a house on 32nd Avenue North and called for backup.
Three occupants in the vehicle, ages 16, 17 and 18, were arrested. The vehicle, a white Honda Accord, had been reported stolen.
One of the suspects told police that the gunfire was directed at the market because the clerk gave them the pizza with the wrong toppings.

All three of these disobedient hellions have been charged with 12 counts of aggravated assault, unlawful gun possession and vehicle theft. Djuan Bowers and Tynerick Turner, the two older ones who are clearly setting a poor example for their young friend who will hopefully realize soon that he’s running with a bad crowd and get himself back on the straight and narrow like a good boy before it’s too late, were also charged in connection with a robbery in February. Bowers was last reported to be in custody, where he probably gets all the pizza he wants and can watch himself on the news on his very own TV while he eats. Wouldn’t want any of these beautiful snowflakes to melt, you know.

The Customer Is Always Right Cross

The drive through is moving slowly. Cars are starting to get backed up, you’ve got places to be and man oh man, are you ever hungry. This is an understandably annoying situation especially since they do call it fast food, after all. And while there may be a way for you to help the situation like say perhaps getting out of the line and finding a different, less busy eatery, the course of action taken by William Silva does not fall into that category.

Investigators allege that William Silva, 49, exploded after being “tied up” in the drive-thru lane, which was “backed up” Sunday around 10:30 PM.
Silva, cops say, entered the Clearwater McDonald’s and started screaming and cursing at employees. After being asked to calm down, Silva allegedly attacked worker Manuel Cano, who was off-duty at the time.
Silva, a criminal complaint alleges, “delivered a front kick” to Cano, who countered with several blows to Silva’s head.

And that, my friends, is how you do pretty much everything wrong. Not only are you slowing things down even more,but you’re also taking out your big dumb aggression on a guy who can’t even help you and worse yet, he kicks your ass for your trouble.

Silva was charged with battery and disorderly conduct and later released after posting $650 bond.

Run From The Bullets

I certainly don’t advocate this sort of thing, but based on what little information we have here, I’m pretty sure she shot the wrong one.

The woman reportedly became irate when a taco truck worker denied her request to reheat her taco when she said it was cold.

But when her boyfriend told her to calm down, she allegedly pulled out a gun.

Her boyfriend was shot at one point, but it is not clear if she intentionally shot him or if the gun fired accidentally.

He is expected to survive, and has hopefully already made a mental note to himself to be a bit more strict about when is and is not a good time to tell her to lighten up.

Did Somebody Say McBullets?

This is one of the sillier you got my order wrong related meltdowns I’ve seen, but even so, dude’s lucky he didn’t get himself killed.

A man was so angry he did not get his chicken nuggets, he jumped on the counter at McDonald’s and fired two toy Nerf guns at a staff member before spraying foam bullets around the fast food outlet.
Jacob Martin Geels, 22, was fined for disorderly behaviour in the Greymouth District Court yesterday.
He was angry that he did not get his chicken nuggets so he jumped on the counter, shouted at everyone and then fired the toy guns he had with him, before leaving.
“When he was spoken to by police later on he said he thought it was funny and didn’t think anyone would care,” police prosecutor Lisa Thomson told the court.

But people did care, at least enough to convict him and fine him $100 while admonishing him for displaying the maturity of a four-year-old. To be fair though, he was acting at least six, maybe seven. I’m not sure a four-year-old would have been able to get onto the counter.

She Brings Out The Worst In Him

Not much to add here. Just a possibly crazy man terrorizing and attacking his family with his hands and some frozen sausage.

Derek Kiesler, 24, was arrested earlier this month following a violent confrontation in the Bardstown home he shares with the victim and the couple’s nine-month-old child.
Police allege that Kiesler struck his girlfriend “several times in the face and arms” and even hit the baby, “busting the child’s chin.”
After dragging the woman down a hallway, Kiesler “grabbed a frozen log of sausage from the freezer and struck her in the head with it.” When the woman sought to dial 911, Kiesler smashed her fingers until she dropped the phone, cops charge.

It took six hours for police to find and arrest him, at which point he confessed to hitting her but said that he wasn’t in control of himself and that she had pushed him to do it. Whatever you say, buddy.

He was charged with domestic violence, child abuse and wanton endangerment. There’s one you don’t hear often.

Lettuce Behave, Lest We End Up Behind Bars

Thing you shouldn’t do number one: Scoop toppings at a salad bar with your hands, because that’s just gross.

Thing you shouldn’t do number two: Punch the off duty police officer who asks you nicely to stop doing thing number one in the face, because that’s just mean, not to mention dumb.

As detailed in an Oklahoma City Police Department report, Deputy Adebola Atoka was “at the salad bar selecting food for her plate” when she spotted Williams using “her bare hands to grab salad out of the salad bowl.”
Atoka, cops noted, alerted restaurant staffers, “who changed out the salad.”
After the lettuce had been replaced, Williams returned to the salad bar and again dug in with her hands, prompting Atoka to tell her that, “she should not do that.”
Williams, police allege, responded by punching Atoka in the face, a blow that knocked the deputy’s glasses off.

Lindsay Williams, who is 29 and hopefully raised by wolves so she might have some kind of excuse for this, was charged with assault and battery.

Run For The Hospital

If there’s a lesson here, it might be that if Taco Bell screws up your order and you decide to bring it back, don’t be an ass about it or you might find yourself getting your own ass kicked. Or maybe that although some customers are inevitably going to be rude, you’re better than that. As a representative of the company, you are duty bound to always be professional and friendly, even when the other half of the transaction doesn’t deserve it. Or perhaps, and this one has always worked for me personally, just don’t have anything to do with Taco Bell in the first damn place because even when everything goes to plan, it’s dangerous.

Just after 4 p.m., a 64-year-old man walked into Taco Bell, 621 E. 400 South, upset that his order wasn’t correct and began creating a disturbance, according to Salt Lake police.
“While getting his money back, some very strong words were exchanged,” according to a Salt Lake County Jail report.
As the customer left, employee Duane Massie, 23, “clocked out” and went outside to continue the argument, which became physical, the report states. An employee who saw what was happening ran outside to try and calm everyone down, but she was allegedly shoved by the customer. That prompted Massie to punch the man, followed by several kicks to the face and body, police said.
Massie “continued to kick and punch the victim while on the ground,” the report states. The man had a picc line in his arm that ruptured and caused an artery to bleed.

Ok, so there’s a lesson I missed. If you’ve got a picc line in your arm, you might want to lay off the pushy shovey, especially when you’ve clearly already annoyed people.

Picc line guy was rushed into surgery, and also treated for what was described as severe bruising to his face. Police haven’t decided whether he’ll face any charges for shoving the girl who seemed to only be trying to calm things down.

As for Massie, who told police that he’s a second-degree green belt in Muay Thai, he was booked for aggravated assault. For the beating he administered, not the Taco Bell he served. Thought that might need some clearing up.