He Was Then Packed Off To Jail

When you hear the word ballsy, you probably think of something heroic or crazy, like running into a burning building to save someone’s life or jumping out of a perfectly good airplane for no practical reason. But when I hear the word ballsy, I think of things like this fellow in Guelph who brought a suitcase on a shoplifting expedition to a store he’d already been thrown out of at least once.

On Nov. 28, 2018 at approximately 10:34 p.m, Guelph Police were called to a business on Woodlawn Road in regard to a shoplifter.
It was learned that the male had brought his own suitcase to the business and had filled it with two drones, cold medicine, camping equipment, and some beverages. The male was confronted in the store by police as he was on conditions not to be in the business from previous charges.
As a result, a 26-year-old Guelph male was arrested for theft under $5,000, breaching his recognizance, and two counts of breaching his probation.
The male is scheduled to appear in court on Nov. 29, 2018.

So You’re Telling Me Her License Is Suspended? But She’s Such A Careful Driver!

I’ve seen so many dumb criminal stories over the years that it generally takes something going pretty spectacularly wrong to get my attention anymore, but now and then a simple event like the one detailed in this Ontario Provincial Police news release just strikes me the right way at the right time and I can’t help but laugh and laugh and laugh.

By the way, I don’t know who wrote this thing, but I know who edited it. Nobody. All below typos are theirs, not mine.

TOWNSHIP OF GUELPH/ERAMOSA – On Monday, Sept. 17, 2018 a Wellington County Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) officer was monitoring traffic on Highway 7, west of Guelph.
At approximately 5:30 p.m. the officer observed a female operating a blue pickup with authorized plates and attempted to pull the vehicle over. The driver initially pulled onto the shoulder of the road as if to stop but then rapidly accelerating away from the officer and fleeing through dense traffic.

Shortly after, police were notified of a vehicle that had entered the ditch that matched the description of fleeing vehicle. The driver was seen walking away from the stopped vehicle.
Police attended and located the woman and arrested her. Further investigation revealed that her licence was suspended and the licence plate was reported as stolen.
34-year-old Shannon C. Payette of Kitchener has been charged with Flight from Police, Dangerous Operation of a Motor Vehicle, Possession of Property obtained by Crime, Drive while Suspended and two-counts of Unauthorized use of a Plate. She is scheduled to appear in Guelph Criminal Court on Oct. 23, 2018.

I can’t end this without giving a few bonus points to Guelph Today for making me not skip right over the rather boring headline “Kitchener woman drives away from police” by adding “Police catch up with her in a near-by ditch”. That may be my favourite part, the more I think about it.

Wroute Will Drive You Between Kitchener And Guelph In A Tesla For Cheap And On A Pretty Sweet Schedule

This is certainly interesting.

A new service called Wroute, which you’re supposed to say like “Root” because it’s the law that every startup must have a nonsensical name, is going to start offering frequent, daily Tesla rides between Fairview Mall and Guelph Central Station for $20.

Each shared Wroute trip can carry up to six passengers and two bicycles. The all-electric Teslas run emissions-free.
Wroute (pronounced “root”) is launching with an ambitious schedule that will see its vehicles departing the two stations every 15 minutes, seven days a week. The service will begin at 5 a.m. on weekdays and 8 a.m. on weekends, winding down at 11 p.m. from Sunday to Thursday, and at 2 a.m. Saturday and Sunday.

“The idea there is that instead of building your day around how you’re getting to Guelph, you just fit us into your day,” Hammond said.
Each one-way trip will cost $20 including tax; a reduced price for daily users may be introduced as the service grows. Reservations and payment will be made online in advance, and no tipping is required as the drivers are salaried.

Other routes could be introduced in the future. Hammond said he doesn’t intend for Wroute to compete with existing transit options. Rather, he believes Wroute will enhance those options, especially for commuters and students. “It sort of sits in the middle in terms of cost and convenience.”
Taxis or Ubers cost more but take you door-to-door, Hammond said. Buses or trains are cheaper but don’t run as often. “By filling in the gaps with this high-frequency service, we want to build up the marketplace.”

I like the idea. I just hope it ends up being sustainable. They’re making a ton of trips which is exactly what this sort of service should be doing to make itself attractive, but is there that much actual demand there? I hate asking that because there are times in our lives when both Carin and I would have used the bejesus out of something like this and they’re in a tight spot between overdoing it and not doing enough, but my gut says the schedule might be a touch ambitious, at least starting out. Obviously the fuel costs will be lower, but even with that working in your favour there’s only so long you can pay people full-time wages to drive themselves back and forth.

I wish them well though and look forward to trying it out sometime. I’ll bet Carin does too, especially if they’re not going to be dinks about her guide dog like the Uber folks so often are.

Update:
I wasn’t able to find it on Friday for some reason, but I’ve since found the company website. There looks to be quite a bit of information there, but you’ll want to pay particular attention to this things to know page before you take your first trip. It even has a service dogs are good and please don’t pet them section, which sounds promising and which I have no doubt Carin will totally be holding them to.

OUR FURRY FRIENDS ONLY COME ALONG WHEN THEY’RE WORKING.
We love our pets, and we’re sure we’d love yours, too. However, our passengers may have allergies that mean they can’t enjoy the journey if others bring animals along for the ride. So, we only board service animals. Remember that they are working to keep their humans safe, so resist the urge to spoil them with all the affection they totally deserve.

What In The Actual Hell Is Going ON In Guelph These Days?

These are all items from Guelph police news releases, and all were published this summer. I’m not 100 percent positive that this is a complete list, but lord love a duck, there are certainly plenty of them as it is.

Obviously there were incidents here and there, but I can’t recall there being this sort of volume in such a short time during the years we lived there. What is happening? Did somebody slash the event budget? Are you aiming to change your slogan from Royal City to Oil City?

Good lord.

Update: The local CBC appears to have stolen my gimmick and begun compiling a list of its own. Theirs stretches back to March, so has a couple of items mine doesn’t.

Also, Mayor Guthrie is unimpressed.

“Guelph is known for our beautiful parks and green spaces — so people, whether they’re visiting our city or live here, they need to be able to enjoy them without any fear of this activity going on,” said Guthrie.

“Police are very aware of these incidents and are taking this very seriously,” said Guthrie. “Over the last couple of years, we’ve had some increased investments in enforcement — and I’m going to continue to support that.”

Guthrie adds mental health issues and drugs are most likely playing a part in this as well.
“Those can’t be full out excuses for what is happening, and for the younger people performing any ‘acts’ as a ‘prank’ . . . it’s not a prank, it’s disgusting. My message for them? Find a different hobby, or get a job.”

“As I said, there is also a part of this which is mental health issues – so we do need to have some further support from the provincial government for all municipalities. We need to make sure people are aware there are drug issues involved in this too – but these aren’t way of ‘explaining out’ the situation, or using it as an excuse.”
He adds as much as we need to be aware of these issues, we also need to acknowledge that Guelph is a great place to live.
“It is going to take our whole community coming together to not be fearful of this issue. Go out, enjoy our parks — but at the same time, be vigilant and call the authorities if you see anything out of place.”

Update two: The naked meditator has spoken. He is 29-year-old Peter Holm, and he definitely sounds like he’s gonna fit right in with some of the locals I met during my Guelph days.

“I’m not a pervert,” said Holm.

“My intention was to be my true, authentic self. We are all born pure and beautiful,” Holm said in an interview with GuelphToday.
He believes nudity is a natural and healthy state, even in public.
He fully understands what he did was against the law, but feels the law is wrong. Basically, he was making a point.
“I want society to legally recognize my right to express my self and body as I choose …. am I really actually doing harm?
“I wanted to show that just because I chose to be naked doesn’t mean I’m a criminal, bad person or am going to hurt someone.”
He said he knew he was going to get in trouble when he decided to go for a walk that day and then sit under a tree nude while meditating.

Holm said if people are upset by his nudity, “that’s more on them.”
He was asked if a park with a children’s playground might have been the wrong place to make his point. Or if the recent public masturbation reports might have created a situation where people might be a little upset at the sight of a naked man in a public park.

He answered that he felt the time and place were appropriate given that he was trying to make a point.
“I think it was great timing, all these emotions were activated,” he said.
“I want it to be recognized, that I have a right to recognize my body as I choose.”
Holm said two families arrived at the park shortly after he began meditating in the nude.
Holm said he was yelled at, then two “furious” men came over and kicked and hit him while he was sitting on the ground. He has bruises on his body and scratches on his back but did not go to hospital.
“I knew this was going to happen and I’m ready to accept what was going to happen,” Holm said.
Asked if he planned to continue to meditate nude in city parks, Holm said that for now there might not be too much public nudity.
“It was an incident. An event. I’ll let that percolate.”

He also said that he planned to plead not guilty to the charge of causing a disturbance that was filed against him when he was arrested on August 12th. that court appearance is set for September 18th.

Police have also confirmed that Holm has filed an assault complaint against the fellas who felt it necessary to make a point of their own and say they’re looking into it.

Hi! It’s Adam From the Ontario NDP. Do You Have Some Random Numbers I Can Dial?

I don’t know how widespread it is, but the NDP is causing a bit of annoyance in some places thanks to texts from someone or something calling itself Adam.

A lot of locals aren’t happy about receiving random texts on their cell phones from the New Democratic Party.
The texts started popping up on phones earlier this week.

“Hi! It’s Adam from the Ontario NDP. Do you know about the election happening on June 7?” it reads.
It then advises to reply “stop” if you want to “opt out” and that SMS rates may apply.
People responding would find themselves in a political discussion with “Adam” who would also provide links to the NDP platform on issues.

I haven’t gotten any of these myself, and I’m not sure how much of a problem I’d have with it if I did. On the surface it’s basically a modern version of a party calling you, and it’s even less irritating because you don’t have to get up from dinner to answer it because it might be something important. Man do I ever not miss those days at all. Whoever invented caller ID should win every award that exists and a few I can make up if those aren’t enough.

But while the text itself may not bug me, I’m not so sure about the NDP’s response to the controversy.

“We use texting as part of our program to get voters out on election day to cast their ballots,” Party spokesman Jared Walker told GuelphToday. “We use texting, but we do NOT use lists.”

Ok, so then where do the numbers come from?

“If you receive a text from us, you’ve either signed up OR you’ve received a random text that comes with an opt-out option. Our texting method is sort of like our door-knocking method, we visit everyone!”

First of all, if people have signed up, that’s a list. But the bigger issue is the random part. Sending hundreds or thousands of texts at a time helplessly into the wind and hoping that maybe a few will land? That sounds inefficient. It also sounds an awful lot like spam.

If you guys are using lists, just admit it. And if you aren’t, maybe now might be a good time to start. It seems like a much better strategy than what you’re doing now, bothering people with cell phones and confusing old folks with landlines.

I, For One, Cannot Wait To Get The Day Started! Oh, And Where In The World Is Dave Hannah?

I don’t know what’s going on down at CKWR this morning, but it sounds like somebody might not have had the best weekend. In the span of an hour or so, I heard both this

and this.

Don’t you just want to jump right out of bed and take on the world?

And while we’re talking about radio, what in the heck happened with Dave Hannah on CJOY? When he disappeared suddenly a few weeks ago, I didn’t think much of it. I thought maybe he was sick like everybody else around here. Carin and I haven’t been able to speak for more than a few minutes without coughing for like two weeks now, and when you’re doing radio that’s just not going to work. But then last week they aired this announcement, which they’ve also posted online.

1460 CJOY wants to thank Dave Hannah for his service to the community and for his many valuable years of being "that…

Posted by 1460 CJOY on Tuesday, March 6, 2018

1460 CJOY wants to thank Dave Hannah for his service to the community and for his many valuable years of being “that voice” you’ve been used to hearing on radio first thing in the morning. Unfortunately Dave is no longer the CJOY morning man or a member of the Corus/Guelph team. We want to wish Dave the very best in the future.

And then…nothing. No local news coverage, nothing so far in any of the various radio industry news places, not even any rumours. I know broadcasting can be a pretty garbage business about letting people say goodbye, but there’s been a trend, especially with long-serving employees, of giving them a sendoff. CJOY and the papers gave Neill Clemens one just last year. But now it’s this year, and Dave has simply disappeared. Hopefully everyone is ok and nobody’s in any trouble.

There Was A Prof Named Edward Heddican, Teaching Cheques He Will Not Get Again,, Acted Up And They Suspended Him, Career of Edward Heddican Is At An End

Just in case you don’t get the reference.

I know this happened the week before last. I wanted to write about it last weekend but I ran out of time.

The story goes that University of Guelph professor Edward Hedican was filling in for another prof, and got irritated with a student. Obviously I didn’t see it, but several students on Facebook said that he told the student he was annoying, questioned if he was even enrolled in the class, and referred to an assistant who was with him as his handler, telling the assistant to control him. That’s pretty unprofessional behaviour for a professor at the best of times, but it gets really bad when the student has severe anxiety, hence the reason for the presence of an assistant.

I can’t even say the professor was unaware of the anxiety issues, since apparently, during one of the times the professor asked him what he was doing, the student said he had severe anxiety, and the prof just kept on ridiculing him like he was dealing with a heckler at a comedy club. And after all of this, and despite his union discouraging him from making comments to the press, he said the following:

“There was no physical contact here, there’s no sexual interaction, there’s a verbal altercation that happened in class. And I’ll just leave it at that,” he said.

Hmmm, I think I wouldn’t have even gone that far. Nobody else mentioned any physical or sexual misconduct. He also said there were two sides to every story, and then proceeded to not give his. If you can’t comment, don’t even start.

And allow me to get down to the big reason I wanted to write about this incident. Mr. Heddican obviously has no idea how devastating mere words can be when they are used to humiliate in front of hundreds of people simply because the person holding the power feels like doing it. It’s especially difficult when the thing being used for ridicule is a disability with which someone is trying to deal. Maybe the student had just been recently diagnosed with it and was still trying to figure out coping strategies.

What if I had been in Mr. Heddican’s class and something about my assistive technology had annoyed him. Maybe my notetaking device had beeped unexpectedly. Maybe the sound of me typing would have been a distraction to him. Maybe he didn’t like my dog. Would he decide I should be centred out for his amusement? Would it have required physical or sexual impropriety for it to have been misconduct?

I had something happen to me years ago that wasn’t even close to what Mr. Heddican did, and apparently, by the way my hands are shaking as I write, it still bothers me. I was in a class where the professor loved to put up graphs and charts and pictures, and then just say “You can see from the graph how the crime rates have fallen,” or whatever. He didn’t take the few extra seconds to say “The graph illustrates that there was a steep drop in crime rate after a neighbourhood watch was put in place…” for example. I approached the prof in private and asked him if he could either make the slides available to me, or just verbally describe things a bit so I could be in on the lesson. He said he would try. But the next class, as he put another graph up on the projector, he actually said something to the effect of “I’m sorry, Carin, but a picture is worth a thousand words…” and put the graph up without even trying to describe it. He centred me out in front of a giant class full of students, by name, mentioned my blindness, and then decided to say I wasn’t worth the time to make the lesson inclusive. I wasn’t worth it. I think I turned 40 shades of red. I wish I could say I called in people from the Centre for Students with Disabilities and we had a big meeting about this, but I didn’t. I was in my first year. I shrank back in my chair and wanted to disappear. That was nothing compared to this tirade.

It’s especially difficult for someone with an invisible disability when someone decides to pick on them because of it. A lot of people don’t believe invisible disabilities are a thing. People think of disabilities as blind, deaf, using crutches or a wheelchair. If they can’t see it, it can’t be that bad. So disclosing this sort of thing is something the person does with people with whom they are comfortable, and Mr. Heddican made him do it in front of a giant class. That could have been forgiven since it was given as the answer to a question, but Heddican kept going!

I can understand why Mr. Heddican might be wondering what the hell’s up with the gum, but I’m sure he could have handled it much more tactfully. He’s supposed to be the mature one, after all. Even if he asked what was up with the gum, as soon as the kid said he had anxiety, he could have tried to go on as normal and then talked to him afterwards.

Finally, I’m not one to pick on a specific word used to describe someone or something, but that whole “handler” bit just illustrates Heddican’s attitudes towards anyone who might need extra assistance. It, and that no comment comment he left speaks volumes about his character, in my opinion.

I’m glad he was only substituting, and is now on leave. I can’t imagine the dread that student would have been feeling if he knew he had to walk into another class taught by him.

Never Say Bye Without Your Supply

In spite of the stupidity at work, I think I understand the decision making. Though it was one of her own creation, our friend here was caught in a no-win situation. Do you go back for the drugs and risk getting arrested, or do you let them go, losing more than 40 grand in the process? Not to mention that depending on the structure of the drug operation, not going back could mean having your legs broken or worse. Yeah, I think I’m gambling that maybe housekeeping hasn’t shown up yet or taking my chances with the cops, too.

On Jan. 6, 2018, staff at a west end Guelph hotel located a quantity of crystal meth and cocaine that had been left behind by the people that had checked out of the room. A female returned to collect the forgotten items in the room, at which time she was arrested. The estimated value of the drugs is $42,000.
A 33-year-old London female has been charged with two counts of possession for the purpose of trafficking.

A Real Uber Driver Will Never Try To Negotiate A Price Or Ask You for Cash

Normally when one of us writes about a scam, we’re doing it because we want to either laugh at an incompetent one or at the people who fall for an obvious one. But right now I’m going to be completely serious because I know that even as popular as it is, there are a lot of people out there who have no idea how Uber works.

I don’t know how widespread this is, but there’s no way in hell that this fella in Guelph is the first or the last person to try it. It’s far too obvious a con to have not at least been attempted somewhere before now.

Guelph Police say it all started around 2:30 a.m. Tuesday, when two women leaving a restaurant accepted a ride “from a man who was posing as an Uber driver.”
When the women arrived at their destination on Victoria Road, the driver allegedly demanded more money than he had originally agreed on.

At that point, police say, the upset driver grabbed a water bottle and threw it through a window.

He was captured and charged shortly thereafter, so he won’t be out giving repeat performances right away at worst or ever again at best.

But the reason I’m writing this is because as easy a scam as this is to pull off, it’s equally simple to spot before you get sucked in.

Basically, the moment your driver starts talking to you about a price, you’re being lied to. If he asks you for cash or a credit card, you’re being lied to. Neither of these things happen in a legitimate Uber transaction. Everything is handled through the Uber app. It’s both how you call for a ride and how you pay for it. You give your credit card number to the app, which then times your trip while you’re on the road like a taxi metre and then bills you when you’re done. You and your driver have no reason to discuss money unless your conversation turns to the stock market.

That’s not to say that everyone who claims to drive for Uber and offers you a ride out of the blue is a liar. I’d bet most of them are, but it’s possible. And if that happens, you’ll know he’s for real when he tells you to open the app and book a ride to wherever you are even though he’s sitting right next to you. He’ll do that because that’s how legitimate Uber drivers get paid the proper amount for their work. If he doesn’t, offer to do it and watch his reaction. If he’s hesitant and tries to talk you out of it, it’s because he’s full of shit and not a ride you want to accept.

Hopefully this clears things up before any of you run into a situation like this.

Happy National Your Jumpy Ass Just Got Popped For Drugs Day


Dear Nameless Criminal:

Next time the police see you holding a popcorn maker box and playfully wish you a happy National Popcorn Day, try playing it cool. Chances are it would work out much better than the alternative.

A man was spotted beside the street holding a popcorn maker box by officers on patrol.  They stopped to wish the man a “Happy National Popcorn Day”, which was recognized this year on Thursday, January 19.
The man immediately took off.  The officers, now suspecting the package may have been stolen, ran after the man and eventually caught up with him.

When they did, they got a bit more than they bargained for. $2700 worth of various drugs were discovered, leading to him being charged with two counts of possession for the purpose of trafficking.

The report doesn’t note whether the popcorn maker was stolen or if the box was simply a hiding place for his stash.