It can be tough getting old. They don’t let you drive anymore. It can be hard to get out for a walk some days. Your punk ass grandkids never call or come to visit unless it’s Christmas or they need something. Half your friends are dead. Nobody wants to sleep with you unless you’re rich …
Category Archives: humpings
Mountain Do
Don’t do meth, everyone. Dominic Howells, prosecuting, said the owner of an allotment near Harwood Street found the shed had been broken into and the contents spread all around. Among the wreckage she found the teddy bear. “That was passed to the police and semen found inside came back to this defendant,” said Mr Howells. …
Return To Sender
Well, this is sad. Paul Malebox Bennett, who I wrote about not all that long ago, was found dead in late February. A Greater Manchester Police spokesman said: “We were called at 1.35am on Sunday, February 23, following reports the body of a 45-year-old man was found in Poolstock. His death is non-suspicious so the …
It’s A Mailbox, Not A Malebox
This is why they let bartenders cut you off, I’m pretty certain. Katie Beattie, prosecuting, told the court that on September 9 last year the complainant heard shouting and swearing outside her window. The witness saw the drunken 45-year-old defendant arguing with a woman. After the woman left, Bennett lay down on a bench in …
Someone Came Between Me And My Calvins
I can’t think of a better way to start a morning than reading about a dude with a bag on his head throwing a humping to a pack of women’s underwear in the great outdoors. So… According to police, on Wednesday afternoon officers were respondind to a call in Oklahoma City when a witness told …
Ride A Horse, Catch A Pervert
Update: In January 2015, Johnson plead no contest to charges of misdemeanor indecent exposure and criminal mischief. He was sentenced to a year’s probation and ordered to pay fines and costs totaling around $700. He was also ordered to stay away from Walmart. Obtaining stuffed horses elsewhere, however, is presumably a ok so long as …
Arthur Price Had His Table, And Now This Woman Has Completed The Outdoor Humping…Er, Dining Set
Seattle Woman, 33, Arrested After “Humping” Lawn Chairs, Exposing Self A female witness told officers that Hans “had come onto her lawn and was ‘humping’ the lawn chairs,” according to a Seattle Police Department report. The woman added that she and her two children–ages 15 and 11–watched Hans’s late-afternoon performance from a window in their …
Another Day, Another Pool Toy
That didn’t take long. Edwin Charles Tobergta III finds himself in the news once again. Guess why. Police said Edwin Tobergta, 35, was seen having simulated sex with a pink life raft on Route 4 at about 8 a.m. Witnesses said Tobergta was nude and in view of nearby businesses and passing cars. He was …
Ooooooo…Yeah…I’m Gonna Make A Deposit…
When you drink, it’s not uncommon to tell or even show the folks around you how much you love them. Hell, sometimes the folks around you even think it’s funny or cute. But when the showing involves you dropping your pants and when the folks around you is a restaurant’s bank machine, trouble generally won’t …
It’s Obvious You Love The Refreshment Cart, Sir. The Demonstration Won’t Be Needed
I’m just going to go ahead and present this without comment, because how am I supposed to improve upon it? A train traveller who had devoured a cocktail of legal highs and alcohol was arrested after trying to have sex with a drinks trolley. Andrew Davidson was seen humping the trolley while shouting ‘I want …
