Sidney is cruising along the highway when his car starts misfiring and losing power before finally stalling for good. He steers it to the side of the road and tries to restart the engine without any luck. He calls AAA whose service man arrives a short while later, listens to his account of the car’s failure and lifts the hood to start work.
As he knows nothing about engines, Sidney wanders off a little way for a smoke. As he is returning to his car, the engine suddenly starts and runs without a single misfire or puff of smoke from the exhaust.
“Brilliant!” declares Sidney. “You fixed it! Was it easy?”
“Yeah’, says the mechanic. “It was nothing serious. Just shit in the carburetor.”
Sidney thinks for a second and says “OK, how often should I do that?”
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
A waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, under the table and under the table cloth while the man stared straight ahead. She watched as the woman slid totally out of sight and still, the man stared straight ahead.
Thinking this behavior a bit risque and worried that it might offend other diners, the waitress walked over to the table.
“Pardon me sir,” she said, “but is everything ok? I think your wife just slid under the table.”
“No,” replied the man calmly. “She actually just walked in.”
A teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He’s a little skeptical, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression on them that she will reward him with sex.
He agrees, and extremely excited at the prospect of losing his virginity, rushes to the local pharmacy to get some protection. However, he is a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. The pharmacist at the counter notices this and walks over to see if he can help.
“First time?” the pharmacist guesses.
The boy nods sheepishly. So the pharmacist gives him the basics on picking condoms. The boy thanks him, buys some, and leaves.
Finally, the big night arrives. As everyone sits down for dinner, they all bow their heads to say grace over the meal. Afterwards, they all look up to start eating, except for the boy, who still has his head bowed in prayer. Respectfully, the girl and her parents sit quietly as he continues praying to himself.
After about 5 minutes pass, the girl leans over and whispers to him, “I didn’t know you were so religious!”
He looks up at her and whispers back, “And I didn’t know your dad was a pharmacist!”