I’ll Be Home As Soon As I Finish Cooking Up A Story About Why I’m Not Home Yet, Honey

I’m a pretty lucky guy. If I want to stay out late with my friends, Carin is either with us anyway or asks nothing more of me than to please try not to wake her up whenever I decide to come home. The idea that I’d have to fake a debt-related kidnapping in order to squeak in a couple extra drinks has never crossed my mind, not even once. But not everyone is me. There are haves and there are have nots in this world, as we learn more and more each day.

Officers spent seven hours searching for the man from Bolton, in northwest England, on Friday.
His girlfriend had gone to the cops after he told her he was being held against his will over a debt.
Instead he was at a house party.
The 32-year-old was found after police checked closed-circuit TV footage taken close to his home, reported the BBC.

Detective Inspector Jo Clawson, who has clearly never been to Florida, called the case “without doubt one of the most foolish and irresponsible incidents I have been involved in.”

The unidentified man was ordered to pay a fine, and the incident will go on his permanent record even though no charges were filed.

Do You Want That In Real Money Or Should I Make It As Fake As Those Criminals?

“Hello mom? Yeah, it’s Zac. I need a little help. Some drug dealers kidnapped me see, and they say they’re gonna kill me if I don’t come up with $200. Could you pleasepleaseplease………What do you mean not this shit again, son? Is that a no?”

Police in Knox County, Tennessee, say 25-year-old Zachery Lodgson texted his mom to say that drug dealers were going to kill him if she didn’t pay $200, reports WAVE-TV. “Of course, she didn’t believe him,” an investigator tells the Daily News, mainly because he’d pulled a similar stunt before. She called the cops, who set up a fake money drop and arrested Lodgson when he arrived to collect.

He’s been charged with filing a false report and resisting arrest. No word on whether or not mom bailed him out.

She Won’t Do The Dishes At Home? Well, She’s Doing Them Here.

Here’s another valuable lesson. If you’re going to be dumb enough to dine and dash, don’t leave your 12-year-old daughter behind. Also, don’t then call the sheriff’s department and claim that your daughter was kidnapped.

That would have been a strange meal. Melissa Ashley Graham and her daughter sit down to dinner, and Graham orders wine. After a couple of glasses, she starts acting weird. She spits her bread back out on the table, shoves her food across the table and tells her daughter to get a box and then she leaves. Just up and leaves her daughter in the restaurant.

But for some odd reason she just sat outside in her car. The manager came and found the kid sitting alone, and then found the mom outside. After lying about leaving a credit card on the table, she sped off! She just left her daughter and sped off.

And this is when she said her daughter had been kidnapped. Now that everything has come unravelled, the kid is in the care of Children’s Services.

And all over a dinner bill. What the hell?

Another Fake Kidnapping

I just happened to be watching TV, and another fake kidnapping was served up. I guess this has been going on even longer than I thought.

This one happened in 2004, and involved Audrey Seiler, who said she was kidnapped from her apartment and kept in the woods for days, given cold medicine, restrained with duct tape and rope and threatened with a knife. How about she bought the duct tape, rope, knife and cold medicine herself and staged the whole affair to somehow convince her boyfriend to stay with her. I honestly don’t know how that could have worked for more than maybe a week. I hope her boyfriend ran far, far away.

Never Smile, Or Piss, At A Crocodile

Oh my. We’re so getting a fake kidnapping tag. It’s happening. Today, it’s happening.

I’m sure the first story this unknown man told about battling men who abducted him, getting shot, and getting thrown to ferocious crocodiles in Mexico was a hell of a lot more cool-sounding than what really happened which was…he drunkenly pissed in acrocodile pond, was bitten by a foot-long crocodile, fell into the water, and suffered several more nibbles from the mini-croc’s buddies. Too bad for him that the real story had to come out.

>Did He Get The Injuries After the Police Found Out He Was Wasting Their Time?

>Here comes another fake kidnapping. I’m really starting to consider creating a tag for tracking these.

This unnamed guy from Cambridge made up a story about being attacked outside Sidelines Sports Bar & Grill, where he was knocked unconscious, thrown into a car, later to be dropped off in Woodstock where he discovered his wallet and cellphone were missing. It turned out to be all a lie. We have no idea why. all we know is he’s being charged with public mischief.

The weirdest part was the original story said he had sustained injuries. So…if it was all a lie, who hit him? And why bother with such an elaborate fake story? What’s he hiding?

I Don’t Know What The Grades Were, But this Last Act Was A Fail

Here comes another fake kidnapping. this one was an 11-year-old boy trying to get out of telling mom and pop about bad grades. He said that some random guy grabbed him and said he was going to take him somewhere and kill him. But he got away…and happened to grab his band instrument, but not his bookbag that had the report card in it. there was no word on what his band instrument was. I’d laugh if it was a tuba or something else equally huge.

And the police say they aren’t going to charge him with anything. Come on! I’m not saying send him to prison, but make him pay a fine or something that would hurt him but not make his parents fall into debt for his stupidity. Let’s have some consequences.

Kid, you should have just shown them the bad grades. It would have been far better than this.


>What’s with the rash of fake kidnappings lately? The first one we noticed was years ago when this woman faked her son’s kidnapping to get money from her hubby. But lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of them.

I went back to see if there were more I’d forgotten about, and there were. There was the case of a real-looking kidnapping actually being some kind of setup for some internet video contest. Years later, we had a fake kidnapping staged on video for the people’s own amusement. What’s so amusing about a kidnapping?

Next is the story of a woman who faked being kidnapped to cover up her affair. That didn’t work so well.

Even more recent is the case of a man making it look like he was kidnapped so his mom would send him money. Yeah, $250 sounds like a normal ransome.

Later still, we have that chick from New Brunswick who said she’d been forced to drive a man to Toronto. why did she go to such detail if it never happened? Hell, why did she do it?

And, in the last week, I saw the story of a guy who faked his own abduction for who knows what reason and another one who faked being kidnapped so he could cheat on his wife.

And in all the cases, they got busted. Let’s just stop faking kidnappings. It doesn’t work, it upsets people and wastes police’s time

Are There A Lot Of Kidnappings In Spain Or Is This Guy Just An Idiot?

Woman “kidnaps” son four times for ransom

MADRID (Reuters) – A Spanish woman staged fake kidnappings of her son four times and got his father to pay her more than a million euros ($1.26 million) in ransom money, newspaper El Mundo reported Friday.

Police in the southern Spanish city of Seville arrested the woman and five accomplices, including the 15-year-old son who cooperated in the deception by calling his father on the telephone and begging him to pay up.

The father paid ransoms after the first three fake abductions without realizing the involvement of his son’s mother, from whom he had separated. He became suspicious the fourth time and hired a private detective, El Mundo reported.