*My mum said to me, “Take your umbrella, it looks like rain.” I said, “No it doesn’t. It looks like a stick with spokes attached which is covered in fabric.” The woman’s delusional. *I was walking through Glasgow today, when I was stopped by a representative from Aquafresh Toothpaste. She said, “Did you know that […]
Category Archives: mailbag
40 Years
Haven’t heard from Gill in a while, but she wrote in yesterday, which happened to be her 40th birthday. Turns out it’s also right around the 40th birthday of a friend of hers, and she wrote this about the very different lives they’ve lived. All of the happy birthdays and well wishes from us here, […]
Double-Decker Bus
The Irish-American Society from Hackensack and the Polish-American Society from Hackensack charter a double-decker bus to go to Atlantic City for the weekend. The Irish-Americans are on the bottom of the bus, and the Polish-Americans are on the top. The Irish-Americans are drinking and whooping it up, when one of them realizes he doesn’t hear […]
Snake Bite
Two brothers are out hunting. One of them stops to take a leak. As he’s doing his business, a rattlesnake suddenly bites him right on the penis. “Lie down and don’t move or the poison will kill you,” says the other brother. “I’ll run and get a doctor.” He runs into town and eventually finds […]
You’re A Turtle?
A guy shows up at a costume party with a girl on his back. “Hey Bob, what in the heck are you supposed to be?” asks the host as he answers the door. “I’m a turtle,” says Bob. “A turtle?” asks his friend. “How are you a turtle?” “Of course I’m a turtle,” says Bob […]
A Few Quick Jokes From The Inbox
*My wife asked me if she was the only one I’d been with. I said yes, all the others were nines and tens. *I just got a copy of Steven Tyler’s new Chinese cookbook. Wok this way. *I went to my hairdresser and said, “Can you cut my hair like David Bowie?” He made a […]
This Strange English Language
Got this in a joke email and it seemed like the perfect excuse to post an old Brian Regan bit I’ve always enjoyed. the timing is especially amusing to me because Carin just said something over the weekend about moosen in the woodsen. We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the […]
You Sound Like My Ex
I thought I’d posted this one, but the search says otherwise. Tim finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment as his wife watched. After a long period of silence she finally spoke. “Honey, I’ve been thinking. Now that we’re married, maybe […]
Operation Cake Surprise
Sounds like Gill’s mom had a pretty nice Mother’s Day. I wouldn’t mind some of that cake myself. Remember a few months ago I asked you wonderful readers to vote on a cake that I would make for my mom as a thank you for everything she does or has done for me? Would you […]
Lifesaver
Another one I thought I’d already posted. Happy Easter, by the way. Two old ladies are sitting on the front porch having a chat. “Do you still get horny,” the first one asks? “Oh sure I do,” replies the second. “What do you do about it,” asks the first? “I suck on a lifesaver and […]
