Could That Be Made Today?

Gill is back and wondering about television, specifically what shows from the old days would look like now if they could even get made.

My pick for best show that may not get made today is Bizarre.

It gave us Super Dave Osborne, was a platform for some excellent comedians who wound up being pretty famous and featured some very funny sketches, but I’m not sure how well the Bigot Family and some of the more sexist stuff would fly in these times, especially on network television.

For almost seventy years TV has been an integral part of our lives from those classic cartoons to those smut driven reality shows we watch many things for many reasons.

My Question

What did you race home after school for, sneak out of bed and curl up on your mom’s lap, or what in the case of our immigrant readers taught you pre-playground English?

The Answer

Well, that depends on the time period you grew up in, whether you had cable, or in my case were restricted from certain programs due to certain elements.

Ok I Was Thinking Again

What would our favorite childhood shows be like taken out of the decade they were made in and plopped in to the 2017.

The Brady Bunch

Originally airing from 1969-1974 this wholesome look at a blended family may look more like this today. Stepmom to Greg, Peter, and Bobby Carol runs the company, Mike, stepdad to Marsha, Jan, and Cindy works from home as an internet consultant. Greg, is a closeted homosexual, Peter is stoned half the time, and Bobby is in a hard core band called Living Neon Snot. Marsha! Marsha! Marsha! Spends hours at the like mall maxing out Mike’s credit cards shopping for that perfect Kardashian look, Jan is constantly getting fat shamed by older sister leading to an eating disorder, Cindy is a little hipster in the making.

Danger Bay

In the mid 1980’s a Canadian show, yes friends I’m moving this cut and paste party north of the 49th Paralell. I watched this show at the time, and thought little of it, but fifteen years later once fully grown I noticed some things. All the bad people, well about 90% were American or some non-white foreigner. Here’s what it would look like today, Nicole would probably have a love for science, and carry with her some, maybe not all her Canadian Nationalist ideas, Jona, her older brother would go down to a school in California on a tennis scholarship, and not only meet but fall in love with a girl in a wheelchair. Grant and JL would pretty much stay the same.

Just Reboot It!

Family Ties was a show I loved as a child in the mid 1980’s, but how would it fair today? Steve and Aleis would stay pretty much the same, cool, without having to try hard. The jury’s still out on if Alex P would be a Trump Republican, Malery would still be not only fashion savvy, but have some computer smarts, Jennifer, the Thom Boy, and one I most related too, would start out Thom Boy and become hipster or maybe Goth, Little Andy, well, he has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair.

Question

What show from your childhood would make it today, which one wouldn’t, and which do you think deserves a 2010’s remake?

This Boils My Potatoes

Gill has a question. I’m not going to answer it myself since complaining about shit is one of the reasons this place exists and anything that’s already happened has likely been covered, but the rest of you can feel free to have at it.

Do you have pet peeves, or things that make you just want to dump a glass of ice water on someone? Of course, everyone does. If you have a disability you might have some of these potato boilers as I call them.

In Someone Else’s Shoes

One day I was talking to a friend of mine, and he asked what my pet peeves were. I told him that I hate when people assume:

  1. That I know or want to hang out with their blind cousin.
  2. That I don’t wash frequently, and bring bed bugs.
  3. That because I’m blind it’s ok to say something like “wow! Your smart` in a tone that means “you don’t have brain damage? I thought all blind people did.”
  4. That I always have someone with me.
  5. That it’s ok to violate me with out asking. E.G. if I’m standing minding my own business at the street corner don’t just grab me!

He thought about it for a moment and before I get to his I must give background. My friend was born in Cambodia in 1979 during the reign of The Khmer Rouge. At three weeks old a bomb hit his home leaving him with severe burns to 70% of his body and traumatic brain injury. Here’s what he considered his potato boilers.

  1. When someone suggests that it’s a good idea for him to go kill himself to end his pain.
  2. That he’s Chinese, even though some relatives of his came from there hundreds of years ago, he self identifies as Cambodian.
  3. That his mom could give a good pedicure, come on people it’s 2017 let’s be civilized here!
  4. That one or both of his parents committed horrible sins and that’s why he is the way he is.
  5. That he can’t speak English very well.

My challenge for you is to tell me some of your potato boilers {pet peeves} let’s start a discussion.

Another Food Adventure

Gill has been busy today, it appears. She’s back to suggest a restaurant.

In the last few years I have written about my adventures in food. What makes them unique is I’ve traveled the world with out ever leaving my city. From Ethiopian to Thai, I’ve tried many different things.

Culantro Perruvian Cookery

Let me set the seen for you, it’s lunchtime, and you are in the mood for something, and pizza, burgers, and fried chicken just won’t cut it. You go off the beaten track just slightly, to a tiny place on a side street.

The Atmosphere

Once you step inside this hidden jem you will feel like a Perruvian family has invited you for a traditional meal. Foot tapping music plays in the background as you look through the menu. When one thinks Latin fair most people think corn flour tortillas, and refryed beans. Toss those myths out with yesterday’s garbage!

What did I have?

I had an empanada plate. For those unfamiliar empanadas are meat, or vegetables, and spices in a pastry. I, being mainly vegetarian had the vegetable ones, they had corn, onions, and all kinds of other goodness. The portions were just right with out making me feel heavy.

Notes

I would definitely go back, and would also encourage my Hamilton readers to at least look it up. It’s closed on Mondays.

Pet Peeves

And now, here’s Gill with a word or three on ignorant dingisses.

Do you have a pet peeve? Maybe your someone who hates having to stand in line, or having to sit beside a screaming child on the airplane. My pet peeve, or at least one of them, is ignorant people who make decent folk look bad.

What Brought This On?

Last night I went in search of people the Warriors For Love could call out. In case your wondering WFL, Warriors For Love is a thing I started to curve, or at least try to curve the hate in the world.

What Did I See?

In the supposedly advanced year of 2017 a woman was screaming at the top of her lungs at a walk in clinic in Missisauga to see a “white doctor!` because her son was having chest pains. A brave individual caught the hate filled disaster on his phone, and uploaded this woman’s foolishness to youtube. The video soon went viral, and made news all over the world.

My Own Walk In Experience

For those readers out there who don’t know me, or don’t know me overly well, I am diabetic, and prone to chest colds and breathing issues. I took a nasty fall on November 30th 2012, literally ripping a chunk of skin out of one of my fingers. Being the all kinds of stubborn I am, I thought pretty much nothing of it until about three days later, when someone with full sight told me it looked rather infected. I knew, that could lead to a whole string of nasty if not looked at and soon, so the next day I hauled stubborn rump to my neighborhood urgent care.

A Frightening Reality

The doctor who saw me that evening looked at it, and grew concerned as there were tiny black spots popping up. He did what any good doctor would do, took the time to test my sugar, explain that it was good that I came at all, and gave me a script. There were two medicines, one was a cream to apply directly to the wound, and most frightening of all were pills, anti-gangrene ones.

Conclusion

The doctor, who happened to be Egyptian, saved my finger and probably my life. A doc is a doc, black, brown, or white, as long as they’re qualified that’s what counts.

Wild Orchard Restaurant

Gill is back, and she comes bearing food recommendations!

If you’ve ever wanted good Portuguese food, but simply can’t afford the flight, I have the place for you. Tuesday I went to this hidden gem while on a grocery shopping trip. Amidst a sea of sandwich and coffee shops this hole-in-the-wall provides a refreshing break from the every day. The decor can best be described as rustic, kind of like what one might experience in the countryside of Portugal. That’s not the best part, Wild Orchard’s food is truly something to try. I ordered the Perry-perry chicken. and I must tell you that even with the slightly steep price tag it was well worth it, the chicken had a char broiled flavor that put me in mind of all those times my parents described and made it on the BBQ. So if your looking for a place with delicious food, charming atmosphere, and a break from the usual eats, Wild Orchard won’t disappoint.

Rama Tropical Foods

Have you ever been to Africa, or eaten at a restaurant, or at a friends house? I haven’t been to Africa, but I have been to an Ethiopian place to eat lunch, and had Nigerian food at a friend’s house. This time I decided, largely inspired by International Day at church, to try something different and cool. Rama Tropical foods is a small grocery store in midtown Hamilton specializing mainly in all things Nigerian and Ghanaian. Great customer service and ideas for great recipes are just part of its charm. You walk around the small rectangular store, and feel like you are in an actual market in a West African city. I even tried a non-alcoholic beer called Malt. This was quite refreshing, it tasted kind of like iced-tea.

Conclusion

If you get the chance, try something similar, and you might just find something you like. I recommend Rama to my Hamilton readers, and if your ever in the area stop by Wild Orchard. Wild Orchard is closed Mondays.

You Need Good Passwords. Go Make Yourself Some

I got an email today about one of Carin’s old posts. You’d be amazed how often that happens, but that’s another post for another day.

Anyway, this one was about a password security tester she linked to a few years back that would tell you how long it might take for somebody to crack your existing passwords. Eric happened to see it and thought he’d let us know about a similar service his company built. Not only will it check the security of the passwords you already have, but it can also, based on criteria you can set with a few checkboxes and a slider,generate you as many new random ones as you need. Feel free to head on over here and play around with it.

Not content with merely pointing out you need a better password, here at Cloudwards.net we’ve put together two handy little tools. The top one is a password generator that will allow you to create a new password which should be able to withstand even the most determined attacker. The one below will let you know if your password is strong enough and mainly serves as a help when deciding to change it.
As we have no desire to actually know your password, the tools are entirely browser based and will not store whatever you have entered. You can play around with the settings if you like, as there are plenty of options for you to mess around with. Though we do recommend that you use plenty of special characters as well as alternate upper- and lowercase letters, you can decide that you’d prefer something that’s easier to remember over something that’s secure.
On top of that, there is also a nifty slider that lets you play around with the length of the password (longer always being better). Between the different character options and the length slider, you should be able to create an unhackable password that will withstand the efforts of even the most savvy cybercriminals.
We hope these two tools help you stay safe out there, if you have any questions regarding protecting yourself online, don’t hesitate to reach out to us.

Hit By A Truck

Didn’t expect this one to go the way it did.

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies standing there.

Is there a problem,” he asks?

One of the deputies asks if he is married.

“I am,” he replies.

The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife. The man agrees and gets a photo to show them.

The deputies examine the photo, have a whispered conversation and then turn back to the man.

“I’m very sorry sir,” one of them begins. “But it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.”

“I know,” says the man. “But she gives a great blowjob and she can really cook.”

Are You From Ireland?

I was in a pub last Saturday night, and after drinking a few I noticed two very robust-looking women at the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?”

“It’s Wales, you idiot!”, One of them snapped back.

I immediately apologized.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “are you two whales from Ireland?”

What’s The Tartan?

Two Scotsmen, brothers Finlay and Jim Calder, were sitting in the pub discussing Jim’s big wedding day.

“Aye, it’s going to be grand,” said Jim. “I’ve got everything organized already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.”

Finlay smiled and nodded approvingly.

“Heavens, I’ve even got a new kilt to be married in,” continued Jim with a look of satisfaction.

“A kilt, that’s grand! You’ll look smart in that,” exclaimed Finlay. “And what’s the tartan?”

“Och,” said Jim, “I imagine she’ll be in white.”

Who Wants Some Facon?

And now, Brother Brad is here to tell you how to make vegan bacon in case that’s a thing you’d like to do for some reason.

It seems that a Brainiac named Johan Lundstrom, in some basement lab somewhere has come up with something they’re calling vegan bacon

If the very mention of the word vegan has you running in the other direction, we might as well run together.

If you are one of those whackjobs that is in to that sort of thing, what is wrong with you, Umm, I mean, here’s how the stuff is made. It’s not as frightening as I would’ve thought, but still.

  • 2 cups unsweetened coconut flakes
    coconut flakes in a stainless measuring cup
  • 2 tablespoons tamari, soy sauce, or amino acids
  • 1 tablespoon neutral, high-heat oil of choice
  • 1 tablespoon maple syrup
  • 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
  • 2 teaspoons smoked paprika
  • 1 teaspoon white miso
  • Freshly ground black pepper to taste

How to Make Plant-Based Bacon

  1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
  2. In a medium bowl, stir together the tamari, oil, maple syrup, apple cider vinegar, smoked paprika, and miso.
  3. Pour the coconut flakes into the bowl and stir gently to combine.
  4. If you’re feeling patient, letting the flakes marinate for five minutes will yield a richer flavor.
  5. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and evenly spread the flakes across it. Try to keep the flakes from clustering together.
    marinated coconut flakes ready for baking
  6. Place the tray in the oven and bake for 5 minutes.
  7. Remove the tray, stir the flakes well, and again, ensure they’re spread evenly across the sheet before placing back in the oven.
  8. Next, bake the flakes for 9 – 12 more minutes, removing the tray from the oven every three minutes and stirring the flakes. This will ensure the flakes crisp up evenly and prevent burning. Coconut flakes can burn quite easily!
  9. Time will vary depending on your oven and how crispy you like your “bacon.” We like the flakes to be mostly dry, golden on the edges, and crisp to the touch.
  10. Fans of crispy bacon, allow the flakes to cool on the sheet for ten minutes. If you like your bacon chewier, use it right out of the oven or remove from the sheet to cool.

There is a small part of me, a very small part, that almost wants to try this just out of curiosity. It’s never going to happen, but I’d be interested to hear if any of you took the plunge.

Eat up!