Never Get High While In Charge Of The Supply

There’s never a good time to fall asleep at a red light, but doing so in the middle of the afternoon while you’re driving around with a veritable pharmacy worth of illegal substances in your car is especially bad. A fellow from Corunna, Ontario found this out the hard way recently when a nice officer …

Sir, We Donut Want You Eating In Here

It seems to me that if I were an identity thief and a shoplifter who was already on probation, I would want to keep a low profile. What I would not want is to be caught doing something silly like, say, being an asshole to store clerks during a pandemic. Guelph police were first called …

Alright Boys, Throw The Book AT Him

As a thief, your job is to take things with you, not leave them behind. This becomes especially important when the thing left behind is a notebook with a bunch of incriminating evidence and identifying information in it. Robert Shull Goddard, 49, allegedly broke into a house in the Hillwood neighborhood on Jan. 29 by …

I Can See Some ID. Please, Sir

It’s been a while since a fella has given the cops a false name even though his real one is tattooed on his body, but I’ve found another one. It’s one from a couple years back, but since when has that stopped us? Say hello to Matthew Bushman. Police were looking to speak to him …

I Think I Know The Answer To Most Of These Questions

What kind of person murders someone? What kind of person thoroughly documents himself murdering someone? What kind of person writes the word “homicide” on the media containing the thorough documentation of him murdering someone? What kind of person drops the media containing the thorough documentation of him murdering someone with the word “homicide” written on …

Give Me All My Guns! I Have A…Uh-oh

This is a fairly run-of-the-mill sounding robbery story, aside from one detail. Surveillance video from the hotel shows a man wearing a shirt around his face and a University of Alabama sock hat enter the hotel with a gun and go behind the front desk. The clerk shows the suspect to the other side of …

How Much Is That Baggie In The window

Nice throw, chief. Stephanie Dowdy, 33, was behind the wheel of a Honda Civic that was pulled over late last night after a cop spotted the vehicle traveling in the middle of a roadway in West Monroe (where Dowdy resides). While approaching from the Honda’s passenger side, a deputy was struck in the leg by …

I Bring This Stuff Everywhere. You Can Never Be Too Careful With So Many Thieves Around

Rare is the day when I actively hope that a person is homeless, but today is that day. Because if this woman wasn’t, what was she thinki…never mind. I really ought to know better than this by now. A 23-year-old Guelph woman has been charged after police say she brought several bags of stolen property …