Police Have Locked Him UP And Thrown Away The Key, Which They Remembered To Bring With Them

A question for the bank robbers in the crowd. Setting your car keys on the counter: stupid or really stupid? Seriously, why would you ever do that? If they’re not staying in the getaway vehicle, should they not stay safely in your pocket? Isn’t that, like, the only thing that makes any sense?

A man robbing a Utah bank told the two tellers he had a gun, and he demanded they hand over their money, police said.
Then David Hamson, 39, stuffed the cash into a bag around 5:30 p.m. Thursday and left the Taylorsville, Utah, bank, hoping to get away from the crime scene in a car he’d stolen, police told KSL.
As he got to into his getaway car, though, Hamson realized he’d made a big mistake: He had left the keys to his stolen car on the counter at America First Credit Union, witnesses told police. At that point, Hamson decided to flee on foot, News 4 Utah reports.
But even on foot Hamson kept tripping up, police said. As he ran away, his bag of cash got caught on something and ripped, according to police, sending the stolen money flying, KSL reports.

Police caught up with him not far from the bank, thanks to the help of several witnesses. But even had they not been there, the trail of money leading straight to him probably would have helped.

Hamson was taken into custody, and police say they plan to charge him with aggravated robbery. They also say he’s a suspect in several other, presumably less calamitous hold-ups.

Police Were Immediately Dispatched To His Location, Because It Was Their Location

In October of 2016, Bank of America discovered a theft. Surprisingly, given that there are so many of them, it wasn’t one of their own. But the bank did suspect that somebody who used to be one of their own was behind it, and so the hunt for former employee Alberto Saavedra Lopez began.

For more than a year, that hunt continued, in large part thanks to Lopez acting like a smart person. A smart person who looked awfully guilty, but that’s neither here nor there. He moved to another town. He refused to talk to the police investigating the case, blowing off the appointments they tried to make with him and not answering their phone calls. In short, he did everything a person on the run should do right in order to stay that way.

But eventually, as so often happens, Lopez ran out of smart person tokens.

The shortage began when, for reasons only he understands, he decided it was time to move back to his old stomping (Stealing?) ground. An iffy proposition to be sure, but one that maybe could have worked had the shortage not become a full blown deficit.

In need of a job, Lopez did what anyone would do. He started applying for one. Unfortunately, he put his name into the running for a dispatcher’s job.

“Unfortunately? What do you mean unfortunately? What’s wrong with working as a dispatcher?”

Nothing, assuming you’re not a wanted man who’s just applied to become one at the very police department that’s been looking for you all this time.

“Ok, you win. That is unfortunate.”

Lopez was arrested when he arrived for what he thought was going to be his interview.

And no, he didn’t get the job. The police took the time to state in their release that he was “out of the running for employment” with the department, in case that was a question someone had. It wasn’t, was it?

“Give Me My Stuff Back Or I’m Calling The Cops!” “You’re Way Ahead Of You, Dude.”

There may be a genius at work here, but that person is absolutely, positively 100 percent not Clayton Rowland Cowman Jr. We know this because not only did he call the police after somebody robbed him of cash and dope, but then, just in case there was still any doubt, he repeatedly called a narcotics enforcement officer’s personal cell phone and threatened him, because the real genius here gave him the number and convinced him it was the guy who took his stash. That person’s identity wasn’t revealed, but well played, whoever you are. Well played.

Davis allegedly began receiving calls from Cowman on Dec. 12, county police said.
“The caller began threatening to do harm to Sgt. Davis,” county police said. “Even after being told he must have the wrong number, the caller repeatedly called Sgt. Davis’s cellular telephone, threatening him.”

Cowman allegedly warned Davis to be “strapped,” a street term for carrying a gun, the release said. Two other GBNET officers heard the calls, police said. Davis allegedly told Cowman “several times to stop calling, and that the people he was communicating with were police officers,” the report said.
Finally, Cowman allegedly arranged video conferencing on his phone, during which Davis showed him patrol cars in the parking lot “as well as officers’ badges and guns,” police said. Cowman immediately “hung up on Sgt. Davis and blocked him from being able to call back,” police said.

By the next day, both warrants and Mr. Cowman had been obtained by the police, and the latter was charged with three counts of making terroristic threats and acts, and one count each of use of communications in the commission of a drug-related felony and making harassing phone calls.

Never Say Bye Without Your Supply

In spite of the stupidity at work, I think I understand the decision making. Though it was one of her own creation, our friend here was caught in a no-win situation. Do you go back for the drugs and risk getting arrested, or do you let them go, losing more than 40 grand in the process? Not to mention that depending on the structure of the drug operation, not going back could mean having your legs broken or worse. Yeah, I think I’m gambling that maybe housekeeping hasn’t shown up yet or taking my chances with the cops, too.

On Jan. 6, 2018, staff at a west end Guelph hotel located a quantity of crystal meth and cocaine that had been left behind by the people that had checked out of the room. A female returned to collect the forgotten items in the room, at which time she was arrested. The estimated value of the drugs is $42,000.
A 33-year-old London female has been charged with two counts of possession for the purpose of trafficking.

I Don’t Know What These Are, But I’m Going To Take All Of Them And There’s Nothing You Can Do About It

“Hey man, listen up. I’ve got a great idea.”

“Ok, I’m all ears.”

“So you know how there’s that tech company down on Dela Cruz Avenue?”

“Yeah. Roam something. What do they do, anyway?”

“I don’t know, but do you want to find out?”

“Sure, what the hell. But how?”

“Well, how about tonight, you and I head down there, break in and see what they’ve got going on?”

“Ok, but can we take some stuff?”

“Of course we can! That’s the whole point! We get in, check things out, jack as much shit as we can and split it.”

“Nice. But if we try to sell it, how do we make sure we know enough about what it is? We don’t need anyone getting suspicious.”

“We’ll figure that out once we get it home. It doesn’t make a difference what it is or what it does until then.”

“I guess…but what if they make tracking devices or something?”

“Oh come on! That’s not what they do.”

“How do you know? You said we were going to go and find ou…”

“Don’t worry about it! They have roam right in their name. Roaming is a cell phone thing.”

“Yeah…you’re right. It’s totally phones. Let’s do it! GPS trackers? What was I thinking? Jesus. I’m such an idiot.”

“Actually fellas, you’re both idiots.”

“These devices kind of look like cell phone chargers, so they probably thought they had some kind of street value,” Roambee Corporation Co-Founder Vidya Subramanian.
Subramanian is talking about the hundred or so GPS tracking devices that were stolen recently from the company’s Dela Cruz Avenue labs.
“The moment we realized they had a box of trackers, we went into recovery mode,” Subramanian said. “We notified the police and equipped them to track the devices, and in about 5 or 6 hours, it was done.”

But even if they hadn’t made things quite so easy, life on the run likely wasn’t going to last long for them thanks to one of the geniuses taking a beer from the fridge an managing to cut himself and bleed everywhere in the process, leaving DNA evidence for police.

The pair, who have not been identified, could be in a lot of trouble. Most of the devices were located in a warehouse full of drugs and other stolen property, so there could be charges pending in those cases as well.

“Wait, you said most of. What happened to the rest of the GPS units?”

Well, the two that weren’t found in the warehouse were found in a car. A car that was being driven around by our two unnamed friends here. All of which makes you wonder how they got away with anything ever, let alone enough to fill a warehouse. Hopefully we’ll get those answers at trial.

She Targeted The Wrong Target

Here comes our latest shoplifter who chose to do it with 70 cops on hand for Shop With A Cop. This one is so head-slappingly stupid, it needs its own soundtrack.

Not only did she pass two police motorcycles in the lobby of the Target store and several officers in their official uniforms once she got inside, but she actually talked to some of the officers, asking them why there were so many cops there. Then, she proceeded to try and steal $1100 worth of merchandise. Security folks noticed, got her, and then tipped off a few officers that they might need some help. After kicking and screaming for a bit, she was taken away.

I was amused by the part where a security guard joked that with all these police on hand, he hoped no one stole anything tonight. Obviously, he doesn’t read the blog.

There’s A Body Scanner? What A Bummer

This, essentially, is your standard, garden variety get yourself arrested so that you can smuggle things to a buddy on the inside via your inside story, and I wouldn’t even be posting it were it not for some of the items in question. Marijuana? Fine. Tobacco? Ok. A couple of knives? Woe woe woe hang on a second!

But Piper hadn’t anticipated the body scanner, standard procedure for new inmates. He refused to be scanned.
Suspecting Piper had contraband in his body, staff took him to a segregation cell with no running water so nothing could be flushed.
At the same time, Piper demanded to be put in a cell with his sister’s boyfriend. Guards declined. “It’s not a hotel room,” Nolan said.

Later, a guard saw Piper holding something and confronted him. He dropped a three-inch ceramic knife.
That’s when he confessed that he intentionally got arrested so he could bring contraband to his sister’s boyfriend. He said his sister told him her boyfriend would electronically transfer $2,000. He now agreed to be scanned.
“The body scan revealed Mr. Piper still had contraband in his body,” Nolan said. “He was placed in a cell and directed to produce the contents.”
He produced the contraband, including packets of pot that weighed a total of 71 grams.

I realize that it’s sort of a no-win situation an that the kind of person who agrees to potentially stab additional holes in his ass for 2 grand probably isn’t the clearest thinker, but when presented with the choice of the body scanner or the certain doom of your operation because you’re being weird about the body scanner, wouldn’t it make more sense to take your chances with the body scanner? No automated security procedure is absolutely perfect, so it’s possible that it might fail to detect the payload. If it does, you’re golden. Or maybe you’re brown. Whichever colour you prefer, you’ve got it made once you figure out how to get your cargo from you to your customer. And even if the scanner does nab you, at least you gave it your best try and can be proud that you were cool under pressure. immense, gut busting pressure.

And A Huge Interception By The Local Constabulary

The Grey Cup is fantastic. It’s a big, fun, important Canadian event that many of us will stop what we’re doing to watch. But that’s not always the best idea. Sometimes you really should finish off whatever you’re up to before you settle in to enjoy the game. Like let’s say you’re in the midst of robbing the city and driving around in one of its trucks. That is not at all a good time to take a beer and football break.

“What do you know, Steve? You’ve never stolen anything. Who are you to tell us how to structure our day?”

Fine. You’ve got me there. But I have a feeling there might be a couple of guys who will encourage you to trust me on this one.

Police say officers were called about a break and enter at the Glanbrook Township Roads department at 2111 Binbrook Rd. around 7:30 p.m. The two men smashed out a window and stole tools from the stockroom, police said in a news release, and then took off in a stolen City of Hamilton truck.
Police then tracked down the vehicle at the Checkered Flag Bar and Grill in Mount Hope. Officers went inside and found the two men — one of whom had the keys to the truck inside his pocket, police say.
“They just went inside and watched the game,” said Const. Lorraine Edwards.

The pair has been charged with breaking and entering, possession of burglary tools and possession of stolen property worth over $5,000. It is not known whether the next set of bars they visited was showing the game.

Film Him Right In The Pokey

Listen, guys. You know how some of you enjoy yelling “fuck her right in the pussy” at female news reporters in the hopes that you’ll get on TV and impress all your buddies and maybe even become internet famous for 30 or 40 seconds or whatever the fuck? It’s not funny. Ever. It is, as has been pointed out many times, sexual harassment. Also, it is just plain dumb. If you do it, you are dumb. You may not be quite as dumb as the gentleman who did it outside of a police station during an interview with a police officer, but you are still dumb. Dumb enough that I’ll bet right now you are killing whatever brain cells are somehow managing to keep you alive as you slap your forehead in frustration because you didn’t think of being that dumb first.

Hamilton police have arrested a man for causing a disturbance after a CHCH news reporter was sexually harassed on the job for the third time this week.
Reporter Britt Dixon was interviewing an officer outside the Hamilton police central station Friday when a truck drove by with its windows down and a person yelled, “f– k her right in the p—y.”
“I was like what? Again? In front of a police officer?” Dixon said.
The truck parked outside the station and the officer went over to it, Dixon said. When the man who yelled at her walked by to go into the station, she said he asked him why he did it, to which he replied “because everyone in the States does it.”

The man who yelled at Dixon outside the station is in custody, Const. Jerome Stewart said Friday evening.
“The Hamilton Police Service will continue to investigate this incident,” he said.

For some reason, Dixon decided not to press charges, but since the incident was witnessed by police, they were pressed anyway. The man’s name was not released, but he is believed to be 24-year-old Dummy Dumbledunce of Maryland, which is a slightly less dumb place since he left.

At Least His Backpack Was Bright

When you bring a change of clothes with you to an armed robbery, that’s called thinking ahead. when you bring a Pokemon backpack with you to an armed robbery, that’s called dumb. And weird. Definitely weird. Like seriously, you’re a grown-up, man. What the shit?

Funzail Woods was arrested after using an ax as a weapon at the Target store on Piedmont Road in Buckhead, according to police. Investigators said the man walked over to the electronics section

“Where he took a cell phone out of a package and proceeded to put it in his pocket. When he was approached by the manager, he actually presented an ax. The manager, of course, backed off,” said Officer Lisa Bender, Atlanta Police Department.

Woods then ran out the store. The 911 alert went out to Zone 2 officers. By then, Woods had changed his shirt.

“But he didn’t change his backpack. So, I think that’s what got him,” said Officer Bender. “The man took off running when he saw police. And he did have a Pokémon backpack, so those are normally a bright color and typically easy to spot.”