Another Reason To Just Wear Your Mask And Shut The Hell UP

If you don’t, you might just wind up having to serve the 25 years for murder that you’ve spent the last couple of decades successfully avoiding. Police in Poland have arrested a convicted murderer who had been on the run for 20 years because he was not wearing a face mask. Warsaw police said they …

Of Course They’ll Give Me The Money. They Know Me Here

I don’t know much about Fountain Valley, California. I don’t even think I had heard of it until just now. But if there’s one thing I do know about it, that thing is that it is the home of more than one bank. In fact, typing the words “Fountain Valley California bank” into Google like …

For Sale: One…No. Not One Of Those

When advertising something for sale online, it is wise to include a photo of the item in question so that prospective buyers can more easily tell whether or not they’re interested. Also wise? Taking a gander at that photo before uploading it just in case the big ol bag of meth that is not for …

Wake UP, Methew

You may read many funnier things today, but the description of how this fellow was discovered hit me the right way just now. “On Friday, September 17th, Matthew Williamson, 37, was charged with Unlawful Breaking and Entering a Vehicle (UBEV) and Theft of Property 3rd Degree. Pleasant Grove police officers transported him to Jefferson County …

Catch And Release

Today’s handy criminal hint: When attempting to pull the old steal a car from a dealership and then trade it in at another dealership scam, it is helpful to keep in mind that thing I just said about *another* dealership. According to First Coast News and some other Florida outlets, police in Jacksonville responded to …

Never Get High While In Charge Of The Supply

There’s never a good time to fall asleep at a red light, but doing so in the middle of the afternoon while you’re driving around with a veritable pharmacy worth of illegal substances in your car is especially bad. A fellow from Corunna, Ontario found this out the hard way recently when a nice officer …

Sir, We Donut Want You Eating In Here

It seems to me that if I were an identity thief and a shoplifter who was already on probation, I would want to keep a low profile. What I would not want is to be caught doing something silly like, say, being an asshole to store clerks during a pandemic. Guelph police were first called …

Alright Boys, Throw The Book AT Him

As a thief, your job is to take things with you, not leave them behind. This becomes especially important when the thing left behind is a notebook with a bunch of incriminating evidence and identifying information in it. Robert Shull Goddard, 49, allegedly broke into a house in the Hillwood neighborhood on Jan. 29 by …