Look On The Bright Side. You Did End UP Getting Screwed

The best thing about the story of Jon Omer Sengul isn’t that he called 911 to complain about a prostitution transaction gone awry, but rather that he seemed to know exactly what he was doing and didn’t much care. And yes, his name being Jon is also kind of fun. When contacted by police, Sengul …

Great. Now We Have To Hire Another Hit Man To Kill The Con Man Who Was Supposed To Kill That Other Con Man…

A strong urge to kill the no good SOB who conned you and your daughter out of €60,000 is certainly understandable. But that said, it’s not generally a good idea to actually go ahead and contract someone to do it so that you can get the money back by harvesting and selling his organs. I’m …

Jail Full Of Dopes

https://www.facebook.com/santarosasheriff/posts/3025036010882672 I’m ready to give a million bonus points to the first people who manage to score an interview with these two guys for their true crime podcast, because I must know what possessed them. Do they label everything? Were we to search their homes, would we find bags full of clothes? Do they take …

Help A Brother Out

I’m going to hope that Shawn Yoakum and his brother aren’t very close, because this seems like it should have been extremely preventable otherwise. Shawn Yoakum tried to rob the Village Pantry at 900 N. 14th St. about 6 a.m. Tuesday, according to police. He failed, according to police reports. Yoakum pulled a knife and …

Petty Criminal

It’s bad enough that you forget to put your mask on before you start robbing the dollar store, but it’s even worse when the dollar store you’re robbing is the one your girlfriend works at and people know you there. Also unhelpful? Said girlfriend making comments around other employees about you being in a gang …

Yes, I get Hung Up ON Little Things Sometimes. Kiss My Glute Region

I did get a chuckle out of these dunderheads driving their stolen car full of drugs straight into a RIDE program checkpoint, but I’m more hung up on the fact that somebody involved with either the creation of this news brief or the police press release it’s almost certainly sourced from decided to use the …

This Bud’s For You. This Warrant? Not So Much

Good on Billy Bob Hall for doing the right thing and turning himself in to police so that he could take care of his warrants. But perhaps before he started in on the liquid courage, he should have made sure those warrants existed. They didn’t. Billy Bob Hall, 59, thought he was the subject of …

News Flash Morons: I’m In Jail

It’s been a while since I’ve seen one of these. And news flash morons: it’s still just as bad an idea as it was the last time I did. Also, the saying long arm of the law exists for a reason. Jessie Dean Kowalchuk has been transported back to Kamloops from Edmonton  to face a judge …

You Just Can’t Trust Anybody Nowadays

William Kelley left the keys to his truck on the seat of that very same truck. Naturally, somebody came along and took it. Also naturally, Kelley called the local police to report the theft. But of course, since you’re here, it turns out that Kelley forgot to consider one little thing before he did so. …