Category: music

Today’s Music Playing Kid: Marcel Ward, The 10-Year-Old Classical Pianist With A Hell Of A Backstory

The fact that the person playing that Beethoven piece above is 10 years old is pretty impressive. But what if I told you that he taught himself to play piano by using a toy one when he was 5? Or that not only does he play other people’s songs at a seriously advanced level for his age, but that he also writes his own?

Oh, and did I mention that he’s been accomplishing all of this while he and his family have been busy fleeing Syria and rebuilding their lives?

His story is a familiar one. After an attack on Damascus in 2012, Marcus, his brother Eilia and parents Manar and Elham fled to Dubai. After relocating numerous times (including some time in the United States), the family has finally settled in Hamilton, Ontario, where it’s quickly become clear that Marcel possesses some serious talent. After teaching himself on a toy piano at age 5 and learning pieces by Mozart and Beethoven by ear, the young pianist is now a bonafide composer, racking up a collection of his own tunes. He’s also well on his way to being a certified musician; just last week he completed his level 4 Royal Conservatory of Music exam which, while not unheard of, is considerably ahead of the average 10-year-old who is likely to be tackling level 1.

A Version Of Jolene Louder Than The One The White Stripes Did

Not sure how many of you remember that time when some of us had a bit of a thing going with different versions of Dolly Parton’s Jolene, but whether or not you do, here’s a brand new one for the list.

I’m surprised it took someone this long to do that, honestly.

If that voice sounds familiar to you, the answer is yes, these are indeed the same people who did the same thing to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Ass Ass Baby

So apparently, there are a lot of seniors with STD’s now, and it’s not something that’s getting talked about. So, Dr. Shannon Dowler wrote a rap song about it…which is pretty damn good.

I have to say that I’m feeling pretty old, because “Ice Ice Baby” was picked as a song that is supposed to reach seniors. Hmmm.

Any way you look at it, it’s getting people talking, so that’s what she was going for.

Yo, Dr. D in the house, let’s kick it.
safe sex baby
safe sex baby

Alright stop, collaborate and listen
to rap Dr. D’s rap intention
callin’ out all you fellas and ladies
STD’s are tearin’ through folks in their eighties.

Can ya really help bein’ sex kittens
why can’t you wear your little love mittens?
Gotta be safe, ’cause sex has gotten risky,
no shame in bein’ a freak and gettin’ a little frisky

Dang, your body’s a temple,
Keepin’ safe’s not always so simple.
sex indiscretions lead to depression,
no matter how you like it, condoms give the best protection.

Love it or leave it, hormones start to flag
Things dry up and your tail can lose that wag.
If that’s a problem, lube may solve it,
see your family doc if it doesn’t resolve it.

Chorus

Vaginal atrophy is something’.
A sex catastrophe, it can be the real thing.
Quick to the point, to the point I’m makin’
lubrication’s key, and ya know I’m not fakin’.

Trauma, from guys’ erections,
tears thin skin without detection.
Listen up, and learn from this lection,
if you don’t want a nasty groin infection.

Aging, it’s just a normal stage,
we all have to get on the same safe sex page.
Fellas on standby, wantin’ more than saying hi.
Should ya stop, or should you just drive by.

Wait until they’re checked at an STD shop
check things out from the bottom to the top.
Your sex life can be later and stronger,
thanks to Viagra, boy parts work longer.

Livin’ a sex revolution,
bein’ sex savvy is the smartest sex solution.
Let’s break it down, cougars all around,
all these STDs all the time bein’ found.

Bodies, we’re just a cafeteria
a cesspool of germs, of virus and bacteria
Once called the clap, Gonorrhea’s got a rap
Sleepin’ around? Probably a trap.

Subtle and sneaky is chlamydia
Ya may not even know when the bug has gotten into ya.
Syphilis makes a painless little sore,
then you spread it ’round every time you score.

All are on the scene, back in action,
Tearin’ things up, put your parts in traction.
STDs are a problem,
one way to solve it, see your family doctor.

chorus

Take heed, I’m an STD poet,
Rap Dr. D. I want you to know it.
In my town, I see these infections,
give bad news when they’re detected.

Sex can be a germ spill,
people aren’t safe for real.
Virus and bacteria, sexually transmitted,
How to be safe? Make sure the condom’s fitted.

I’m rap Dr. D and I wanna help ya be,
free of Herpes, AIDS and HPV.
All these STDs really are stealthy,
Without ’em, your sex life will be healthy.

No lame excuses, you know to take precautions.
Rap Dr. out, hope your golden years are awesome.
If you’ve got a problem, and condoms won’t solve it,
see your family doc, maybe they can resolve it.

Chorus

Yo, let’s get outa here. Word to your doctor.

Folsom Pinball Blues


There isn’t a single thing about this sad clown singing Pinball Wizard to the tune of Folsom Prison Blues that isn’t great. I never would have thought of singing Pinball Wizard to the tune of Folsom Prison Blues, but it makes complete sense once you hear someone do it.

Happy 40th Anniversary, Blue Jays!


Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of the day the Toronto Blue Jays played their first game. For trivia’s sake, they beat the Chicago White Sox 9-5, which is a much better start to anything than a lot of expansion teams get. It was also the game that brought us their first ever home run, video of which you can see above and audio of which I posted years ago.

Of course, everyone is putting up articles commemorating the occasion, as they should. Some of them are quite well written and very informative and you should absolutely find and read them if you’re interested in that sort of thing. But I’m going to point you at this one, because it dropped something on me that I’d never heard before.

That is the first ever Toronto Blue Jays theme song, and it’s…wow. Not sure I have words for that. It’s straight out of the 70s, I’ll say that much. And somebody clearly put a lot of work into it, dare I say more than went into the one Sportsnet’s been using for the last few years.

For the record, there’s nothing wrong with that tune at all, but there’s something to be said for the days when something’s theme song was about that thing, silly as it could be at times.

Happy anniversary, Jays. Here’s to many more. Shame you had to lose an awful game to the Rays last night, but I still love you.

The Musings Of Donald Trump Get The Emo Treatment They Deserve

Ok, the internet can stop for the day. Now that Donald Trump’s tweets and excerpts from his speeches have been turned into emo songs, we won’t be needing anything else for a while.
Tweets:

Speeches:

That one absolutely nails the Dashboard Confessional Best Deceptions vibe.

I actually really like that song, to the point where an old roommate and I learned how to play it. We were pretty good too if I do say so myself, although no recorded evidence exists to back me up.

Joey Quits!

If you’re looking to quit your job, there are a couple ways you can go about it. You can write a resignation letter and leave it at that, or you can write a resignation letter and then bring your marching band along to help you deliver it like Joey DeFrancesco did.

He gives the whys and hows behind this here, if you’re curious.

“I hated them, and they hated me,” DeFrancesco tells HuffPost, speaking of management at the Renaissance Providence Hotel, where he worked in room service. “It was this big drawn-out war we were having with management … I knew I had to get one last shot at them.”

DeFrancesco says that he worked at the hotel during a hard-fought unionization drive that he supported. According to news reports, workers at the Renaissance voted to join a union a little over a year and a half ago. The workers eventually became members of the service and hotel union UNITE HERE, but DeFrancesco stresses that he was acting on his own behalf and without union approval when he tendered his resignation.
One of the main reasons the workforce had decided to unionize was scheduling issues; they would sometimes get out late at night and have to return for the early-morning shift, just a few hours later. Yet while a lot of benefits came out of joining UNITE HERE — most notably, raises — DeFrancesco also says the union push was a bitter one that strained relations between management and rank-and-file workers. He claims that he lost many of the shifts he’d previously had, which is one reason he’d decided to part ways and capture it on video.

Tell The Girl With The Doughnut Holes To Turn Off The Light

And on a lighter note, I thought of a couple more misheard lyrics that are much better than the owls. I wish I could find the actual clip, but there was a comedian who had some interesting misheard lyrics as sung by his parents. To this day, I cannot listen to “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” without hearing “the girl with colitis goes by.”

I also can’t hear “Jet Airliner” without thinking “Big ol’ Jed had a light on.”

I could do this all day, but I think I’ll stop at “Follow your doughnut hole”

This one was actually misheard by the kids of one of the guys in the band who made it.

You’ll never hear those songs the same way again.

You Just Sang What?

I mishear a lot of lyrics, or at least I used to. Now, before I embarrass myself, if I’m not sure of a lyric, I’ll cheat and google it.

So that’s why this little clip of Peter Kay massacring lyrics makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

There are a few in here that I won’t be able to hear properly again, even though I know what they’re supposed to say. It’s kind of like when I was listening to an episode of Vinyl Tap full of misheard lyrics and someone thought Michelle by the Beatles said “Michelle, ma belle, Sunday monkey bum play piano song, play piano song.”

Or in “Help Me Rhonda”, I now hear “Since she put me down, there’s an owl droolin’ in my head.” although not as clearly as I did the first time I heard it.

A lot of these are good, but I don’t know about the Shania Twain one.

Good luck unhearing these, mwa ha ha ha ha!