Dear People Who Put Newscasts Together:

Can you do us a favour and not play audio related to somebody famous before telling us why? I can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened, but that’s kind of become the signal that the person has died. CBC World Report started playing Never Surrender this morning and for a good five seconds I was certain something bad had happened to Corey Hart. Fortunately nothing has unless going into the Juno Hall of Fame is somehow not good, but we really didn’t need the scare especially given how absolutely shitty the last few years have been on the celebrity death front.

Congratulations, Corey! Good to hear you’re alive and well.

Let’s Talk Dirty In…Finland?

I don’t remember exactly how the conversation came around to it, but at dinner last night Carin mentioned Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen’s fantastic name.

“Whenever I hear it,” she said, “all I can think of is Lets Talk Dirty In Hawaiian.”

This made me very angry, because she’s totally right and how did I not think of it first?

So yeah, there’s either hockey or John Prine ruined for all of us forever. Just try not thinking of one when you hear the other from now on. I dare you.

Happy New Year! Don’t Screw It Up.

It’s a New Year, so how about a nice happy soundtrack? I would embed it, but the embed code-maker sucks large accessibility balls.

the old year is now in its grave. Good riddance, and be gone,
to all the things you said you’d do and either didn’t, or did wrong
a new year to screw up is here, a new year to screw up
it won’t be long ’til it goes wrong, a new year to screw up

it’s like a brand new couch you buy, that you know soon shall be stained
Like snow that lies so pure and white -til a dog lifts up its leg.
chorus

The new year’s like a baby child, placed upon your lap,
and like a baby’s diaper, it will soon be full of crap.
chorus x2

Seems pretty appropriate, especially with Premier Drug Fraud running things. I guess we can hope that we don’t screw things up on a personal level. Happy New Year, everybody.

Rassie In The Buppy In The Music Room

Ok, silly story time.

I was talking to Brad on the phone, comparing Christmas notes since we weren’t together this year. During the call it came up that there was at least one more round of Rassie In the Buppy In the Kitchen, which reminded me that I had, a couple weeks earlier, tried to ask the Google Mini to play it. It failed of course, but it said something funny in the process that I couldn’t quite remember now. Something about a puppy, I think. Brad asked his, and quite sensibly, it started playing Raffi. But since that wasn’t quite what we were after, I naturally had to ask mine again. I haven’t had a chance to check the Google Home app to see what the speaker thinks it heard, but it clearly couldn’t have been anything close, because the next thing you know I’m about to start listening to someone named Eden Brent on my kitchen speaker. It turned out to be kind of a happy accident, and I spent about the next two hours listening to some pretty decent boogie and blues tunes.

Pretty sure that’s my favourite so far.

I can’t quite place who she reminds me of. At points I think Norah Jones mixed with somebody who might be Lucinda Williams, but I’m not sure that’s quite right. I suppose I’ll just listen more and maybe sort it out that way.

Hopefully one day I end up listening to this with that nephew so I can thank him for helping me find it. I’d even get to embarrass him with an old person story about something he did as a baby, which would be a total bonus.

The 179 Days Of Christmas

If you’re in need of some festive holiday music to listen to as you gather with family and friends today, how about this nine hour version of the 12 Days of Christmas?

To be clear, I do not suggest that any of you actually listen to this. It’s terrible. I made it to day 14 only because I felt it my duty to find out what happened once it got beyond the standard 12, but it took a heroic effort to do so. As Brad so aptly put it when he sent it my way, “if this doesn’t make you want to shoot yourself in the face, nothing will.”

In spite of this thing, I hope everyone is having a lovely Christmas. Everyone but Brad, that is. We don’t like Brad anymore.

I Triple Dog Dare You To Read This And Not Wince At Least Once

Assuming that things are going the way that things are supposed to be going, at the time this hits the site we’re in the midst of about a nine hour road trip. So while we’re stuck on a train, we’ll leave you with these stories of people getting stuck to frozen things, A Christmas Story style.

I wasn’t sure I was going to post these, but then I saw the last one and my head was filled with visions of Carin, who can perhaps somewhat relate, reacting to it.

I remember playing my trumpet on a Santa Claus parade float in Fort Macleod Alberta in 1980. As usual, I went to wet the mouth piece with my tongue prior to playing, and sure enough, it stuck. The show had to go on. The pain was short term as I ripped it off.The parade went well

Damn.

As a bonus, I’ll also give you this wonderful song, because reading about tongues and frozen metal has put it firmly in my head.

Hopefully you all have a nice holiday, whatever you’re doing. I’m not sure when we’ll be back, but assuming that even more things go as they’re supposed to, we’ll be popping up here and there to keep you entertained in case you somehow have enough time on your hands to need entertaining.

The Cat’s Thoughts On Your Christmas Tree

I came across this song the other day, and chuckled. I thought of many cats our family had over the years. Thankfully none of them ruined our Christmas tree or did too much ornament damage, but I think we learned to strategically place breakable ornaments too high for them. Many times, we would come out to the living room and see the cat staring at the tree with a twitching tail.

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
how nice my owners thought of me
Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
you’re ornaments are hissssssstory
they dangle bright to banish gloom
I’ll smack them clear across the room
Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
you’re better than a catnip spree.

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
you’re turning slightly brown I see.
Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
your water has been drunk by me.
Your skirt has pretty smelly flux,
I’ll use it for my litter box.
Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
and then I’ll blame the dog you see.

So, for everyone out there with cats and Christmas trees, enjoy.

These Are A Few Of Trump’s Favourite Things

Randy Rainbow Strikes again.

From the classic musical The Sound Of Mueller.

TRUMP'S FAVORITE THINGS – A Randy Rainbow Song Parody

***NEW VIDEO***What better way to kick off the holiday season than with a Sound of Mueller sing-along?! πŸŽΆπŸŽ„πŸ™€πŸ’–πŸŒˆπŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸŽ

Posted by Randy Rainbow on Wednesday, December 5, 2018

CKWR Gets To Live And A Better Plan For Christmas Music

We had to pick a new morning radio station today. Our usual stop, CKWR, has made the flip to all Christmas for its daily hosted music blocks and automation as of December 1st. The specialty shows are free to do their own thing, but that doesn’t do us much good when it’s six A.M. and we need something listenable to get us going. We went with the Kitchener version of CBC Radio One or “the useful CBC” as we like to call it, in case you’re interested. We call it that because it’s filled with news and information with a bit of music thrown in, as opposed to Radio Two which is also enjoyable but basically the opposite.

As for CKWR, we’ll see them in January, I guess. And yes, we will get to see them in January. Their broadcasting license has been spared, for now. They’re good until August 31st, 2020. I hope they can keep their shit together, because it would be a shame to lose one of the few independent media voices we have left, even if they’re overdoing it with the damn Christmas music.

At least unlike some folks they had the decency to wait until December began. It’s still way too much, but starting up in November or even late October like some stations do is far worse. I know it’s done because it’s supposedly good for ratings, but I’ll never be convinced that the bump isn’t attributable to people being held hostage by offices and retail stores. Even if you like Christmas music, do you like it that much? I like beer and cotton candy, but that doesn’t mean I want nothing but those two things for breakfast, lunch, dinner and at all points in between for 60 to 90 consecutive days.

I’m not one of those people who hates any and all Christmas music. In fact, a couple days a year I’m good with it and will even seek it out. But once we get beyond that point I range anywhere from a little testy to ready and willing to strangle someone with a wreath. For me, Christmas on the radio is done best when you start sprinkling it into the rotation at the start of December but hold off on going all Christmas until Christmas Eve. You can keep it up on Christmas Day obviously and I’ll even give you Boxing Day because it might as well be Christmas. But after that, it’s time to start slowing it down again and phasing it out entirely by January 2nd. That’s much more reasonable than literally driving people mental with it in the name of a few extra dollars.