Category: names

Out of pocket nearly $60,000 and facing some trouble with the law after his spring cleaning operation touched off a 700 acre wildfire is Brian Leon Sparks.

A 55-year-old Bryceville man cited by the state for illegally burning books and starting a wildfire that ended up scorching 705 acres in late March now has a $59,403.38 bill to settle for the personnel and machinery used to extinguish that blaze.

Brian Leon Sparks received the bill Monday from the Florida Department of Agriculture for “the amount we incurred in suppressing the fire,” according to its cover letter.
The invoiced bill is on top of a misdemeanor criminal citation for failure to obtain a department permit and reckless land burning after he started burning old paperbacks and clutter outside his Wills Lane home March 22, according to Forest Service officials. The flames got out of control, forcing evacuations, damaging eight homes and prompting a massive fire-suppression effort.

This one’s almost too easy, but I still feel that it is my duty to inform you all that Kim Young Suk has been found guilty along with somebody who has a less amusing name of running a brothel out of what was purported to be an “accupressure spa.”

I can only theorize that if you look at your newborn son and say to yourself “he looks like a Fellony,” either you already know you don’t like him or that you have insights about the future the rest of us don’t. And considering how things have been going for Fellony with two Ls Hudson, option two seems like a good place to put the smart money. Good call, mom and dad.

Gresham police said the incident began around 7:30 p.m. Tuesday when a caller reported seeing a man hit a woman in a vehicle that was driving recklessly northbound on C Street in Vancouver.
The witness told police the driver seemed high on drugs. The witness said the vehicle was a Dodge Caliber with Oregon license plates.
Police ran the licenses plate number and determined the vehicle was stolen out of Portland about a week ago.
A probable cause affidavit says a Vancouver police officer attempted to stop the vehicle by activating his overhead lights and sirens. Police said the vehicle slowed, but there appeared to be a physical struggle between the driver and the passenger before the vehicle continued driving.
Police reported in the document that the passenger opened the vehicle door and tried to jump from the moving vehicle four times.
The driver, later identified as Fellony Edward Hudson, would grab her, pull her toward him and close the door each time.
Police said this happened while Hudson drove at speeds of 50 to 80 miles per hour.
Authorities pursued the suspect Hudson onto Interstate 84.
When Gresham police joined the pursuit, there were already 10 vehicles pursuing the suspect in the car, police said.
Police said Hudson got out of the car on SE Stark Street and started running north. Officers caught up with him in the parking lot of the Weston Car Dealership and took him into custody.

All of that, according to the police department, is good for felony with one L charges of kidnapping, assault, possession of a stolen vehicle, attempt to elude by vehicle, reckless driving, DUII(driving under the influence of intoxicants), and attempt to elude on foot.

Hudson, who told police that the reason he didn’t stop was because the cops are “known to kill people,” was found by a drug recognition expert to be under the influence of both meth and heroin at the time. A surefire path toward continuing to live up to his birth certificate, that.

A hazMat team had to be called in when an odor was detected after a truck penetrated the wall of a building belonging to AnalTech, a company name I swear to you all I am 100 percent not making up.

As a result of the collision at the intersection of Route 72 and Blue Hen Drive at 6 a.m., a pick up truck plowed through the wall of a nearby building.
Officials entering the building detected an odor, and a representative explained the smell was coming from a lab. A lab inside AnalTech had been damaged, and hazmat teams were called in due to the chemicals used at the facility.

No one was seriously injured in the crash, but you don’t care about that because you’re wondering how and why in the hell a legitimate business came to be known as AnalTech. Thankfully, there is what almost passes for a good answer to this question.

AnalTech specializes in such products as bulk adsorbents, cyclographs and other accessories used in chromatography.

While AnalTech, a manufacturer of thin-layer chromatography plates, could not be reached for comment about the incident, they’ve been vocal in the past about the history of its company name. 

In an email sent to the Houston Chronicle, a spokesperson revealed, “In 1964, the company paid a marketing firm to come up with a different name. They said, ‘Well, you guys do Analytical Technology – why don’t you put the two words together and call it ‘AnalTech!’ ”
However, the spokesperson admitted that “AnalTech faces certain challenges because of the ‘juvenile’ humor that has developed in the past few decades and current web filters that may block the company name” and has considered rebranding as a result.

Juvenile humour? I’m offended! You don’t see me coming to your office and denigrating your chromatography abilities, do you? And no, that’s not just because I don’t know what any of it means.

Yes, a 70-year-old massage lady did offer to take the nice officer to the full service pumps for an additional fee, but do not let that fact distract you from the best part of this, that being that it all went down (so to speak) at Jax Therapy.

Septuagenarian Sun Hee Gribat was collared Tuesday at Jax Therapy in Jacksonville. Police began probing the business after receiving reports that female employees performed sex acts on customers.
After an undercover detective paid Gribat $70 for a 30-minute rubdown, she led him to a massage room. During the massage, cops allege, Gribat allegedly “offered to masturbate the detective for additional $60.00.”

I have nothing whatsoever to say about it, but I invite you to read the details of a man crashing a stolen transport truck into a brothel as reported by Sally Ho.

Arrested in January for robbing a pizza delivery man of a couple of pizzas and $25 at gunpoint are Logan Alexander and more importantly for our purposes, Sheldon Cheese.

The victim, whose name was not released, was delivering the pizzas Tuesday to Cheese and his friend, Logan Alexander, 18, of Littlestown, Pa., at a location in Penn Township, according to the affidavit filed with Magisterial District Judge James Miner, who holds court in Hanover. Police contend that Cheese knocked on the man’s car window and the victim got out of his car while Alexander waited at the rear pointing a gun.

The delivery man gave the suspects two pizzas and $25, and they fled, police said.