More Like All Wet

This one’s appropriate on a couple of levels.

Recently arrested and charged with felony video voyeurism of someone at least 19 years old after a hidden camera was discovered recording people showering in his bathroom is Jonathan Moist.

According to the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office, Moist’s niece and her friend who were housesitting for Moist discovered the hidden camera in November.
“He had a hidden camera in his bathroom that videoed an adult female in the shower,” said Brevard County sheriff’s spokesman Tod Goodyear, who added that the victim is the friend of Moist’s niece.
The niece and victim removed the device and took it to the girl’s mother, who lives in Cocoa, according to the Sheriff’s Office. A sheriff’s report says they removed an SD card from the device, plugged it into a computer and observed several videos of people in Moist’s bathroom, including some in the shower.

When Ya Gotta Go, Ya Gotta Go To The Hospital

And now, let us take a few moments to read of the to my eye completely over the top workplace pranking and subsequent totally justified legal proceedings between firefighter Thomas Wengerter and his and fate’s aptly named victim, fellow fireman Raymond Johns.

• On November 27, 2015, Johns was on duty at the firehouse.
• He was in the men’s bathroom when he sat down on a toilet and heard and felt an explosion beneath him.
• Johns examined himself for injury and discovered a significant amount of blood coming from the left side of his scrotum, on which a blood blister had formed.
• The remnants of an exploded bang snap, a small firework without a fuse that detonates when compressed, was discovered on the toilet.
• After an investigation, defendant Thomas Wengerter, a fellow City firefighter, admitted to having placed bang snaps in various places in the firehouse as a prank, although he later denied having placed a bang snap on the toilet.
• The record, however, contains significant evidence contradicting Wengerter’s denial, including his apology to Johns immediately after the incident.
• Shortly after being injured, Johns left work to be treated at a medical facility.
• He was diagnosed with a second-degree burn on his scrotum and a contusion of the left testicle.
• He was thereafter placed off duty. He returned to work on December 9, 2015.
• Johns suffered no lost wages, and the City paid all his medical expenses.
• He did not file a workers’ compensation claim.
• Wengerter was suspended for the incident.

Believe it or not, Johns’ suit was unsuccessful because of the way the laws around these sorts of things are structured. Basically, being a complete fucking dipshit on duty and maming a guy falls under the category of workplace injury, so the only remedy he’s entitled to comes from the Workers’ Compensation Act and not, you know, the person actually responsible. Yes, even though to any reasonable person putting fireworks on a toilet has nothing to do with firefighting. No, not even if you almost blow off a guy’s hose as a result.

Seriously, this is unbelievable. Nuts, even.

Sorry, Raymond. Hard to resist the low hanging fruit, you understand.

Please Stop Flushing Your Yorkshire Puddings Down The Toilet, You Barbarians! Sincerely, The Sewer Company

I have so many questions, chief among them how one accumulates enough unwanted Yorkshire puddings to cause this much damage. Is pudding flushing a thing people do now? Is this one person’s terrible hording issue? Is some restaurant somewhere disposing of them on an industrial scale?

In an age of gargantuan fatbergs and proliferating use of wet wipes, the last thing Britain’s groaning sewers need is someone flushing mountains of Yorkshire puddings down the lavatory.
Unfortunately Anglian Water were forced to issue a plea for people to compost their food waste properly after a blockage constructed of disintegrating Yorkshire puddings was found preventing sewage from draining in Ipswich.
The company had to send workers out to find out what was causing the problem. They lifted a drain lid to reveal sewage backed up behind the puddings.

Unrelated side note: reporter Harry Cockburn is a better man than I. I’d almost assuredly have adopted a pen name long ago were I him. Or wait, what if that is his pen name?

I’m Here For Help Quitting Smoking, Dr….Wait…What?

Our friend Barb sent along this article on the issue of vaping teenagers and addiction, complete with quotes from smoking cessation physician Dr. Andrew Pipe. Because when you think it’s time to quit smoking, you think Pipe. It’s just common sense, people!

This is not a quote from Dr. Andrew Pipe, but it’s so friggin ridiculous that I have to share it. What in the hell is wrong with this kid?

“I would say it is out of control,” said George Kourtis, program co-ordinator for health and physical education at the Toronto District School Board.
He recalled the story of one student sent to the principal’s office for the third time for vaping. The principal was called away for a moment, leaving the confiscated vape device on the desk.
“He was out of there for 10 seconds and the child picked it up and vaped,” said Kourtis. “He asked the child, and he said, ‘Sir, it was standing right there, I had to.'”

Like seriously? I realize the two are somewhat different, but can you imagine the balls it would take to get called to the office for smoking and then light up when the principal stepped out for a minute? I knew a few kids who fancied themselves badasses back in my day, but I don’t recall any of them ever doing that. I feel like vaping maybe isn’t the major issue at play here.

The Hard Is Still On

Back in 2016, we learned of twice convicted public masturbator Anthony Hardison (yes, that’s still his real name) and his attempt to become thrice convicted public masturbator Anthony Hardison by doing what he does whilst registering as a sex offender. Unfortunately, it seems that as of last year, he’s still at it.

The latest alleged episode occurred April 9, when Hardison boarded a route 14 Metro bus in Seattle, according to King County Sheriff’s Office reports.

He reportedly moved to the back of the bus and stayed there until only one or two passengers remained. He then exposed his genitalia and masturbated in full view of the passengers and 39-year-old bus driver, court records say.

It took police until May 3rd to bring him in, at which point he was charged with the usual. Indecent exposure with sexual motivation.

Let’s Talk Dirty In…Finland?

I don’t remember exactly how the conversation came around to it, but at dinner last night Carin mentioned Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen’s fantastic name.

“Whenever I hear it,” she said, “all I can think of is Lets Talk Dirty In Hawaiian.”

This made me very angry, because she’s totally right and how did I not think of it first?

So yeah, there’s either hockey or John Prine ruined for all of us forever. Just try not thinking of one when you hear the other from now on. I dare you.

All The World Juniors Analysis You Need

If there’s a more fun name to say in all of hockey right now than Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen, I haven’t heard it.

If Canada had to lose, at least it was to the eventual winner.

I can’t say that anyone who thinks that any of this is “anti-francophone racism” is wrong, but personally I’m not so sure that it’s people going out of their way to be anti-French as much as it’s just that people sometimes tend to suck in general. If you’re the sort that’s inclined to tell a child he should get AIDS and die, there’s likely more wrong with you than a possible distaste for Quebecers. I’ll go ahead and leave this here since I know Carin will just put it in the comments if I don’t. Seems to sum up the whole thing, I think.

Also, Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen.

Yup, still fun.

Yes I Named Her ABC, Please Stop Making Fun Of Me

There are two very obvious things to be said about this story.

  1. The behaviour of this agent was absolutely unprofessional and I hope the airline gives her a good tuning up. At no time is it ever appropriate to mock your customers publicly either in person or online.
  2. I understand the impulse to do it, because that’s one seriously goofy ass name. I would be shocked if this was the first time somebody laughed at it, and it certainly won’t be the last. Please, moms and dads, try not to name your children stupid things. Unless of course your goal is to keep the therapy industry in business, in which case, carry on.

Southwest Airlines apologized after a mother accused a gate agent of mocking her five-year-old daughter’s name and posting the child’s boarding pass on social media.
Traci Redford and her daughter Abcde, pronounced “Ab-city,” were catching a flight from California to Texas earlier this month. The mother said she had heard a gate agent laughing.
“The gate agent started laughing, pointing at me and my daughter, talking to other employees,” the mother told ABC7 News. “So I turned around and said, ‘Hey if I can hear you, my daughter can hear you, so I’d appreciate if you’d just stop.’”

Redford said the agent at John Wayne Airport posted of photo of Abcde’s boarding pass on social media, mocking her daughter’s name.
“While I was sitting there, she took a picture of my boarding pass and chose to post it on social media, mocking my daughter. It was actually brought to my attention by somebody who had seen it on Facebook and reported it to Southwest Airlines,” Redford told the news station.

That’s Not How You’re Supposed To Roast Pumpkin Seeds

There’s a two for one sale in the appropriate names department today as the Atlanta Journal-Constitution assigned Steve Burns the story of Morgan Cook accidentally setting herself on fire.

By the way, 100 bonus points to anyone who can explain what this experiment was supposed to be demonstrating.

A Halloween experiment at a Gwinnett County high school last week went wrong, sending fire around a teacher’s face, Channel 2 Action News reported.
“We were just like confused,” Duluth High School student Condaleeza Waters said. “We didn’t know what to do.”

The experiment in Morgan Cook’s science class involved a ramp, a pumpkin and fire, the news station reported.
But something went wrong.
“When she lit it on fire, what happened is the whole entire ramp lit on fire, and the ramp just exploded,” student Eddie Kim said.
Paramedics responded to the school to offer aid, and a friend of Cook’s took her to the hospital. Bernard Watson, spokesman for Gwinnett County schools, said the teacher suffered “minor superficial injuries” and will be all right.