Category: news

What It’s Like To Be The Child Of A Serial Killer

Keith Jesperson probably isn’t the first name that would come to mind if somebody asked you to name a famous serial killer, but he’s famous enough that I recall seeing an episode of American Justice devoted to him back when A&E was still worth watching. So I was interested when I came across an article written by his daughter, Melissa Moore. My evil dad: Life as a serial killer’s daughter

It goes fairly deep into an aspect of serial killers that you don’t often get to hear about. Sure we know about the horrible creep monster, but what about the other part of the double lives we’re so often told these people live? Is Joe the welder, the guy who’s such a nice fellow, hangs out at the bar after work, plays with his kids, is active in his community and throws a mean neighbourhood barbecue really able to flip that switch so completely? Obviously, the answer is pretty complicated. Even if dad is weird and mean sometimes, there’s no way he could be that weird…right?

And perhaps even more interesting than that is the talk of what life is like once dad’s been discovered. What do you do? What do you say? How do you cope? How do people react to you? How do you move on? Do you move on?

If you have even a passing interest in these sorts of things, give this a read. It’s pretty fantastic, heartbreaking and hopeful all at once.

Firing Squads. In 2015. Bugger Off, Utah

So this is one of the crazier completely goddamned ass backward ridiculous things I’ve heard in a while.

Utah lawmakers have passed a bill that would make it the only state to allow firing squads for carrying out a death penalty if there is a shortage of execution drugs.
The passage of the bill by the state Senate on Tuesday comes as states struggle to obtain lethal injection drugs amid a nationwide shortage.
The bill’s sponsor, Republican Rep. Paul Ray of Clearfield, touted the measure as being a more humane form of execution. Ray argued that a team of trained marksmen is faster and more humane than the drawn-out deaths that have occurred in botched lethal injections.
The bill gives Utah options, he said. “We would love to get the lethal injection worked out so we can continue with that but if not, now we have a backup plan,” Ray told The Associated Press.

The logic…it hurts.

How, exactly, is shooting a guy in the heart if everything goes according to the script any more humane than deliberately poisoning him into a quick, peaceful end if everything goes according to the script? I ask because we all know damn well that things don’t always go according to the script. Lethal injections can take a long time and be very painful just as easily as a person you shoot can survive for a long time even though he’s not supposed to.

The best way to deal with these drug shortages is to stop killing people at least until we can guarantee that 100 percent of those we’re killing are actually guilty. But since that’ll never happen, let’s just stop killing people, shall we? And while we’re at it, let’s stop electing dingleberries who think firing squads are a good idea.

My Password Is Keep Your Mitts Off My Damn Password

I propose a new rule. Until a city/state/province/village/hamlet/nation finds itself represented by a government filled with the type of folks that can send an email without asking their grandkids for help, hands off anything to do with technology and privacy, old timer. As supporting evidence, I submit this problematic bit of Illinois’ new cyberbullying legislation, which came into force at the start of 2015.

KTVI-TV reported that the law was already making some parents deeply uncomfortable. That’s because one of its stipulations is troubling.

Indeed, this week Illinois parents began receiving a letter from school authorities informing them that their children’s social media passwords may now have to be handed over, as part of school discipline. Motherboard reports that it obtained one of these letters. It reads, in part:
School authorities may require a student or his or her parent/guardian to provide a password or other related account information in order to gain access to his/her account or profile on a social networking website if school authorities have reasonable cause to believe that a student’s account on a social networking site contains evidence that a student has violated a school disciplinary rule or procedure.
You might imagine that this stipulation only applies to school computers and activity on school premises. It does not. The schools may ask for passwords and search on the basis of any posting by a student at any time and in any place.
And who will decide what is reasonable cause? Leigh Lewis, superintendent of Triad Community Schools Unit District 2, told Motherboard that if someone didn’t cooperate, there might be trouble. Not detention, criminal charges.

Yes, if Junior or Junior’s mom and dad don’t let the school and by extension the State invade his privacy because they feel like invading it that day, they’ll drag all of ‘em through the courts where they’ll be forced to hire expensive lawyers to battle for basic human rights and common sense, perhaps winding up with hefty fines or even jail time should they run up against a judge and/or jury who’s brain functions on a level similar to that of Uncle or maybe I should say Grandpa Sam’s. How about no? Does no work for you?

So far nobody has run afoul of it, but I kinda can’t wait until somebody does, sues over it and wins. Once school boards start handing out 5 or 6 figure settlements hand over fist, we’ll see how important it really is for them to snoop through little Billy’s fishing trip photos as part of their own fishing expeditions.

Bunkist

We’ve got a second beverage fueled shooting, this one involving an apparent lack of orange juice in the Dukes family home. Orange juice, for the record, is better beer than either Busch or Budweiser.

Photo of Eldridge Dukes.
Eldridge Dukes, 58, and his son were fighting about the lack of orange juice in their home, according to a Baton Rouge police arrest report.

The squabble escalated when the victim broke a porcelain vase, and Dukes grabbed his .357 calibre handgun, family members told detectives. Dukes chased the victim out of the house and down the street, firing at least three times. He hit the victim once in the buttocks, detectives said.

Dukes confessed to the shooting and was booked on charges of attempted manslaughter and illegal use of a dangerous weapon. He may or may not be sitting tight in jail at the moment, which is surely more sitting than his son is doing.

Bud. Weis. Ow!

I don’t want to sound like a heartless dick or worse yet a beer snob, but when you’re arguing over whether Busch or Bud is the better beer and then your buddy gives you the kind you don’t like and guns are drawn, maybe just turn them on yourselves and get it over with.

The incident, which occurred on March 7 in the New Orleans suburb of Harvey, resulted in Clarence Sturdivant shooting his neighbour Walter Merrick, 66, in the arm, with Merrick sustaining wounds that were not life-threatening, said Colonel John Fortunato, spokesman for the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office.

Witnesses told police that the incident, which began with Sturdivant and Merrick arguing over the respective merits of the beer brands, escalated when Merrick pointed a gun at Sturdivant, with the Budweiser adherent then firing a shotgun in self-defence.

Both were charged, Sturdivant for something unrelated to this particular kerfuffle and Merrick for aggravated assault.

Wow. Spell check says I spelled kerfuffle correctly. Didn’t even have to look it up. Not sure what that means, I just thought you all should know because I’m pretty happy about it.

Ladies Love The Hamrick Hammer

I was going to start off with a line something like “Jesus dude, obviously women don’t like that,” but it’s Florida so for all I know this could be how folks wish each other happy Wednesday.

Hal Hamrick, what ladies like.
A witness told Port St. Lucie police he saw a man in a Miami Heat shirt and athletic shorts exposing himself. The man twice put his genitals out for view in front of Target, and once in front of Babies “R” Us.
“Each time he attempted to use a trash receptacle as cover for the act,” an affidavit states.
Hamrick told police he was “exposing himself for the ladies.”
“He wants to find a lady and they like when he does that,” an affidavit states.

Police, however, do not like it when Hal Hamrick does that, and arrested him on a charge of indecent exposure.

Not Stupid

What do you want to bet this fella was pretty well shit at hide and seek?

Jordan Meier was traveling with three passengers at around 9pm when a Lancaster County Sheriff’s Office deputy pulled over his 2002 Chevrolet Monte Carlo on a Lincoln street for a traffic violation.

Meier was subsequently “placed into custody for DUI,” investigators noted. During a post-arrest inventory search of Meier’s vehicle, officers located a 16-ounce plastic container (which once held Land O’Lakes sour cream) under the front passenger seat.

Meier claimed ownership of the container, which had the words “Not Weed” written in marker on its lid.

Guess what was inside. Come on, guess. If you said more than 11 grams of weed, step forward and claim your prize. Note: when I say prize, what I really mean is not prize, because I have nothing to give you.

Unsurprisingly, Meier got a possession charge tacked onto the trouble he was already in. Or maybe it was a not possession not charge. I’m not exactly sure how this works.

Herrrrrrrrrrrrrm…Bzzzzzzzzzzzz

I think we all know this experience. You pick up the phone, say hello, and a second later, you get blasted by the sound of a boat horn. Then a voice says you’ve won a cruise and all you have to do is do a survey…at which point, hopefully you hang up because you think this is some kind of scam. I don’t think there’s a free cruise…not without a whole bunch of trouble attached.

Well, they just got dinged for their shady behaviour by the CRTC. So, long story short, that damn horn to the ear won’t be happening anymore. And the CRTC isn’t the only one on their tails. It looks like the FTC and a whole bunch of other agencies are after them too. It turns out people don’t like it when you use that survey loophole in the Do Not Call rules to sell stuff.

Ha ha ha ha ha suckers.

Here’s a weird aside. Ever since we ditched bell and went all cell, I’ve gotten several of those silent calls, and some surveys. Steve’s been lucky, but boy have I gotten a bunch of them. The stupid surveys can get through the DNCL, but I don’t know where those silent calls come from. What the heck did I do to attract all the pests?

Another weird aside: One of the survey calls I got was asking about whether I had a cell phone, and if so, if it was my only phone. But the weird part was it asked me several questions, and then asked if now was a safe time to answer the survey. Um, shouldn’t that question come at the beginning?

At any rate, I’m glad I won’t be getting a horn to the ear, that’s for sure.

Return To Sender

Well, this is sad.

Paul Malebox Bennett, who I wrote about not all that long ago, was found dead in late February.

A Greater Manchester Police spokesman said: “We were called at 1.35am on Sunday, February 23, following reports the body of a 45-year-old man was found in Poolstock. His death is non-suspicious so the coroner is now dealing with it.”

We make a whole lot of fun of a whole lot of things around here and we always will, but it’s honestly a shame whenever somebody can’t get his problems sorted out and things come to a point like this.