Category: news

Mar 03 2015

Hare Of The Dog

I’m not even going to try dressing this introduction up, because I’d be wasting my time. Investigation after drunk man found asleep in bed at maternity ward with dead rabbit in pocket

See? What could you possibly need me for?

A security review has been carried out at the Midlands Regional Hospital in Portlaoise, County Laois, Ireland, after a man who had been drinking gained unauthorised access to the maternity unit at night and was found asleep in a spare bed. Following the incident, the man was found to be carrying a dead rabbit covered in blood in his coat pocket.

He was awoken after sleeping unnoticed for about six hours when a nurse doing her rounds discovered him snoring in a bed. Security and gardaí were called to the ward. They escorted him to the hospital’s emergency department where he was found to be suffering from the after-effects of alcohol.

And this is the part where we learn that they do things a little bit different in Ireland.

After checking him out, he was walked off of the hospital grounds and cut loose. Not taken to the tank to sleep it off or even driven home, just have a nice night, lad.

But he wasn’t ready to call it a night just yet. Less than an hour later, he was seen climbing over a wall at the same hospital in a bid to get back in. It worked, as he was soon discovered inside causing some sort of commotion. In case you were wondering, it is at this point that some poor bastard drew the short straw and found Peter Rottentail during a search.

“It seems the guy was out on the town for the night, had a few too many and just wanted somewhere to lie down,” a source said.

A few, you say. Yes, and fire can be a little warm.

I’m not sure what became of the unidentified man, but the hospital quickly ordered a full review of its security procedures. Good call, that.

Mar 01 2015

Help Marianne’s Place Recover From A Flood

Wow, this is sad. Remember the women’s shelter I wrote about many moons ago? Well, thanks to a horribly-plugged toilet, they had a disastrous flood. So many of those every day food items and supplies that make the world continue to revolve in that place are destroyed. Walls, floors and ceilings need repair. And they need a heapin’ helpin’ of…help. If you have any money to spare, and want to help them out, go to their website and donate. The donate page is a bit cumbersome for a screen-reader, at least for NVDA and Firefox. The autocompleters are not your friend. If I wasn’t stubborn, I would have been donating as Mr. Carin Headrick. *oops*.

I can’t even imagine the chaos they’re going through. Life in there is already chaotic on a normal day, and people in there come to the shelter with so few things, and need such basic things, like blankets and diapers and clothes. I hope they get lots of assistance from the community. It sounds like they are, but I hope it continues. I imagine they will need a lot of cash, so if you can, help them out. I bet whoever fears they may have been the one to plug the toilet feels really really bad right now.

Feb 27 2015

Doctor-Assisted Suicide Will Soon Be Legal, Thank The Lord

This news is a couple weeks old now, but it’s good news and it needs sharing.

The Supreme Court of Canada has struck down the ban on doctor -assisted suicide for mentally competent people suffering from terminal illnesses, saying that the current rules violate our Charter of Rights. Not only did the court kill it, it did so unanimously, which comes as a pleasant shock. The government now has a year to draft a new law to reflect the new rules. I’m a little nervous that the Conservatives are likely going to be the ones to write it given the timing, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, let’s enjoy the end of one of those controversies that shouldn’t be a controversy.

I’ve said it before, but to me, this has always been an issue that boils down to two basic points.

1. Until you’ve survived your own long, drawn out, agonizing, irreversible death, you have no right to tell anyone else what to do.

2. A thing being legal does not force you to do that thing. Smoking is legal, but I don’t smoke. Why? I don’t want to. If the day should come that you’re in the unfortunate position to walk in the shoes of those who wish to die, you’ll be afforded that same freedom of choice.

One other thing has always bothered me about the anti right to die crowd. The type of person who tends to be against it is the same one who shows up at every funeral and keeps telling you that your loved one is “in a better place now.” Well then, if that place is so much better, why are you fighting so hard to keep him in *this* place against his will? What a selfish jerk you turned out to be. I figured that out when I was like 14, so why is it such a difficult concept? Then again I’m the type of guy who generally takes religion out of equations and replaces it with logic and common sense, so maybe I just answered my own question.

Feb 26 2015

The Strangers Aren’t The Danger

Because too many of us are awful and stupid, science was required to explain this to us. Kids free to explore and play are more healthy, study finds

Stay tuned next week for people who drink water are less likely to dehydrate, research suggests.

I wish I could explain how far around the bend it drives me that people my age are the ones ruining this crop of kids. I just don’t get how it happened. I know that each generation changes from the one that came before. Things are learned, adjustments are made. That’s sensible. But how did we get…here? How, so quickly, did we go from why don’t you go out and have some fun with your friends for the day to it’s 2 o’clock, time for your play date? From be home before dark to I’ll drop you off and pick you up? Or even worse, to I’ll take you there and then just hang around to make sure nothing happens? From don’t fall off the monkey bars to oh my god there are monkey bars here, don’t even look at them or you’re all going to die? From try not to get hurt at the playground to barely even allowed to have a playground? What the hell happened?

Forget all the focus on physical activity. What about all of the lost opportunities for kids to be kids? To learn how to socialize and have imaginations and eventually grow into functional adult human beings? You know, all of the opportunities our parents gave us while they were busy not smothering our spirit to death.

And don’t even get me started on all this stranger danger garbage. it’s no worse now than it was then. If something’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. there’s only so much you can do to prevent it. Do your best, then hope for the same. Unless you can prove to me that there was no such thing as pedophiles in the 70s and 80s, go back in the house and let Jimmy ride his bike down the damn block. Trust that he’ll remember the lessons you taught him. If you’re a good parent and he’s a good kid, he will. We all did.

Feb 21 2015

From Dream Home To Nightmare

Steve said he got this from Michelle, but it looked like one I’d want to post. After getting rid of all the shivers, I agreed.

This Kathy Rowe woman is like the worst combination of Philip Conran and Jennifer Petkov. It all started when a young couple outbid her on a home she really really wanted. I get the idea of having your heart set on something and the feeling of disappointment when you don’t get it. But what this woman did was just…out of this world creepy and dangerous, and she has the gall to say she never meant to harm anyone. How can we be expected to believe that?

Let’s go through the list of things she did, which probably isn’t even a complete list.

  • She relisted the house on the internet using a false name.
  • She signed them up to subscriptions to who knows what and sent them adult diapers.
  • She posted ads for free fireworks, parties and other ads inviting religious organizations over to their house.
  • She also put the woman’s photo up on sex websites, saying she wanted to be surprised and have a man force his way into the house.
  • She distributed leaflets saying a sex-offender had moved into the neighbourhood.
  • She sent Valentine cards around to the neighbour’s wives and made it look like the husband wrote them.

Doing all of those things takes time and effort. I don’t care if she said she snapped. All of this takes a lot of planning. If she didn’t mean to harm anyone, she would have had lots of opportunities to stop and reconsider that doing this stuff probably isn’t going to end well.

I don’t know what it is about this woman, but every time she talks, I envision a small child’s face superimposed over her own, bawling her eyes out and maybe throwing a tantrum. This is not the way a 53-year-old woman should act.

After she did all of that, she got no jail time, which kind of surprises me. Call me heartless for not giving her any mercy on the grounds that her husband was diagnosed with a pretty serious cancer and she had to take care of her daughter, but I would hope that most of us, even under a lot of stress, wouldn’t go to that level to harass someone else. This wasn’t an isolated incident of road rage or a couple of harassing phone calls. This was a campaign of abuse. I think that amount of scary was in there all along, just waiting for the right circumstances to bring it to the surface. She may have been a respected community member at one time, but I personally wouldn’t want her anywhere near any community organizations, ever. Is it wrong that every time she said “I may be the least liked person in San Diego County,” I thought “Yup, that’s a fair and deserving assessment.”?

I just hope the family she harassed can eventually feel safe in their own home, even though they know the woman capable of unleashing this much hell only lives a mile from them. I admire them for staying there, even though leaving would make you feel like she had won. But there’s only so far your principles can go when you’re afraid to open your door because of what could be on the other side, thanks to someone who didn’t have something go their way and can’t handle it.

Feb 20 2015

McFlippin’

According to this here news report, a fellow by the name of Marvin Tramaine Hill II managed to break his wife’s nose by way of a twice weaponized McDonald’s McChicken sandwich. why? Because, quite sensibly, he isn’t a fan of McDonald’s McChicken sandwiches. and it sounds like the two hadn’t exactly been living in marital bliss. And maybe he might be kinda nuts.

Hill had admitted to police that he threw the sandwich at his wife “because he doesn’t like them.” Hill was initially arrested for simple domestic assault.
Des Moines police met with Hill at the couple’s home in the 1400 block of 13th Street. The couple have a two-year-old daughter and another child on the way. Hill told police that it was actually his wife who assaulted him.
Hill said his wife woke him up around 1 p.m. with a McChicken in hand. He admitted to police that he became upset and threw the sandwich at her, then picked up some of the bun, throwing it at her again.
The woman went to the bathroom to clean herself up but Hill followed her and began recording her using his cellphone, which he later shared with police. In the video, police saw the woman knock the phone out of his hands.
Hill’s wife had mayonnaise on her shirt and face when officers located her. According to the woman, Hill had forcefully smashed the bun into her face the second time.

Hill was taken into custody and later bonded out of jail. I have yet to find an update on anything that may have happened to him since, perhaps for good reason. At the time of his arrest his weapons permit was confiscated, so he may have starved to death by now.

Feb 18 2015

Klueless Krispy Kreme

Regardless of what some of my posts may suggest, I try very hard not to think of every marketing person as a complete idiot tool just because he’s in the ad business. I do this in spite of the fact that many in the herd make it very, very difficult.

Take the geniuses at the British offices of Krispy Kreme, for instance. As part of a schedule of children’s events, they decided to include something called the Krispy Kreme Klub, which they advertised complete with acronym.

Surely you, residing somewhere that isn’t up your own ass, noticed immediately that there may be a slight issue with the messaging.

After having it brought to their attention over and over again Krispy Kreme did issue an apology, presumably after finishing a vanilla doughnut.

“Krispy Kreme apologizes unreservedly for the inappropriate name of a customer promotion at one of our stores,” said a Krispy Kreme spokesperson in a statement. “The promotion was never intended to cause offense. All material has been withdrawn and an internal investigation is currently underway.”

“This was sent from the head office, so it has been advertised at all the outlets,” said the spokesperson in an interview. “But we have now taken down the sign from our point of sale. We don’t have a new name for the event yet but it is still going ahead this week.”

How about Filling Up Children Krispily? That one should be fine…

Feb 11 2015

Anybody Got Change For A Bag Of Drugs?

It’s nice to have good friends. Friends that will bail you out of jail when you get arrested for drunk driving. Or friends that will keep a seat warm for you when you come in to bail them out when you’ve been arrested for drunk driving, but forget to unhide your bag of cocaine from within the money first.

Fifty-one-year-old Royal Norton went into a Clinton Township, Michigan police station Saturday to post bail for a friend, arrested on an intoxicated driving charge.
Norton handed over three $100 bills to cover the bail when the desk officer noticed the bag between two of the bills.
Norton said the bag was garbage, but police had their suspicions and had the substance tested.

Maybe he meant the product was garbage?

When the test came back positive, Norton was placed under arrest…while standing next to a poster for a local drug tip hotline.

Surprisingly and I mean that in the pleasant sense, in spite of the bail money kinda sorta maybe being evidence, his friend was allowed to go.

Feb 11 2015

Dork Chops

I can’t decide who’s worse here. Billy Wall who stabbed nephew Charles Williams during a fight over pork chop consumption, or Charles Williams, who is allegedly so much of a hog that he ate three of them leaving only one for Wall and zero for his girlfriend.

The argument escalated and turned physical, according to the arrest report.
The two men were separated when the girlfriend intervened and Williams then left the room.
Both men began to fight again after Williams said his nephew grabbed a machete and threatened him. Wall said he grabbed a wooden stick and a struggle ensued over the machete. Wall told police he reached for a knife in his pocket and stabbed his nephew.

Wall was charged with aggravated domestic battery, while Williams was taken to a trauma centre where he underwent surgery to repair his newly damaged liver.

Feb 08 2015

Smoked Bacon

There are a lot of common reasons for going on a bender. There are also some pretty ridiculous ones. But I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of anyone hitting both extremes simultaneously quite the way Chad Spohn did.

Investigators say that Chad Spohn, 44, became highly intoxicated after drinking a bottle of Everclear, the 190-proof alcohol. Spohn threatened to harm himself during several 911 calls, according to a Washington County Sheriff’s Office report.
Upon arriving at the Spohn residence in Waterford, deputies learned from Spohn’s wife Heather that he was upset over their marital problems and “because their pig had ate all of his marijuana.” She added, “Chad gets upset when he does not have marijuana.”

Apparently Chad also gets upset when the police come to collect him, and requires a tussle and a tasing before he’ll cooperate with the nice officer.

He’s been charged with resisting arrest and disorderly conduct by intoxication.

Millie the pig, while unharmed, appears to be in need of a new home.

In a message to his Facebook friends, he wrote, “anyone want a pig she is free and comes with food and cage. she is house broken as long as you show her where to go. if you have a dog she will follow it.” He added, “i just dont have time for her anymore.”

So if you’re looking for a friend or maybe something to eat when the munchies hit, there you go.

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