Category: news

Oct 19 2014

Don’t Annoy Your Nurses. It Might Kill You.

I’m glad Daniela Poggiali wasn’t on staff at the hospital where I was. I’m sure there were times when I would have annoyed even the most tolerant of nurses.

Here are some creepy lines from the story.

Cops arrested a nurse in northeastern Italy in connection with the deaths of as many as 38 patients, whom she might have killed because she found them — or their relatives — annoying, officials said.

So poor Steve might have been annoying, and bam, out I’d go.

Police have the cellphone of Daniela Poggiali, 42, which included a photo she snapped a few months ago of her giving a thumbs up next to a patient who had died moments before,…

That’s just evil.

Or is this the most evil?

Another one of Poggiali’s colleagues said the accused nurse was once reported for giving powerful laxatives to patients at the end of her shift to make work tougher for nurses working after her.

You just wonder what gets some people into some professions.

Oct 12 2014

Eating At Burger King Is Dangerous Enough Without Managers Trying To Stab You For Complaining

I’m beginning to wonder if perhaps this restaurant employees attacking customers instead of the other way around stuff is more common than I thought.

The lawsuit, filed October 1st, claims the incident happened in June 2013. According to the lawsuit, the customer said he asked for warmer food and the manager, Francisco Berrera, wasn’t pleased.
The customer claimed Berrera then told another employee, in Spanish, “…he doesn’t even know what I’m going to return it and do whatever I want to it and he’ll still eat it…” However, the customer understood every single word. He refused the food and asked Berrera for a refund.
The lawsuit claims that Berrera said no and that’s when things got violent. The customer said Berrera would soon attack him, by lunging at him with a taser in one hand and a switchblade in the other. Berrera was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with deadly weapon.

The customer, only identified in the story as the customer, the plaintiff or a New Mexico man has sued Burger King, as you may have gathered from the bit quoted above.

His suit is about more than simply being attacked over cold onion rings, however. It also alleges that there have been problems at other Burger Kings in the state run by the same group that owns this one, including an incident where a worker put dish sanitizer on somebody’s french fries. I’ve eaten at Burger King, and that actually kind of sounds like a bit of an upgrade.

None of the allegations have been proven, though it’s worth noting that Berrera, who the suit also claims had been violent with other customers and coworkers in the past, plead guilty to the charge in the onion rings case. That puts Burger King in a pretty tight spot should it plan to defend itself rather than settle, I’d think.

Oct 10 2014

I Just Can’t Buddy Up To The Buddy Bench

Call me jaded or cynical if you’d like, but I’m not so sure about this here “buddy bench” idea.

It’s a simple concept. You put a bench on your school’s playground, call it a buddy bench and explain to the kids that if they’re lonely, they can sit on it and that will signal the other kids that they’re supposed to ask if you’d like to play. Yes, schools still have playgrounds, apparently.

All of this seems like a nice idea. Give the loner kids some hope, and teach the others a little bit about sharing, caring and finding friends where they wouldn’t expect them. All good lessons, and certainly ones that ought to be taught somehow, somewhere.

But let’s be honest. As untainted by adult biases, stereotypes and other such horseshit as children can be, they’re also little assholes. I was one when I was young, and so were you. You might not have meant to be and you may not have realized it at the time, but at some point, you were a little asshole to somebody. You said something or did something to a classmate that was mean, hurtful…whatever negative adjective suits your fancy. You did it and you know it. Some of us did it more than others and some of us pretty quickly realized we weren’t proud of it, but there were, unfortunately, those kids who did it with bad intent. They did it because they liked it. They knew what they were doing and knew who they should do it to. And their targets, I hate to say it, were the very people that were going to be the ones most likely to find themselves in need of a buddy bench had such a thing existed back then.

Without meaning to, proponents of the buddy bench are making targets out of anyone who sits on it. Whether somebody makes fun of the “bench dorks” once or sets out on a full on asshole onslaught, it’s going to happen and it’s going to suck for those kids. All the best intentions and educational messages in the world aren’t going to stop that buddy bench from becoming a bully bench. Human nature says so, and I say that in spite of my belief that most human beings are, at heart, good.

And there’s another problem here. Let’s assume that I’m completely wrong and not a single person who dares sit on the bench is pestered or bullied and everyone finds a playmate for recess. Great, right? Well…no, actually. Once the 20 minutes of recess are over, what happens then? Not everyone is going to get along, because no matter the age some people just aren’t going to like each other. And I can tell you from firsthand blind kid experience that there aren’t many ways shittier of forging long lasting friendships than having a teacher or parent force somebody to play with you. If you ever want to have an awful day, spend it with somebody who totally doesn’t want to be around you and can’t wait to go home. I’ve been on both sides of that and it sucks either way. I’ve never been sentenced to community service, but I imagine that’s sort of what it feels like. You fulfill your obligations because the authorities are watching and then get the fuck out of there at the first opportunity, hopefully never to return or even speak of it again.

I have little doubt that these benches are somewhat successful, but you can’t tell me that in no way will they ever make existing problems worse. And even if somewhat successful is the goal which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it kind of defeats the purpose if that success comes at a heavy price for someone else.

Oct 06 2014

Soy And Wesson

In these types of stories, usually the crazy one is the customer. But not always.

According to cops, the 19-year-old patron asked for more soy sauce after receiving his takeout order Sunday night at Dayton’s Dragon
City eatery. That request somehow triggered an argument between the teen and Allan Lin, a 40-year-old cashier.
As detailed in a Dayton Police Department report, the patron, Munjed Milhem, said that Lin removed a handgun from a holster on his belt and jammed the weapon into his chest. Lin, Milhem said, was “yelling frantically” and waving his gun around.
When cops arrived at the business, they seized a Smith & Wesson handgun and three full 12-round magazines from Lin (who had the gun and ammo attached to his belt).

Lin told police that Milhem had been rude to him during their exchange, had yelled at him and even threatened to have him jumped. Somehow I doubt that “defuse situations with dissatisfied patrons by waving the ‘ol gun around” appears anywhere in the customer service manual, but that’s his story.

He was arrested and charged with misdemeanor aggravated menacing.

Oct 05 2014

It’s Not The Size Of The Boat, It’s The Motion Of The Metallic Objects You DIY Into The Boat That Matters

Why would you…who would ever…what would possess someone…Jesus no!!!!!!!!!

A Malaysian man who implanted 10 metal ball bearings in his penis to bolster his sexual abilities had to have the balls surgically removed when they started to rust.
The man, identified as Ramli, 44, told the Harian Metro newspaper he implanted the balls himself after a friend told him he had successfully used the method to increase his sexual stamina.

Amazingly, he said this actually worked for a while…after the 3 days of swelling and pain ended. Only 3? All was well for a few months he says, until he realized he could no longer get an erection. At that point it was time for him to seek medical help and for me to start doing anything but think about this for another second.

Oct 05 2014

Flaming Imbecile

I was a teenager once and I still love a good prank, but that doesn’t always mean I understand some of you idiots. For instance, when the driver is driving the car you are in, leave him alone. Talk to him, make him laugh, but under no circumstances should you touch him. Alright, if he’s having a heart attack and you need to get his hands off the wheel to avoid an accident and save everyone, then by all means touch him all day long and twice on Sunday. But lighting the dude’s armpit hair on fire for hahas? Save that shit for the kegger if you still want your ass kicked once he puts himself out. Jokes involving fire and human beings are never funny. End of discussion.

When police first responded to the mangled wreck early Sunday outside Boise, the driver, 18-year-old Tristian Myers, told cops he lost control of his Ford Bronco when he swerved to avoid an animal in the road.
But once Ada County Sheriff’s Office deputies spoke with all five teens a different story emerged. A 16-year-old boy admitted to lighting Myers’ armpit hair on fire, deputies confirmed. None of the five teens in the SUV were wearing seat belts and police said two people – girls, ages 16 and 17 – were thrown from the vehicle in the resulting 5:30 a.m. crash.

Myers was cited for inattentive driving, which unless there are some rather important details missing in every telling of this story that I’ve seen, is a pretty big dick move by the cops. The guy just got lit on fire. You suggest he pay attention to the road how, exactly? If you need to pop him for something, how about obstruction since he lied to protect his dumbfuck friend?

Speaking of his dumbfuck friend, he was given a citation for interfering with the driver’s safe operation of a vehicle, which makes absolute sense. Had I been driving, however, he’d have likely gotten the death penalty.

Oct 02 2014

The Other Episodes Of We Regret The Error

The other day, Carin asked me what ever became of that We Regret The Error thing that Deadspin was doing.

It turns out that the one I posted marked June 2013 was the last one they did, giving up because the news really is that incompetent and they couldn’t keep up. But the 3 they produced plus a 2013 news blooper reel are memorialized here for your enjoyment.

I’ve never seen the other 2, so if you need me, you know where I’ll be.

Oct 02 2014

They Must Have Used Apple Maps

I’ll be honest with you. My geography skills are terrible. Like I could probably get confused finding the difference between Scotland, Ontario and Scotland, Scotland terrible. That’s not ok. But it’s more ok than it would be if my job were making maps that made sense and were accurate. Good thing my job is making fun of those who’s job it is to make maps that make sense and are accurate, am I right, Apple?

Apple appeared to have mixed up the nation’s capital and Ontario’s capital, and placed Ottawa roughly where Toronto should be on the map.
Edmonton is also seen to be northwest of Calgary, instead of northeast.
And St. John’s, N.L. is missing its apostrophe.

And that’s just the website map telling people when they can expect to get their new iPhones delivered. I’d be adjusting my expectations in a downward direction were I you all.

Oct 01 2014

Me? Angry? The Mere Suggestion Makes Me Want To Punch Things

Haven’t seen one of these in a while.

Following a prior assault conviction, Kelly John Lange, a 34-year-old Sioux Falls resident, was ordered by a judge to attend anger management classes. But when he did not complete that course, he was ordered to appear in court to answer for his no-shows.
According to police, Lange became upset Tuesday with his public defender and attacked the lawyer in a conference room. The attorney suffered minor injuries, but she did not need medical assistance.

The incident would normally have been classified as a simple assault, but it was bumped up to a felony due to Lange already having at least 2 other convictions on his record in the last 5 years.

Sep 25 2014

Your Policies Are Garbage. Why Don’t You Join Them

There are plenty of aspects of foreign culture that can feel free to merrily stay right where they are. But this thing where an angry mob comes together to dump one of its country’s shitty politicians into a dumpster? Canada ought to think about importing that one.

The victim, such as he is, is Vitaly Zhuravsky, a member of Ukraine’s Economic Development Party. The description attached to the unfortunately mostly silent video (sound kicks in after a minute-ish) explains how and why he met such a fate.

An angry crowd has thrown a Ukrainian MP into a skip outside the country’s parliament in Kiev.

A group of men were filmed shoving Vitaly Zhuravsky before grabbing him and dumping him head first into the bin filled with festering rubbish.

As he tried to clamber out, the MP – still gripping his briefcase – was held down by his head as members of the screaming and swearing mob tossed a tyre on top of him.

Before Mr Zhuravsky could free himself, liquid from what looked like a drink can was poured over his head and a woman was heard shouting in Russian: “Boys, let me kick him at least one time.”

Once a member of ousted President Viktor Yanukovych’s Party of the Regions, the MP risked unpopularity in January when he authored a bill severely tightening restrictions on anti-government protesters.

Previously, he was behind a controversial bill criminalising libel, which was withdrawn amid widespread opposition.

The incident came after the Ukrainian parliament voted to ratify a major EU-Ukraine association agreement.

“Boys, let me kick him at least one time” sounds like something straight out of an old western movie, doesn’t it?

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