Category: news

Before We Get Started, Let Me Show You How I Got My Last Name

A Toronto area psychologist is under investigation for sexually assaulting at least 3 of his male patients during incidents that so far date back to 2001. If you know anything about or may have been a victim of Dr. Vincent Hung Lo, the Peel police’s Special Victim’s Unit would like to hear from you.

The guy’s name is funny, but in all seriousness, call them if you know something. (905)453-2121 ext. 3460. You can also call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477.

Crook Arrested For Burglary

Literally.

Josephine Crook, 49, was arrested at a Kohl’s department store on the 1200 block of South Fremont Avenue and is suspected of commercial burglary and possession of burglary tools. Crook allegedly was in possession of a pair of wire cutters and a pair of scissors.

She’s accused of not paying for underwear that were hidden in a purse she was carrying, in case you were wondering.

I’m Hungry. Think I’ll Hit The Nobody’s Driving Through

We hear about multi-vehicle accidents and truck load spills all the time, but I can’t remember another instance of those circumstances coming together to make a giant road omelette.

According to officials on the scene, the first truck overturned after its axle snapped, spilling thousands of eggs all over the roadway. The truck that caused the second accident contained pallets of cheese, according to an eyewitness. And the truck that was hit while parked contained boxes of meat, with an estimated value of $3 million, according to the driver.
An eyewitness described the smell of the spilled meat, eggs and cheese as extremely unpleasant.

Though had it caught fire it would have been delicious.

If you want to see some photos, they’re here.

Wizzing On The Electric Fence Doesn’t Sound So Bad Now

I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but if you’re going to rob a store of one of its fish tanks or quite literally anything else, stop for a leak *before* the heist. This is always true, but especially because the wasps you’re hosing down give zero fucks that the cops are on your trail.

A thief was caught after he accidentally disturbed wasp nest while urinating during his getaway, a court heard.
Jamie Brown, 29, was caught by cops who saw him crying in pain.
Brown spent six hours in agony at Leeds General Infirmary, before being discharged and appearing before magistrates today.

Mountain Do

Don’t do meth, everyone.

Dominic Howells, prosecuting, said the owner of an allotment near Harwood Street found the shed had been broken into and the contents spread all around.
Among the wreckage she found the teddy bear.
“That was passed to the police and semen found inside came back to this defendant,” said Mr Howells.
“He told officers he was coming down off amphetamine and felt overwhelming need for sexual relief.”

“This defendant” is Paul Mountain, who pleaded guilty to a charge of burglary with intent to steal and was awaiting sentencing at the time of this report.

Note: I almost called this post Balled-A-Bear, but changed my mind at the last second. I like both titles, so needed to shoehorn that in here somewhere.

You’ll Be Ok. Just Swallow One Of These Tubes And Call Me Tomorrow When I’ve Slept It Off

Usually when somebody talks about having a drink to take the edge off, it’s entirely sensible and maybe even not the worst idea in the world. But there’s taking the edge off and then there’s telling the folks who are investigating the death of the woman you killed by putting the breathing tube into her esophagus instead of her windpipe that you weren’t drunk, you were just operating at 70% of what you usually do and that you need vodka so you don’t shake while you’re working.

When Wauters turned up for police questioning a few days later she had 2.16g/L of alcohol in her blood, while the legal limit for driving in France is 0.5g/L.
Wauters, licensed to practice since 1999, admitted she’d been drinking before the botched procedure and has since been charged with manslaughter.
“The night of the incident, I drank half a 50cl (500 ml) bottle of a mixture of vodka and water. I was not drunk, I was at 70 percent of my capacities,” investigating judges quoted Wauters as saying during a recent hearing.
She added: “I need vodka so that I don’t shake.”
She also admitted to suffering from “a pathological alcohol problem.” At her home, investigators found 17 empty bottles of vodka.

Well, at least she recognizes there’s a problem.

In a statement I actually agree with, her lawyer says that while her client fully intends to own up to the things she’s responsible for, she’s not the only one at fault here. I shouldn’t have to explain why since it seems so obvious, but somewhere there has to be a healthy helping of blame for whoever made the decision to let someone so clearly hammered touch anybody let alone perform any sort of procedure on them. Sure hospitals are stressful environments and sometimes you have to work with what’s around, but when what’s around is a loaded doctor that might just kill someone it’s time to start making some phone calls and changing your surroundings.

Gunpoint Gun Robbery

This is so perfect that it almost looks like a bit of news satire written by someone not in favour of open carry gun laws, but as best I can tell it actually did happen.

A man openly carrying his new handgun was robbed on a Gresham street by a man with a gun of his own.
Police were called out to the area of 172nd and Glisan Street at 2:10 a.m. Saturday.
Investigators said the 21-year-old victim bought a handgun earlier in the day and was openly carrying it while talking to his cousin.
They said a man approached them and asked for a cigarette. Talk eventually turned to the victim’s new purchase, before the robber pulled his own gun from his waistband and said, “I like your gun, give it to me,” according to police.
The victim handed over his gun and the suspect ran away.

Police may or may not still be looking for a suspect. The article is a few months old and so far I can’t find any updates.

If I Was A Death Penalty Guy, I’d Fry Him For This

Brownlee began arguing with his wife “over not having enough fried chicken leftovers,” according to a police report. Shay Alamo, Brownlee’s
wife of four years, told investigators that the 3 AM dispute escalated into a physical confrontation.
Alamo, 40, said that Brownlee pushed her into their bedroom, where he then shoved her onto the bed. Brownlee, Alamo said, struck her multiple times in the face and strangled her to the point of “not being able to breathe.”

Even though his wife didn’t want to press charges, Desmond Leon Brownlee was arrested and charged with felony domestic battery by strangulation since he was determined to be the primary aggressor, something that Florida actually gets right. He was also hit with a count of witness tampering, which since no other witnesses are mentioned sounds like the police creatively repeating don’t choke your wife, asshole.

You can read the full story here, complete with the part where Brownlee, in spite of all signs pointing to hey, you roughed up a loved one, insisted that he was the victim and that he let her slap the crap out of him.

Put All The Money In John’s Bag!

Part way through the story of John David Martinez’s horribly bungled bank robbery, I started feeling bad for him and thinking maybe I’d have a heart and not post it. I mean the poor guy is nearly 70 years old and he and his wife had been living in a Ramada after being evicted from their home, so lord knows he could have been desperate and just not very good at this crime thing because it’s not who he is.

Turns out I was half right, but not what would pass for the good half. Seems Martinez had previously been arrested for assault with a deadly weapon, forgery, criminal impersonation, DUI hit and run and resisting arrest. So yeah, odds are with this totally being who he is.

So…

According to court records, 68-year-old John David Martinez was wearing a black T-shirt with his first name on it when he entered the Wells Fargo bank at 1777 W. 38th Ave. just after 9 a.m. Tuesday.
The man’s next mistake was driving a silver Honda sedan that was registered in his name. Investigators soon identified Martinez as the suspect through the license plate, according to a police probable cause statement supporting the man’s arrest.

That nice little rundown up there now includes felony robbery involving $20,000 or more.