I’d Like To Bump Somebody. In The Head. Repeatedly. With A Shovel

I haven’t been on a plane in something like 25 years, but this shit still infuriates me. Air Canada employee says staff trained to ‘dupe’ passengers at risk of being bumped from oversold flights

Seriously, legalized robbery is what that is. Whatever bribes the airlines pay to the world’s governments to get this scam rammed through and keep it running must be massive on a scale that us regular people could never comprehend, and that’s to say nothing of the ongoing cost of the PR clowns trotted out into the wild to keep reminding us that it’s just and good.

But how is any of this right or fair? And what other business could get away with it?

Back at Christmas, Carin and I almost didn’t get to go visit her family because they waited until the last minute to tell us what the plan was. It ended up that the two of us got the last two seats on one of the trains we needed and wouldn’t be able to sit together. We knew this well ahead of time because VIA Rail, like any business with something passing for morals and ethics, told us right away how many seats they had instead of putting on their best airline face and selling tickets willy-nilly while wishing on stars that extra seats would magically appear.

Ditto for Greyhound. They aren’t as organized as VIA, but any time I’ve seen them sell out a bus they either tell you so at the counter before you buy a ticket or they send an extra one to accommodate the overflow.

And when was the last time you went to a baseball game or a concert only to be told that they double sold your seat? Unless you bought fake tickets from some criminal on Kijiji, the answer is probably never.

This is not that hard. Count the number of available seats, and then sell that many tickets. Don’t come out here with some line about how overselling is consumer friendly because it helps pay for less used routes. That’s cash grab rationalizing garbage and everyone knows it. If it costs more to maintain a specific service, charge more for it. Some people might not like that, but I guarantee they’ll like it a lot more than having their plans ruined so you can keep base fares artificially low. And by the way, if it works so well to keep costs down, why the need to nickel and dime folks at every turn? Why do baggage fees keep increasing while at the same time it’s getting less and less likely you’re getting fed on your flight, for instance.

The authorities could end this, of course. But they don’t want to. If you doubt that, just look at this ridiculous fucking idea the Canadian government is hoping to include in its passenger bill of rights.

Regardless of why an airline has more passengers than seats on a flight, new federal airline regulations coming down the runway will make it harder for travellers to claim compensation if they’re denied boarding, says Gabor Lukacs, founder of a Canadian advocacy group called Air Passenger Rights.
Currently, airlines must seek volunteers to give up their seats before denying anyone boarding. Passengers who are involuntarily bumped are entitled to compensation — up to $1,350 — depending on the airline, destination and length of the delay.
The new proposed regulations provide higher compensation, but require the passenger to prove they were denied boarding due to an oversold flight caused by a situation within the airline’s control.
“This is impossible to show,” Lukacs said.
“Passengers don’t have access to the airline’s reservation system. They don’t know how big the aircraft is. They don’t know how many seats were sold. Moreover, in situations where the airline moves passengers against their will to other flights, it is going to look as if the flight was not oversold.”

Lukacs says Canada should be emulating European standards, where anyone with a valid ticket who doesn’t get on their plane is considered to have been denied boarding — and is eligible for compensation.
“In Canada there is no excuse for drafting a definition so narrowly that people who pay their hard-earned dollars for their seats won’t get compensated when they are denied boarding on their flight,” he said.

Nope, nobody’s in anybody’s pocket here. No siree Bob!

There is literally one good reason why anyone with a valid ticket shouldn’t be on his flight. Mechanical problems. If the airline has to switch planes and the new one isn’t the same size, that’s unavoidable. But all these other excuses can go straight to hell. I bet they’ll all make it there on time, too. Even hell has a better ticketing system than the stupid airport.

Grand River Transit Is About To Change Hundreds Of Stop Names

Not sure how much any of this is really going to mess anyone up, but the fact that Grand River Transit is changing the names of about 300 bus stops as of tomorrow morning seems like something worth a mention.

The change is part of an effort to standardize the system and for “wayfinding purposes”, according to their website.
Some noteworthy changes include switching stop names to reference key landmarks, while other routes will see street names added for better wayfinding.
The University/Seagram stop will switch to University Ave./University of Waterloo and is an example of a landmark name change.
The Father David Bauer stop will switch to Westmount/Father David Bauer and is an example of adding a street name for better wayfinding.
The Frobisher/100s Block stop will switch to 151 Frobisher Ave. and is an example of standardizing midblock stop names.

CTV Kitchener has the full list.

You May Flash The Waitress

I don’t know if it’s all uphill or downhill from here, but married life is definitely off to a rough start for you when day one consists of drunkenly, creepily and forcefully trying for some sexy time with a teenage waitress in a bathroom and fighting with the resulting police officers at your own wedding.

Citing police documents, CBS reported police responded to an indecent assault on a minor at a country club. Authorities say that’s where Aimers allegedly forced himself on a waitress just hours after tying the knot.

According to a criminal complaint, Aimers made advances on the teen throughout the evening, and “asked her to go outside and make out,” telling her “we can do whatever you want.” The victim declined and told the groom she was there to work.
According to the Inquirer, Aimers followed the underage girl into the women’s washroom later in the evening, where he pulled the girl into stall, exposed himself and tried to sexually assault her. The girl tried to pull away from the man and he continued “to proposition her,” according to police documents. The girl was able to break free from the man and got herself out of the washroom.

Aimers was also charged with simple assault, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest after police say he fought officers responding to a brawl at the reception.

A worker alleged Aimers punched him after he tried to stop him from bringing alcohol outside.

The charges mentioned in the snip go along with the counts of indecent assault, indecent exposure and false imprisonment of a minor related to his failed attempt at lining up a mistress.

Lawyer Louis Busico says that his client, Matthew Aimers, “completely maintains his innocence on all charges.”

That’s nice and all, but I’d really like to hear from the bride about now. You almost never hear from the other half when something like this goes down. That’s likely for the best since they’re probably suffering enough as it is, but just once I’d kind of like to get their perspective on things.

Coming Soon: The Who Has The Coolest Skin Graft Challenge!

Yeah yeah yeah rhetorical question blah blah blah, but what in the fuck is the matter with people?

Hey kids, I’ve got a great idea! How’s about we boil up a big bunch of water, go outside in the freezing cold and then toss it up in the air? And when that’s done, daddy’s gonna pile us all in the ambulance and we’ll head on down to the burn unit! Whatdaya say!?

The “boiling water challenge” consisted of tossing boiling water into the air in the subzero temperatures of last week’s polar vortex. When it worked, the water almost instantly turned into vapor and drifted away from you.

Note that it says “when it worked.” When it didn’t, what a sensible person would expect to happen happened, and hospitals such as the Loyola Medicine Burn Center ended up earning their money because 8 of these numbskulls ranging in age from 3 to 53 had to come in for repairs.

“We strongly warn people to not perform the boiling water challenge,” Loyola burn surgeon Dr. Arthur Sanford said while trying his best not to put his fist/foot/head through something/someone. “There is no safe way to do it,” he then added between anguished sobs for humanity.

So He Won?

Police: Man found dead in vacant Detroit building was playing hide-and-seek with friends

According to officials with the Detroit Police Department, the man, whose identity has not been released, was with a group of friends suspected of trespassing between midnight and 1:30 a.m. when they played the game on the ninth floor of the building on Detroit’s east side. Police said the man was running to hide and possibly fell through the elevator shaft.
The group of friends could not find him and left the building, police said. They returned later Saturday morning and found the victim’s body on the first floor in the elevator shaft, covered in debris.

I’m Here For Help Quitting Smoking, Dr….Wait…What?

Our friend Barb sent along this article on the issue of vaping teenagers and addiction, complete with quotes from smoking cessation physician Dr. Andrew Pipe. Because when you think it’s time to quit smoking, you think Pipe. It’s just common sense, people!

This is not a quote from Dr. Andrew Pipe, but it’s so friggin ridiculous that I have to share it. What in the hell is wrong with this kid?

“I would say it is out of control,” said George Kourtis, program co-ordinator for health and physical education at the Toronto District School Board.
He recalled the story of one student sent to the principal’s office for the third time for vaping. The principal was called away for a moment, leaving the confiscated vape device on the desk.
“He was out of there for 10 seconds and the child picked it up and vaped,” said Kourtis. “He asked the child, and he said, ‘Sir, it was standing right there, I had to.'”

Like seriously? I realize the two are somewhat different, but can you imagine the balls it would take to get called to the office for smoking and then light up when the principal stepped out for a minute? I knew a few kids who fancied themselves badasses back in my day, but I don’t recall any of them ever doing that. I feel like vaping maybe isn’t the major issue at play here.

Arrest Your Elders

If you’re going to rob a hotel, maybe don’t use its own sheets as your disguise. And maybe don’t book a room there under your own name. And hiding in that room after the fact and expecting not to be discovered? You should maybe forget about that, too.

Joseph Elder, 59, of Wayne, New Jersey, got into the lobby of the Ramada Inn on Route 46 through a now-shuttered adjacent restaurant wearing the sheet around 11:30 p.m. on Dec. 29, the Wayne Police Department said.
After Elder entered the lobby, he allegedly jumped over the hotel desk counter, pried open a cash drawer and stole an unspecified amount of money before fleeing through the restaurant, police said.
“… [Elder] attempted to conceal his identity with a Casper the ghost style bed sheet with holes cut out,” the department said.

Officers searching the area after the robbery learned that Elder was actually staying in a room at the hotel, according to police.

He’s been charged with a count each of burglary and theft.

Nope, Still Not Signing UP For That Facebook Account

Generally speaking, 2018 was a pretty decent year for me. But you know who can’t say the same? Facebook. THE 21 (AND COUNTING) BIGGEST FACEBOOK SCANDALS OF 2018

“Of 2018.” Not of all time I again remind you, “of 2018. Jesus Murphy on a stack of lawsuits, that’s no good at all.

December 2018: Another Times investigation finds Facebook shared lots of personal user data with large companies
Just when it seemed no more scandals could break, on December 18, The New York Times published an investigation that found the company shared troves of personal user data with more than 150 companies—including major players like Amazon, Microsoft, Netflix, and Spotify—long after Facebook said it had cut off access to that kind of information. The big takeaway from this latest news seems to be: Despite Facebook’s claims that users have “complete control” over their data, the company has, throughout its history, traded on data access in order to grow the business.

Enjoy FarmVille or whatever it is people do over there when they’re not liking and sharing news articles that have no basis in reality.

The Hard Is Still On

Back in 2016, we learned of twice convicted public masturbator Anthony Hardison (yes, that’s still his real name) and his attempt to become thrice convicted public masturbator Anthony Hardison by doing what he does whilst registering as a sex offender. Unfortunately, it seems that as of last year, he’s still at it.

The latest alleged episode occurred April 9, when Hardison boarded a route 14 Metro bus in Seattle, according to King County Sheriff’s Office reports.

He reportedly moved to the back of the bus and stayed there until only one or two passengers remained. He then exposed his genitalia and masturbated in full view of the passengers and 39-year-old bus driver, court records say.

It took police until May 3rd to bring him in, at which point he was charged with the usual. Indecent exposure with sexual motivation.