For Christ’s sake, people! Can we not get it through our heads that texting and moving is a bad idea already?

The accident happened about 5 p.m. Monday — when there still was plenty of light.

Witnesses at the Hosking farm claimed the driver was texting. Mount Hope police Chief Paul Rickard said the driver, Daisy Cowit, 21, of Wawayanda, denied that but said she was looking down to check an incoming call, but in any event “it wasn’t like a quick glance down.”

Or as Hosking put it, “If you don’t see 50 cows in the road, you’re doing something (you shouldn’t be doing).”

Cowit struck a total of six or seven cows, three of whom were seriously hurt. She also nearly hit one of Hosking’s farm hands, who desperately tried to signal her to stop. One witness told police the impact knocked one of the cows five feet into the air.

Full story: Cows lose in car, phone clash in Mount Hope
Driver checking on call slams into dairy herd crossing road

And yet another idiot has walked off a pier and straight into a lake because Facebook just couldn’t wait.

Senior Constable Dean Kelly of the water police said officers found her floating metres from the pier.

“She was still out in the water laying on her back in a floating position because she told us later that she couldn’t swim,” the Australian Broadcasting Corporation quoted him as saying.

“She still had her mobile phone in her hand and initially she apologised… she said ‘I was checking my Facebook page on the phone and I’ve fallen in’.”

Some people look for sex on the train, while others decide they’d be better off cutting out the middleman.

Leslie Bailey, 28, got into this mess on May 8, after he boarded a Dublin-Pleasanton bound train at San Francisco’s 16th Street Station. Once on board the mostly empty train, Bailey sat in a seat in the front which abutted the operator’s cab. The BART operator testified that when she looked back to see if it was safe to close the doors, she noticed Bailey on his knees, thrusting his hips into his BART seat.

Bailey, who appeared not to notice the operator, continued to rub against the seat until the train reached … the Civic Center Station. He reportedly ran off the train, then rushed back on board just before the doors closed. Bailey walked back to his same preferred seat, where he gyrated on his stomach while his feet dangled into the aisle, according to the Public Defender’s Office.

The operator testified that Bailey then rolled from his belly to his side and appeared to be masturbating and smoking crack cocaine simultaneously. She called dispatch who then alerted BART police of the one-man love fest.

Presumably satisfied by his ride, Bailey exited the train at the next stop, which was the Powell Street Station. Perhaps not feeling quite done, he reportedly walked up to the train operator’s window, apologized for smoking on the train, and begged to let him back on BART. As he begged, Bailey’s penis was partially exposed beneath his shirt, the operator said.

The BART operator told Bailey to beat it (as in scram). As he left, responding officers arrested Bailey, and found a crack pipe in his possession.

You may be surprised to learn that Bailey, who is homeless, is said to have been taking all the drugs he shouldn’t be, while forgoing the anti-psychotic ones that had been prescribed to him.

He was convicted of committing lewd acts and sentenced to time served. He was also acquitted on one count of indecent exposure and the second was dropped when wait for it…the jury was hung.

During this festive time of year, you may find yourself partaking in a few shots or frosty mugs of what is commonly known as Christmas cheer. And while your friendly neighbourhood blog writin’ guys here at Vomit Comet World HQ certainly encourage such behaviour, we also recognize the importance of knowing one’s limit. And since sometimes that can be difficult, we offer you the following helpful tip: If your evening has progressed (if you want to call it that) to the point where you’re caught having truck sex in a Waffle House parking lot and when the nice officer asks you to get dressed you try to put a cheeseburger on your foot because you think it’s your shoe, you’ve overshot your target.

This message has been brought to you by Rachel Gossett and Frank Lucas of Loganville, Georgia, and your friends at Vomit Comet. Have a safe and happy holiday, one and all!

There’s nothing overly special about this story, aside from the fact that whomever the police ultimately pin the crime on will forever be known as the guy publicly masturbating in the parking lot of someplace called the Short Pump.

I wonder if Karie Lindgren was one of the people at the fair years ago who didn’t know what a duck was. That perhaps explains why she recently tried to feed one candy. It does not, however, explain why she became so enraged by the duck’s refusal of her offering of treats that she hopped in her car and mowed the ungrateful little prick down in the prime of its life. Pretty sure that bit happened because Florida.

About 5:45 p.m. Saturday, Lindgren tried luring the duck with a piece of candy at 515 Heritage Oaks Court, but when the duck did not approach, Lindgren drove her vehicle across a lawn and ran over it “at a high rate of speed,” according to an arrest report.

One witness said Lindgren had “stalked” the duck, the affidavit says.

She’s been charged with felony animal cruelty and at last word was in the Pinellas County Jail, where hopefully she stays away from the inmate cigarettes and candy trading system so no one gets killed.

Obviously, we here at Vomit Comet World HQ strongly advise against putting meth pipes in your vagina. But if you must, we encourage you in the strongest manner possible not to get into a car accident while they’re there.

According to The Smoking Gun, police officers responding to the accident found that 26-year-old Jeana Marie Smart had failed to appear in court on a recent drug charge. The officers put Smart in the back of their car and were in the process of taking her to jail when they noticed blood on the seat. When asked about the blood, Smart said she was on her period.

The officers walked Smart into the jail, as blood continued to stream down her leg. That is when she informed law enforcement that she wasn’t on her period. She actually had a meth pipe … inside her vagina. Oh, and there was a syringe in there, too.

According to the police report, “Smart was taken into the jail, where jail staff recovered a broken, clear glass meth/crack pipe and a capped syringe from Smart’s vagina.”

Smart was transported to the hospital, where excess glass was removed from her lady parts. Once the coast was clear, so to speak, Smart was taken back to jail.

When it comes to the case of Shawn Harvell,, I dont’ know if I’m more creeped out or jealous of the lucky son of a bitch.

Police said a Metro officer driving on 38th Street near Lawndale Avenue was flagged down by two women.

One woman, 29, told the officer that Harvell approached her on the sidewalk from behind and grabbed her by the arm.

The woman said the man has his penis out of his pants and was “swinging it about in a rotary helicopter motion,” the police report said.

He also said he had a gun and that the woman was going to come with him, according to the police report.

Yeah, he had a gun, alright. shame he had to go and use it for such evil.

When the women flagged down the officer, Harvell began to quickly walk away, then run. Cops caught up to him after a brief chase as he was trying to load himself and that helicopter dong of his into his vehicle.

he told officers that he knew the victim and that he was confronting her about some sort of financial dispute, but of course, she didn’t know him. I believe her. You’d remember a guy packing a propecker.

Harvell was arrested and charged with public indecency, resisting law enforcement, criminal confinement and battery. He was also ticketed for parking his car too close to a fire hydrant. I’ll leave the hose jokes to you guys.

They don’t come right out and say it, but I think it’s a good bet that alcohol may have been a factor during Joseph Small’s hotel stay. Those fire extinguisher hoses don’t just put themselves in there, after all.

Joseph Small, 20, threw his clothes off and grabbed the appliance from the fourth floor of the budget Leicester Square hotel.

He then rammed the hose between his buttocks and began touching himself, Westminster Magistrates’ Court heard.

Small also urinated on the carpet and a lift door before having to be escorted down to reception by a member of staff who wrapped him in a towel.

He then hurled abuse at the Bangladeshi man, barking at him: “This country has been taken over by Al-Qaeda – go back to Pakistan.”

While in the hotel lobby Small again urinated on the carpet in front of stunned tourists shouting proudly: “I come from Sheffield in England.”

He also fired off a bit of racism and some insults at 3 police officers, calling one “Turkish”, another “Romanian” and the third a”paedo”. How the heck do you racially slur a Romanian, anyway? I’m asking for a friend.

Small apologized for the damage and offense he caused, adding that he doesn’t remember any of it.

He was given a nine-month supervision order, which I believe would be England’s equivalent to probation. He was also sentenced to a 10 PM to 6 AM curfew for 5 weeks.

I don’t know whether or not Robert Allan Wright Jr. is a good lawyer, but considering that he fell for a Nigerian scam brought to him by a client to the extent that he was borrowing money from other clients to help pay the fees to secure a supposed inheritance, my suspicion is no.

But he won’t have to worry about being good at the lawyerin’ stuff for a while, since his license has been suspended for at least a year.

This unfortunate situation resulted in a slew of disciplinary charges against Robert Allan Wright Jr., including incompetence, failure to disclose or secure client consent to conflicts of interest, and assisting a client in dishonesty or fraud. But Wright got off on that last charge (emphasis added):

The [Iowa Supreme Court Attorney Disciplinary] Board’s posthearing brief withdrew the allegation that Wright violated rule 32:1.2(d) by assisting a client in conduct Wright knew to be illegal or fraudulent. The Board made this withdrawal based on its view that “Wright clearly believed in the legitimacy of Madison’s inheritance . . . .” Noting “Wright appears to have honestly believed — and continues to believe — that one day a trunk full of . . . one hundred dollar bills is going to appear upon his office doorstep,” the Board asserted before the commission that Wright’s conduct might aptly be described as delusional, but not fraudulent.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be hitting the dictionary to see if delusional and stupid mean the same thing.

Often these UK posts are completely ridiculous and stupid, but there’s a bit of underlying humour to be found somewhere. But now they’ve gone and kidnapped an Italian woman’s kid and are in the process of having it adopted out against her will. Oh, and when I say kidnap, what I really mean is remove the unborn baby from her body by way of a forced caesarean section. Nope, there’s absolutely nothing funny there.

Miss Pacchieri came to Britain in June 2012 for a training course at Stansted airport to become an air hostess, when she suffered what her legal team insist was a “panic attack” which led to her being sectioned.

She said she had rung police for help who, after speaking to her mother in Italy about her bipolar condition, took her from her hotel to hospital, where she was told she would be sectioned.

She claims she refused to take medication for her condition because she feared it would harm her unborn child.

Ten weeks later, in August 2012, the local health authority obtained an order enabling doctors to deliver the child by caesarean section while Essex County Council began care proceedings which led to the girl being eventually put up for adoption.

Miss Pacchieri said she begged health workers not to force her to have a caesarean because she wanted to have a natural birth.

But she claims they refused and she was held down and sedated before being transferred to an operating theatre.

Miss Pacchieri said when she woke up she was given Child P to hold, but the baby was then taken away 20 minutes later.

When P was returned to her for a second time she was told not to breast feed and the child was again removed.

Miss Pacchieri was then taken to the Christopher psychiatric unit at Broomfield hospital, in Chelmsford, Essex, and after three days was told her baby had been taken into foster care.

Naturally there is much outrage from the public, the Italian government and in a clear sign of just how batshit this is, lawyers who are lining up to take on whatever parts of the case they can for free.