Category: news

Dec 17 2014

You Can Look A Lot Less Like An Old Bag, And All You Need Is…The Stuff In This Old Bag

So, imagine that you open your door, and find a small zip-lock bag full of a strange brown substance on your doorstep. The note taped to it with painter’s tape says it comes from a local spa, includes that spa’s logo, and claims it’s a new face cream that has been developed, and your neighbourhood has been selected to receive free samples. It says that you should apply it to your face using gloves, and leave it on there for hours. Would you do it? At least one woman said yes. Obviously, since the story’s up here, that wasn’t such a good idea. I guess the stuff stained her face, although it sounds like it came off pretty easily.

How gullible are we that, just because a random package has the name and logo from a spa on it, we think it’s legitimate? Hello, it’s a bag full of random brown paste with a paper stuck to it with tape. Yeah, that’s professional. Most free samples come in proper packets.

And if that wasn’t enough of a give-away, its’ telling you that you have to put this stuff on using gloves. Usually, you use gloves to protect the skin on your hands…but you’re splatting this on the skin on your face! That skin is more sensitive than the skin on your hands! How is that going to end well?

I love this quote. “Nothing that gets delivered to my door goes on my face.”

Fine words to live by.

Dec 12 2014

Dice My Onions, Or I Might Go Snaky!

I was going to write about this on Monday, but my computer had other plans.

If I wrote this post on Monday, I would have said that I think I’m winning the battle with Captain Nameless Illness, but I’m not completely sure anymore. At any rate, it’s still robbing me of creativity because when I saw this story, my first thought was “Meh, not doing much for me.” I showed it to Steve and he said “excuse me? Not doing it for you? I have so many questions!” I looked at it again, and realized that yeah, I have some too, as a matter of fact.

So, the story goes that early in the morning, two strange fellows walked into a Tim Hortons in Saskatoon. They ordered some kind of sandwich, and one of them got into an argument with the person working at Tim Hortons about how he wanted his onions. He wanted the employee to dice them for him. this argument got more heated, until he rreached into his friend’s jacket pocket, pulled out a small snake and hurled it behind the counter at the employee. Some craziness ensued, police were called, and the dudes and the snake were taken away.


Let’s start with the most basic question. This is a Tim Hortons. why the hell would they be debating with the worker about how they want their onions cut? You get onions the way they make them, and that’s that. this kind of reminds me of something I saw in a Subway shop. This woman started loudly insisting that the guy making sandwiches change his gloves. I guess if she was deathly alergic to something he just handled, then I understand, but otherwise, what the hell?

Second, who walks around with a snake in their jacket pocket? Maybe if you’re 8 or something, you mmight walk around with a frog in your pocket, but these guys were 20 and it was 7 or so in the morning, at least I think I read that in another story.

Finally, what kind of strange relationship do these guys have where guy A can just reach into guy B’s coat and take something out and throw it? Or are they not friends anymore?

very very strange.

Dec 11 2014

Wastin’ Away Again In Publix Grocery Store

If this were just a guy drunkenly riding a motorized cart around a grocery store smashing into people and things as he went, I probably wouldn’t post it because it’s not my job to chronicle every single thing that happens on an average Florida Friday. And for the most part, that’s exactly what’s going on here, save for two things.

1. Photo of Wayne Morgan
This fellow’s name is Wayne Morgan. I wonder if his friends call him Captain or if they’ll start doing so once they read the paper.

2. His address is listed as Margarita Lane.

When an officer arrived Nov. 28 at a Publix in the 9100 block of South U.S. 1, a manager was following Wayne Morgan Jr., 47, as Morgan cruised around on a store electric mobility assist cart.
The manager said Morgan ran into people, cursed and was rowdy and loud.
Police noted Morgan smelled strongly of alcohol and slurred his speech.
Investigators told Morgan the manager wanted him out post haste and to not return.
Morgan started to swear and raise his voice before crashing the electric cart into a store display.
He staggered outside and leaned against a post.

He is then reported to have cursed out the officers, informing them that now they couldn’t touch him as if the post had some sort of magical safe zone powers.

Of course they touched him, after which he was charged with disorderly intoxication and resisting an officer without violence.

Dec 08 2014

In History Making Move, Harper Leaves Something Crappy Out Of A Bill

Good news. The Copyright Act is safe…for now. For whatever reason, the government wound up leaving the changes discussed here out of its most recent omnibus bill. That doesn’t mean that they won’t see fit to try again if given the chance, however. As they’ve shown over and over and over again, the Harper Conservatives never give up on something they want, no matter how much the rest of us don’t.

Dec 05 2014

The Harper Government Is Writing Laws To Help Itself Yet Again

It appears the Harper Government is planning to dink with copyright law again. And true to Harper Government form, they’re doing so in the most self-serving arsehole fashion possible.

The Conservative government is planning to change Canada’s copyright law to allow political parties to use content published and broadcast by news organizations for free in their own political ads.
An internal Conservative cabinet document obtained by CTV News details an amendment to the Copyright Act which would allow “free use of ‘news’ content in political advertisement intended to promote or oppose a politician or political party.”
The amendment would also remove “the need for broadcasters to authorize the use of their news content.” And it would force media outlets to run political ads even if their own footage and content was used in a negative message to voters.

And yes, they know this is a shithead thing to do and they’re working on the spin as I type.

The internal document warns that media outlets will vehemently claim their work is being unfairly targeted for the benefit of political parties. The document provides instructions to Conservatives to come up with a strong communication plan to manage the reaction.

You don’t have to be Head Rocket Surgeon at the Rocket Surgeon Institute to figure out who this is going to benefit and how. All you have to do is listen to the radio, watch TV, surf the web or any combination of the three. If there has ever been a government at any level that has spent more time and money on advertising in the history of Canada, I’d love to learn about it. They may use more resources on ads than on ramming through awful legislation or picking fights with respected people and institutions, in fact. It’s close, but the fact that you can hardly get through your favourite show or sporting event without hearing about that Economic Action Plan that still doesn’t really exist or how much of a primped up shitbag Justin Trudeau is supposed to be speaks volumes about where this government’s priorities lie.

And speaking of shitbags, this set of shitbags is burying this in its latest omnibus bill, the cowards. It’s the only way they seem to feel comfortable doing anything. I’d have so much more respect for the lot of them if they’d just step up and own their self-interested dickheadedness instead of hiding it amongst things the other parties can’t possibly vote against without messing everything up. I wouldn’t vote for them mind you, but I’d at least have to admire their principled stand on what they believe to be an important issue of our time. But as it is, this latest tweak and burial smacks of the insecurity that’s defined the Harper Conservatives since they took power. the one thing they’re good at is attack ads, so of course they’ll want to sneak through a mechanism to make the ad mill run that much more efficiently. I just hope that we all remember this when campaign ads are actually in season.

Dec 03 2014

Criminal Activity Is Spreading Like A Virus These Days

A group of taxi robbers who probably thought they were making off with money or something else of value will get something for their efforts. But unfortunately for them, that something might just turn out to be a shiny new case of Ebola.

Bandits in Guinea got more than they bargained for when they stopped a taxi van and made off with blood samples which are believed to be infected with the deadly Ebola virus.
Authorities made a radio appeal on Friday, calling on the unidentified robbers to hand over the samples, which were stolen from the minibus taxi during its 265km (165-mile) journey from central Kankan prefecture to a test site in southern Gueckedou.
The samples were drawn from a single person and were stored in a sealed container, and handed off to the taxi driver when armed bandits stopped the vehicle the aid group had commissioned near the town of Kissidougou, said Faya Etienne Tolno, a press officer for the Guinea Red Cross.
Tolno explained that the Guinea Red Cross did not have its own vehicles for transport, which explains why a taxi was commissioned. No one was injured in the incident, which took place on a road known for banditry.

No one was injured in the incident…yet.

Now seems like it might be a good time to dedicate a little tune to these guys.

Nov 30 2014

I’ll Double Stuff You In A Hole If You Don’t Shut Up…

Soundtrack time!

Bella should be very thankful she lived next to us and not Roger Pelletier. I guess he couldn’t take the dog’s incessant noise, so broke in and tried and failed to strangle the little shih tzu. He soon discovered that Orio had a bite to go along with its bark. Now, as far as I can tell, Pelletier is still in jail, hasn’t gotten out on bail.

That’s one annoying dog, or a neighbour with a hair trigger temper. Maybe it’s both.

Nov 26 2014

Jian Ghomeshi’s Been Formally Charged

Captain Nameless Illness has messed me up pretty good, but I’m going to manage to put this up, then fall down again.

Jian Ghomeshi has been charged, surrendered to police.

What timing, drops the lawsuit and now this happens today.

The whole time this was simmering away, I was afraid it would just disappear to nothing, that everything would be dropped because of not enough clear evidence. I am so glad I was wrong.

And now comes the hardest part for the women involved, going through this whole process. I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes. I hope they have lots of support.

Nov 25 2014

Just Try And Say This Name Without Laughing

Arrested for sexual battery is a man by the name of Phuc Kieu. This guy sounds creepy and gross and scary. I mean, he just ran up to a dude by an ATM, punched him in the mouth, took his money, then dragged him into his car, straddled him and tried to undress him! And what exactly is a licensed mail specialist? I think he was trying to become an unlicensed male specialist.

Scary!I’m glad the guy got away! Yeesh!

Nov 25 2014

All Terrain Does Not Include Fresh Concrete

Here’s a messed up one, mostly because I have no idea why this guy did what he did.

It says here that Charles Cowart, for no discernable reason, rode an ATV onto a bridge under construction and caused all sorts of mayhem, including throwing cow feed at workers. Hee hee. His name is Cowart and he threw cow feed. Hee.

I guess, previously, he had led police on a drunken horse chase, but they don’t seem to say if alcohol was the reason for this little spree.

This is how it was described.

According to authorities, Cowart rode past barriers, screamed at workers while making circles with the ATV, then dropped a trailer tailgate to gouge the new pavement. Deputies said he then threw cow feed at the workers, jumped off the bridge into some woods and swam through a canal before being cornered.

And all of this with no explanation. He has to be drunk. He has to be!

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