Category: news

You’re Cut Off, Officer

Noel Smith must have had himself an evening. So much so that when it was time to head home and turn in, he forgot where home was.

Carol Carr was home with her teenage daughters on August 1 when the girls began screaming, saying that Smith walked into their bedroom and then walked out.
Smith allegedly walked into the back door, mistaking it for his own home.
After hearing her girls screaming, Carr came running and found the intruder inside her son’s bedroom. She said he appeared to be getting ready for bed.
“I kept telling him, ‘Don’t take your clothes off, don’t take your clothes off,’ and he was starting to take his pants off,” Carr said. “I said, ‘Don’t do that,’ and he said, ‘This is my house,’ and he starts going through the laundry, trying to find something to change into.”
Carr says he put on one of her son’s shirts. That’s when she tried physically confronting him.
“I tried to get him out of the house and he said, ‘This is my house.’ I said, ‘Sir, my house,’” says Carr.
She says she tried pulling him out of the room and then he shoved her up against a wall. She called 911.

When police arrived, they found Smith still in the bedroom, which he was still convinced was part of his own house. With tasers drawn and ready, they told him to show his hands and turn around. He did, at which point they recognized him as Deputy Noel Smith, who had been with the department for the last 15 years. To their credit, they did the right thing and arrested him anyway without an attempted cover-up followed by mountains of bad publicity. Nice to see that’s not always how things work.

Smith, who had at some point recycled some of whatever he’d been drinking on himself, was charged with public intoxication, battery and trespassing. He was still talking about this being his house as he was taken away, asking officers to not let these people go into his bedroom while he was gone.

Speaking of gone, Smith has since resigned from the force. He says he plans to spend more time with people who live a block away from his family.

United Breaks Stomachs

A couple celebrating their anniversary got a lovely present to mark the occasion thanks to a United Airlines airplane cleaner who didn’t quite live up to his job description.

A couple on their anniversary trip to Hawaii said they found a full barf bag in a blanket in the seat-back pocket in front of them, reports CBS Sacramento, and naturally, they weren’t pleased to have to deal with someone’s bodily fluids.
The woman said when she handed the bag over to a United Airlines flight attendant, the contents spilled on both her and her husband’s clothes. Though the attendant offered them new seats, it was too late, she says — the smell was already on their clothes and they had to endure it for the rest of the flight.
“Smelling that smell on us and around us was just totally, totally disgusting,” she recalls.

After getting pretty well nowhere reporting their experience directly to United, they took their story to their local news’s consumer justice getter guy who scored them a $300 flight credit that they probably won’t use because, as the female victim quite reasonably states, “I’ve lost a lot of faith and trust with the airline.”

And lunch. Don’t forget lunch.

There She Is, Miss I Don’t Really Have Cancer

It’s been a while since we’ve posted one, but yes, people are still shaving their heads, pretending they have cancer and making good money doing it.

Police arrested Brandi Lee Weaver-Gates, 23, of Bellefonte on Tuesday, and charged her with theft by deception and receiving stolen property.  Investigators said Weaver-Gates took money from events that raised it on her behalf to help pay for her medical bills associated with her battle with cancer.

Weaver-Gates, who is a former Miss Pennsylvania U.S. International pageant winner, would tell people she was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia, investigators and court documents said.

Trooper Thomas Stock, the state police investigator, said she didn’t have the disease, and called her efforts to make people believe she had it “an elaborate scheme.”  He said she would have relatives drive her to John Hopkins Medicine in Baltimore, tell them to wait in the lobby, and then go into another part of the hospital to return hours later to make it appear she got treatment.

Stock said she would tell people she was also a patient at Geisinger Medical Center and UPMC Medical Centers.  He said none of the facilities had her listed as a patient.

The most recent event held for her, Bingo for Brandi, netted her $14,000, according to police.

In addition to the charges she faces, she’s also become what I guess you’d call a former former Miss Pennsylvania, as she’s been stripped of her win by pageant organizers.

“We were also led to believe that she was dealing with this horrible disease and stood by her as she struggled being a beauty queen and a cancer patient,” the group said. “We at Butler’s Beauties believe that with a crown and sash you can accomplish many great things as a role model, spokesmodel and community leader as a beauty pageant queen. When you deceive the public and take people’s money that is under the pretense of fraud, we will not tolerate those actions.”
The statement added that she is no longer a representative of the Miss Pennsylvania U.S. International organization “and will be required to return her crown and sash upon her release from being detained.”

Think Out…Buffering…Buffering…Side The…Buffering…

Who goes into Taco Bell expecting to find WiFi? For that matter, who goes into Taco Bell expecting to find food? I can’t answer that second one, but the answer to the first is apparently Amber Henson, who decided that the flaky internet access at one of the chain’s establishments in Oklahoma was grounds for a good old fashioned lid flippin’.

We’re told Amber Henson recently became upset inside a Taco Bell, because their Wi-Fi wasn’t working.

Police say she chose to take out her anger on a couple of teenagers.  She’s accused of dumping water on a teenage boy inside the restaurant.

Things quickly escalated when that same boy and another teenager walked outside.  Henson was waiting for them and she had a knife. 

She allegedly told the teenagers, “If you want some of me, come on.”

Henson left the scene, without anybody getting stabbed.

She was tracked down with help from the public who identified her thanks to some photos police posted on Facebook. She and the knife found in her sock at the time of her arrest have been charged with assault with a dangerous weapon.

Attention Kmart Shoppers. Check Out Our Current Brown Light Special

Why you would not only feel compelled to piss and shit in a box of security tags behind the counter at Kmart but then actually go ahead and do it is a mystery for somebody else to unravel, but what I would like to know is why, once you have determined that the above must take place, you would pick a Kmart where you shop regularly and then leave your name with the people at the customer service desk because you went in to return something?

Melissa Jacobson, 49, was busted Monday night after she allegedly slipped behind a cash register at the Racine business and urinated and
defecated in a box full of store security tags.
At the time of her arrest, Jacobson was wearing a shirt with a picture of a dump truck and the phrase “Dropping A Load,” a cop noted.
Alerted by a “funky” odor, an unfortunate Kmart employee discovered the soiled cardboard box, which was leaking urine, according to a misdemeanor criminal complaint filed yesterday against Jacobson.

If I wasn’t going to post this before (I think I was), that shirt put it over the top. Where would one even obtain such a garment and more importantly, why? Well, unless it’s her official I’m gonna go shit in a box outfit. that seems logical.

Jacobson, who was at least nice enough to clean herself up afterwards with some paper towels she found underneath the counter, was charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of resisting or obstructing an officer.

Her Plan Was A Little Buggy

Some people have jewel theft down to a science. Quashanda J. Wolfe is not one of them.

Records at the Kingsport Police Department state the incident occurred at approximately 11:20 Thursday morning. A loss prevention officer at the East Stone Drive store allegedly observed a female with wire cutters in the jewelry section.The suspect, later identified as Quashanda J. Wolfe, 34, reportedly cut a security cable that was attached to a counter top display case. A police report says it contained 37 separate pairs of earrings, valued at $249.99 a piece.Wolfe then loaded the approximately three feet tall glass container into her buggy, according to loss prevention, and proceeded to wheel it out the front doors.

She didn’t get far before being stopped by loss prevention, which is good news if your job is loss prevention. She was charged with vandalism and theft over $1,000.

Next Time I Won’t Wear Pants, Officer

I think this might be one of the more straightforward, honest explanations for rubbing one or two or three out in your local Walmart I’ve seen.

A Walmart worker told cops that a female customer reported that Bryant was acting “weird” in the men’s department. When the employee went to investigate, she noticed that Bryant “had his penis out of his pants and was rubbing it.” The worker added that Bryant would cover himself when someone moved toward him in the aisle, but would resume “the activity when he thought no one was watching him.”
Two other Walmart workers told police that they also witnessed Bryant pleasuring himself. One worker said that she “peaked through a jeans shelf and noticed him pull out his penis and begin to stroke it.”

Police, who were not fooled by the jacket he placed in front of himself as they approached, arrested and charged Jeremy Percival Bryant with indecent exposure. During questioning, he told officers that the reason he did what he did is that he “has a problem with sticking his hands in his pants.”


You Say Potato, I Say Fire Alarm Worthy Toilet Emergency

Nope, I’ve got nothin’. Man Clogs Toilet With Potatoes, Pulls Fire Alarm to Get Help Quicker

The man, who has not yet been identified, pulled the alarm at 7:48 a.m. Sunday at the Oakwood Apartments along the 8700 block of West Chester Pike in Upper Darby, police tell NBC10.
According to authorities, for an unknown reason, the man shoved potatoes down the toilet causing it to clog. He called the apartment building’s maintenance department several times for help, but they didn’t immediately respond. So he tried to get their attention by pulling the fire alarm, police said.

He got their attention, alright. And now he’s also being charged for falsely pulling the alarm. No mention was made of charges relating to that whole deal with the toiletatoes, whatever that’s all about.

I’m Sorry, But If I Don’t Rob You I Won’t Be Able To Pay The Cab Fare It Took To Get Here

It’s sadly common to hear stories about a parent leaving a kid or two out in the car while they nip inside to rob a place. But what’s not so common and for a very good reason I should add is the car in question being a cab.

The incident occurred shortly before 3:30 a.m. Tuesday at a Wawa in the 700 block of Philadelphia Pike, Bratz said.
Paoletti, wearing a hooded sweatshirt, pointed a handgun at a 19-year-old woman at the counter, demanded cash and was given an undisclosed amount from the register, he said.
The employee told police she fled in a dark-colored boxy-style minivan cab, headed south on Philadelphia Pike toward Wilmington, he said.
Troopers went to the Wilmington train station, located the cab and talked to its driver, he said.
They also learned Paoletti had left her baby and an acquaintance in the cab during the armed robbery, Bratz said.

That acquaintance, like the cab driver and I imagine the baby, had no idea what had gone on, police determined.

During a search, police also determined that Paoletti was carrying around some cocaine and some unidentified paraphernalia, and charged her with a slew of offenses as a result. First-degree robbery, endangering the welfare of a child, cocaine possession and possession of drug paraphernalia, to be specific.

Who The Hell Drives Around With A Lit Candle?

I can’t come up with a better title for this than that, because honest to god I have no idea why anyone would have a lit candle in their car. But somebody did. Even more amazingly, this somebody decided that a gas station would be a fine destination for herself and her open flame. Well, maybe that part isn’t that amazing, because why wouldn’t the sort of person who drives around with a lit candle in her cup holder in the first place be the same person who pumps gas and then goes inside to pay all without blowing it out? What happened next is about what you would expect, minus the fatalities.

A woman’s car, which had a lit candle inside, became engulfed in flames at a Florida gas station Wednesday afternoon.

ActionNewsJax reported the woman went into the Lake City gas station just after 2 p.m. when a customer rushed inside and alerted everyone the woman’s car was on fire, according to Columbia County Sheriff’s Office Public Information Officer Murray Smith.

The Columbia County Fire Department responded to the Spires Super Market and Citgo gas station and was able to extinguish the fire. The car and a surrounding gas pump were damaged.

No charges were laid against the unidentified woman and police say they’re treating it as an accident.

Um, no. A fender bender is an accident. Some of you might have been an accident. Damaging property because you’re taking a candle on a field trip is either vandalism or arson. Calling this your every day, run of the mill accident is pretty much the most Florida thing ever. Dangerous and irresponsible, in other words.