Category: news

Once You Go Black You Never Go Back…Until Your Clever Disguise Washes Off

You almost have to give Jose Espinoza here some creativity points.

Sensing that the police were on to the stolen car he had parked near his home and likely either knew who he was or were close to finding out, Espinoza did what most people would do. He ran. And though you can argue the wisdom of doing so, he ran to the safest place he could think of, that very same home. But since even he was wise enough to realize that simply staying inside and hoping for the best probably wasn’t going to cut it, he decided that a disguise was in order. And boy oh boy, what a disguise it was.

Photo of Jose Espinoza.
Obviously, anyone with even the slightest grasp on current events knows that historically, America’s police forces and its black communities have enjoyed a peaceful, harmonious relationship that sees most African Americans drawing little attention whatsoever from the authorities on an average day. Armed with this knowledge, Espinoza decided to undergo a transformation. Translation: He spray painted his face black in the hopes that if paid a visit, he’d get the old sorry, wrong house and the kind officers would be on their way.

You might think that these clearly well thought out precautions would be enough to ensure that he was in the clear, but that’s why he’s Jose Espinoza and you’re not.

Just to make sure that he had all of his bases covered, he took a final step. He hid. Where? Out in his yard, up against a white wall. You know, so he wouldn’t stand out.

He stood out, of course.

He’s since been charged with unlawful taking or driving of a vehicle and receiving stolen property.

Mark Pollock Goes To The Pay Window. Hopefully He Doesn’t Fall Out Of It

I really really really really really wish that somebody could describe for me the exact window that Mark Pollock fell out of, because I still can’t work out in my brain how a fully grown adult (even a blind one such as himself) manages that under normal circumstances without being wasted as hell times 14. I’d also be interested in a survey of United Kingdom judges and their theories on how fully grown blind adults operate, because one of them has just decided that dumping yourself out a window is worth a couple million dollars worth of home insurance money which is completely absurd unless there’s something huge I’m missing here.

Mr Justice Davis ruled that the open window created an obvious risk for a blind person, particularly on the second storey of a house with nothing to prevent a fall to the ground below.
He ruled: “I am satisfied that the Cahills failed to discharge the common law duty of care they owed as occupiers.
“The open window was a real risk to Mr Pollock. They created that risk.”
Mr Pollock’s lawyers confirmed outside court that he had limited his claim to a maximum of £2 million, the limit of the Cahills’ household insurance.
Given the extent of his loss of earnings and future care needs, that was only a fraction of the total value of his claim.

What a guy.

Still wanna know how he fell out a window, though. Maybe Mr Justice Davis can sort it out for me, since the risk still isn’t obvious enough to at least one blind person.

This Bar Rocks

And now, your don’t even bother trying to figure this one out story of the day. Thank you, Florida.

Cops in Tallahassee, Florida say that on Wednesday, Jared Simpson, 24, visited the 4th Quarter Bar & Grill and rung up a $10 tab. When it came time to pay up, Simpson allegedly tried to get the bartender to accept a rock as payment.
When the woman decided that a stone wasn’t legal tender, Simpson responded by throwing a ripped-up dollar bill at her and saying he “would pay [her] in other ways,” according to the probable cause affidavit.

One witness said Simpson told people he was “shot up in the war,” but would not reveal the military branch he served in because “if I tell you I have to kill you,” according to Tallahassee.com.
Simpson left the bar and came back a short time later with a credit card that didn’t work, so the employee told him to pay up or leave.
Simpson left again, but came back again, this time in a gray suit and carrying a briefcase that he set down.
After warning that “anyone who goes near this will die,” Simpson allegedly ran out of the bar and across the street.

The running out of the bar part is interesting, since depending on the account you read he originally came into the bar hobbling on crutches, but did not run out with them.

The bar was evacuated and police and the bomb squad were called.

When police caught up with Simpson, he told them that the briefcase contained “maybe a bomb or a baby,” sang a song about being some sort of “rainbow man” and then did what I suppose is the crazy man’s version of lawyering up, informing the officers that “I am my own master, I answer to myself, no police have the right to ask questions.” He also may or may not have done a few handstands while he was at it, which again depends on the story you read.

He was charged with making false bomb threats, petty theft and disorderly conduct. He was not, to my legitimate shock, charged with being under the influence of something. His bond was set at $30500,and he was also ordered to undergo a psychiatric assessment before being allowed to bail out. Good call, that.

Blind Dude Who Survived The South Pole Somehow Nearly Killed By A Bathroom Search Window Plunge

Carin sent this along complete with the same question I have.

Unless it was one of those great big picture windows with no screen and you could just walk right out into the sky, how the hell does this happen? We ask this question as blind people ourselves, just in case he or his friends get angry at us. that happens sometimes.

A blind man is suing his close friends after he fell out of a window at their home while trying to find the bathroom.
Mark Pollock, 39, from Dublin, has been left in a wheelchair after suffering a ‘catastrophic spinal injury’ as a result of the 25ft fall onto a patio.

Mr Pollock, who is the first blind man to ever reach the south pole and is a Commonwealth Games silver medallist, is now taking legal action against Enda and Madeline Cahill for leaving the window open on the second floor of their home in Henley-on-Thames.

He claims they were negligent in leaving the window open, given that they had a blind man staying at the house.

I know a lot of blind people. Hell, I am a blind people, like I said. I’ve stayed at many an unfamiliar house in my day, and not once have I ever thought to myself or had a conversation with anyone else about my fears of falling out the damn window when all I want is a leak. Unless this is a case of what I wondered about up top or some sort of freak accident, how the fuck did this clown ever make it to the South Pole and back in one piece?

Welcome To KW, Uber

Unless something suddenly changes in the next few minutes, at 2 this afternoon Kitchener, Waterloo, Guelph, Hamilton and London will officially have Uber.

Predictably because this seems to happen everywhere it goes, its arrival has local taxi people and some politicians all upset. I get that part of the issue is safety and that is important, but let’s not kid ourselves here. Part of the problem is that the cab companies are worried they won’t be able to compete on price because of all the regulations and the government types are wondering how they’re going to get themselves a piece of the action.

On the subject of safety, If you’re being honest, you can’t tell me that taxis are always safe places. Have you seen the way some of those people drive? By and large I’ve had no problems, but more than once I’ve wondered if maybe I shouldn’t have put off getting my affairs in order.

Another reason I’ve had few problems is because I’m a man. Those cameras they’re putting in cabs now, they aren’t there simply to protect the drivers. If they were, why has it been mandated that every driver in the region has to take a training course that teaches them, essentially, that raping women is not a recommended on the job activity? All the licensing standards in the world haven’t stopped the repeated incidents around here from happening, so how is Uber that much worse?

As for another issue that’s near and dear to my heart and especially Carin’s seeing as she’s got a guide dog, how many stories have you heard about cab drivers refusing to pick up people and their service dogs? Perhaps we’ll come to find out that Uber is orders of magnitude worse, but for now I’m willing to take my chances and see if the savings are worth it.

Some Pretty Great News For One Of My Bad News Acquaintances

Well how about that. For once some good news coverage for a person I know. And even better, it’s somebody who once showed up in the shitty column.

Before she was sentenced, Samantha Scott turned to a high-ranking Woodstock police officer, soon to become a London deputy chief, Daryl Longworth.
She had a few choice words for him and another Woodstock officer.
“If you guys hadn’t kept busting me and putting my butt in jail, I never would have had this opportunity . . . Thank you both, and I mean that.”
Noticing Sgt. Heidi Becks wasn’t there, Scott joked the officer was probably busy finding new recruits for drug treatment court.
With a combination of humour, honesty and warmth, Scott became a rarity in London and the rest of Canada Tuesday — a woman graduating from the special court for addicted criminals.
In fact, she’s the first London graduate from the five-year-old court where people can avoid jail time by taking control of their lives through a lot of counselling and hard work.

You can read the whole thing here. Well done, Sam!

Kitchener Is Getting A New Downtown Farmers Market

Even though some of them aren’t on a bus route, are goddamn impossible to navigate independently when you’re blind or both, we’re pretty lucky around here as far as farmers markets go. And now it appears we’re getting one more. I hope the selection there is good, because the location sounds awfully convenient. I’m looking forward to checking it out.

If you live or work in downtown Kitchener and have a hankering for some fresh produce, a new pop-up farmers market may be just what you need. 
Legacy Greens is set to open on August 10 near the intersection of King and Queen streets in Kitchener. It will offer a selection of local, seasonal produce Monday through Friday.

The market store is the brain child of farmer Jordan Dolson, who already attends the Kitchener Market with her produce every Saturday.

The produce at the store will be sourced from Dolson’s own farm, as well as from the food terminal, the Elmira Produce Auction and other local farmers, she said. 
“We’re going to focus on local, so I want to really establish a lot of relationships in Waterloo Region and seasonal Ontario produce and then into the winter I want to look at citrus, other produce that is seasonal that we can bring in from other places as well,” Dolson said.

She says she plans to keep the store open until Christmas, and depending on how well it does there could be a more permanent location in the future.

After Everyone Got A Fairview, Police Had To Carter Away

And now, Today’s reminder to stay off the drugs.

Police responded to an intersection in Fairview Shores, on the northern outskirts of Orlando, Sunday night after reports of a naked woman walking in traffic, the Orlando Sentinel reported. 
They found Amie Carter, 31, strutting in the street and wearing no clothes. She appeared to be “under of the influence (of) a heavy unknown substance” and “in an altered mental state,” according to a police report. Carter refused to be removed from the street and kicked her legs in the air when cops tried to subdue her. 
Police later determined that Carter pleasured herself in front of a couple in a Lexus, then climbed on top of it, stomped on its hood and threw a cell phone at a car stopped behind it.

Her outburst or whatever you want to call it is said to have done around $1,500 worth of damage to the Lexus, which given the cost of some of those things was probably located in the owner’s couch cushions.

Carter has been charged with criminal mischief and exposure of sexual organs, which sounds fancier than plain old indecent exposure, doesn’t it? If there’s a difference between the two, I’d love to know what it is. Google isn’t being all that helpful unless they can be used interchangeably and it’s all a matter of wording state by state.

Southern Ontario Is Getting Another New Area Code

I’m sure this is old news to some of you, but I’m putting it here so that next June when people start giving me strange phone numbers I won’t have to puzzle over where the hell they live. I did that forever when they brought in 226 back in 2006 because I somehow missed that memo, and I don’t need that happening again because I’m getting too old to keep up with all these damn area codes.

Speaking of which, I think it’s pretty crazy that we already need another one, even though I totally get it. Back when we still had our landline, I had a cordless phone sitting right next to the cell phone on my desk. Each one obviously had its own number, and each one was in a different area code. I wish I could go back and show this to my little kid self, because it would blow his friggin mind. Hell, modern me was even a little amazed by it.

Area code map
A new area code is coming to southern Ontario.

Starting June 4, 2016, the new 548 area code will be introduced in the region currently served by area codes 226 and 519.
Residents and businesses requesting a new phone number may get a number with the 548 area code.
Seven-digit phone numbers with the new area code will only be assigned to customers when the existing supply of seven-digit numbers with 226 and 519 area codes is depleted. So, it is possible for two people to have the same phone number but different area codes.

I know they have to throw that last bit in there, but I can’t resist giving them a giant DUH anyway because come on now, that’s pretty obvious. Anything else would defeat the purpose of the whole system, am I wrong? The full story is here, not that you’ll need it.

There’s Video Of Last Year’s Tim Hortons Snake Toss

So remember last year when some guy threw a snake at the woman behind the counter in a Tim Hortons? Turns out there’s video of the incident.

After watching it, it looks as though the news got the story wrong. It doesn’t look at all like an argument over a food order. It’s more like a couple of guys one of whom sounds to me like he’s either drunk or mildly retarded intending to mess around and pull some sort of prank. Somewhat humourous lines about one of them wanting double bacon but not as much double bacon as the other make that pretty clear. What also seems pretty clear is that they had to have walked in there intending to do something with the snake, because we all know how hilarious a live animal throwing is, am I right? You don’t say “I’m going to release my snake” while your buddy is laughing and then throw in an “oh yes oh yes” for good measure when you’re hungry and in the midst of an argument, at least that’s not something I’d expect a reasonable person…never mind.