Category: news

In 300 Metres, You Would Have Been Just Fine, You Dope

I long ago gave up even reading stories about numbskulls who blindly follow their GPS units into bad situations, but there’s something different about this one. Yes it’s somebody reacting to what their GPS says in the stupidest way possible, but somehow this one strikes me as worse than usual because in most of those cases, the person is at least trying to follow instructions while not driving like a damn fool. This time? Not so much.

Police say 30-year-old Nabila Altahan of Dorchester, Massachusetts, was headed west on U.S. Route 4 when she passed her intended destination and the GPS gave sudden directions to turn around.
Police say Altahan reacted quickly to the instructions, leaving the road at a significant enough speed to propel the vehicle up the wires.

There’s a photo at the above link that I can’t use here for copyright reasons that shows the aftermath. Her car ended up suspended almost vertically on the guy wires of a utility pole, I’m told.

Neither her nor her passenger were injured due to this idiocy, which is nice, I guess.

There was no mention of careless driving charges, however, which is not nice.

Let the blind guy give you some free driving advice. When the machine says turn around, it doesn’t mean right now. It’s ok to find a safe place even if you have to travel a bit of a distance to get there.

Good lord.

And Now, Jerry Will Play Us A Little Number On The Organ

According to cops, a worker operating a street sweeper on July 12 stopped to use the restroom at a small park in Brooksville, a Tampa suburb. While in a stall, the man told police, a man entered the restroom and went into the adjoining stall.
In short order, cops say, the victim was confronted with the private parts of Jerry Childress, 75, who “shoved his penis through the divider wall and waited.”
The “agitated” victim subsequently confronted Childress, who “promptly exited the restroom and fled the scene on foot.”

The unidentified victim then called 911 before going back to work and letting police take it from there, which clearly shows that he is made of stronger stuff than I. I would almost certainly be too busy freaking out to worry about the swept nature of the streets.

But not only did this fellow see fit to go back to doing his own job, he then had to do the jobs of the police when he spotted Childress coming out of the woods.

When Childress got into his car and drove away, the victim began following him (apparently while behind the wheel of the street sweeper). After tailing Childress to the Faith Evangelical Presbyterian Church, the victim called cops.

When questioned (by police, not the street sweeper who seems to do everything else), Childress confessed, though no motive was reported.

He was arrested and charged with indecent exposure and later released on $1000 bond pending a court hearing in August.

He also appears to have lost his job at the church he drove to, where up to that point he had been employed as, of all things, the organist.

Your Vehicle, Which Art In Our Living Room. Damaged Be Thy Frame

Whether she was praying too hard or not hard enough is a debate for another day, but it’s pretty clear that this woman’s deity of choice might be trying to tell her to change up her methods a little.

A 28-year-old woman was taken to the hospital for evaluation after driving into a Mary Esther house Thursday morning.
The woman told Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office deputies she was praying at the time and had her eyes closed, according to the OCSO.

The Fort Walton Beach woman was traveling eastbound on Marcia Drive when she failed to stop at a stop sign, went through an intersection and into the yard of a home on Miramar Drive.

The woman, who’s name has not been released, was cited for reckless driving with property damage.

Nobody in the house was injured, thank someone you might pray to but hopefully with your eyes open and focused where they’re supposed to be.

Deeply Dippy

Usually it’s nice to see people working together to solve a problem. But when that problem is our no good friend soiled the hallowed halls of our home with cheese dip so now must be stabbed, not so much.

Tucker and Jackson, in who's home you never want to have an oopsie.
According to police, the incident happened late Saturday night at Winchester and Millbranch, not far from the airport. The 35-year-old victim was with Tucker and Jackson when she apparently spilled some Rotel dip, police said.
The two women began arguing, police said, when Jackson gave Tucker a knife. She stabbed the victim, who fled in her car to try to reach the hospital.

She didn’t make it, crashing the car on the way likely due to her having just been stabbed over floor dip. She did eventually get to the hospital with assistance and was listed in critical condition.

41-year-old Yolanda Tucker and 43-year-old Albert Jackson have each been charged with aggravated assault.

You Might Feel A Small Prick In Your Mouth

Right now I’m in the market for a dentist with an office closer to where I live than my current one because it’s getting to be a pain in the ass to have to go out of town every time, but maybe it’s not such a big deal. I’ve been going there for as long as I can remember. They know me. I know them. We trust each other. Perhaps I should just accept those day trips as a fact of life and suck it up. Wait…perhaps that was a poor choice of words, and perhaps my reconsidering the dentist search is just a temporary thing that’ll go away once I have a chance to forget about this.

Bilal Ahmed of Rockville, Md. was in Superior Court of the District of Columbia Thursday on a charge of first-degree sexual abuse of a patient or client after he allegedly forced the patient to perform oral sex during the procedure. 
On May 22, 2014, the documents say the patient was at Ahmed’s dental practice, Universal Smiles, at 2311 M Street after complaining that he chipped a tooth while eating. During his visit, Ahmed told the patient that he would have to remove the tooth. The patient then insisted on Nitrous Oxide being used and Ahmed, 43, told him that his insurance did not cover the use of the gas and he would have to cover the cost himself, according to the documents. 
The patient told investigators that when he received the gas a male dental assistant was present in the room, the documents say. 
The patient later woke up and noticed that his mask was partially off his face and described feeling something in his mouth, the documents said. He then noticed Ahmed’s penis was in his mouth, according to the documents. 
Ahmed then escorted the patient to the recovery room and the patient left Ahmed’s office two hours latter, charging documents say.

There’s something funny about the name Universal Smiles. Just me?

Anyway, for reasons unexplained (He wanted to see about a second date?), Ahmed is said to have called the unnamed patient several times following the incident. During one of the calls which was recorded by police, Ahmed reportedly admitted guilt, telling him that he was not crazy and not hallucinating.


After the hearing, Ahmed was released under what was described as “high-intensity supervision” pending his next court appearance.

I don’t know how to end this, so I’m just going to go not look for a dentist a little more.

Spread Your You, Sir!

Recently hit with two felony charges of possession of cocaine with intent to deliver and maintaining a drug trafficking place as a repeat offender was Willneal D. Cheeks. Guess where the police say they found his stash.

According to the criminal complaint, Racine Police executed a search warrant at Cheeks’ residence at about 5 a.m. June 17. After entering the residence, police got Cheeks to the ground, handcuffed him and began to search him, according to the complaint.

Cheeks told police he could not spread his legs because of a sprained ankle, and that made officers suspicious that Cheeks was hiding drugs in his rear, according to the complaint.
A search revealed Cheeks had a clear plastic bag filled with 20 individually packaged rocks of crack cocaine and powered cocaine totaling 15.5 grams wedged between his butt cheeks, according to the complaint.

Powered cocaine isn’t my typo, by the way. I assume it’s supposed to say powdered cocaine, although I’ve seen the same error in two different places, both of which I’d expect to know better.

Dancing Cooker Bomb, Dance, Dance, Yeah!

Yes, this is a thing that really happened. Just wait until you hear why. It might be even dumber than you’re expecting.

A nursery suggested referring a four-year-old boy to a de-radicalisation programme after he mispronounced the word “cucumber”, it is alleged.
Concerns were raised after the youngster drew a picture of a man cutting the vegetable.
Staff in Luton told the child’s mother they believed he was saying “cooker bomb” instead of “cucumber”.
The case was sent to a police and social services panel instead of the de-radicalisation scheme Channel.
It decided not to take further action.
The boy’s mother, who has not been named to protect her son’s identity, concluded the confusion was due to the way her son pronounced the word.

Cooker bomb? I don’t routinely hang out with British 4-year-olds and spend the day discussing cucumbers, but I seriously can’t even with this.

Of course this is all the government’s fault. Well, government and school administrators who can wrap their heads around neither vague legislation nor common sense. It’s also the sort of thing that makes you wonder if maybe those home school people might be on to something.

Teachers and public service workers have a legal obligation to report any concerns of extremist behaviour to the authorities since July.

Just under 2,000 under-15s were referred between January 2012 and December 2015.

Teaching unions say there is confusion over the government’s counter-terrorism strategy in schools.
Alex Kenny from the National Union of Teachers said: “Teachers are scared of getting it wrong.
“They think Ofsted is going to criticise them if they haven’t reported these things, and you end up [with] the boy making the spelling mistake, or the boy saying something in Arabic – that then gets reported on.”

And As We Look At The Radar, We Can See A Strong System Of Silly Lawsuits Heading For The Area

Montreal businessman sues weatherman over bad forecast; claims he cancelled events based on rain, that never came

In what could be a precedent-setting case, a Montreal-area racetrack operator is suing a local weatherman over an incorrect forecast.
Jacques Guertin, president of Projets Speciaux Sanair, which operates a racetrack southeast of Montreal, was in small-claims court in St-Hyacinthe this week seeking $6,540.84.
He claims independent meteorologist Michel Morissette, who runs the La Providence weather station and a free weather forecast hotline, predicted rain on two days last June. Guertin said he cancelled scheduled events for those days, which turned out to be nice.
The amount Guertin is seeking represents what he estimates are the profits he lost by calling off the events.

I’ll readily admit that there are plenty of things I don’t know about running a racetrack, but I don’t think any of them should make my opinion that this fellow seems like he might be a pretty crappy event planner any less sound.

For starters, who rains out events weeks or even days in advance? Even children’s baseball leagues don’t schedule doubleheaders on the 1st of the month because the 21st is supposed to suck. They wait until the day of and make the call then, sometimes with only moments to spare. Why? Because doing anything else would be bush league and stupid.

And speaking of stupid, who bases his entire business life on forecasts from just one source? I’m not sure what it’s like in Montreal, but here I can turn the stations on my radio and TV and find forecasts for the same area on the same day that are anywhere from 2 to 5 degrees apart and can’t agree on how much it might rain or even if it’s going to. Even the judge, who hasn’t handed down a ruling yet, was said to be at least somewhat skeptical of this plan.

I know we’ve all at some point wanted to stick it to our local useless goof weatherman who gets paid for this shit goddammit, but I think our pal Jacques here has even less of a chance of getting his $6,540.84 than his local useless goof weatherman does of getting the long-range forecast right. Hopefully he didn’t have to cancel any more events to make room for his court date.

It’s Still Real To Them, Dammit!

I think that by now, most folks (children excluded of course) know what pro wrestling is. I hate to use the phrase sports entertainment, but it’s pretty accurate. There was a time when it was treated more like sport than entertainment by pretty much everyone, but in America, those days are mostly long gone. I say mostly not only because there are still companies that prefer to do their storytelling in the ring through matches rather than 20 minute promos and backstage skits, but also because there are still states like Georgia where things like this happen.

The incident occurred around 11 p.m. at the American Wrestling Federation (AWF) arena at 4193 U.S. 41 in Ringgold.
The promotion was putting on its monthly show, when Crowe, a spectator at the event, threatened and attacked long-time wrestler Paul Lee.
Deputies arrived on scene after Crowe allegedly jumped into the ring during the show and pulled a handgun on Lee.
According to Lee and several witnesses, Lee was participating in a match with “Iron Mann,” at which time he tied him up and was hitting him with a chair, reports show.
“I had him tied up and was beating on him, and this lady jumps up with a knife, cuts him loose, and then pulled a loaded gun on me,” Lee said. “She had that thing loaded with one in the chamber and the safety off. All it would have taken was for her to get shaky with that thing and it could have fired.”
Crowe also pointed the gun at the show’s commissioner “Robbie Rude,” reports show.
Lee says the woman has been to shows before and should have known that the incident going on with the other wrestler was part of the show.
“She’s been to several shows over the years off and on, but she was acting like a nut Saturday night,” Lee said.

According to police Cpl. Chris Faulk, Crowe admitted she pulled the gun on Lee because of the banter the two had engaged in.
“Ms. Crowe did indeed pull the gun on Mr. Lee because of the way he’d talked to her,” Faulk said. “She said, ‘he was talking mean to me, and I got mad. I guess I just let my temper get the best of me and I pulled my pistol on him’.”
Lee says he told Crowe “to sit her toothless self back down,” and that she then approached the ring.

And tougher gun laws aren’t necessary because why again?

Patricia Anne Crowe, who I kid you not is 59-years-old, was charged with aggravated assault and reckless conduct. She was released from jail after posting $4000 bond.

This reminded me of an incident from 2009 that saw some other crazy old bastard in Alabama go out to the car to fetch his trusty axe in order to save Mike Jackson from a group of dastardly heels.

From (On May 9, 2009): Karl Stern noted to us about a riot at a Southeastern Wrestling show last night. There were more than 250 fans at the show and during the Mike Jackson retirement ceremony, he was attacked by heels and the place came unglued. A woman reported a man pulled a knife on her and her husband. Before police could squelch the problem, an elderly man went to his vehicle and came in the arena with an axe to attack the heels. Police confiscated the axe before he attacked the heels. During all this, a woman actually called 911 to request an ambulance for Jackson because of the beatdown.

In a way it’s nice that it’s still possible for wrestlers to stir up this much of a reaction in people, but I’m not so sure about the idea that those people are allowed outside unaccompanied.

All My Rowdy Kids Are Here For Monday Night, But They’re Staying In The Car So They Won’t Bother Us

Perhaps I’m the idiot here, but it strikes me that bringing your three small children into your friend’s house while you watch football there would, believe it or not, cause you far less trouble than leaving them in the car…in Pennsylvania…in January. But I guess there’s no explaining that to the kind of guy who then goes to the police station to turn himself in and ends up in a fight with two cops when informed that he’s going to be charged.

A western Pennsylvania man apparently got so caught up in the big game this weekend that he left his three young sons, ages 9-months to 7-years, inside his freezing car while he watched the NFL playoffs at a friend’s house.

It happened in Washington County, where the dad, identified as James Grusofski, 33, is under arrest, according to KDKA-TV in Pittsburgh.
Police got involved when one of his sons, a 4-year-old boy, was found wandering around the streets late Saturday night in 30 degree temperatures without a coat, shoes or socks, KDKA writes.

After his eventual tasing, Grusofski was charged with endangering the welfare of children, aggravated assault on a police officer and resisting arrest. It’s not known what if any further trouble he could face thanks to the cocaine and alcohol that it’s claimed were found in his system while he was being treated in hospital after his arrest.