Category: news


I think this post needs a soundtrack.

I heard rumours about this months ago, but they were only rumours. Now it is happening. Uber is testing using driverless cars.

There was a small part of me that thought “Well, at least a driverless car won’t get allergic to my guide dog.” But when I thought a little more, that thought went away and was replaced with “blind folks, and anyone with special needs of any sort, are screwed!” I think of how many times I need to ask directions, get a little help to the door, or even have the driver tell me where his vehicle is. A driverless car would just come, wait, and if I don’t connect, leave.

And how on earth would they cope in this construction? Hell, the humans don’t do very well, circling around a one-way street over and over again, yelling into my phone that “We’re at King and Erb, can you see me? I’m in black car!” Would a driverless car just give up and drop me off somewhere and tell me to figure it out?

If they go this route, will we have to choose that we want a human and get charged for it? Could I only use it if my city had Uber Assist?

Companies forget that customer service can’t be done by machines all the time and it can’t be the only option. Sure lots of people go to the self-scanner things at the grocery store, but lots of people go to the humans. Just because I like to use an app to request an uber doesn’t mean I don’t want any contact with another human. Also, don’t charge me for the human interaction. I need it, I’m not doing it because it’s a luxury.

I just wish I knew what their plans were. I like Uber as an option, but I’m suspicious of Uber as a company.

Run For The Right Toppings While You Run From Mom

For the second time in a week, we have a Taco Bell burrito related incident. Unlike last time, the burrito wasn’t the weapon, though it can be argued that anything from Taco Bell should be considered a dangerous instrument. In this case, the burrito and its incorrect toppings were the spark that started a fight or perhaps more appropriately a one-sided asskicking between mother and son.

A West Virginia woman is locked up on a child abuse charge after allegedly socking her teenage son in the face because he ordered
the wrong toppings on her Taco Bell burrito, police report.
Loretta Lynn Armstrong, 48, is being held in lieu of $31,000 bail following her arrest Friday night at her home in the town of Milton (pop. 2423).
According to a criminal complaint, a patrolman dispatched to the residence spotted the 6’, 240-pound Armstrong repeatedly punching the 15-year-old boy. Armstrong and the child told officers that the confrontation was due to Armstrong’s displeasure about the burrito her son brought home.

In addition to felony child abuse, Big Mamma Armstrong was also charged with disorderly conduct and obstruction, the latter most likely stemming from her struggle with and threats against the officers attempting to place her in handcuffs.

I’ll Send A GPS To The World. So Will I. Me Too

One moron robbing a store while wearing his court-ordered GPS tracking monitor is bad, but not overly surprising. I mean there’s one in every crowd, right? Two morons robbing a store while wearing their court-ordered GPS monitors is certainly worse, but maybe moron one has a buddy just as dim as he is, moron two considers moron one to be the smart one with all the good ideas, that’s why they’re friends and it explains everything. But three morons robbing a store while wearing their court-ordered GPS monitors? That’s just ridiculous. It might also be some kind of record, though I haven’t done the research to confirm that.

It took Boston police very little time to track down three men who robbed a city convenience store this week: All they had to do was check the records of the court-ordered GPS tracking devices they were ordered to wear for previous charges.
The trio, which the Boston Herald dubbed the “three stooges of crime” on Friday, robbed a convenience store in the city’s Dorchester neighborhood on Wednesday evening. They were arrested about an hour later after their tracking devices placed them at the store at the time of the robbery and later at a nearby apartment.

Jose Morales, Andronique Dossantos and Kallahn Winbush all pleaded not guilty during a court appearance, which makes it rather difficult to determine which one of them is moron one. We may be able to narrow it down to either Morales or Dossantos, however, since both of them were already free on bond at the time. Their bail (yes, they were given bail) was set at $200,000, while Winbush’s was set at $50,000. If the trio manages to post those amounts, they have been ordered to stay away from each other and in their homes until further notice. To ensure that they comply with these instructions, they will be fitted with court-ordered GPS monitors upon their releases. This should end well.

He’s Going To Be A Real Hit In Prison With A Name Like That

Recently convicted of gross sexual imposition and tampering with records after a trial in which it was alleged that he groped various female patients during orthopedic exams is Dr. Jake Heiney. And yes, those were among the things he groped.

During Heiney’s trial, a 42-year-old woman testified that the doctor pushed and squeezed her breasts during an exam for shoulder pain. No one else was in the exam room at the time, she said.
A 33-year-old patient said she also was alone with Heiney when he asked her to bend over and touch her toes, and he abruptly pulled her pants and underwear to her knees and felt her behind, side, and upper thigh. His hand also brushed her private area, she said.
Prosecutors also presented evidence that after Sylvania police and the Ohio State Medical Board began their investigations, Heiney altered one of the women’s records.

He faces up to three years in prison in that case, and his troubles don’t end there. He’s still facing four counts of criminal sexual conduct based on complaints made at another of his offices.

You’re Dead Meat! Cheeseburger Meat, To Be Specific

Let the record show that 2016’s first food feud death has taken place and involves one brother shooting another when an argument over a cheeseburger got way out of hand.

A Florida man is facing first-degree murder charges after police say he shot and killed his brother during an argument over a cheeseburger. “We were in a fight and I grabbed a gun and I shot him. Oh my god,” Benjamin Middendorf said in a 911 call released by the St. Cloud Police Department. Police received a call just after 10pm on Thursday about a shooting at a home in St. Cloud.

According to investigators, Benjamin Middendorf, 25, shot his brother, Nicholas Middendorf, 28, in the chest with a 9mm handgun during an argument. “My son, just shot my son,” Middendorf’s mother told a dispatcher during an emotional 911 call. Nicholas Middendorf died at the home. “This is an impulsive incident that happened.

“Maybe anger, rage. But it was definitely over a verbal dispute that sadly was over a cheeseburger,” St. Cloud Police Department spokesperson Denise Roberts said.

Alcohol was involved, but the only ones that had been drinking were mom and Nicholas, A.K.A. the victim. Benjamin (the shooter) told police that he doesn’t drink and it’s not stated how much the others had had, so it’s hard to pin this one on booze at this point.

Benjamin has been charged with premeditated first-degree murder.

You’re Under Arrest And You’re Going To The Family Reunion

You know that saying about leaving well enough alone? This is why we have that.

Officials said they received a bulletin to be on the lookout for a reckless driver travelling southbound on Interstate 75 near Ocala. A trooper spotted the vehicle and was able to stop it.

While talking with the driver, later identified as Josue Moncada, the trooper detected alcohol and arrested him on a DUI charge at 2:55am. Minutes later, Moncada’s sister, Ercilia Moncada, arrived at the incident location and argued with the trooper about why he was arresting her brother.

Another trooper was called to the location and while talking with her, found her to be impaired. She was also arrested on a DUI charge at 3:18am and placed in a second trooper’s cruiser.

Just to put a nice little cherry on top, when trooper one and brother left for jail, sister briefly managed to escape from trooper two while handcuffed but was later recaptured.

Given that so many people film, photograph and livestream everything they do now, I’m surprised this doesn’t happen more than it does.

Earlier this month, Boise Police received an anonymous tip about lewd conduct occurring at the Boise Town Square Mall. Officers investigated the call, and were able to identify the suspect and determine that he would be back in the area.
Police tracked down the suspect in a Nampa parking lot and say he was “completely nude, involved in sexually explicit acts with himself” and was “broadcasting live over the internet.”

Daniel J. Mena, 26, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct. Why no indecent exposure?

Which streaming service he was using was not noted, cruelly depriving me of the chance to try making a dick joke out of it.

How Do You Say OMG Under A Train TTYL In German?

If it wasn’t for the potential for damage to innocent vehicles and for unnecessary trauma being inflicted on folks acting like properly adjusted human beings are supposed to act in the world, I’d say to hell with these morons and their stupid phones, who cares if they die? But since both of those things are real possibilities, I’ll grudgingly admit that maybe this isn’t the worst idea.

The city of Augsburg has decided it’s time to act, and has installed ground level traffic lights to warn people who are looking down at their screens that a tram is approaching.
The lights have been in operation at two tram stops in the city since Tuesday and flash red when a tram is approaching or when the normal traffic light turns red.

Tobias Harms for the city administration told The Augsburger Allgemeine (AA) that “we realized that the normal traffic light isn’t in the line of sight of many pedestrians these days. So we decided to have an additional set of lights – the more we have, the more people are likely to notice them.”

To their credit, city officials didn’t act just because something *might* happen. They were kind enough to let natural selection try to make its point first.

In March, a 15-year-old girl in Munich was run over by a tram while looking at her smartphone with headphones in. She was dragged along by the train and died, the Süddeutsche Zeitung reports.
In nearby Augsburg, meanwhile, on two recent occasions pedestrians have been hit by the quiet electric street trains while looking at their phones, but both luckily came away with only light injuries.


I enjoy technology as much as anyone, But if you can’t even look up from your phone long enough to cross a street or walk down the sidewalk, you really should think about checking yourself into some sort of program.

Fight On Road Drunk

When a story begins with the words “An altercation between a man and a Ford Taurus,” you just know it’s going to be good.

WSU security notified Winona police that a man was punching, kicking and screaming at a blue Ford Taurus parked on King Street on the WSU campus. On arrival, police found Mikhail Igrevich Belenky, 19, of Howard Lake, Minnesota, assaulting the unresisting automobile.

Asked to explain his bellicosity toward the inanimate object, Belenky told officers that it was his car and it had been giving him trouble, court documents state.

Why was the car giving him so much trouble? It’s possible that the .197 he blew on the breath test he was given may have had something to do with it, but perhaps the bigger issue was that the temperamental Taurus in question wasn’t his.


He was cited for underage drinking and hit with a charge of first-degree criminal damage (a felony) based on the $1,886.35 worth of beatdown he inflicted during the fight.

That’s The Sound Of The Man, Stuck Inside The Door Chain

I’ve never been the best at remembering to use the chain lock on my door, but maybe I need to try to do better since apparently they work pretty well.

Christopher French managed to get a finger stuck in the security chain of the home in Colchester, Essex, on February 25 this year. Police were alerted by the resident who was at home at the time – and officers arrived to find French still attached to the chain.

They used a screwdriver to free him, and took the time to arrest and charge him with attempted burglary while they were at it.

French, who initially told officers that he was trying to get inside the house because he heard what sounded like a woman in distress, later decided he’d be better off fessing up and pleading guilty. He was sentenced to 33 months in prison, which would suggest that he may have been down this road before.