God Should Have Told Him Not To Do That

I suppose Justin Riley Brafford here probably didn’t exactly molest this poor woman in a purely technical sense, but it still falls under the category of gross, please don’t do that, so here’s the story.

The woman said Brafford “began to lean closer to her seat with his arm over her arm rest and on her leg” before he got closer to her and began “playing footsies” with her, according to the criminal complaint.
Brafford allegedly verbally harassed her, whispering “Don’t [expletive] with me,” after which a flight attendant agreed to change the woman’s seat.
Once the woman switched seats, the complaint says that Brafford approached her at her new seat. After the flight attendant gave Brafford a warning, Brafford allegedly began yelling at the flight attendant and hurling expletives.
The flight attendant said Brafford went from “zero to 60 in nano-seconds” and said he believed Brafford was “possibly on drugs,” according to the criminal complaint.

I’d say that’s a good bet, since he’s alleged to have told authorities on the ground that he was getting calls from god after recently using meth and overdosing on heroin.

But good news. If convicted of the charges of interfering with and intimidating members of a flight crew and flight attendants while on an aircraft and simple assault, he could have the better part of the next twenty years to dry out or at least to switch to a new substance of choice. I’ll bet there might even be a nice gentleman or two in there who wouldn’t mind playing footsies with him.

You Can’t Spell Christkindl Without Christ

It’s not every day I agree with church people on something, but it’s hard to argue with them here.

A controversy has surfaced from Kitchener’s Christkindl Market after a group of performers say they were silenced for talking about Jesus.
Pastor Jacob Reaume had to shout his message at the opening night of the market after his microphone was turned off by city staff.
“I thought it was probably an accident, some type of technical difficulty but then I looked around and realized, no this is intentional,” Reaume says.

Hey continued to say the microphone was cut off three times. Once during a German bible reading and twice when he was reading the story of Christ.
The city of Kitchener says the church group did not indicate it was going to be reading from scripture or be providing a sermon during their performance.

And they should have to indicate this because why, exactly? Especially if what they say is true and they gave the same performance last year. Not to mention that they’re representing a church, so what else could anyone have possibly been expecting them to do?

I get that we maybe don’t want to bombard people with nothing but super preachy religion when they just came to skate, drink hot chocolate and generally engage in the less church-laden version of Christmas, but no matter your belief system, I don’t think anyone has the right to expect that they can celebrate Christmas in public without smacking into just a little bit of Jesus along the way. He’s a bit of an important figure, you know.

I Have NO Good Title For This, Obviously

Today in Mad Libs sounding headlines: Naked Auschwitz demonstrators who killed sheep convicted

If you’re staring at that and thinking to yourself well, surely the rest of the story will make some sense out of this for me, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news.

Twelve people who stripped naked in front of the Nazi death camp at Auschwitz and killed a sheep have been convicted of profaning the site.
A court in the Polish city of Oswiecim jailed two of the group for more than a year and fined the rest.
The incident took place last March beneath the site’s main gate, which bears the infamous slogan “Arbeit Macht Frei” (“Work sets you free”).
About 1.1 million people were murdered by the Nazis at the camp.
At the time of the incident, officials said the motive was unclear but the group later said they were protesting against the war in Ukraine.

The individuals involved, aged between 20 and 27, include six Poles, four Belarusians and one German, police said at the time of the incident.
They launched a firecracker in the car park and chained themselves to the gates before museum guards intervened.
Local media reported that the group used a drone to film the disturbance, and draped a white banner with the red text “love” over the gate.

The sheep, who I assume was not feeling much of that love, was never mentioned again.

Salvation Army Christmas Kettles Are Starting To Take Plastic

This is kind of nice. I rarely have cash on me anymore, and when I do happen to have loose change it goes into a jar so that eventually I can take it to the bank and transform it into not cash I can later use to buy things electronically. It’ll be good to not have to say no when I want to give. The only down side to this catching on is that it also works the other way, making you look like an even bigger prick when you refuse because you either don’t want to or can’t give right then.

The Salvation Army’s annual kettle campaign is taking more than just loose change this year.
The charity is now accepting donations by debit or credit on portable machines. 
Nine Ontario cities are piloting point of sale machines in London, Oakville, Hamilton, Hespeler, North Bay, Georgetown, Milton, Sudbury and Listowel.

The pilot has been tried with success other parts of Canada, including Calgary and Edmonton.
Shannon Wise, a spokesperson with the Salvation Army in London, said the machines give people more options to donate.
“We have received positive feedback from donors and community members, but it is just one location, so not a lot of people know about it yet,” she said.

If you do want to give by either cash or card, the kettles will be out until Christmas Eve. No spare change? The Salvation Army kettle campaign taking debit or credit

Did Not See That Coming

You know what’s kind of weird? That stories like this don’t pop up more often. Charges: Woman convicted of embezzlement charged with embezzling to pay restitution

SALT LAKE CITY — A woman convicted two years ago of embezzling from her company is accused of embezzling funds from another company to, in part, pay off the debt from her prior conviction, according to charging documents.
Tina Rae Levrant-Delgado, 44, of Salt Lake City, was charged Monday in 3rd District Court with unlawful dealing of property by a fiduciary, communications fraud and theft, all second-degree felonies.

Matrix Spa, the company she’s accused of using as an ATM this time, suffered $134,177.50 in losses, $5800 of which went to pay the apartment complex management company from which she skimmed almost $200,000 during the four years she worked there.

Did Somebody Say Extra Ketchup?

This is basically your standard “I am displeased with the level of customer service and attention to detail at this establishment and shall soon turn to physical means to express such” story. We’ve been collecting them for ages, but I’m still sometimes surprised by how many there are.

Mayra Berenice Gallo
Photo of Mayra Berenice Gallo.

Mayra Berenice Gallo, 24, allegedly became enraged when she discovered there was not enough ketchup in the order when the incident occurred on Oct. 27.
After ordering in the drive-thru of the McDonald’s restaurant in the 1500 block of North Bristol Street in Santa Ana, California, she went into the restaurant through the employee entrance and asked for more ketchup.
The manager told her she couldn’t be in the building and Gallo allegedly “became combative” and started pushing, punching and choking the employee, police said.
Another worker tried to intervene and called other employees to help, the video showed.
A man who was believed to be with Gallo is credited with stopping the attack when he pulled the woman off the manager. The two then left the restaurant.

It took police a while, but they have arrested her and she’ll likely be facing assault charges.

This New Mexico You Speak Of. It Doesn’t Seem As Spanish As The Old One

The bad news: More public officials are having trouble figuring out what qualifies as America.

The good news: At least it wasn’t the TSA this time.

You know you are from flyover country when you are applying for a marriage license, give them your New Mexico driver's…

Posted by Gavin Clarkson on Tuesday, November 20, 2018

The La Cruces Sun-News reports Gavin Clarkson, who lives in Las Cruces, and his fiancee attempted to apply for a marriage license at a D.C. license bureau on Nov. 20.
Clarkson said the clerk, however, wouldn’t accept his New Mexico driver’s license, believing he was a foreign citizen. The clerk allegedly said he would have to provide an international passport to get the license.
“She thought New Mexico was a foreign country,” he told the La Cruces Sun News. “All the couples behind us waiting in line were laughing.”

Here’s the text of that Facebook post in case it ever gets taken down, because the part where she complimented his English as if he were a Mexican Mexican must be preserved.

“You know you are from flyover country when you are applying for a marriage license, give them your New Mexico driver’s license, and they come back and say “my supervisor says we cannot accept international driver’s licenses. Do you have a New Mexico passport?” They went back to a supervisor to check if New Mexico was a state … TWICE!
The new Mrs. Clarkson thinks that the most hilarious part was when the clerk complemented me on my English. (For those that don’t know, Marina immigrated from Argentina in 1994 and became a US citizen fourteen years later).”

And yes, I did notice that the confused people were in D.C., and yes, I did laugh about it. You’d figure they’d be extra careful about that sort of thing considering they’ve been on the wrong end of it at least twice now.

If I’m Not Back In Five Minutes, I’m Probably In The Tank

Update: Carin tells me this needs a soundtrack. She’s right.

Police in Lincoln, Neb., took a man into custody Saturday after he smashed a car into a tree and a retaining wall while driving with his head out of the window “like Ace Ventura.”

The driver “informed officers that he crashed because of inoperable windshield wipers, which forced him to drive with his head out of the window, ‘like Ace Ventura’ due to the rain,” the report said.
The man was apparently referring to scenes from the 1994 movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, starring Canadian actor Jim Carrey. Carrey was forced to drive his vehicle with his head out of the window due to a smashed windshield.

I don’t want to alarm you, but it appears libations may have been involved.

He fled the scene of the crash, but when police caught up with him and had a chance to test his blood alcohol content, it came in at .137.

Yes I Named Her ABC, Please Stop Making Fun Of Me

There are two very obvious things to be said about this story.

  1. The behaviour of this agent was absolutely unprofessional and I hope the airline gives her a good tuning up. At no time is it ever appropriate to mock your customers publicly either in person or online.
  2. I understand the impulse to do it, because that’s one seriously goofy ass name. I would be shocked if this was the first time somebody laughed at it, and it certainly won’t be the last. Please, moms and dads, try not to name your children stupid things. Unless of course your goal is to keep the therapy industry in business, in which case, carry on.

Southwest Airlines apologized after a mother accused a gate agent of mocking her five-year-old daughter’s name and posting the child’s boarding pass on social media.
Traci Redford and her daughter Abcde, pronounced “Ab-city,” were catching a flight from California to Texas earlier this month. The mother said she had heard a gate agent laughing.
“The gate agent started laughing, pointing at me and my daughter, talking to other employees,” the mother told ABC7 News. “So I turned around and said, ‘Hey if I can hear you, my daughter can hear you, so I’d appreciate if you’d just stop.’”

Redford said the agent at John Wayne Airport posted of photo of Abcde’s boarding pass on social media, mocking her daughter’s name.
“While I was sitting there, she took a picture of my boarding pass and chose to post it on social media, mocking my daughter. It was actually brought to my attention by somebody who had seen it on Facebook and reported it to Southwest Airlines,” Redford told the news station.

He Was Then Packed Off To Jail

When you hear the word ballsy, you probably think of something heroic or crazy, like running into a burning building to save someone’s life or jumping out of a perfectly good airplane for no practical reason. But when I hear the word ballsy, I think of things like this fellow in Guelph who brought a suitcase on a shoplifting expedition to a store he’d already been thrown out of at least once.

On Nov. 28, 2018 at approximately 10:34 p.m, Guelph Police were called to a business on Woodlawn Road in regard to a shoplifter.
It was learned that the male had brought his own suitcase to the business and had filled it with two drones, cold medicine, camping equipment, and some beverages. The male was confronted in the store by police as he was on conditions not to be in the business from previous charges.
As a result, a 26-year-old Guelph male was arrested for theft under $5,000, breaching his recognizance, and two counts of breaching his probation.
The male is scheduled to appear in court on Nov. 29, 2018.