Category: news

Nov 23 2014

Oh, What A Feeling! I’m Falling From The Ceiling

Update: Turns out we’ve used this exact post title before. But hey, why mess with what works?

Oh, and thanks to James for passing this one along.

Considering how stupidly expensive everything in airports is, you’d think they might have enough money kicking around to build a good, strong ceiling. But then again you might also think that you have good engineers on the job and that the ceiling should already be strong enough and that you won’t have to worry about crazy naked guys crawling into it and it not being able to hold them and then the crazy naked guy falls into a bathroom and runs away and goes all Mike Tyson on some poor old dude. You know, your regular, run of the mill thought process when designing a building.

The bizarre behavior began shortly before noon when a woman using a restroom located before the security checkpoint in Terminal C reported that a naked man had fallen through the ceiling and landed in the stall area, state police spokesman David Procopio said. The man had apparently sneaked into the bathroom, undressed inside one of the stalls and climbed into the crawl space above the restroom before crashing through the ceiling, Procopio said.

The man, later identified as Shenk, then fled the bathroom and assaulted an 84-year-old man he encountered, biting the man’s ear and attempting to choke him with his own cane, Procopio said.

He also tussled with the police while he was at it, leaving one of the officers with what was described as a minor hand injury.

He was eventually taken into custody and then to hospital, just in case he’d hurt himself during his unscheduled landing. The victim of the attack and snack was also taken for treatment.

Police have charged Cameron Shenk, 26, with attempted murder, mayhem, assault and battery on a person over 60, assault and battery on a police officer, lewd and lascivious conduct and malicious destruction to property.

Nov 15 2014

They’re Angry, I’m Confused

I meant to write about this one last week when it happened, but…you can blame the captain, Captain Nameless Illness.

By the way, the captain may be getting a name soon, and thankfully, if this is its name, it’s nothing scary and eek-inducing. But I can’t say for sure yet if that’s its name, I have to go through a bit of a process of ruling things out. but at least there’s hope at the end of this saga. When it gets a name, there’s a good chance that I’ll write about it.

But I digress.

Gaaa what a week. After the whole Ghomeshi thing, allegations came out on Parliament Hill that there was sexual harassment going on. Well, to be fair, all that was said in the press conference was 2 liberal MP’s were being suspended for personal misconduct. It was all very vague, but it didn’t take long before the news was broken that it was sexual harassment and that the allegations were brought by 2 NDP MP’s. Although it was bound to happen, it sucks. It sucks if the MP’s weren’t ready, it sucks if it all happened really fast and they didn’t get a chance to discuss things. But what I don’t get is they’re angry at Trudeau.

I admit I’m not there, so don’t have a right to really form an opinion. But I think I still have the right to be confused.

First, in the press conference, he never said where the allegations came from, nor did he talk about the nature of them. He did his level best to keep things as confidential as possible, unless I missed something, which is very possible.

Second, we don’t know who told the media that it was sexual harassment, and that it was 2 NDP MP’s. People are full of accusations, but we have no idea who. If it wasn’t Trudeau, why are they angry at him? Why aren’t they angry at whoever leaked the information? Is it because these people who leaked the information to the media don’t have a name so it’s easier to pick a target and fire?

Third, they say they weren’t warned that this was going to happen, even though people from the Liberal party are saying they sent a letter over explaining what was going to happen, and I swear I read somewhere that there was a discussion with the MP’s about it, but all that is a lot of one person’s word against another’s.

I feel like Trudeau is really stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he doesn’t act fast enough, he’ll be accused of sweeping things under the rug. But now that he acted quickly, he’s accused of revictimizing the accusers. If these things were brought to his attention, what was he supposed to do?

I listened to an interview on CBC about the issue of the MP’s being angry, and some of the alternative solutions being offered didn’t, to me, feel like solutions at all. The representative for the NDP suggested that he could have talked to the people bringing forth the allegations and figured out safe zones where the accused MP’s couldn’t go. So, hmmm, that means you’ve basically imprisoned the people who’ve already been victimized, told them they have to stay in only certain parts of the house. If they have to leave those areas for any reason, they then have to be afraid of facing the people they’ve accused. How is that any better? You realize just how far you stray from your home area of a building as soon as that is deemed your safe place, I would think.

And how does that work in a place like Parliament Hill? I’ve never worked there, but I assume there comes a time where all parties have to work together, so how do you pull that off with safe zones?

And, by suspending the 2 MP’s, doesn’t that make Parliament Hill a gigantic safe zone?

There has to be a missing puzzle piece here somewhere, because from what I know, this anger seems misplaced. I get being angry that the information got out in greater detail than intended before they were ready. I get worrying about the backlash from the sudden suspension of these guys. I get that bringing this up is scary and hard and will make doing their jobs really awkward and the process will likely intimidate others more than they already were. But I don’t get why they’re aiming their anger at Trudeau.

I hope I never come to a place where I have to face this issue, because I honestly wouldn’t know what to do. Until something fundamentally changes in the way people think about it, coming forward about it, even though it might work out in the long run, feels like you have to make a choice between slowly burning where you stand or walking through a wall of flames. There are no easy answers, and I don’t know when the day will come when the answers will be easy.

Nov 15 2014

How Do You Like Your Eggs? Lies, Shambles Or Vaporized?

Another person has been caught faking cancer. This time it’s a 31-year-old Australian woman named Elizabeth Edmunds.

People were told the 31-year-old had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer in April and that by September it had spread to her lungs.
But last week the alleged scam unravelled when family and friends learned “Elle” never had cancer.
A man purporting to be the woman’s defacto partner revealed on the Facebook page documenting Elizabeth’s struggle that he had been duped as well.
“She has never had cancer,” he wrote.
Police said they were investigating the alleged scam but no charges had been laid yet.
Yesterday in Belmont, the Lake Macquarie woman believed to have benefited from the thousands of dollars raised was asked to explain her actions. She replied: “I’ve got extremely serious mental health issues.”
In her apparent struggle against the disease — detailed online — she shaved her head and posted on Facebook about dreaming of her funeral.
However, one of her supporters claimed on the social media site Edmunds refused to let anyone go with her on her “chemotherapy” treatments. “She made everyone … believe it. She made us do everything for her and if we didn’t she would guilt trip us saying we didn’t care she had cancer,” she wrote.

I don’t like to wish mental health problems on anyone, but I hope she’s being honest about hers. They’re basically all that stands between her and being an evil con artist. Hopefully she can get whatever help she needs.

Nov 15 2014

Oh He Felt Good About It Alright!

These stories…I’m seeing them everywhere. I’m sure they are just as prevalent as before, but now I feel like they’re fired at my brain like guided missiles.

This creepoid apparently lured women to come meet him for what they thought was a job interview. He found them on Kijiji, and set up the interviews. But what they were coming for was not at all a job interview, no not at all. After being asked very inappropriate questions, two of them wound up being sexually assaulted. This guy even tracked down one woman at her home! Police are pretty sure there are more victims out there.

Yeah, eeeewwww gross and scary and disturbing and all that. But what gives this story an extra special touch, if you will, is the guy’s name is Randy Purves.

Yup, Purves. I know it’s spelled not quite right, but how else are you going to pronounce that? And if that wasn’t enough, his first name is Randy!


Nov 15 2014

You Have Some Weed? You Have Two Years?

Good news: Alvin Cross Junior doesn’t have to worry about being on probation anymore.
Bad news: Because he’s going back to prison.

Prosecutors said Cross’ probation officer received a text from Cross asking, “You have some weed?”
Probation officers and drug agents raided Cross’ home and found a bag of cocaine.

Cross plead guilty to a charge of possession of cocaine. He was sentenced to a year for that, plus another year for the pretty obvious probation violation.

Nov 15 2014


High school soccer coach Jeffrey M. Sirois made a short Snapchat video demonstrating a few of his best ball handling techniques, intending to send it to his girlfriend. But in what appears to be one of the worst cases of oops, wrong window in the history of the world, he accidentally sent it to members of his team. He is now former high school soccer coach Jeffrey M. Sirois.

In an interview with state police, Sirois said he never intentionally sent anything inappropriate to his players.
“I was attempted to send a video of myself in which I was masturbating,” according to the warrant. “I was making the video to send to my girlfriend. It is something she and I occasionally do.”
He told the troopers that after he sent the video, he checked to see if his girlfriend received it and found she didn’t. He said he then checked to see where he went and realized he sent it to everyone in his group on Snapchat, according to the warrant.
“I immediately realized my mistake and removed the video about 15 seconds later,” he told police, according to the warrant.
On the video, the players who viewed it did not see Sirois’s face, but noticed the couch he was sitting on and the area around it. Sirois allowed state police into his house to confirm the furniture in the video was in his house, and then described for them how he made the video.

I kind of feel bad for the guy, because you really do get the sense reading the story that it was a genuine mistake. Unfortunately for him it’s also serving as a pretty expensive and humiliating reminder to always double or triple check where something you don’t need anybody seeing is going, heat of the moment or not. He’s already out his job and the $100000 it took to bail himself out of jail after he was hit with charges of obscenity, risk of injury to a minor and breach of peace.

Nov 14 2014

Ride A Horse, Catch A Pervert

19-year-old Sean Johnson (of course he’d have a name like that) was arrested outside of a Florida Walmart last month after police say he was caught…er…playing with the toys.

From the police report, spelling mistakes and all:

Officers of the Brooksville Police Department Patrol Divisiion responded to Walmart in reference to an indecent exposure complaint. Store Loss Prevention observed JOHNSON acting suspiciously by constantly looking around. They observed him select a stuffed horse toy and go to the bedding department. JOHNSON was then observed masturbate (sic) using the stuffed animal. He then put the toy that was now covered in ejaculate back on the shelf with other items. As a result the items were contaminated and unsellable.

He was charged with indecent exposure and was allowed to ride off into the sunset after posting $1500 bond.

If you need them, police have released pictures of the horse. They’re here, as is this:

We’ve also learned a few more details about Johnson’s afternoon of passion. A report from a Brooksville, Fla., police officer, for instance, contains the tidbit that Johnson utilized “short fast movements” to bring himself to fruition, and that his ejaculate ended up mostly on the stuffed animal’s “chest areaa.”

“Yeah baby, I’m gonna bring myself to fruition on your chest area!” may just be the least romantic sentence I’ve ever come up with. One of you should try it out if you get the chance.

Nov 14 2014


This is all kinds of wrong.

Sondra Arniquett (no idea why her name is spelled two different ways) is suing Drug Enforcement Administration agent Timothy Sinnigen, claiming that after an arrest in 2010, he used pictures and other personal information lifted from her seized cell phone to make a fake Facebook profile in the hopes that it would help him catch other offenders.

Actually, my use of the words “claiming that” isn’t quite accurate. The government totally admits to doing this, which should scare everybody. Even worse, they think that what would probably amount to identity theft charges for the rest of us is just peachy, because law enforcement.

In a court filing, a U.S. attorney acknowledges that, unbeknownst to Arquiett, Sinnigen created the fake Facebook account, posed as her, posted photos, sent a friend request to a fugitive, accepted other friend requests, and used the account “for a legitimate law enforcement purpose.”
The U.S. Attorney defending Sinnigen claims that the agent’s actions were OK: while Arquiett did not give “express permission” for Sinnigen to use the photos, it is argued, she “implicitly consented by granting access to the information stored in her cell phone and by consenting to the use of that information to aid in an ongoing criminal investigations.”

Um, no. That’s kind of like saying that if I give the police permission to search my house once because a suspected criminal stayed with me for a while, they then have the right to move in and assume my identity because they think he might come back sometime. That’s fucking absurd.

Also absurd:

Astonishingly, four years later, the fake profile is still up. One photo, of Arniquett “wearing either a two-piece bathing suit or a bra and underwear,” was at some point pulled down—Sinnigen’s government lawyer argues that the photo was not sexually suggestive—but the picture of her young son and niece remains.

Oh, and she’s not even on the probation from her original sentence anymore. that was terminated in March.

This, in case it somehow isn’t obvious, is why we need encryption. Who else is going to protect us from our protectors?

Nov 13 2014

Who’s Gonna Pull Us Over? We’ve Got All The Cars!

I want to believe Suburban Auto Body President Dennis O’Connell Jr. when he says that nobody from his shop did anything wrong because honestly, what kind of idiots would be idiot enough to drag race the marked police cars they were supposed to be working on through town, right? But if I am to take him at his word, then I have no choice but to conclude that as a boss and possibly a person, he’s kind of awful. How else would you explain this?

Despite challenging the police account, O’Connell said one employee was fired “out of respect for Roseville PD and the hopes of continuing our relationship with them.”

Everyone’s actions were above board, but we fired a guy anyway because we like cops. Uh huh. Alrighty then. That’s not a wrongful termination lawsuit waiting to happen at all.

Nov 13 2014

They Should Apply For A Permit To Move Their House 6 Feet

11-year-old Jon Lawson has to walk 40 minutes to school each day because a change to the calculations used by Durham County Council in the UK means that his house falls 6 feet outside of the you get a free bus pass limit. That’s a bit silly and it sucks for a family that’s going to have to jigger its routine now, but things are like that sometimes. Rules change, and sometimes they don’t change in your favour. Mom or dad can probably just drive him to school if the walk is too much or the weather is bad, no harm done.

But of course, this being the United Kingdom, there is harm done. And as usual, that harm is done to good sense.

Even though mom and dad may have to drive young Jon now, they won’t have to worry about his older brother Liam, because he can take the bus. Yes, Liam goes to the same school and lives in the same house and was given the exact same free pass that little brother was denied.Why? Because his pass was granted under the old rules, not the new ones.

Did somebody say headdesk?

Of course this is all about fairness, say officials.

“In the interests of fairness to all pupils, we must ensure that our policy is applied consistently,” said Jane Jack, school admissions and transport manager for Durham County Council. She forgot to add and moronically, but I’m sure that was simply an oversight.

“We do acknowledge that it may seem unusual for different decisions to have been made in relation to two brothers going to the same school.

“This has occurred because we have updated the system we use to measure walking distances, upon which we base our decision.

“Although the older brother qualified when he was properly assessed using the previous system, the younger brother does not qualify when properly assessed using the current system, which takes into account, for example, changes to available walking routes.

“While we understand this may cause frustration for the family concerned, it is important that we apply the current policy equally to all applicants.”

This could only be dumber if they based the decision on Liam’s bedroom being on the side of the house closer to the school.

Hopefully the council will soon be properly assessed, and not for bus pass eligibility.

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