Some Of History’s Worst Weaponry

If there’s one thing we’re good at in this world, it’s killing each other. We’ve come up with all sorts of brutally effective not to mention creative ways of doing it over the years, but not every idea is a winner.

Chickens?

Bee Afraid, Bee Very Afraid!

When I saw this story about a swarm of unknown insects flying through parts of London, All I could think was “Aaaa! Black Mirror!” I know these things were live bee-like things, but still. I’m not alone in this, other articles mentioned the thought too.

We still don’t know why, but there are lots of videos of parts of London where people are trying to dodge swarms of bees, or wasps, or something.

You know how I feel about bees anyway, and then add in the Black Mirror comparison, and…eek!

Looking at all these posts about bees, I’m wondering if I need to make a bees tag.

I’ll Give You Your Cocks Back If You’ll Give Me Your…

So. Um. This is a thing that happened in Kentucky.

According to the arrest warrant deputies served on Rodney Brown, 25, the crime started with the theft of 25 roosters, a goat, some rooster pens, and some other equipment used to keep those roosters.
Police say Brown took them from the victim’s home December 21. They arrested him yesterday and charged him with theft by unlawful taking.
Brown’s arrest warrant says after he stole those animals and items he contacted the victim. The citation says Brown “offered to give the items back if he would consent to sex with him.”

He also told the victim that he’d beat him up if he went to the police, say the police he went to. Great job.

The story says that all of the requesting and threatening was done via text message, which has me wondering if Brown and his target are somehow known to each other.

Brown, who has since bonded out of jail, was charged with promoting prostitution and third degree terroristic threatening.

Imagine Riding A Bus With A Moose…

I finally know what this video

is about.

Description:

This is a Norwegian video that shows all sorts of animals with a harness, such as a burrow, a duck, a yak or an ox, a moose/elk, ostrich, etc. They all have a person with them as though the person shown next to them is using these more exotic animals as their guide. There are all sorts of unexpected, humorous things happening with the animals in the video, such as the animal leaving droppings on the floor, eating hay in a restaurant and charging at the red table cloth as though it were a red cape in the bull ring, the large antlers of the moose making it difficult to see out to the back of a bus for the driver, etc. Finally the scene at the end shows a taxi pulling up in front of a guide dog team and then has a close up of the dog with the caption “It could have been worse, it is only a dog we would like to bring with us”

Friggin great. I’d like to show this to cabbies who are worried about a little dog hair on the car floor, or people all worked up about bringing a dog into a restaurant.

Caughtinmouth

I need the help of somebody with a long memory for these sorts of things (Carin, I may be looking squarely in your direction).

I seem to recall that several years ago, either police or wildlife type people issued a warning to citizens of a state that may or may not have been Florida asking that they please refrain from kissing the local raccoon population on the lips no matter how cute they think it is because neither raccoon bites nor rabies are overly pleasant. I thought this was on the blog here somewhere but I can’t find it, and I’m having about as much luck with Google. So did this actually happen or am I remembering something incorrectly? This is important, because I need to know whether this Floridiot here is raising a bar or firing a first shot.

Hillsborough County sheriff’s deputies said Austin Hatfield, 18, captured the 4-foot cottonmouth, also known as a water moccasin, while swimming last week and kept it in a pillowcase at his girlfriend’s house, where he was bitten on the lip.

Friends told investigators Hatfield was trying to kiss the snake when it struck him.
Hatfield was initially hospitalized in critical condition, but his status was upgraded to good condition and officials said he is expected to make a full recovery.

They’re also hoping that he learned something and that one day they might be able to upgrade his mental status from duuuuuuuuuh to duh.

And because I know you’re all wondering, the answer to your question is no, Hatfield did not possess the proper permits allowing him to catch or keep cottonmouth snakes according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, which is now investigating.

Smoked Bacon

There are a lot of common reasons for going on a bender. There are also some pretty ridiculous ones. But I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of anyone hitting both extremes simultaneously quite the way Chad Spohn did.

Investigators say that Chad Spohn, 44, became highly intoxicated after drinking a bottle of Everclear, the 190-proof alcohol. Spohn threatened to harm himself during several 911 calls, according to a Washington County Sheriff’s Office report.
Upon arriving at the Spohn residence in Waterford, deputies learned from Spohn’s wife Heather that he was upset over their marital problems and “because their pig had ate all of his marijuana.” She added, “Chad gets upset when he does not have marijuana.”

Apparently Chad also gets upset when the police come to collect him, and requires a tussle and a tasing before he’ll cooperate with the nice officer.

He’s been charged with resisting arrest and disorderly conduct by intoxication.

Millie the pig, while unharmed, appears to be in need of a new home.

In a message to his Facebook friends, he wrote, “anyone want a pig she is free and comes with food and cage. she is house broken as long as you show her where to go. if you have a dog she will follow it.” He added, “i just dont have time for her anymore.”

So if you’re looking for a friend or maybe something to eat when the munchies hit, there you go.

2014: Goodbye And Good Riddance

It’s mid January, and I feel like I have to write the usual holiday wrap-up/year in review post. I feel like this will be the shortest one ever because both the holidays, and the year, feel like they have been snatched and tainted.

Getting to my family’s Christmas was coloured with a bit of Carin-style adventure that wasn’t even my fault. We decided to take a bus to the bus terminal and get on the Greyhound. The night before Christmas, I checked to see if buses were running, or how. Apparently they were running on a reduced schedule that wasn’t explained. So, I called, and thought I got the correct info.

Um, how about no? After standing at the bus stop for way too long, we decided we’d have to cab down there after all. As we ran back to our building to call a cab, poor Steve tripped and fell, hurting his ankle. I seriously thought we were screwed, and the fates had decided I was truly going to have myself a little Christmas that wasn’t merry at all. But poor Steve limped through, and we caught the greyhound and got to Toronto to meet family.

That dinner was nice, and we had a lot of laughs and talked about old memories. I don’t know if pets and guide dog thought it was such a nice Christmas though. You see, my sister has 2 cats who are a little shy of interlopers, and Tansy would love to play with a couple of cats. So I had to keep Tansy on a leash, and we had to baby gate off the house so the cats would feel safe. Then my brother brought over his wee little dog, who I need to write about in another post. She also would love to play with either Tansy or the cats, and the gate really wasn’t much of an obstacle to her. Those poor cats…although before I left, I saw one of the cats corner her by some stairs and try to enforce the law a wee bit. Anyway, the animals had anything but a relaxed Christmas, even though they gave us lots of entertainment.

Then we came home, intending to have a few nice, relaxing days, and then have Brad over, hang out for New Years, and then go over to Steve’s dad’s for Christmas dinner with him. Hehehehe about those relaxing days. We got home on Friday afternoon, and sort of had a relaxing day on Saturday, got the call about Steve’s grandma on Sunday, and then she passed away that Monday. Tuesday we got another call saying we had to scoot home because there would be visitations the next day. Then that day was New Years Eve, so then we headed back to our place with Brad. Who knew 5 people and 2 dogs could fit in one vehicle, but we did it.

New Years Eve was pretty low-key. I think we were all exhausted, and throughout the evening, each of us sort of nodded off a bit. But we were awake at midnight, which is better than we can say some years.

Then we headed over to Steve’s dad’s. It was good to spend time with him right now, and I hope he got some pleasure out of us being there…although the poor guy had a wicked cold and his mom had just died. But I think he had a few laughs and, after some adventures with cooking appliances failing and pie fillings not cooperating, we had a good meal, and hey, a good meal with family is all that matters.

We headed home after that, and really, nothing else exciting happened, which is probably a good thing. I just got ready to head back to work after being off because of my unwanted companion not so affectionately nicknamed the captain.

What can I say about 2014? Ug, not a whole lot. Aside from a couple weddings and going to CSUN, the year felt like an unending string of me hoping that after the current trouble was over, maybe the future would look up. We went from my step-grandpa going into hospice and eventually passing away, to a seemingly unending winter of brutal cold with a couple of fun things sprinkled in, to my brother’s wedding, which was lots of fun, to Steve’s sister’s wedding which was also lots of fun and I haven’t written about it, to my gallbladder’s doom in May, to my long battle with the captain starting in June, which eventually made me work from home in August and take a leave from work as of September. December was looking up, I was starting to feel better, and then…hey, how about turning this year into a death sandwich? Sound good? No? Well, too damn bad for you. So I’m really really really hoping that 2015 has a lot more cool things in it for us…but I’d even settle for a year of ordinary living at this point.

As for the state of the world, holy crap did it suck too. I think someone needs to take that We didn’t Start the Fire song and update it with stuff from 2014.

How did somebody put it? Most of 2014 was full of a whole lot of terrible things from all directions, or an octopus of nope. Ebola and Islamic State whatever the hell they want to call themselves and shootings in Ottawa and hands up don’t shoot and I can’t breathe and Ghomeshi and Cosby and aaaaaaaaa no more! It was a horrible time to be sick, and looking at way too much Twitter. I think I lost my mind a little bit. Hell I know I did. When I was home for Christmas, and mom said “What’s the name of that guy from the CBC? The one with the long stories…like essays?” Internally I went straight to “oh please, you’re not talking about Jian Ghomeshi are you? Not now! Nonononononononono! I’m not gonna say it, you’re going to have to give me a lot more before I say it.” Never was I so happy when I figured out it was Stuart McLean she was referring to!

The year 2015, on the news front, isn’t starting off too well either. I can only hope that things will calm down, although I know that even in better times, there is always too much death and tragedy. I don’t know what made things seem so acutely bad last year. There’s a cynical part of me that keeps whispering “It wasn’t any better or worse, you just had to look it in the face and realize that there’s a lot of evil around us and we haven’t advanced past it, and we can’t deceive ourselves into thinking we have.” I don’t know, but I hope that eventually I’ll see the signs pointing to the good in humanity a little more often.

So, let’s go 2015. Allow me to shake 2014 off like a dog and move on to a better year

Dice My Onions, Or I Might Go Snaky!

I was going to write about this on Monday, but my computer had other plans.

If I wrote this post on Monday, I would have said that I think I’m winning the battle with Captain Nameless Illness, but I’m not completely sure anymore. At any rate, it’s still robbing me of creativity because when I saw this story, my first thought was “Meh, not doing much for me.” I showed it to Steve and he said “excuse me? Not doing it for you? I have so many questions!” I looked at it again, and realized that yeah, I have some too, as a matter of fact.

So, the story goes that early in the morning, two strange fellows walked into a Tim Hortons in Saskatoon. They ordered some kind of sandwich, and one of them got into an argument with the person working at Tim Hortons about how he wanted his onions. He wanted the employee to dice them for him. this argument got more heated, until he rreached into his friend’s jacket pocket, pulled out a small snake and hurled it behind the counter at the employee. Some craziness ensued, police were called, and the dudes and the snake were taken away.

Whaaat?

Let’s start with the most basic question. This is a Tim Hortons. why the hell would they be debating with the worker about how they want their onions cut? You get onions the way they make them, and that’s that. this kind of reminds me of something I saw in a Subway shop. This woman started loudly insisting that the guy making sandwiches change his gloves. I guess if she was deathly alergic to something he just handled, then I understand, but otherwise, what the hell?

Second, who walks around with a snake in their jacket pocket? Maybe if you’re 8 or something, you mmight walk around with a frog in your pocket, but these guys were 20 and it was 7 or so in the morning, at least I think I read that in another story.

Finally, what kind of strange relationship do these guys have where guy A can just reach into guy B’s coat and take something out and throw it? Or are they not friends anymore?

very very strange.

Duck Duck Smoosh

I wonder if Karie Lindgren was one of the people at the fair years ago who didn’t know what a duck was. That perhaps explains why she recently tried to feed one candy. It does not, however, explain why she became so enraged by the duck’s refusal of her offering of treats that she hopped in her car and mowed the ungrateful little prick down in the prime of its life. Pretty sure that bit happened because Florida.

About 5:45 p.m. Saturday, Lindgren tried luring the duck with a piece of candy at 515 Heritage Oaks Court, but when the duck did not approach, Lindgren drove her vehicle across a lawn and ran over it “at a high rate of speed,” according to an arrest report.

One witness said Lindgren had “stalked” the duck, the affidavit says.

She’s been charged with felony animal cruelty and at last word was in the Pinellas County Jail, where hopefully she stays away from the inmate cigarettes and candy trading system so no one gets killed.

United Breaks Cats And Dogs

Actually, make that United *bakes* cats and dogs.

But, according to Sinclair, her pets were not safe. In fact, she says, the comfort stop nearly killed them. As she sat in her window seat looking out onto the tarmac of George Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston, Sinclair says she saw a cargo employee kick Sedona’s crate six times to shove it under the shade of the plane’s wing instead of gently moving it there.

Urged by a fellow passenger, Sinclair began documenting what was happening to her animals.

“And the woman in front of me said – ‘Is that your dog?'” Sinclair said. “And she said, ‘Honey, I sure hope you’re taking video of this.’ And that was the beginning of the worst day of my life.”

She shot cell phone video that July day and shared it with NBC Bay Area’s Investigative Unit. The video she recorded periodically shows her pets left outside, not in a temperature-controlled vehicle. According to the National Weather Service, the high in Houston that day was 94 degrees. When they touched down in Boston, Sinclair said her dog was barely alive.

“Sedona’s entire crate was filled with blood, feces, urine,” Sinclair said. “Sedona was in full heat stroke. All of the blankets were filled with blood. She was urinating and defecating blood. She was dying, literally, right in front of me.”

Both pets ended up surviving and to its credit, United offered to pay the entire vet bill. But, and you knew there was going to be a but, there was a catch. The company was only willing to pay out after Sinclair signed a nondisclosure agreement. To her credit, she told them where they could put it.

And right there we have everything that’s wrong with United, though I know it’s hardly just them. Instead of making improvements to their dirt poor service, they’d rather pretend things didn’t happen with a few dollars and the threat of a lawsuit. But hey, at least they’re sort of up front about it, which is something, I guess. It’s a warning to find a better airline if such a thing exists if it’s nothing else.

United Airlines declined a request for an on-camera interview with NBC Bay Area’s Investigative Unit.

Instead, in a written statement United Airlines said, “We are committed to ensuring safe and comfortable travel of all the pets that fly with us and regret that Sedona did not have a good experience. We offered to compensate Ms. Sinclair by fully reimbursing her vet bill, but unfortunately she declined to accept the terms of the agreement.”

In an email, NBC Bay Area asked Jennifer Dohm of United’s corporate communications office if the airlines will not reimburse Sinclair because she did not sign the nondisclosure agreement. “That’s correct,” Dohm responded.