Ask About Our 911 Minutes Or It’s Free Guarantee

Today in stupid ass reasons for calling 911: The pizza wasn’t ready when my son and I came to collect it.

A 32-year-old woman dialled 911 at about 9 p.m. Monday to report her pizza wasn’t ready when she showed up at an Elgin, Ont., restaurant to pick it up, Leeds County OPP said.
When police arrived, they said the woman and her 10-year-old son were waiting in their car to file their culinary complaint.
“Officers educated her on the proper use of the 911 system,” OPP said in a news release.

32. I’ll say that again, because it bears repeating. She! Is! Thirty! Two!

But according to the police who showed up to “educate” her, what she wasn’t was under the influence of anything, which makes the whole thing so much worse. Oh, and she isn’t expected to face charges, which also doesn’t help. A bad deal all around, right here.

Lead Us Not Into A Telephone Pole, But Deliver Us From Crazy Mommies

You know what would be nice? If either the fact that a crazy religious lady would drive a carload of people into a pole on purpose to prove that God is real or that substances don’t appear to have contributed to the decision making came as a great surprise to me.

Authorities said the mother was traveling northbound on Peachtree Industrial Boulevard when she crossed into the southbound lanes and drove head on into a pole, Channel 2 Action News reported. Her children, ages 5 and 7, were in the backseat. 
One of Warren’s daughters told police she thinks her mom did it on purpose.
“…Her eyes (were) closed and she was saying, ‘blah, blah, blah, I love God,’” the girl said. “She didn’t want us to just have a car accident. She wanted us to know that God is real.”
Police said Warren told her children to buckle up their seat belts before she rammed into the pole, Channel 2 reported.

Bahari Shaquille Warren did eventually admit to police that her daughter was telling the truth, so at least if God does exist he didn’t have to watch her lie for too long. She has been charged with two counts of child cruelty and is currently jailed while she waits for the lord to scrape together $22,000.

The children are staying with their grandparents, who are hopefully more sensible about the faith thing.

It’s Going To Be A Nice Mommy Daughter Day At The Pot Shop. Well, Sort Of

I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say that 33-year-old Stephanie Stinson of Winter Haven, Florida isn’t a great example for the youngsters to follow. I dare say they’d do well not to stand in front of it, either.

The trouble (at least the trouble we know about anyhow) began when Stinson told her 15-year-old daughter that she wished to buy some marijuana and wondered if perhaps one of her little friends might be able to make that happen. The daughter sent a few texts and the next thing you know, a deal was made. Well, sort of.

Stinson paid $20 for a bag of marijuana and expected change in return. When she didn’t get her change, Stinson attempted to block the vehicle from leaving. Lopez, who was getting inside of the vehicle on the passenger side, was struck when Stinson rammed her blue Dodge Avenger into the vehicle. The impact launched Lopez over the hood of the vehicle where he landed in the roadway. He suffered significant injuries including facial fractures and other broken bones.

Feeling frightened of what she had just done and ashamed that she, the lone responsible adult here had let the situation spiral so far out of control, Stinson immediately offered help and comfort to the would-be salesman. Well, sort of.

Stinson stopped briefly to pull off a piece of her vehicle that was dragging and both she and her daughter saw Lopez injured in the roadway. As they left, Stinson’s daughter called 9-1-1, but they did not stay at the scene. A piece of Stinson’s car was lodged in the silver Chevrolet she had struck and police were able to determine the ownership by the vin number marked on the vehicle part.

Sensing that things had now gone way too far, they drove that damaged car straight to the police station without a second thought and threw themselves upon the mercy of the law. Well, sort of.

Initially, police were unable to locate Stinson’s vehicle; however her estranged husband called police at 7:06 a.m. to report that he found his vehicle with damage and Stephanie had sent him text messages stating she had struck a vehicle and a person earlier.
On 10-15-17 at 8:09 a.m. Stinson and her daughter reported to the Winter Haven Police Department to give statements to the incident.

No word on what if anything will happen to the girl, but Stinson was charged with Leaving the Scene of a Crash Involving Injury and contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor. Since everyone makes mistakes, I hope the police go easy on her. Well, sort of.

My Baby Is Missing! And I’m Not Sure Where My Daughter Is, Either

Police in Ohio have arrested a woman for only being half right when she called them to report that her car had been stolen with one of her children inside.

Authorities say the mother told police she had her car running in front of her home on North 4th Street and her daughter Janylia was sleeping in the backseat.

When she returned into her home to get her additional children, the car was stolen.
Officers responded to the area and were able to find the vehicle roughly a mile away but no child was inside.

An unfortunate mix-up, but an arrest-worthy one? Clearly she must have been panicking. Wouldn’t we all be panicking?

Investigators were able to determine the child was never in the car. Janylia’s aunt told police she was with the girl Sunday night through Monday morning.

Well. Um. Perhaps that changes things a little. But who among us hasn’t been on the wrong end of a bad case of the forgetfuls at least once? A little understanding goes a long way, you guys.

Pickett told investigators she told police her child was in the vehicle so it would be found faster.

Alright alright alright. You win, police department.

Columbus Police provides update on investigation into Monday morning's Amber Alert, missing girl report | LATEST INFO: https://bit.ly/2jLM9yA

Posted by 10TV – WBNS on Monday, January 30, 2017

Jessica Pickett has been charged with falsification in connection with the Amber Alert triggering incident. Daughter Janylia (whose last name is Fails so that should set her up well for the future when combined with mom’s judgment) and two other children were removed from her home and placed in protective custody.

I’m Afraid They Maytag Her As A Bad Parent

Whenever I think about this poor, poor kid, after I can let out my breath, all I can think of are two things. The washing machines in the apartment building are so deep that in order for me to reach the bottom, I have to almost climb in to get everything, so Steve helps me out so I don’t go head over heels into the machine. Second, an old Radio-Free Vestibule sketch that I saw late one night on TV goes through my head. I can’t find it anywhere on the internet, so I’m basically going to have to write it down.

A man walks into a laundromat and is looking around. He flags down a woman, explains that he’s never done laundry in his life and doesn’t know how, asking her for help. She hurriedly tells him the instructions for using the machines are on the inside of the lids and walks off. He opens the lid and reads something like “to do laundry, follow these five easy steps.
1. Put clothes in machine.”
*dumps clothes in machine*
“2. add deturgent.”
*adds deturgent*
“3. Close lid.”
*closes lid*
At this point, he is left staring at the closed lid of the washer, realizing the rest of the instructions are on the inside of the lid. He says “uh-oh…” and the sketch ends. It’s much funnier when they do it.

Sadly, what happened in this story would cause us to use much stronger words than “uh-oh.”

One afternoon, Brooke Haney fell asleep while watching her children. One of the toddlers went to play in the washing machine. Check out this little snippet of the story.

The young children in the home told police they were used to helping with the laundry.
The washing machine, which the family used as a dirty clothes hamper, was programmed to switch on when the lid closed. After the clothes were clean, one child would climb into the open machine and pass the wet clothes to another, who would then toss them into the dryer.
Alexis closed the lid — and hot water started to pour in.
Authorities said she died from “scaling and thermal injuries,” according to a probable cause affidavit filed earlier this week in Calhoun County Circuit Court.

*shiver*.

There are so many things wrong with that whole thing. Kids that age are doing laundry, they’re doing it like that, and mom is knocked out while this is going on.

I don’t have much else to say except “eek,” and I hope the washing machine doesn’t sing a cute little song when it’s done. That would just give it that extra creepy horror movie factor.

You’d Best Get Used To It. It’s Going To Be Even Hotter Where You’re Going


Today in those are some immense testicles you’re sporting there, ma’am: Colleen Walker, 30, who told the cops to turn on the air conditioning because it was too hot in the car…as they were hauling her in for having left her 5-year-old son in a sweltering car while she and the 3-year-old went shopping for either 12 minutes or a half hour depending on whether you believe her or the security cameras.

Surveillance video showed Walker in the store for about 30 minutes with her 3-year-old daughter.
A firefighter told Walker her son was lucky to be alive.
“We get cases and cases where, 10, 15 minutes the kid is dead,” the firefighter said.
The South Daytona Fire Department checked the temperature of the vehicle, which was 107 degrees.
The child’s vitals were checked and he was OK.
Police said while she was being driven to jail, Walker told officers to put on the air conditioning because it was “too hot.”
“She was complaining that the backseat of our patrol car was too hot on her way to the jail, and asked the officer to turn the AC up,” Lt. Dan Dietrich said.

Chinese Take You Out

What was supposed to be the dropping off of a former couple’s 8-year-old son turned into an argument over school attendance before ultimately becoming a food feud in Florida yesterday.

Responding to a disturbance at the China No. 1 restaurant in Vero Beach, a sheriff’s deputy discovered Brian Kusmer, 31, wearing his lunch. Kusmer said that he was waiting for his former girlfriend, Samantha Wilson, to drop off the couple’s eight-year-old son (whose custody they share).
When Wilson, 30, arrived at the restaurant, the duo argued about Wilson repeatedly keeping the child out of school, according to a police report. Kusmer told a cop that he asked Wilson to leave the restaurant after she got mad and began screaming at him.
Before departing, however, Wilson allegedly threw a plate of food on Kusmer, who later declined medical attention, but said “the sauce burned a little.”

When questioned, police say Wilson admitted that she had tossed the plate of pork fried rice, but seemed to offer up as a defense that she never actually touched him herself, a strategy that went over about as well as you’d expect.

She was charged with domestic battery and is currently free on her own recognizance with the condition that she have no contact with Brian the rice receptacle for the time being.

Just in case you were wanting to write this off as a heat of the moment type incident, it should be noted that Wilson is no stranger to being charged with things. Her record also includes criminal mischief, theft, negligence and perhaps most relevant at the moment, child abuse.

She Brings Out The Worst In Him

Not much to add here. Just a possibly crazy man terrorizing and attacking his family with his hands and some frozen sausage.

Derek Kiesler, 24, was arrested earlier this month following a violent confrontation in the Bardstown home he shares with the victim and the couple’s nine-month-old child.
Police allege that Kiesler struck his girlfriend “several times in the face and arms” and even hit the baby, “busting the child’s chin.”
After dragging the woman down a hallway, Kiesler “grabbed a frozen log of sausage from the freezer and struck her in the head with it.” When the woman sought to dial 911, Kiesler smashed her fingers until she dropped the phone, cops charge.

It took six hours for police to find and arrest him, at which point he confessed to hitting her but said that he wasn’t in control of himself and that she had pushed him to do it. Whatever you say, buddy.

He was charged with domestic violence, child abuse and wanton endangerment. There’s one you don’t hear often.

Knock It Off, You Clowns!

This one needs a soundtrack.

Right now, it sure does suck to be a clown.

I saw this article a long time ago, delving deep into the reasons why clowns scare us. I was going to just link to these kids all being scared of clowns, but hey, now we have a ton of people running around in clown masks chasing people, so why not post it now? I swear, the last time I read it, I didn’t have any trouble with freaking ads popping up and obscuring the article, so I hope you can read it without incident.

Aside: Where did this creepy clown phenomenon even come from? Did it just sort of take off on its own, or was there an original creepy clown? And why is it so popular?

I’m certainly not going to link to every creepy clown article I’ve read because, honestly, who has time for that? But here are a few that especially caught my attention

Clowns aren’t helping their own cause, yelling at bookstore owners for having a “no clowns allowed” sign outside their store, something put up as a joke because of all the clown stories. Doesn’t seem like the way to go.

And to the U of G student who was on campus walking around with a ‘ClownLivesMatter’ sign, you may have thought you were being funny or clever or something, but just don’t. The two issues can’t even be compared.

And, just because I can, have a story of a couple of people who went off to play creepy clown, and left their kid at home alone while they did it. Ok, whatever. I guess it was good that the kid wasn’t out with them, but…wow. Priorities, people.

Hopefully this clown thing just goes away. I’m glad I haven’t seen any.

All My Rowdy Kids Are Here For Monday Night, But They’re Staying In The Car So They Won’t Bother Us

Perhaps I’m the idiot here, but it strikes me that bringing your three small children into your friend’s house while you watch football there would, believe it or not, cause you far less trouble than leaving them in the car…in Pennsylvania…in January. But I guess there’s no explaining that to the kind of guy who then goes to the police station to turn himself in and ends up in a fight with two cops when informed that he’s going to be charged.

A western Pennsylvania man apparently got so caught up in the big game this weekend that he left his three young sons, ages 9-months to 7-years, inside his freezing car while he watched the NFL playoffs at a friend’s house.

It happened in Washington County, where the dad, identified as James Grusofski, 33, is under arrest, according to KDKA-TV in Pittsburgh.
Police got involved when one of his sons, a 4-year-old boy, was found wandering around the streets late Saturday night in 30 degree temperatures without a coat, shoes or socks, KDKA writes.

After his eventual tasing, Grusofski was charged with endangering the welfare of children, aggravated assault on a police officer and resisting arrest. It’s not known what if any further trouble he could face thanks to the cocaine and alcohol that it’s claimed were found in his system while he was being treated in hospital after his arrest.