When Ya Gotta Go, Ya Gotta Go To The Hospital

And now, let us take a few moments to read of the to my eye completely over the top workplace pranking and subsequent totally justified legal proceedings between firefighter Thomas Wengerter and his and fate’s aptly named victim, fellow fireman Raymond Johns.

• On November 27, 2015, Johns was on duty at the firehouse.
• He was in the men’s bathroom when he sat down on a toilet and heard and felt an explosion beneath him.
• Johns examined himself for injury and discovered a significant amount of blood coming from the left side of his scrotum, on which a blood blister had formed.
• The remnants of an exploded bang snap, a small firework without a fuse that detonates when compressed, was discovered on the toilet.
• After an investigation, defendant Thomas Wengerter, a fellow City firefighter, admitted to having placed bang snaps in various places in the firehouse as a prank, although he later denied having placed a bang snap on the toilet.
• The record, however, contains significant evidence contradicting Wengerter’s denial, including his apology to Johns immediately after the incident.
• Shortly after being injured, Johns left work to be treated at a medical facility.
• He was diagnosed with a second-degree burn on his scrotum and a contusion of the left testicle.
• He was thereafter placed off duty. He returned to work on December 9, 2015.
• Johns suffered no lost wages, and the City paid all his medical expenses.
• He did not file a workers’ compensation claim.
• Wengerter was suspended for the incident.

Believe it or not, Johns’ suit was unsuccessful because of the way the laws around these sorts of things are structured. Basically, being a complete fucking dipshit on duty and maming a guy falls under the category of workplace injury, so the only remedy he’s entitled to comes from the Workers’ Compensation Act and not, you know, the person actually responsible. Yes, even though to any reasonable person putting fireworks on a toilet has nothing to do with firefighting. No, not even if you almost blow off a guy’s hose as a result.

Seriously, this is unbelievable. Nuts, even.

Sorry, Raymond. Hard to resist the low hanging fruit, you understand.

He Sees You When You’re Sleeping, He Knows When You’re Awake, But He Didn’t See That Light Pole, So His Leg Now Has A Break

If Santa has a harder time than usual getting down your chimney this Christmas, this might be why.

Gerard Krokus, an experienced skydiver, was helping Santa deliver the Elf named Kristoff to a nine-year-old girl while flying in toys to the Beach Bums Operation Santa Charity Volleyball Tournament on Saturday. 
In the video you can see Krokus with a parachute above him coming in to deliver the toys, before his speed picks up and he crashes into a tree and a light pole near the sand volleyball courts.

the pole gave him a broken leg for Christmas, but it apparently didn’t stop him from taking a few pictures before heading to the hospital to get it fixed.

There is a GoFundMe to help pay his medical bills, since I guess the North Pole hasn’t gotten around to figuring out the whole universal healthcare thing just yet.

Damn You, Bus!

The Georgia Dome was imploded last week. It was quite the thing. Here is what it looked like as covered by NewsChannel 5.

And here it is as filmed by the Weather Channel.

I feel bad for this poor camera man (40 minutes of perfect streaming and then this happens), but I can’t stop laughing at him.

When He Said “Stop! Police!”, Was He Talking To The Suspect Or His Backup?

I’m not positive, but I feel like this might be appropriate.

No matter what you might think of the police, one thing I’m pretty sure we can all agree on is that they have a very dangerous job. Every day, they face the prospect of verbal abuse, physical violence, being shot, tased, bitten by a canine unit…hold on, back up a little. Something doesn’t sound quite right.

It started when Brad Browning, an officer in the small town of Dilworth, spotted a car with one headlight out about 1:45 a.m. When he pulled the car over, he discovered that the driver, Stephen Hietala of Perham, had a warrant out for his arrest.
Soon, a Moorhead police officer arrived on the scene as backup, and the two officers attempted to arrest and handcuff Hietala, 27, who resisted. In the struggle, the Moorhead officer pulled his Taser and fired.
Trouble was, he missed Hietala, hitting Browning instead.
Hietala immediately fled, running through the neighborhood with Browning in pursuit. By the time Hietala hid between two garages in an alley, a Clay County sheriff’s deputy had arrived with a police dog. The dog was cut loose, but instead of biting Hietala, it bit Browning, the police report said.

Believe it or not, Hietala was eventually arrested without further injury to officer Browning, who has been given time off to recover from the six staples it took to close the dog bite in his leg.

Meet Scarface And His Owner Scartorso

There is so much about this story that makes me go “wow.” First, somebody had a pit bull and they named it Scarface. To me, this sounds like they think of him as kind of mean. Maybe picking the name was random, or he had a weird scar on his face for some innocent reason and they thought it would be funny, but it kind of sounds like they wanted him to be not the friendliest beast in the world.

Then one day, they decided to put a sweater on him. It did not go well at all.

According to WFTS, a pit bull mix named Scarface bit Brenda Guerrero when she tried to get the sweater on him. Scarface then attacked her husband, Ismael Guerrero, when he tried to pull him off of Brenda.

At this point, the Guerrero’s adult son, Antoine Harris, tried to come to the rescue by stabbing Scarface in the head with a knife. This only resulted in Harris getting attacked and all three people eventually ran into the house and left Scarface in the backyard.
Animal Control and police then showed up and found that they also had their hands full with Scarface, who was at this point appeared unstoppable.
“Officers responding said the dog was pretty aggressive,” Eddy Durkin with Tampa police said. “When they tazed the dog the dog was still pulling away and was able to release the prongs from the tazer.”
When Animal Control and Tampa Police arrived to the home, the dog was shot with a tranquilizer gun.

What on earth would make them think it’s a good idea to try and put a friggin sweater on their dog? I don’t know of a dog who likes that, unless maybe they’ve had it done since they were a puppy, but I don’t think that’s the case here.

More importantly, what would make them think it was a good idea to put a sweater on a great big pit bull? I know everybody who has pit bulls says they get a terrible reputation, but they’re really sweet dogs…and all that, but they named a pit bull Scarface. I still think when you get a big ol’ pit bull and call it Scarface, you don’t want a cutesy wootsy cuddly pet. You want an aggressive or at least protective animal. I know lots of protective animals wouldn’t try to chomp their owners, but I wonder about how much actual training these owners gave it.

This makes me think of all the people who haven’t a clue about the signals their pets are sending. I don’t know how many people I hear say “Oh, he’s just friendly, wanting to play,” while their dog is growling and snarling. The dog probably gave them all kinds of warnings before it bit them and they didn’t even notice.

And…come on now, they tried to put the dog in a damn sweater! I don’t want to see anyone get mangled, but I kind of feel sorry for the dog.

Day Of The Duh

I never thought I’d write a great big post about ISIS-related things, but here it goes. I don’t even quite know where it’s going to go until it’s written. I’ve just had a simmering thought soup on this topic, and every now and then it bubbles up and throws a thought to the surface.

Ever since the Paris attacks in November, the behaviour that it has brought out of people has reminded me of this really old episode of Star Trek called “Day of the Dove”. I watched that episode as a kid and thought it was just a weird episode and another reason to have fight scenes with old weapons. But as I watch things unfold, I really think that episode was brilliant.

Look at how it seems like ISIS is trying to almost feed off our rage at each attack. Every time our suspicions spread to not just extremists, but ordinary Muslims and other people who live in that area, ISIS hoovers up more recruits. Every time civilians are wounded in target areas, ISIS convinces more people we’re the real enemies. The attacks take normally rational people and turn them irrational on both sides, which only feeds the fire.

I really started to get weirded out when I noticed myself having irrational thoughts. One day, I was in a cab, and the driver answered his cell phone, and started to speak another language that sounded like something Middle-Eastern. After being annoyed that he was yammering on a cellphone, I next noticed that he was getting agitated, which made me nervous. I never like angry speech I can’t understand. Then I thought I heard him say something that sounded like “inshallah”, and then I got irrationally nervous, thinking all kinds of stupid things that I don’t usually think, things like “Are they plotting something?” I had to notice the stupid thoughts and push them away, but they were alarmingly close to the surface.

Then, one day I was at the Christkindl market buying yummy apple fritters when I started to hear some loud bangs. Without much provocation, I heard myself think “Wow, if there was ever an opportunity for a terrorist attack, this would be it,” followed up by “Why did I stand in a massive crowd like a sitting duck? How important are some apple fritters? What would I do if chaos erupted around me?” I had to violently shake my head and tell myself off for even thinking these thoughts. But they were there, as if put there by someone outside of my mind.

I feel sorry for anyone named Isis, apparently this is a thing. According to several news articles, there are a ton of women and girls named Isis, after the Egyptian goddess, who are now being picked on because people stupidly assume they have something to do with terrorism. There are people with three-year-old girls who are being asked if they’re going to change the kid’s name. Steve had a weird dream that there was a world-famous golfer named Isis who, as long as he kept his name secret, was a popular guy. But as soon as the organizers knew his name was Isis, they shut down this huge tournament. Although ridiculous, there’s a weird believable element in that dream. We’ve all become so emotional over a word that we would do stupid things simply because it was mentioned.

What I’m trying to say is with a few pushes of the right buttons, any one of us can turn irrational and think, say or do stupid things. I don’t consider myself a racist or a xenophobe, but even I have had thoughts I would not expect. Now, imagine someone who already has some of those feelings and has for some time. Just imagine what ISIS could awaken in either direction.

I wish I had an easy way to end this, but I don’t. What I do hope is that we can avoid reacting with our gut. It’s hard, especially in the wake of an attack, but reacting with our gut is exactly what the extremists want. There was a cartoon someone mentioned on the radio. It showed a Neo-Nazi saying thank you to the extremists. That pretty much summed up what my brain had been desperately trying to articulate, but couldn’t. We can’t lose sight of who the real enemy is, or the real enemy will win. Is that really how we want this chapter of our history to end?

Down At The Bay, Where The Bargain Hunters Go, He Bought Some Gitch, With Size Unknown

And now, a rare moment of Canadian Parliamentary hilarity not caused by either Justin Trudeau or the conservative of the week saying something stupid and/or offensive.

This is Pat Martin explaining why he kind of sort of may have left his seat for a second during a vote. Seems he had to oversee a cabinet shuffle, you might say.

Come for the explanation, stay for the Speaker having to rule on it with a semi-straight face.


High school soccer coach Jeffrey M. Sirois made a short Snapchat video demonstrating a few of his best ball handling techniques, intending to send it to his girlfriend. But in what appears to be one of the worst cases of oops, wrong window in the history of the world, he accidentally sent it to members of his team. He is now former high school soccer coach Jeffrey M. Sirois.

In an interview with state police, Sirois said he never intentionally sent anything inappropriate to his players.
“I was attempted to send a video of myself in which I was masturbating,” according to the warrant. “I was making the video to send to my girlfriend. It is something she and I occasionally do.”
He told the troopers that after he sent the video, he checked to see if his girlfriend received it and found she didn’t. He said he then checked to see where he went and realized he sent it to everyone in his group on Snapchat, according to the warrant.
“I immediately realized my mistake and removed the video about 15 seconds later,” he told police, according to the warrant.
On the video, the players who viewed it did not see Sirois’s face, but noticed the couch he was sitting on and the area around it. Sirois allowed state police into his house to confirm the furniture in the video was in his house, and then described for them how he made the video.

I kind of feel bad for the guy, because you really do get the sense reading the story that it was a genuine mistake. Unfortunately for him it’s also serving as a pretty expensive and humiliating reminder to always double or triple check where something you don’t need anybody seeing is going, heat of the moment or not. He’s already out his job and the $100000 it took to bail himself out of jail after he was hit with charges of obscenity, risk of injury to a minor and breach of peace.

This Will Blast Away Your Happiness

Nothing like a little depressing reading to get me started blogging.

So I was looking at Twitter, loo dee dum dee doo dee hum dee…what’s this? SEVEN THINGS YOU LEARN SURVIVING AN ATOMIC BLAST… Whaaat?

And I have read some depressing cracked articles. this one, or this one, or this one, even this one, but none of them took the wind out of my sails like the one I read this morning. Maybe I can half blame captain nameless illness, but I don’t know.

Hmm…it strikes me that I read *a lot* of depressing cracked articles. I can think of 4 right off the top without effort. Oh gees. What does that say about me?

The one piece that was never quite wrapped up for me in a nice little package was the piece about this kid getting adopted by an American dude and made an American citizen. What happened to her actual parents? We were never led to believe that they dide. How did she feel about this? How did they? Did she have siblings?

I can’t even imagine. Hearing details about pink bodies and hanging flesh and people drowning in rivers and rooms full of wounded with no medical care…just…well…took a lot out of me this morning, and I’m not exactly sure why.

yeah, duck and cover. Although I was blown away by the fact that a second pair of pants did do a lot to save her.