It’s So Good To Finally Keep Doing What We Never Stopped Doing

ANOTHER DULL QUARANTINE WEEKEND AT HOME, TARGET, CHIPOTLE, HOME DEPOT, AND OUR NIECE’S GRADUATION PARTY This is one of those pieces that’s technically satire but is pretty much on the nose. All coronavirus long I’ve had to hear people bellyaching about how rough things have been, how little there is to do and how they …

Talk Is Cheap. Dead Air Is Cheaper

This is supposed to be satire, but it’s a little too on the nose. Bell is just the worst. I’m not sure if there’s anything for which they can be criminally prosecuted for blatantly stealing all of that COVID emergency business relief money, but if there is, may it rain down upon them like vengeance …

No One Should Ever Vote For Doug Ford Again, Said Doug Ford

Doug Ford Furious At Doug Ford For Cutting Funding To Long-Term Care Homes Toronto – After the Canadian military’s report on the state of long-term care homes was released, Doug Ford has stated how disappointed and angry he is over Doug Ford’s health care cuts that led to the homes being in this state. After …

More Excellent Advice

CDC Urges Americans To Just Say No If Friend Offers Them Coronavirus ATLANTA—In an effort to stop the spread of the potentially lethal pathogen, the Centers for Disease Control held a press conference Monday to urge Americans to just say “No” if a friend offers them the coronavirus. “While it may seem cool to be …

Some Excellent Advice

Doctors recommend that you cover your mouth when you cough you disgusting piece of shit Hamilton, ON – After a decades long study, doctors at McMaster University’s Michael G. DeGroote School of Medicine have found that to prevent the spread of bacteria and viruses you should cover your mouth when you cough you disgusting piece …

Also Sounds About Right

Ford government cancels tree planting program after learning trees also want to eliminate carbon TORONTO – In a move harshly criticized by environmentalists nationwide, the Ford government announced yesterday that it is cancelling a program that would have seen 50 million new trees planted in Ontario, after realizing that trees, like the Conservative-denounced carbon tax, …

You Have Nice Stuff, But You Have Too Much Of It

Reminds me of our movers. “We thought this was just going to be a standard job where we drive the truck up to the client’s old apartment, take a look around, and then drive to the new place,” said mover Alexander Manginis, adding that the man who had hired them had given no indication that …

Finally, A Quiz I Can Ace!

As you may have heard from the people screaming about it online, Ontario’s new PC Government has announced they will be immediately repealing the 2015 Sex-Ed Curriculum, and “temporarily” replacing it with the 1998 curriculum. Which begs the question: What the fuck? But also: could you pass the 1998 sex-ed final exam? Take this quiz …