Helping You Feel Better About Yourself

I’ve seen me some stupid people on Family Feud before, but I don’t remember anything that comes close to toppingthese guys. What I can’t figure out is how they made it to Fast Money. that means they had to have won, which seems impossible. And if they won, that means that the people they beat …

Pencil Sharpeners Don’t Kill People, Idiots With Pencil Sharpeners Kill People

Some days I find myself thinking that we really ought to just wipe the world clean and start over. After seeingthis,it’s safe to say that today is definitely one of them. First it was the shatterproof ruler. Then came the compass with a soft point. Now one of the UK’s biggest stationery manufacturers is redesigning …

Ok, I Think I’ve Just Officially Heard It All

Thisis one of the most ridiculous explanations I’ve heard for anything in the entire history of ever. A Rochester man who said his poor eyesight caused him to molest his girlfriend’s prepubescent daughter was ordered to prison today. Monroe County Court Judge Frank P. Geraci Jr. sentenced Eric Kennedy, 38, to 12 years behind bars …

Come On Baby Light My Face

Here’s another one for the hahahaha! files. A man broke into a convenience store, grabbed some lottery tickets, and set the place ablaze. But while he was spraying the surveillance camera, he set fire to his face. The camera survived and got a pretty good shot of our friend. By some strange feat, he still …

They Say It’s Your Birthday Eh? Well We’ll See About That!

Here’s a strange one. A texas man wasstabbed with a pitchforkwhile trying to break up a drunken fight between 2 of his nephews. According to police, the 3 men were drinking in their mobile home Sunday afternoon when a dispute broke out over which of the nephews was the oldest. No, seriously, that’s really what …

Welcome to Wal-Mart, How Can I Sort of Help You?

I’ve been meaning to write about this since, hmm, when? When I got back from guide dog school? Or was it before that? I know I was with mom getting stuff at Wal-Mart. Anyway, here goes. We’re getting stuff at Wal-Mart, like I said, and mom decides to go through one of these funky-doodle self-checkout …