Hey Hey! Ho Ho! All Of Us Have Got To Go!

I totally understand being irritated by the constant noise, but I question the logic of using laxatives to *stop* incessant tooting. Angered by the noise coming from a union picket line across frome their home, an Ohio couple allegedly made sugar cookies spiked with a laxative and gave the baked goods to striking school employees, […]

Ahh What The Heck. I’m Already Here Anyway

I don’t know what other problems Casey Michael Lewis may have, but impulse control is clearly an issue for him. According to police, Casey Michael Lewis, 34, was booked into the St. Lucie County jail around 4 AM Thursday following his arrest at a Walmart for grand theft, a felony, and other charges. Lewis bonded […]

Look On The Bright Side. You Did End UP Getting Screwed

The best thing about the story of Jon Omer Sengul isn’t that he called 911 to complain about a prostitution transaction gone awry, but rather that he seemed to know exactly what he was doing and didn’t much care. And yes, his name being Jon is also kind of fun. When contacted by police, Sengul […]

You Know That Ain’t Them Dogs’ Real Voice

Ok, people. We have established that guide dogs can’t read maps, traffic lights, street signs or the news. Now, let’s clear something else up while we’re at it. Dogs aren’t writing anything either. There’s a Facebook page called Zoe the Seeing Eye dog. In it, Zoe’s handler writes as if she is the dog, like […]

There Are No Rules About Mental Distancing. Stop That!

I have been feeling anxious when out walking because I never feel like I can keep the six feet of distance. This is not helped by Shmans’s tendency to kind of buzz people as they go by. Sometimes she just scoots past them, and sometimes she has sniffed people in a moment of weakness. Either […]

Fight For Your Right To Pox Party

And speaking of dumb, why would you even try getting away with throwing a big party right now? There’s no way somebody isn’t going to stooge that off. Cripes, you’d probably raise less suspicion if you just straight up murdered somebody…assuming that the murder in question involved five people or fewer, of course. Wellington County […]

Don’t Mess With Me. These Lungs Are Lethal Weapons

Coughing on people and objects is so much the new thing nowadays that it’s hardly worth posting every instance of it. But this one I’m putting up because it’s particularly dumb. This doofus, who the Guelph Police Service has not named here, got himself a probation violation for randomly coughing on a couple of people […]

So Wait. You’re Telling Me Some Of Those Games *Aren’t* Rigged?

I don’t know if Cheryl Holden’s problem is with gambling specifically, but clearly there’s an issue of some sort going on here. A Folkestone mum who spent £100 trying to win teddies from an arcade believes the machines were set up to stop her claiming them for her child. Last month Cheryl Holden, 34, was […]