Fight For Your Right To Pox Party

And speaking of dumb, why would you even try getting away with throwing a big party right now? There’s no way somebody isn’t going to stooge that off. Cripes, you’d probably raise less suspicion if you just straight up murdered somebody…assuming that the murder in question involved five people or fewer, of course. Wellington County […]

Don’t Mess With Me. These Lungs Are Lethal Weapons

Coughing on people and objects is so much the new thing nowadays that it’s hardly worth posting every instance of it. But this one I’m putting up because it’s particularly dumb. This doofus, who the Guelph Police Service has not named here, got himself a probation violation for randomly coughing on a couple of people […]

So Wait. You’re Telling Me Some Of Those Games *Aren’t* Rigged?

I don’t know if Cheryl Holden’s problem is with gambling specifically, but clearly there’s an issue of some sort going on here. A Folkestone mum who spent £100 trying to win teddies from an arcade believes the machines were set up to stop her claiming them for her child. Last month Cheryl Holden, 34, was […]

How Fast Is That Doggie In The Window? How Long Have We Been ON His Tail?

I’m pretty sure everything about what happened here can be explained by four words. Read on and see if you can guess which ones. ‘I wish I could make this up’ | Man teaching his dog how to drive leads cops on high-speed chase According to the Washington State Patrol, Alberto Tito Alejandro, 51, of […]

Religious Michiganders Allowed To Give Each Other Coronavirus

Should be interesting to see how the good lord handles this one. Will he side with the people he created or with the fast moving, highly lethal virus he created? Will he split it somewhere around the middle to keep up his reputation for working in mysterious ways? To find out, keep an eye on […]

Calling 911 Will Not Get You Toilet Paper Any Faster Than The Rest Of Us Are Getting It

Of course people are calling 911 asking for toilet paper. Why wouldn’t they be? Christ, we’re so dumb sometimes. Please heed the words of the poor folks down at the Newport, Oregon police department, you fools. It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this. Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran […]

Stop Buying All The Damn Toilet Paper, You Animals

What is this, diarrhea Black Friday? From fist fights to stealing off carts, toilet paper frenzy hits Guelph Lineups form long before Guelph Costco opened and 1,000 packs of toilet paper were gone in 15 minutes “Good morning and don’t kill us.” And with those words, manager Armando Gumbs opened the doors of the Guelph Costco […]