Canoe Believe This?

Good god, does Matthew Johnson’s family hang out withthe family of Brian Hopkins? They must! Two families couldn’t independently come up with such similarly stupid lawsuits…or could they? The story goes that Matthew Johnson and 3 nitwit friends went and rented a canoe. They decided to jump off a railroad trestle into Mad River. A […]

I’ll Hit You Tonight, With A Downtown Train

Why do we still have people wearing headphones while crossing train tracks? I know in one case, they’re not sure if he was wearing headphones, but in another that just happened not too long before these last two train deaths, the guy was definitely wearing headphones. I feel sorry for the folks driving the Maple […]

Someone Needs More Training…No, Not That Kind.

I know that when police and firefighters are responding to an accident, they have to think quickly. But why would anyone think train tracks would be a good place to park a giant fire engine? Of course, the train came while they were dealing with things, and the fire engine was turned into a crumpled […]

Mushroom-Clouded Thinking

Most people who find themselves in the trains category either don’t notice the train, or are distracted by things like cellphones and scratch tickets. They are not like James Lampiriswho got all hopped up on mushrooms, and wandered around the neighbourhood naked and yelling at himself, only to stop yelling long enough to ask a […]

When I Hear That Lonesome Whistle, I Hang My Pants And Die

If you’ve been paying attention to the things you read here, you should have long ago learned that walking down train tracks and being distracted do not a good mix make. Today it’s time to learn something new. that something new comes courtesy of an un-named 22-year-old German fellow who, after being thrown off of […]

A Penny Flattened Is A Woman In A Train Accident

And now it’s time for another healthy living public service message from your friends at Vomit Comet. When trying to flatten pennies on a railroad track, always do your best toget out of the way *before* the train gets to the coin. The report says that the unidentified woman in this case suffered a head […]

I Can’t Think Of An On The Right Track Joke That Isn’t Totally Stupid, So Here’s Your Post Title

Not sure how I feel about this one. On one hand these do gooding sons of bitches are robbing Carin and I of much future material, but on the other it sounds like a great idea, so much so in fact that I think we need a Rover the Rabbit, Penelope the Porcupine and Rosco […]