Why Would He Be Stopping During A Chase…Oh. Wait

I can’t get this to embed, so you’re going to have to go here to watch it. Either that or you can wait for it to show up on all of the blooper reels, because it’s totally going to.

A high-speed chase in California’s Inland Empire has been going on for over two hours as of this writing, and while it’s a dangerous situation for everyone involved, it was a bit embarrassing for the local news anchors, as everyone – including the helicopter camera operator – lost sight of the black Toyota Camry that was actually involved in the chase, and instead focused on a black Chevrolet Impala that was nearby that was just going about its business.

The actual culprit and his passenger were eventually apprehended without incident. Whether the fellow at the store found everything he was looking for is unknown.

So Here’s A Ridiculous Round Of Family Feud

Name a word that follows the word pork seems like a pretty simple question. I thought of a good half dozen answers right away when I heard it. Not everyone is me, apparently.

The woman who spells loin lion and whatever the hell a pork tease is supposed to be (pretty sure we all have the same idea here) aren’t my favourite part. You’ll know what is when you see it. It’s one of the stupider things you’ll hear come out of an adult, but there’s definitely a sort of 5-year-old logic to it that I think we can all understand. I will say though that if buddy couldn’t resist saying it as a joke even though it burned a strike, he’s a fucking genius.

Make America Grate Again

I’m not sure how many of you are old enough to remember that time when a kid had to teach Vice President Dan Quayle how to spell potato correctly, but the world went pretty nuts over it for a while. If only the world knew what was to come.

Now that what was to come is here and making things like the potatoe episode seem downright quaint by comparison, what would happen if a similar situation ever played itself out? Would the kids still be smarter than the politicians? Is our children learning? Let’s find out.

I think we might be ok.

I Want To Eat AT Wendy’s Right Now In Spite Of The Fact That This Is How They Train People

I don’t have a whole lot to say about this load of Wendy’s employee training videos I’m about to drop on you, but I do have to ask: Do restaurants still make these things? If yes, how does anyone ever learn to do anything correctly?

Oh. Right. Never mind.

Yes, that was partly a shot at some of the terrible service I’ve been on the wrong end of in my day, but also a genuine question. I’m sure on some level they’re instructional and that eventually you’ll find yourself singing about where to put your lemon, but how long does that take? How many times do you have to watch one of these before it stops being ridiculous and starts being helpful? And how long does it take to go from helpful to haunting your thoughts whether you’re sleeping or awake?

Alright, let’s learn how to make and serve some stuff!

First up, cold drinks in what sounds like the style of a rapped Paula Abdul tune.

It’s just good sense to follow that up with hot drinks. I can’t pick out who specifically they had in mind stylistically here, because for a while in the 80s this is what everything sounded like.

We need to give those drinks something to wash down, so why not some chili or maybe a kids’ meal? I didn’t realize Wendy’s had chili way back in whatever decade this song is meant to represent. I don’t remember having a chili at Wendy’s until the late 90s, but Google is giving me the sense that they’ve always had it.

And of course nothing is more important than your grill skills. So important are they that this one’s a 2-parter. And my god, what a 2-parter it is. There’s a bad Robert Palmer impression, Dave Thomas showing up to repeatedly pronounce the word fashioned in a distracting way that he either coached out of his voice later or that I’ve totally forgotten, some acting straight out of every educational film you’ve ever seen and the obligatory rappin’ and weird ass music video.

And in case you’re overwhelmed by all of that like our hero Bill here, let’s talk through the rap song before…oh, just watch.

I want to go to Wendy’s now. Anybody else? I haven’t had a Frosty in ages.

The Further Adventures of Googoo and Odessa

Here’s another video demonstrating why Grandma would not like an Amazon Echo.

It doesn’t matter how many times I watch this video, it’s just as funny. I can’t help but crack up when she yells “Ok Goo goo!”

It’s fascinating to watch her hitting the speaker thinking that will make it wake up. It totally makes sense, it just doesn’t work that way. It’s the little things like that that I forget would be super weird for an older person to get used to.

I really thought it was funny when she ran away from the speaker when it told her the weather. I wonder if she ever got it to play her song.

And just for fun, here’s a funny Amazon Echo video, but not about seniors.

That would so be happening to my dad…if he could remember to make sure it was on.

Who Was That Masked Man? It Was Kerry

Update: Somewhere between me hitting publish on this and going to the site to make double sure that I hadn’t messed anything up, the second Facebook post went from looking for him to noting that he was captured. Never underestimate the power of the Vomit Comet.

Original post:
Police in Georgia are looking for Kerry Hammond, a 22-year-old man they say broke into a GameStop.

But wait, didn’t you say in your headline that he was wearing a mask?

I sure did, but I also put his name in there because the mask in question was pretty damn awful.

Water Bottle Plastic Wrap Disguise

DID YOU EVER give any thought to what your disguise was going to be when you decided the life of crime was your bag of water? Well this guy did! And YES he used a plastic bag used to package bottle water. This puts new meaning to the term WaterHead! In all seriousness, this craftily disguised gent, decided to burglarize GameStop here in St. Marys last night. DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?You can help us catch him, once you stop laughing. Please give our detectives a call at our office at 912-882-4488, the non-emergency number to 911 at 912-729-1442, Crime Stopper Tip Line and remain anonymous 912-576-0565. We'll be sippin' water while we wait!Please LIKE and SHARE – More Photos and video in the comments

Posted by St. Marys Police Department on Friday, April 13, 2018

Yes, genius here “disguised” himself in one of those clear plastic things that bottled water comes in. It worked about as well as you’d think.

*****He has been captured and subsequently bonded out of jail. *****Calling ALL CARS……Calling ALL CARS Be On The…

Posted by St. Marys Police Department on Tuesday, April 17, 2018

If you know where he might be or if you somehow recognize him out and about without his mask on, give them a call.

It Wasn’t Me, Featuring Shaggy As President Trump

Even Shaggy is doing Trump parody songs now.

Yes, that is the actual Shaggy in the role of Donald Trump singing his own song with James Corden’s Robert Mueller as the two make jokes about the leader of the free world without having to really exaggerate anything. What times we live in.

Thankfully someone has already written out the lyrics. I wasn’t looking forward to Carin feeling like she should do it and then actually doing it. It’s getting harder for my formidable laziness to sit on and crush my guilt when that happens.

What Dogs Are Seeing When They Watch TV

I was interested in watching this video because quite often, Tansy will come out and sit by one of us, get some pets and stare intently at the television. Her two favourite things seem to be crime stuff like Cops and Live PD, or any of the vet shows we watch, especially the Incredible Dr. Pol. The second category makes sense to us because those shows are full of animals, but aside from the occasional police dog we have no idea what draws her to Cops beyond it being the best show ever. We don’t get an answer to that specifically, but it’s still pretty interesting.