He Sees You When You’re Sleeping, He Knows When You’re Awake, But He Didn’t See That Light Pole, So His Leg Now Has A Break

If Santa has a harder time than usual getting down your chimney this Christmas, this might be why.

Gerard Krokus, an experienced skydiver, was helping Santa deliver the Elf named Kristoff to a nine-year-old girl while flying in toys to the Beach Bums Operation Santa Charity Volleyball Tournament on Saturday. 
In the video you can see Krokus with a parachute above him coming in to deliver the toys, before his speed picks up and he crashes into a tree and a light pole near the sand volleyball courts.

the pole gave him a broken leg for Christmas, but it apparently didn’t stop him from taking a few pictures before heading to the hospital to get it fixed.

There is a GoFundMe to help pay his medical bills, since I guess the North Pole hasn’t gotten around to figuring out the whole universal healthcare thing just yet.

They’re Fuckin’ Yams!

Sweet Potatoes (Nov 18, 2017 Charlotte NC)

Happy Thanksgiving from Lewis Black! 🍠Lewis' fan, Brandon, has had it with sweet potatoes. Check out Lewis' spectacular reading of the rant that Brandon submitted to The Rant is Due. "They're fuckin' yams!"

Posted by Lewis Black on Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Call them yams, call them sweet potatoes, call them whatever you want. They fucking suck. I sympathize with this fellow. Plus Lewis Black reading anything is almost always funny.

Guide Dog Questions Answered In Video Form

This video pretty much sums up so many things I have said over the years about having a guide dog. The one question she didn’t answer, which I get a lot is “how do you pick up after the dog?” Totally legitimate question which I swear I answered here somewhere, but I can’t find it. Basically, you stand out with the dog on leash. Then the dog stops moving, you touch their back to see if they’re just standing and sniffing, sitting with back straight, or sort of squatted. At least that’s the way it goes for female dogs. Males squat to poop but don’t sit to pee, they just stand there. If they’re squatted, you line up behind them, wait for them to finish, then bend down with a bag on your hand and pick up what they left you. Then you turn the bag the other way, and woohoo, you have a bag o poop! It’s trickier in the winter but it’s still the same thing.

Her talking about French commands made me think of an old story which I’ve never written down, so why not write it now? This happened almost 20 years ago, woe! I was a camp counselor at a camp for blind teenagers to learn about computers and other fun stuff. I had been a camper, so it was fun to come back. This time, we had someone there who had a dog from the same school as the dog in the video, so the handler gave his commands in French. But there was also another teenager at the camp who spoke French fluently, and picked up on the whole French commands thing. Let’s just call him a prankster to put it mildly.

I was paying attention to the French commands too, and every night after we had finished up, I would hear the handler saying something about “besoin.” Being an uninformed person, I could not figure out what “besoin” could possibly mean. I didn’t get the pattern that this always happened after we finished up and were coming in for the evening.

Later on in the camp, we were trying to get pictures taken, and the prankster decided to have fun with this poor handler’s dog by giving alternate commands. So the handler would say “debout” (stand up), and the prankster would immediately say “assis” (sit). After a few repetitions of this, the dog just flopped over.

I should have reprimanded Prankster a little more for this interference, but I was young and kind of dumb. Then one fine afternoon, I went to come out into the lobby and was loudly told to stop, because there was a large quantity of dog pee all over the lobby floor. Just then, I heard it, “Carin, he told my dog to besoin!” Of course, the he was Prankster, and now I knew exactly what “besoin” meant. I should have made Prankster clean it all up and stay behind from something fun, but I was young and dumb.

But it made me wonder if dogs that learn commands in another language hear that language so infrequently that they respond a little too readily to it.

Anyway, enjoy the video. I don’t know if I agree with the answering text messages bit, but everything else makes sense.

Follow Me. A Short Film About Every Internet Video Making Goober You Ever Did See


Whenever I hear a person described as an “online influencer”, “internet celebrity ” or “thought leader”, I can’t help but think of somebody just like this geek right here. Seriously, this movie is all of them.

A stay-at-home dad and self-proclaimed “internet celebrity” ignores an obvious addiction to social media, and attention from strangers, while embarrassing his family with his cringeworthy behavior and the hack “content” he creates.
Cast: Will Sasso, Justina Machado, Demi Adejuyigbe, Jacy King, Laird Macintosh, Samantha Velez, Marcel Nahapetian

Happy Birthday, Canadian TV!

This week kind of sort of marks the 65th birthday of Canadian television. There were experimental broadcasts years before then and if you lived in the right place and had a big enough antenna you could pull in some American stations, but until September 6th, 1952, Canada had no actual broadcast television of its own.

It was on that day that CBFT, more commonly known as CBC Montreal, signed on. It was followed two days later by CBC Toronto A.K.A. CBLT. The rest, as the saying goes, is history.

On September 6, 1952, CBC TV debuted in Montreal on CBFT. At 4 p.m., viewers tuned in and watched the movie Aladdin and his Lamp, followed by a cartoon, and then a French film, a news review and a bilingual variety show.
Two days later, CBC TV debuted in Toronto. Seconds before the cameras went live, a technician removed and cleaned the CBC logo slide. Producer Murray Chercover shouted at the technician, “Don’t do that!” and the rattled crew member placed the slide back in upside down as the network took to the airwaves. “I can’t remember what we did, or if we shot the poor guy responsible,” Norman Jewison, then a 25-year-old floor director, later recalled.

Say what you want about the CBC, but you’ll never convince me that Canada would be better off without it than it has been with it. You simply won’t find a more reliable, consistent source for news, sports, music and comedy in this country.

Woe! I feel old!

Jen sent this video to my timeline and holy crap! I have to admit I don’t think I recognize all of the clips in here, but I recognize a lot. What’s more annoying are the clips I recognize but can’t name. For example, the one before the touch tones for the modem. What is that? It’s something to do with cartoons but that’s all I know. The one that’s the slowly rising thing I didn’t even know was the THX sound-effect. So, how many of these do you recognize? And how old do you feel?

The Floppotron


We’ve posted a few different computer hardware musical creations here over the years, but nothing on this scale, I don’t think.

Polish engineer Paweł Zadrożniak built the Floppotron, a synchronized array of obsolete computer hardware programmed to play tunes. The current Floppotron 2.0 build sports 64 floppy drives, 8 hard drives, and a pair of flatbed scanners—most of these items have had their covers removed, apparently for improved acoustic performance.

Zadrożniak harnessed the power of the stepper motors in the floppy drives and scanners. By driving those motors at specific speeds, he can force them to generate pitches that sound a lot like string instruments. The hard drives can be gently overloaded to force the read/write heads to whack against metal guard rails—voila, percussion!

Saying it sounds “a lot like string instruments” is awfully generous, but that’s not me saying it isn’t pretty cool and even kinda good.

If you’d like to read more about how it all works and see more videos of it in action, here ya go.

If The Late Show Is Good Enough To Anger Trump’s FCC, It’s Good Enough For Me

I haven’t watched the Late Show since Letterman left because rare is the night when I’m not fast asleep by 11:30 and none of our good for nothing cable companies will get around to building me a DVR I can use, but if this is the sort of thing I’m missing I might have to work harder to keep my old ass awake more often.

Damn.

Not only is this monologue quite fantastic by broadcast network television standards, but it’s also, according to Ajit (maybe that should be Idjit) Pai, the bloviating buffoon appointed by the gasbag in chief to run the thing, getting Stephen Colbert and company investigated by the FCC. I shit you not.

Colbert faced immediate backlash online from Trump supporters, and others who contend that his comments were homophobic. The host has not apologized for his monologue, though he did say the next day that he probably would have used some less-crude words if he did it all over again.
“I have jokes; he has the launch codes,” said Colbert. “So, it’s a fair fight.”
Trump also has the executive branch of the federal government. FCC Chair Pai recently confirmed his agency is looking into the remarks after receiving complaints from the public.
“I have had a chance to see the clip now and so, as we get complaints, and we’ve gotten a number of them,” Pai told WPHT-AM radio in Philadelphia. “We are going to take the facts that we find and we are going to apply the law as it’s been set out by the Supreme Court and other courts and we’ll take the appropriate action.”

Aww, poor baby. Not so funny when somebody turns your mean-spirited dickitry the other way, is it?

I’m sure nothing will come of this. This administration and its apologists will say just about anything at any time for any reason and it’s not as though anything Colbert said was obscene to a sane person especially at that time of day, but even if something does, if I’m CBS I’ll happily pay the fine since I’ll surely make whatever it is back in ad dollars in no time flat.

If Real People Commercials Were Real For Real

It’s no secret that companies think we’re stupid and have no problem insulting our intelligence. To me one of the worst examples of this is the “we talked to real people to get their thoughts on our brand new…” type ad. Anyone with even the faintest snort of a clue knows that everybody in the commercial is either an actor, knows enough to say nice things because they’ll get on TV or edited to come off even more excited than they truly are. Oh, and that anybody who acts like an asshole to the product is headed straight for the cutting room floor.

But what if these companies weren’t straight up lying to our faces? What if now and then some uncoached guy made it in or things didn’t go exactly as planned? It might look like these Chevy videos from Zebra Corner.






And breaking with the theme just because I’m juvenile and it made me laugh…

There’s a channel filled with these things making fun of all sorts of companies for doing this crap. Prepare to waste some time.