Go To Your Home!

This is perhaps the best baseball meltdown I’ve ever seen.

Late in a tied ballgame between the Chicago Dogs and the Fargo-Moorhead RedHawks of the American Association of Independent Professional Baseball, umpire Mike Jarboe punched out Metzger on a called third strike. Metzger was so furious that he got in Jarboe’s face, got himself tossed, then returned to the scene of the crime carrying a new house for Jarboe.

That new house, in case you can’t see the video, was a garbage can which he set down by home plate before loudly imploring umpire Jarboe to “Go to your home!”

Glorious!

With Friends Like These…

Update:
There’s a less than zero chance that the tweet cited in this post came from a fake account. My apologies for not catching that if that is indeed the case, although I’m far from the only one who bought it.

This, however, does not change the main point of what I wrote. What this guy did, tweet or no tweet, was still incredibly stupid.

Original Post:
Regardless of which side of the abortion debate you’re on, I hope we can all come together and agree that our boy Jordan Hunt here is a god damned idiot.

“I meant to kick your phone”?

Come on, man. You’re the one saying that a person should be in charge of her own body and future. You’re supposed to be the smart one here, especially when compared with the what if a rape victim kills her 3-year-old argument that this woman was making. Do better, please.

And lest you think he said a stupid thing in the heat of the moment and immediately thought better of it…

In case he ever does wise up and deletes that, it says “For all wondering, i did not mean to kick her, i only meant to kick the phone out of her hand. but you haters don’t care about the truth. smh”

Don’t care about the truth, you say? What truth don’t we care about, Jordan? That you’re giving the anti-choice crowd, the ones who like to stand outside of abortion clinics so they can scream horrible abuse at women who are making one of the hardest decisions of their lives, ammunition to paint the rest of us as violent, extremist morons? As a reasonable person, I absolutely care about that.

Investigators told CP24 that the incident occurred on the afternoon of Sept. 30, at the intersection of Bloor Street West and Keele Street in the Toronto’s west end.
In the video – that has since gone viral on YouTube – a man in a purple hooded sweater with a flower behind his ear is seen confronting a group of mostly female anti-abortionist activists holding signs on the sidewalk. He asks the woman filming him about her opinion of impregnated rape victims choosing abortion.

“If somebody gets raped by somebody and they’re like ‘I’m a 16-year-old and I can’t have this baby’ think you should keep it?” he asks her.
“It’s a baby,” the woman behind the camera is heard responding.
As she starts to further explain her position, the man in the purple sweater sticks out his tongue and kicks her. The camera then loses focus.
In the background, voices can be heard shouting to call the police while the man says he meant to “kick her phone.”

Police say they’re investigating, but no charges have been filed yet.

Those Were The Good Old Days

It seems crazy to think of things like the George W. Bush era as the good old days, but in a sense, Randy Rainbow is absolutely correct. There has never been a news cycle quite like the one that we’re living through now, and as god awful fucking terrible as those years were, if nothing else at least the outrage of the day really was the outrage of the *day*. Remember when you could be mad about the same thing when you went to bed that you were mad about when you woke up? Those were some good, long gone times. I miss them.

And of course, here’s the original for reference.

And Weird Al, because it’s near impossible to hear anything about good old days without thinking about him.

Here Is Everyone’s Presentation

Great news, everyone! Never again will I have to spend time I could better use on just about anything else watching some thought leading influencer give an inspiring talk! Why? Because I’ve just seen them all!

And now you have, too! Think of the time we’re all going to save!

You’re welcome.

If English Were Phonetically Consistent

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said that English is a frustrating, nonsensical language where rules matter until they don’t and that it could seriously due with some consistency. But what if we actually had some of that consistency?

English would sound like it, German and Swedish had a drunken, baby makin’ 3-way, apparently.

Maybe we should just leave things as they are.

Yes, Things Have Been Quiet, But That’s Only Because We Were Off Learning That Siri Existed 30 Years Ago

Well hello there!

Yes, both we and the site do, in fact, still exist. Things have just been quiet the last little bit because it’s summer and that tends to be how things roll around here regardless of intent. Usually you all have the same idea as us, but for some reason numbers haven’t fallen off of nearly the cliff this go round that they generally do this time of year. I can’t decide whether to credit that to the list or if the lesson is that we can abandon you more often without having to care.

It’s been a good summer, for the most part. Some relaxing, some time with family, some time with friends, some music on our own porch and elsewhere, some relaxing after the friends and music because we’re starting to get too old for this shit and some other, less fun real life stuff that I won’t get into right now.

I can’t promise that we’re back up to speed starting now since it is, after all, still summertime, but in almost 15 years there has yet to be a month in the archives with 0 posts in it, so I had to come up with something since that’s a thing I’m strangely proud of.

So to keep the streak alive and also because it’s good, please enjoy this video demonstration of Siri…the 1980s edition.

As a blind guy I’ve heard a lot of awful computerized voices and have gotten pretty used to them out of necessity, but this one is so over the top awful that even I can’t make some of it out. The only thing I got out of the Nirvana’s first album question was 1967, and I don’t even know where to start on the coolest German song bit. But there’s some nice dumb subtle comedy here when you can understand it and they absolutely nailed the hokey old school presentation, so nice job.

Happy 29th Birthday, CBC Newsworld!

It’s hard to remember a time before CBC Newsworld, or CBC News Network as we know it now. For years it’s been the first place I turn when I hear about the sort of breaking news that gives me an urge to follow it nonstop, because it’s one of the very few television news outlets that doesn’t leave me feeling either totally gross or less informed than I was when I started.

But for a little while in the 1980s, it sometimes felt like it might not happen. Between carriage disputes, court challenges and mandated changes to how it had to operate, getting it up and running was anything but smooth sailing. But on July 31st, 1989, nearly two years after its license was granted, it finally did get up and running, and this is what it looked like.

Just try getting that bumper music out of your head, I dare you.

Here’s more from the CBC Archives.

When viewers first tuned in to CBC Newsworld on July 31, 1989, they saw a slew of technical hiccups. Satellites lost their signals, audio crackled in and out, and hosts clumsily stumbled through their first demanding day.
That applied only to those who could actually get the channel. Due to a disagreement with cable companies in Nova Scotia, Alberta and Quebec, Newsworld wasn’t universally available.

But, for the first time in this country, Canadians had their own dedicated 24-hour news channel. Designed for on-the-go viewers, Newsworld offered frequent news updates and magazine-style programming. The network had an exhilarating if imperfect debut, as shown in this local Halifax television report.

Newsworld debuted at 6 a.m. on Day 1 with a taped recording of the national anthem and prepared speeches by CBC president Pierre Juneau, CBC TV vice president Denis Harvey, information programming chief Trina McQueen and Newsworld chief Joan Donaldson.

CBC Newsworld’s first year of programming included a current events program titled Canada Live, the cross-country news program This Country, Newsworld Morning, Business World and Fashion File.

Very Stable Genius

Randy Rainbow strikes again. This is seriously amazing.

Original song here, just in case.

(tiny Trump voice: As you know, I’m meeting with President Putin on Monday and we will of course ask your favourite question about meddling, and I will be asking it again and you know, what am I gonna do? I mean…he may deny it. It’s one of those things. All I can do is say “Did you?” and “Don’t do it again.” He may deny it. You’ll be the first to know. I’m very consistent, I’m a very stable genius…)

He is the very model of a very stable genius
Of all the U.S. Presidents, he is the Mussoliniest
He’s learned a lot of things according to his Wikipedia
and demonstrates his ample intellect on social media.
(pause)
When people are in need, he is the best at making fun of them.
He knows eleven words although he can’t spell even one of them.
An overly flamboyant, orange autocratic scuzzy man
Who’s undermining everything Obama did because he can.
He’s undermining everything Obama did because he can.
He’s undermining everything Obama did because he can.
He’s overly flamboyant and an autocratic scuzzy orange man.
(tiny Trump voice: “I’m a very stable genius…

He’s firmly resolute but what he thinks and feels and talks depends
on any of the crap he may have heard that day on Fox and Friends
and though his brain is smaller than his tiny little penius,
he is the very model of a very stable genius.
Although his brain is smaller than his tiny little penius,
he is the very model of a very stable genius.
(tiny Trump voice: I am doing a great job, that I can tell you.)

He’s really good at pushing all the bullshit that he’s peddling
but won’t concern himself with matters such as Russian meddling.
His campaign manager’s in jail on charges that are felony
And no one cares about him less than his wife Melanie…sorry. Mel¯anie.

He’s really good with children when it comes to immigration
He thinks he’s making progress with denuclearization
He’s only hated from Seattle to the carolineas
and likes to greet his lady friends by grabbing their vagineas.
He likes to greet his lady friends by grabbing their vagineas
He likes to greet his lady friends by grabbing their vagineas
He likes to greet his lady friends by grabbing their va-ja-ja-gineas
Queen Elizabeth did not see that coming.

He’s certainly proficient at hijacking an election.
At NATO he is not afraid of not taking direction.
Aside from all his ignorance, the chaos and subpoenias,
he is the very model of a very stable genius?
Aside from all his ignorance, the chaos and subpoenias,
he is the very model of a very stable genius.
(Tiny Trump voice: I would say the highest level of special.)

He’s always been a pro at violating things like protocols
and reproducing other egotistical neanderthals.
To all our greatest allies, he decides to say “Get outa here”
while doing all he can to satisfy his daddy Vladimir.

There’s no one as accomplished in the art of the distraction.
Of anything that’s factual, he orders a retraction.
When greeting foreign leaders, he prefers the pomp and circumstance
then vomits verbal diarrhea to satisfy his sycophants

There never was a military draft he couldn’t dodge and he
is exxcelent at advocating racist and misogyny
He likes to make up stories with convenient exclusion
of topics that he finds make him feel threatened like collusion.

He expertly persuades his base that Mueller’s hunting for a witch
Instead of their own president who’s obviously Putin’s bitch
He calls reporters fake and says that democrats are sour grapes,
then lies awake at night and thinks about those Russian peepee tapes.
He lies awake at night and thinks about those Russian peepee tapes.
He lies awake at night and thinks about those Russian peepee tapes.
He lies awake at night and thinks about those Russian peepee peepee tapes-s-s-s-s.

Oh never has there been a stable genius as smart as he,
And if you don’t believe me you can just ask Sarah Huckabee.
And though his brain is smaller than his tiny little penius,
he is the very model of a very stable genius.
And though his brain is smaller than his tiny little penius,
he is the very model of a very stable …
(tiny trump voice: I am a very stable genius)
Whatever, girl.