Please Leave A Message At The Tone, Unless You’re Caller Number Four

I have a question. The other day, my dad called me. While we were talking, he said that he had been trying to call my sister but her voicemail was full and he couldn’t leave a message. I texted her to let her know, and when she wrote back, I was floored. “I know it’s […]

It’s So Nice To Be Out, Just The Two Of Us. What’s That Honey? I Was Pretending I Was Somewhere Better

As I sit here, thinking yet again that maybe I’m just getting old, it strikes me that while I know many types of people from many different age groups, I have yet to meet a single one who either finds or would admit to finding that a nice dinner out with friends or a loved […]

Sodaburst: For When Dumping Pop Into A Glass Of Ice Cream Is Just Too Complicated

Why? Seriously, why? Who was the market for this supposed to be? How much did they charge for this crap? Buying a big tub of ice cream and a few bottles of pop had to work out cheaper, didn’t it? I’ll bet it tasted awful, too. When your float instructions include just add tap water, […]

I Thought An Artisanal” Ice Cube Was A Popsicle

Dear god. Please tell me that people are not seriously willing to pay an extra dollar to have a bartender plunk an “artisanal” ice cube into their drinks. A Manhattan will set you back $14 at forthcoming downtown restaurant and bar Second State. Want it on the rocks? That will be a dollar more—for a total of $15. […]