The Redicuclock

Is it true the best rants are always when your day starts like shit? I don’t know if that’s the case or not – but if it is this may be the best post I’ve ever had – cuz I’m sure not happy. Unfortuantely, since I’m also not well-rested, it probably won’t be.

Our family owns a business. During the summer my sisters and myself come home and work there. It’s a construction company so everyone who works out on the crews or around the shop or complex have to be there significantly earlier than those of us who work in the office which opens at 8. The office ison the same property.

So there are 2 carpools out to the place every morning. One with my Dad because he oversees all the sites and shop stuff and needs to be there by shortly after 6, and one with my sister to the office which opens at 8. Since none of us particularly enjoy being up and showered in tiem to leave home at 5:35, we usually go with my sister since we’re all going to the office anyway. In theory, there is no problem since we’re all going from the same place, to the same place. Also, in theory, communism works.

Unfortunately things that work in theory don’t always work in real life. The 3 of us that travel with my sister on “the late bus” all get up around the same time and need to shower and whatnot. Usually not a problem but every so often it can be if someone is takign too long in the bathroom or something.

Then there is the dispute on how early you need to be there to “get ready” to work. For two of us, “getting ready” means pulling out the chair at our desk and sitting down. For the third, it involves changing from shoes to work boots to go outside. None of which takes more than a minute. For some reason this is a large source of debate considering it’s about a 20, 25 minute tops, drive and we are leaving the house at 7:08 which in some people’s minds is pointless, but in teh mid of the person who owns the car, is not. This brings us to the real problem.

The Redicuclock. We have a clock in the kitchen that is 10 minutes fast. I don’t know why. We’re not really one of those family that goes by that entire thinking of if I move my clock ahead, I’ll never be late or anything. It just is – and we’re not allowed to fix it. It’s not really that big of a deal any time except at 7:05 in the morning.

What happens at 7:05 in the morning? Well the driver swears up and down it is 7:15 because she has lived with this thing for so long and is pissed that the rest of the world doesn’t think so.

I get up at 5:55 every god damn morning I’m home(to beat anyone to the shower who is getting up at 6 cuz i’m an ass that way). I shower, shave and all that jazz before I go back to the basement where my room is. I also grab a piece of fruit. I go downstairs, put on some music or SportsCentre and start getting dressed or ready which really doesn’t take that long but I need that time in the morning before it’s a good idea for me to talk to anyone. I’m a horrablemorning person. When my clock (which is on par with the satellite dish and THE REST OF HUMANITY) says 7:00am. I head upstairs. All thats left for me to do before I go is brush my teeth, a glass of water and an apple for the road. Hardly a 15 minute job which I should have time for because, well, I’m not supposed to leave until 7:15.

However. Upstairs the driver is looking at 7:10, fully aware that the clock is wrong and not caring. I come upstairs, in no rush and carry out what’s left to do. I go throw my shoes on and am ready to go at 7:08. Unfortunately. That’s 7:18 on the Redicuclock. And we’re late. Not late for work since if we left at 7:08 we’d get to work at 7:43 at the latest and be still 17 minutes earlier than anyone else.

This thing causes the most rediculous fights. The clock is fast so I’m not really late, and even if it was that time we would still be early. I’m just as guilty as everyone but the whole thing is pointless. It’s pointless to not be allowed to touch the clock, to argue over it, to need to leave it 7:15, and especially to leave at what the rest of the world is calling 7:05.

Two days ago was a huge blow up about it and while we were fighting about being late because we’re leaving at 7:17 the god damn radio comes right out and says it’s fuckin’ 7:07. I asked if she heard that and she said it doesn’t matter. That’s the logic. It doesn’t matter. I’m ready to snap on this god damn thing.

So I finally caved. I was just going to get up in the middle of the night and fix it but I caved and changed my clock to match the Redicuclock. I am now part of the insanity. I am not part of any time zone, I live 10 minutes ahead of the rest of the world, and I’ll have to come to grips with it.

Have a wonderful day

And….. Plug!

Well nothing makes me feel more at home on the Ol’ VC than pimping shit that has nothing to do with the VC. That’s just what we do. Especially when we first got started. So I might as well do it again.

Yesterday I made mention of the Canadian Cancer Society’s Relay For Life and the fact that I was enterring a team. And while none of you uncreative pricks were able to offer up a name that satisfied the group… or a name at all… I was asked to put up the link to sponsor our team. So I am certainly more than willing to do that. The site’s totally secure so no worries about that. Anything you can afford is a help. Every little bit helps, as they say.

Click here to sponsor Matt!

Upon re-reading my post it strikes me I shouldn’t have called you all pricks directly before asking you for your money…. Live and Learn

What? Listening? On a Phone?

Here’s something that always puzzles me. Tell me something. If you’re looking for Nick Smith, you call what’s supposed to be Nick Smith’s number and you get an answering machine that says, “Hello. Thank you for calling Bob Jones. Leave a message.” What would you do? Would you just continue leaving a big message for Nick about how you’re wondering when he’s planning on returning your pink underwear that you left at his place and whatever happened to Stan? Or would you realize that, oops, I have the wrong number? Unless Nick’s machine routinely says that you’ve reached Bob Jones, I hope you’d do the second.

For some reason, I see a lot of the first. These are the exact words on my machine. “Hi. You’ve reached Carin. I’m not here right now, so leave a message.” I got the following message this morning at 6: “Hello, I’m looking for Casey, wondering if he’s coming to work. It’s the foreman, and it’s 6:15.” And the strange part was he didn’t even say something like, “Hmm, I don’t know if this is Casey’s number. This is the one I have for him. So if he’s here…” He seemed completely unshakable in his belief that Casey was there, and just not picking up the phone, that bastard. When the blue bloody hell did Carin start to sound like Casy? And, he’s looking for a male named Casey. Last time I checked, I didn’t sound overly manly.

The funny part is this isn’t the first time it’s happened. I’ve had people call and say they’d like to tell Becky they made it to town, I’ve had people leave messages for the Holiday Inn or Frederic Travel, and leave everything but their visa number on my machine. Hey, chief. Usually businesses don’t answer to Carin. Or, I’ll pick up the phone, and this older woman will just start talking to me. She’ll say something like, “Hey, Shellie?” Then she’ll ramble on until I manage to stop her and say, “I’m not Shellie!” Judging by her age and the friendliness she has with this Shellie person, I can pretty much guarantee I don’t sound like Shellie.

I can understand confusion on an answering machine where no name is given, or the recording is silly, or it’s just the phone number. But if there’s a name there that doesn’t match the one you’re looking for, wouldn’t that be your first clue that ya might wanna try again?

Back One Day – And Already Asking For Favours

Alright, Kids. Here’s your mission.
A group of us are walking in the Canadian Cancer Society’s Relay For Life. It’s a great event. The idea, basically, is that you enter a team of 10, each of you fundraises $100 and then show up to the event and walk all night. 7pm – 7am. You, personally. do not have to be on the track the whole time as long as someone from your team is. Each team gets a little area and some people bring tents and take turns sleeping and stuff. It’s a great concept and if your town is having one, and most towns do, you should consider putting in a team. Anyway…

Each team needs a theme and a name. Since our team is largely members of my extended family and my extended family revolves around a construction company we all own, it only made sense to havethat be our theme. We’re all going to wear the yellow and orange vests and our little area will have traffic pilons and caution tape and stuff. Should be fun.

But we have no name. We don’t want to just use our family name. (i.e. The Rectumsnatch Family) as some teams are doing but can’t come up with anything good – or appropriate for the crowd.

So go to it. If you can come up with a neat name, throw it up on the board. Even if you come up with a bad one we’re getting desperate. Also, if you’d like to sponsor our team I’d be MORE than thrilled to throw up the link for people to do that by credit card. It’s a great cause.

Let’s see those creative juices flowing.

Where Are They Gonna Hide That?

Thieves steal rollercoaster

German police officers are asking for help in tracking down thieves who stole an entire rollercoaster.

The 20 ton big dipper, worth more than £13,000, was stolen from a truck that had stopped at a car park in Bischofsheim on its way to a nearby funfair.

First of all, for anyone who cares, £13,000 converts to exactly $27,251.68 Canadian as of right now.

But more importantly, can anybody tell me how it is that we keep hearing stories about people managing to steal stuff like this, but none of them ever involve anyone getting caught?

A Personal Challenge

Happy Hump Day,
So I’m back… again… after a… I dunno probably 3 month break since the last post. I’m back home for the summer and returning to somewhat of a farmiliar routine and am going to make it a personal challenge to myself to try and post on here regularly. Who knows whether it will work ornot. I hate challenges and ones given to you by yourself are the easiest ones to shed… so this may not work.

What to start with – well for any of you who were here when I used to post here regularly, if any of you are still even alive, you’ll know that the only thing I can even pretend to know a thing about is sports… so let’s start there.

The Jays look great this year. Especially if Burnett ever gets healthy. And he will. We’re hanging with the Sox and Yankess right now so if we can get him going and maybe get one more pitcher out of somewhere (since Josh Towers needs to be burned alive) we’ll be in good shape for at least a playoff race. Go see the team. They’re unbelievably entertaining. They have power and hitters throughout the line up which means they’re never out of a game. The numver of 5 run 8th innings and the like that this team has had makes every game a can’t miss. Me and a group of friends went to the Home Opener this year, complete with drunken brawl in the stands, and it was a blast. That’s a story for another post though that I will definately tell.

Anti-Flag has come out with another album a month or so ago called “For Blood & Empire” which is great. Not as heavy as some of their stuff but similar message and great tunes. Even if you won’t pick up the album, download the tune “One Trillion Dollars” and I guaruntee you’ll hum it for the rest of the day. Has happened to everyone who I’ve had listen to it.

That’s it for now I think. Also just wanted to say Great Job to Steve and Carin who have done a great job with this thing and have turned it in to something all their own with some great posts. Thumbs Up!

Back Soon…. hopefully

Happy Mother’s Day! Where’s dinner?

I love my dad a ton. He’s very good at building things, he’s resourceful, and he was the king of the red pen, probably the reason why I got better English marks in the grammar department than I deserved. But he can sometimes be a supreme dick. Here’s an example.

I phoned home on Mother’s day to say hi and all that. I then found out that, for Mother’s Day, mom ended up cooking for my grandma, but this is not my mom’s mom, this is my dad’s mom! On top of that, my dad’s sister thought she’d enjoy a nice mother’s day dinner…courtesy of my mom!

What really kills me about this is dad *can* cook. I can’t count the number of stir-fries, pastas, and other things dad made when we were kids and mom wasn’t home to cook, and they were good! Why couldn’t he get off his ass on mother’s day and cook this one?

After I recovered from that complete display of dad being an asshole, he got to amaze me one more time by saying to me on the phone, while mom was also on the phone, “She worked hard for her mother’s day!” He’s lucky he’s 300 miles away, otherwise he would at the very least see a very angry daughter. But then again, if he wasn’t 300 miles away, maybe mom would have at least let me help. I doubt it, but one can dream.

So, what’s my point? Here’s a note to other guys out there who seem to be drawn to doing selfish and dickish things. At least a couple days of the year, don’t be a dick!

This Guy Is Teaching Your Kids

When I read this story I can’t help but think that if it was a student that came up with this idea on his own, he’d be hustled into countless meetings and psychiatric assessments with no thought given to what kind of person he is, and there’s definitely no way he’d be able to avoid some sort of suspension.

Teacher Apologizes For Asking Students To Write About Who They Would Kill

ST. JOSEPH, Miss. (AP) – A high-school teacher has apologized for asking students to write about who they would kill and how they would do it, and officials said he will likely keep his job.

Michael Maxwell, who teaches industrial technology at Central High School, said his request that students in his beginning drafting class describe how they would carry out a murder was merely a writing prompt. It was not clear why he asked the drafting class to write fiction.

“I made a horrible mistake that I regret,” Maxwell said. “I want to apologize to my students, my colleagues and to the community.”

The April 21 writing request, which Maxwell said was not a formal assignment, came to the attention of administrators when a parent of one of the students filed a complaint with principal Barton Albright.

Albright expressed regret and apologized for Maxwell’s “lapse of judgment.”

“He’s an exemplary person … this is very out of character,” the principal said.

St. Joseph School District spokesman Steve Huff declined to discuss possible disciplinary measures because the matter is considered a personnel issue. But he said the incident probably isn’t serious enough to cost Maxwell his job.

About 25 to 30 students from ninth through 12th grades were in the class, Albright said.