I Got Him To Not Get It!

Tropicana Field is a weird place. Outfielders are constantly losing balls in the roof, I’ve seen more than one long delay caused by umpires trying to sort out what is and is not a home run based on which one of those damn rings the ball hit, and now, because of the way it’s designed and because the place is so empty most of the time, you’ve got fans calling off outfielders and causing them to drop routine fly balls, or at least so say the Tigers.

“Unfortunately, the source of confusion was coming from the stands,” said Tigers manager Brad Ausmus. “Someone in the stands was yelling, ‘I got it!’ That’s why Kinsler went out acting like he had it and then he heard someone say, ‘I got it!’ so he backed off.
“We had to change our signals. It was the Rays’ fans causing confusion.”
In an outdoor stadium, or one filled with fans, vocal interference from the stands isn’t a concern for outfielders.
Tropicana was largely empty on Wednesday (12,281 was the listed attendance), but the acoustics make it easy for strong-lunged fans to play havoc with outfielders.
The stadium is intimate for a dome, almost like an auditorium. When a ball bounces off the wall, it can be heard clearly on the other side of the park. The snap of the ball in a glove echoes crisply. Beer vendors in left field can be heard behind home plate.  
Outfielders have authority to call off infielders, and that’s what Kinsler thought was happening when he pursued a ball into the shallow outfield.

If this really did happen (I have a feeling it more than likely did), it brings up a few questions. Mainly, why has no one thought about doing it before now? In the short-term at least, it’s genius. Eventually word will get around and teams will try to plan for it, but in the meantime you’re going to potentially be able to directly influence a few games, possibly in some key situations.

From a rules perspective though, could something like this be considered fan interference? Fans yelling and heckling and trying to throw players off their game is part of the sports experience, but when does it cross the line from sports fans behaving like sports fans into becoming an unfair advantage? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it called in the majors, but at some levels of baseball there are verbal interference rules that address this very thing. For now it’s probably not worth looking at, but if it does start becoming a thing, could we need a special acceptable Trop yelling rule?

Today’s Music Playing Kid: Marcel Ward, The 10-Year-Old Classical Pianist With A Hell Of A Backstory

The fact that the person playing that Beethoven piece above is 10 years old is pretty impressive. But what if I told you that he taught himself to play piano by using a toy one when he was 5? Or that not only does he play other people’s songs at a seriously advanced level for his age, but that he also writes his own?

Oh, and did I mention that he’s been accomplishing all of this while he and his family have been busy fleeing Syria and rebuilding their lives?

His story is a familiar one. After an attack on Damascus in 2012, Marcus, his brother Eilia and parents Manar and Elham fled to Dubai. After relocating numerous times (including some time in the United States), the family has finally settled in Hamilton, Ontario, where it’s quickly become clear that Marcel possesses some serious talent. After teaching himself on a toy piano at age 5 and learning pieces by Mozart and Beethoven by ear, the young pianist is now a bonafide composer, racking up a collection of his own tunes. He’s also well on his way to being a certified musician; just last week he completed his level 4 Royal Conservatory of Music exam which, while not unheard of, is considerably ahead of the average 10-year-old who is likely to be tackling level 1.

A Version Of Jolene Louder Than The One The White Stripes Did

Not sure how many of you remember that time when some of us had a bit of a thing going with different versions of Dolly Parton’s Jolene, but whether or not you do, here’s a brand new one for the list.

I’m surprised it took someone this long to do that, honestly.

If that voice sounds familiar to you, the answer is yes, these are indeed the same people who did the same thing to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

You Deserve A Broken Face Today

Mom won’t let me stay at her house anymore. I’m so pissed! So sad! How can I change her mind? I need to make this better. What can I do? Wait, I’ve got it! This’ll fix everything! We’ll be a happy family again!

The two women got in a fight after the mom told her daughter she could no longer stay at her home, said IMPD Officer Aaron Hamer. The mom drove her daughter to someone else’s house, but on the way, the daughter changed her mind about where she wanted to go.

The 60-year-old mother told officers her daughter, 39, started yelling at her, so she stopped at the McDonald’s drive-thru. The daughter was screaming and yelling as they drove, Hamer said.
After stopping in the parking lot so other passengers in the car could use the bathroom, the mother told police her daughter said she wished her mom would die, Hamer said.

“While her daughter was seated in the front passenger seat she took a bite out of her cheeseburger,” Hamer said. “The victim stated her daughter yelled ‘B—h I outta kill you’ and hit her in the left side of her face with her hand and the cheeseburger.”

Proving that things more than likely happened as mom said they did was fairly easy, as it’s doubtful she hit herself with a cheeseburger hard enough to cause redness, swelling and a case of ketchup and mustard shirt. But police are still investigating the case, perhaps because the article ends like so.

The daughter got into another driver’s vehicle and fled the scene, Hamer said.

Seriously, that’s how it ends. Who is this driver? Do they know each other? Was he a willing participant? Did she carjack somebody? You bet I’ll be keeping an eye on this one, at least as much as I can with no names having been released.

New Mottoes For United Airlines

Ever since the incident on United Airlines last week, people have been coming up with new slogans for United. Here’s a pretty good list.

  • Drag and Drop”
  • “We put the hospital in hospitality”
  • “Board as a doctor, leave as a patient”
  • “Our prices can’t be beaten, but our passengers can”
  • “We have First Class, Business Class and No Class”
  • “Not enough seating, prepare for a beating”
  • “We treat you like we treat your luggage”
  • “We beat the customer. Not the competition”
  • “And you thought leg room was an issue”
  • “Where voluntary is mandatory”
  • “Fight or flight. We decide”
  • “Now offering one free carry off”
  • “Beating random customers since 2017″
  • “If our staff needs a seat, we’ll drag you out by your feet”
  • “A bloody good airline”

Stop, Ask, Listen: Pretty Straightforward Stuff, Yes?

I know I have said it over and over and over again before, but I found someone else’s take on it that I thought was pretty well-written, and bonus, it included references to other “feel good stories” I’ve wanted to talk about, so double awesome! It also mentions an issue that I have talked about before, the issue of people getting so upset when I refuse their help. Yes, this is a thing. I don’t even have to be mean about it. I can say “No thanks, I don’t need a ride, I’m good,” and it feels like they sulk off in a huff. Or, I sometimes have to be aggressive, like when people don’t even ask me where I’m going and grab, or grab my dog’s harness or leash, and I loudly tell them to stop because that’s not ok and I get the pouty, snippy “I was only trying to help.” That’s great, but the first step in helping is asking what would be helpful.

Also disturbing is some people’s disregard for our feelings, as if we aren’t allowed to feel violated ever. The other day, I was on the bus and a woman said “I know I’m not supposed to pet your dog right now.” I said no now is not a good time. Then I told her that people don’t care, and pet her when we’re sitting on the bus. Keep in mind that she is sitting between my legs, and people just pet anyway. I said “not only is it bad because she’s working, but think about where you’re putting your hands! You’re getting pretty close to intimate at this point!” at which point the woman laughed uproariously. I couldn’t help it. I looked at her seriously and said “That wasn’t intended as a joke.” I don’t think she knew what to do. But in all seriousness, that was intended as an aha moment, not a ha ha moment, and although this woman seemed like a very sweet woman, her first impulse was not to be appalled or empathetic, but to think it was hilarious that I might not want to have someone’s hands there.

My friend’s mom also had a similar attitude, and if I wasn’t in the back of her car with a long day ahead of me, I would have eaten her for lunch. She told me that I wasn’t allowed to get upset, I just had to explain it nicely. “Please don’t put your hands practically in my crotch?” Really? This is a thing I must do? Incidentally, it isn’t. The person is lucky they don’t get slapped.

It kills me, because people can do studies where people show resistance at touching the private parts of a robot because they feel like they’re violating something. But they have no problem getting up close and personal with us. Great, we are considered less than human.

Anyway, this post does a great job, and hopefully it makes this stuff make a little more sense to people who don’t get why we get irritated

It’s Me, Grandma. The Ghost Of Dumbshit Present

There are a lot of better ones, but on the surface at least, sending a fake obituary to the newspaper to throw the police off your trail maybe isn’t the absolute dirt worst idea in the world. but if you’re going to do that, you’re going to need to leave a contact number because the paper is going to want to confirm things before they run it. And if you’re going to need to leave a contact number, you’re going to want to let the person who owns that number know that you’re dead so that when the call comes, they can give the right answer.

The Beaver County Times reports that an obituary for 21-year-old Anastasia Kline was submitted to The Times via email Wednesday night. The obituary, which was sent from an email address containing Kline’s full name, claimed she died “unexpectedly” on Tuesday afternoon.

The obituary included Kline’s grandmother’s phone number for contact information, and when The Times reached out, her grandmother said Kline was not dead. The Times also reached out to local coroner’s and medical examiner’s offices and were unable to verify Kline’s death.

The list of offenses she’s wanted for includes theft, passing bad checks and forgery. If she was as detail-oriented with all that as she was here, it’s no mystery why the cops are on to her.

United Breaks My Brain A Bit, But At Least Its Trying A Little Harder To Say Sorry

CEO says airline will not use police to remove passengers in the wake of a video that showed a forcible removal of a Chicago passenger on Sunday

Probably a good idea, but here’s a better one. Count the number of seats in each plane, then sell the same number of tickets. It’s not rocket science, though maybe airplane science is more difficult somehow, I dunno.

United Airlines will no longer use law enforcement officers to remove overbooked passengers from aircraft in the wake of a video that showed a Chicago passenger dragged from one of its flights on Sunday.
“We’re not going to put a law enforcement official… to remove a booked, paid, seated passenger,” United Continental Holdings Inc Chief Executive Officer Oscar Munoz told ABC News on Wednesday morning. “We can’t do that.”
Munoz said the problem resulted from a “system failure” that prevented employees from using “common sense” in the situation and that Dr. David Dao, whom security officers dragged by his hands, on his back, from the cabin before takeoff, was not at fault.

It’s nice he’s finally apologizing, but one small thing.

“Munoz said the problem resulted from a “system failure” that prevented employees from using “common sense” in the situation…”

What does he mean by system failure? A computer system? I know that even the most sensible of people can get a little squirrelly when a computer gets involved, but with all these supposedly highly trained professionals on the case, how do we get from that to having the cops kick the shit out of a guy who knows not from your software package and just wants to go home?

Or maybe he meant system failure as in procedures put in place by the company he leads that don’t allow for enough flexibility to treat customers like dignified human beings, which is much, much worse. It’s also not a minor mistake. It’s the inevitable result of policies that are specifically designed to favour revenue and compliance over customer experience and morality.

Either way, it’s a shame that Oscar Munoz has no plans to resign. If he truly cares about the company, that’s his only choice. The company was awful long before he took the job in 2015, but this one’s on him. Truly good leadership starts from the top down, and there’s no possible way that anyone can ever have confidence in leadership again while he’s still on top.

United Breaks Faces, Any Pretense Of Giving A Shit

Listen. We’ve all had a lot of fun with the whole United Breaks thing and we all know that United can go fuck itself right along with basically every other airline, but there are almost no words for this.

Please share this video. We are on this flight. United airlines overbooked the flight. They randomly selected people to kick off so their crew could have a seat. This man is a doctor and has to be at the hospital in the morning. He did not want to get off. We are all shaky and so disgusted. #unitedairways -To use this video in a commercial player or in broadcasts, please email licensing@storyful.com-

Posted by Audra D. Bridges on Sunday, April 9, 2017

Quiz time. The distressed fellow in that video:
A: Got past security and made his way onto a plane he had no right to be on and then didn’t want to leave.
B: Got a little carried away at the airport lounge/beverage cart and had become unruly.
C: Was a paying customer with somewhere to be who wasn’t having any of United’s we overbooked the plane nonsense.

No, you don’t want to believe it but yes, you know the answer.

Passenger Audra Bridges, who uploaded a video of the incident to Facebook, told the newspaper that United initially offered customers $400 and a hotel room if they offered to take a flight the next day at 3pm. Nobody chose to give up the seat that they paid for, so United upped the ante to $800 after passengers boarded, announcing that the flight would not leave until four stand-by United employees had seats. After there were still no takers, a manager allegedly told passengers that a computer would select four passengers to be kicked off the flight.

The man in the video apparently claimed to be a doctor who had appointments with patients the next morning. After he refused to give up his seat, Bridges says a security official threw him “against the armrest before dragging him out of the plane.” According to Bridges, the seemingly disoriented man came back onto the plane with blood on his face and the crew asked passengers to go back to the gate so that United crew could “tidy up” the plane.

Yes, there’s video of him getting back on the plane. No, he definitely doesn’t seem right.

And you know what else isn’t right? Literally everything United did to cause this situation and everything it’s done since. I mean just look at this garbage statement from CEO Oscar Munoz.

“This is an upsetting event to all of us here at United,” CEO Oscar Munoz said in a statement. “I apologize for having to re-accommodate these customers. Our team is moving with a sense of urgency to work with authorities and conduct our own detailed review of what happened.”
“We are also reaching out to this passenger to talk directly to him and further address and resolve this situation,” he added in the statement.

Having to re-accommodate these customers? Fuck off, dude. Seriously. Fuck! Off! You had to do nothing of the sort. You could have found those employees another plane. You could have rented them a car. Bought them bus tickets. Paid for a cab. Put them on a train. Given them hitchhiking lessons. The only thing you absolutely had to do was anything it took to avoid beating up paying customers for expecting you to provide the service they paid you to provide, and of course you didn’t do it. Why? Because as we’ve gone over time and time again, you suck.

I don’t know if your victim is a doctor or not, but what I hope he is is a man with the will and the resources to sue you hideous rumpdongles so far back in time that the stone age looks up from whatever it’s doing and says “holy shit, did you see those dickheads that just whizzed bye?”

I’m You, Dickhead


If ever time travel does become a thing, this is exactly what it’s going to be like.

In a world where time travel is a simple hospital procedure, a man jumps back in time to force his 10 year old self to learn guitar, so that he can get more action with the ladies in the present day.

Starring: Anthony Gooley, Tom Usher, Alan Flower, Olivia Pigeot, Emma Palmer, Anthony Taufa, Noah Moon & Rae Johnston

Director: Lucas Testro (“CAPES”)
Writer: Larry Boxshall
Producers: Lucas Testro and Renée Crea
Executive Producer: David Lagettie
Associate Producers: Ash Anderson and Jeffrey J. Ellen
Director of Photography: Aaron Smith
Production Designer: Eve Waugh
Editor: Bill Irving
Music: Myles Heskett
Sound Designers: Ben Crea and Andy Finn
VFX: Brad Dunn and Ken Simpson