Stay The Fuck At Home

Don’t ask me why, but somehow it appears that neither of us has ever posted Samuel L. Jackson’s heartwarming reading of the children’s classic “Go the Fuck to Sleep”. So before we go any further, allow me to remedy that.

Now with that in mind, I give you this extremely important, updated version fit for our current circumstances.

You heard the man.

Seriously, it’s advice as good today as it was a few months ago when all of this started. It’s not like things are getting any better out there. If anything, they’re worse. In spite of our best attempts to will everything to stay open and just be normal, it’s not looking like that’s going to happen any time soon. Please, just do your best to limit what you’re doing out in the world. It’s the only chance we have to not make a terrible situation even worse.

Rapper’s Delight By Siri, Alexa And Google Assistant


My first thought listening to this was damn, how much time must it have taken to gather all these sound samples and get the timing right? Turns out the answer is about a month.

Despite the amazing lyricism and irresistible disco-rhythms at play in the track, aspiring rappers shouldn’t fear that their efforts will soon be replaced by machines. These virtual assistants can’t exactly make hit records on command just yet. The song’s producer, Steven Rosenthal, claims it took about a month to coax the correct lines out of the digital devices and manipulate their cadences in Logic Pro X to perfect their “flow.”

Oliver Dreams Come True!

Some of my dreams have a freaky way of coming true, especially if they involve technology. I had a dream that every few years, after you had customized your computer just the way you liked it, it would forget everything and you had to keep remembering to make backups so you could bring it back faster. That’s not entirely correct, but sometimes it feels like it. I also had a dream that every Apple IIE had a secret realm that you could enter through the old Integer language. I could never quite get there, but I swear the computer could talk to other computers if the user just knew the right commands. In the dreams, that > sign was the key to unlocking a magical place where computers could talk to each other, sing songs and do all sorts of amazing things. This was before there was an internet that everybody could use. I also had a dream that there were cars that could drive themselves. I would just type the destination in, climb in the back and off we would go. I felt so liberated because I could now drive! Of course in my dream, I took a nap, only to wake up as my car either had an accident or didn’t arrive at the destination I intended and it was off by a non-trivial amount.

Now, my soup-making robot has been invented! I can hardly believe it!

While we may not have the flying cars from the Jetsons, an Ottawa company has created a cooking robot.
If you enjoy home cooked meals; but you are short on time or the recipes do not turn out exactly like in the cookbook – an Ottawa-based inventor would like you to meet Oliver.
“Oliver is a smart cooking robot — recipe library, meal planner, shopping assistant, and expert chef all in one,” says inventor Khalid Aboujassoum.
“It will basically control the cooking temperature, the cooking time, and stirring – so that everything is cooked to perfection.”
It’s a do-everything kitchen gadget connected to your smartphone that cooks for you anything that would normally be cooked on a stovetop.

It’s just like my dream. You gave it the ingredients, and…how did I put it? “Imagine if you were giving your recipe to Amelia Bedelia.” Yup, that’s it. Then it followed your instructions to the letter, and you had dinner.

I really wish I was smarter. I could invent some cool gadgets from the ideas that come to me in dreams.

For The Tool Who Stole Our Grocery Cart:

A long time ago, when this blog was much newer, Steve’s trusty laundry basket went missing out of the laundry room of the apartment building where we lived. We thought it was a weird thing to steal, but it was quickly replaced and we rolled our eyes and moved on with life. That incident was more than 16 years ago and we have moved laundry to and from the laundry room in baskets, bags and buggies without incident…until last Sunday.

We have a little fold-up grocery cart that we bought a few years ago when our last one broke. We use it to bring up groceries and carry laundry up and down. It’s a handy little gadget, and it has a fair amount of space. I took it down to the laundry room and did what I always do when it’s laundry time. While everything was washing, I left it folded up by the washing machines I was using so I could move the clothes from washer to dryer, and then I left it in the corner so I could bring it over to the dryer and load the clothes in and take them upstairs. When I went to get it to do this, it was gone! It wasn’t just hiding in another corner. It was nowhere to be found. I have lived in this building for 8 years and I’ve never had this problem.

I know this seems like no big deal. It sucks, but go get another one. But there are two problems. First, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there is a pandemic going on, and it is rare that anyone at the store has the time these days to be helpful in locating a cart and making sure it would work for me. Second, these things don’t come preassembled, and they’re not easy to put together, and in these times I don’t have anyone to ask to give me a hand with this. It would not be as simple as buying another one.

What would possess someone to take something that isn’t really that special, but obviously isn’t theirs? It’s not like I left something expensive just hanging out in the laundry room. It’s a buggy! My only theory is they somehow thought it belonged to the building. If that’s the case, at least have the decency to bring it back where you found it!

It has been almost a week. I don’t think we’re getting our cart back. Thankfully a neighbour who was around when it went missing went out to the store and got one for me out of the goodness of her heart and also got it assembled. It’s not as big, but at least it’s something and I appreciate that.

I know what to do in the future. Even though it was convenient for me to leave the cart in the laundry room, I won’t leave it there again. I just thought I shared my apartment building with civilized human beings. I guess I was wrong.

How GDB is adapting to COVID restrictions

Somebody posted a blog post from GDB about what training will look like in COVID times, and I’m kind of fascinated, and hoping it works.

GDB’s return to full mission has meant that staff from all departments are working towards getting back into a rhythm and workflow that allows us to continue advancing our mission safely. While GDB staff are adhering to social distancing guidelines, some aspects of our jobs, in particular client training, are more challenging to do at a distance.
Leadership at GDB values innovation and creative problem solving from team members, so when staff presented ideas to update existing training tools in order to allow for social distancing, two new adaptations were given the green light.

I am so curious to know what socially distanced Juno looks like. And good on them for going with bone-conducting headsets.

I just might be getting a sneak peek into what my training will look like. Very very cool.

Living In A world Of Whats?

Carin and I were talking to Brad this morning, and somehow the conversation landed on a time several years ago that I had almost forgotten about.

According to Carin, the song “How Deep Is Your Love” was playing, and I pointed out how much the line “‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools” sounds like “‘Cause we’re living in a world of fruits.” It seems I messed her up but good, because she says that ever since that day that’s all she can hear. I had no idea.

I just listened to the song again, and damn, decade ago me is totally right.

Yup, that’s all I’m going to hear now, too.

Welcome To Ballmart

A 65-year-old Iowa man could spend up to a year in jail if convicted of charges resulting from an incident that saw him riding around a Walmart in one of the store’s electric carts whilst polishing the old pricing gun.

Gary Michael Sheriff was accused of indecent exposure when he “exposed his genitals to customers to arouse or satisfy his sexual desires,” a Linn County court in eastern Iowa charges. The affidavit also reads, “He reasonably should have known the act was offensive to viewers.”
According to cops, they were dispatched to the discount chain store where they “found the defendant had been following a woman around the store in an electric cart while exposing his penis and stroking it.”

They don’t say in which part of the store he was arrested, but it’s reasonable to assume that his next visit will be to the sheriff’s department.

Come on, you knew that was coming.

I Miss Y’all

Blink 182’s “I Miss You” works better as a country song than it does a punk one. Fight me.

I still want to know what the hell a yed is, by the way.

Thanks to Matt (yes, that Matt) for the video. If you haven’t, you should give his podcast a listen. It’s a good time especially if you’re in to sports and beer, and they’ve been crushing it with the guests lately. Check it out at TallCanAudio.com.