Jail Full Of Dopes

Santa Rosa K-9 Deputies recently assisted FHP on a traffic stop on I-10 where a large amount of narcotics were…

Posted by Santa Rosa County Sheriff's Office FL on Monday, February 3, 2020

I’m ready to give a million bonus points to the first people who manage to score an interview with these two guys for their true crime podcast, because I must know what possessed them. Do they label everything? Were we to search their homes, would we find bags full of clothes? Do they take bags full of lunch to work with them? Or do they just really look up to Rebekah?

Ian Simmons, 34, and Joshua Reinhardt, 34, were pulled over in Santa Rosa County, Florida, on Saturday when police clocked them going at 95mph on the interstate.
After troopers called a Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s deputy for assistance, a K-9 sniffer dog detected drugs in the vehicle, according to a Florida Highway Patrol arrest report.
When officers looked further, they found pouches with the words ‘Bag Full Of Drugs’ written across the front in capital letters.

Authorities say they found 75g of methamphetamine, 1.36kg of GHB, 1g of cocaine, 3.6g of fentanyl, 15 MDMA tablets and drugs paraphernalia.

Help A Brother Out

I’m going to hope that Shawn Yoakum and his brother aren’t very close, because this seems like it should have been extremely preventable otherwise.

Shawn Yoakum tried to rob the Village Pantry at 900 N. 14th St. about 6 a.m. Tuesday, according to police.
He failed, according to police reports.
Yoakum pulled a knife and demanded money from the two convenience store clerks — one of whom was Yoakum’s brother.
The clerks closed the protective glass that surrounds the checkout area, making it impossible for Yoakum to harm the clerks, police said.

He left empty handed, and was soon tracked down in an alley behind his house.

But the fun didn’t end there.

Yoakum refused to drop his knife when asked by police, who were forced to change his mind on that stance with shots from a Taser and a beanbag.

He was charged with attempted robbery and resisting arrest, and also taken in on an outstanding warrant stemming from a previous escape.

I Think The Names Are Backwards

Is it me, or does Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus (the name of the head of the World Health Organization) sound more like something you would name a serious disease than COVID-19, which is what they’re calling the new Coronavirus? Personally I’d be a lot more concerned if somebody told me I had a bad case of Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus than I would about COVID-19. COVID-19 sounds like some sort of gaming convention or video professionals conference, almost like it might be fun or informative. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus though? I’m as good as dead if that thing is resistent to the good drugs.

No, MLB. More Playoff Teams Will Not Make Things Better

MLB plotting playoff expansion — with reality TV twist

MLB is seriously weighing a move from five to seven playoff teams in each league beginning in 2022, The Post has learned.
In this concept, the team with the best record in each league would receive a bye to avoid the wild-card round and go directly to the Division Series. The two other division winners and the wild card with the next-best record would each host all three games in a best-of-three wild-card round. So the bottom three wild cards would have no first-round home games.
The division winner with the second-best record in a league would then get the first pick of its opponent from those lower three wild cards, then the other division winner would pick, leaving the last two wild cards to play each other.
To use the AL last season as an example, the Astros, with the best record, would have received the bye. The Yankees, with the second-best record, would have had the choice to pick from among the Rays, Indians and Red Sox. Boston had the worst record of that group. Would the Yanks pick them or avoid the baggage of a series with their rival? It would create a ton of strategy and interest, and this is what MLB wants to sell. The Twins would then pick next as the other division winner, and then the A’s with the best wild-card record would play the team not chosen by the Yankees or Twins.
The plan is to have this all play out on a show on the Sunday night the regular season ends and have representatives picking teams on live TV — think the NCAA selection show, but just with the teams making the selections.

Let me be perfectly clear. I do not like this idea very much at all. If we’re going to change the playoffs, we need less teams making it, not more. Major League Baseball is one of the only leagues I can think of that gets the playoffs mostly right because in order to get in and earn a good position, you actually have to be very good for a fairly long time. Pushing the number of teams from 10 to 14 means that basically half of the majors gets in, which opens the door to teams with .500 records or worse being contenders every year. Craig Calcaterra did the math on this going back a decade, in case you don’t want to take my word for it.

He also points out something that came to my mind immediately when I heard the news. There are people trying to spin these changes as a way for baseball to discourage teams from tanking on purpose. But if you stop for a second and use your baseball brain, that whole concept makes no sense. If losing or middling is good enough to be good, where is the incentive to get better? Why go out and spend big money on big players that will help you win games you don’t really need to win? And why would you want to win games you don’t need to win if not winning them helps your position on draft day? We already have teams like Boston dumping top flight guys so that they won’t have to pay luxury tax, and this is now, when contending is hard. Once you lower that threshold, it’s only going to get worse.

But if MLB does decide to go ahead with this and let’s face it, they probably will because bad decisions in the name of the almighty dollar pretty much fuel the world, I hope they stick with the concept of the best teams getting to choose their opponents. It could be a fun wrinkle to add to things in terms of strategy and fan interest, plus as long as it’s happening to a team I hate, I’m all here for a big shot getting blown out by the team they picked because they thought it would be a cakewalk.

But I hope they don’t go through with it, because it diminishes the value of the entire season. If the point of a months long competition isn’t to ultimately wind up with the best facing the best, then what is the point? And perhaps more importantly, if it’s not the point, why then should I bother caring about it?

Hickory Dickory Dock. I’m Watching You Bone With My Clock

I’m all about privacy rights and curbing police overreach, but this doesn’t sit right with me at all. Police had no right to seize hidden bedside camera from Airbnb condo, judge says
Owner argued police breached his rights by entering apartment, seizing camera without warrant

The gist of the story is basically what the headline says. Fella rents a place on Airbnb. While there, he discovers that eww gross, there’s a clock pointing at the bed that has a hidden camera in it. Airbnb is contacted. They advise that police be contacted as well. They are. The camera is seized. It’s later searched, and videos of several different people doing the sorts of things that people do in bedrooms when they think they’re not being watched by cameras hidden in clocks are found.

The next step should be easy. Find out how that camera got there, arrest the responsible party, have a trial and then somebody goes to jail for a while or at least pays a hefty fine if found guilty, which seems likely because cameras don’t just show up in apartment bedrooms and hide themselves in a creepy, voyeuristic manner.

But this is where things go sideways, at least to my brain.

At trial, the owner argued for exclusion of the video evidence on the basis that police violated his rights with the warrantless search and seizure.

Lewis testified he made no attempt to contact the owner before entering the condo.
He said he believed he was justified in going in at Wallenberg’s invitation because the Airbnb guest had the key and temporary ownership of the unit. He said he seized the device on the advice of the detective to preserve potential evidence.
In his analysis, Bovard said a key issue in deciding whether police had breached the condo owner’s charter right against unreasonable search and seizure was whether the owner had a reasonable expectation of privacy in the condo unit.

Bovard concluded the condo owner did have a reasonable expectation of privacy, given evidence that he was the sole owner of the apartment, it was filled with his possessions, and he used it himself at times.
“In these circumstances, [the owner] had a subjective expectation of privacy in the apartment,” Bovard concluded. “[He] had a reasonable expectation of privacy in the clock-camera and in the contents of the SD memory card.”
The judge also rejected prosecution arguments that by renting out his condo to Wallenberg, the condo owner had undermined his own privacy expectations.

“Whatever rights Mr. Wallenberg had over the apartment, he could not waive [the owner’s] privacy rights in the apartment and its contents,” Bovard said. 
The judge also concluded the officer’s suspicion of possible criminal activity did not give him the right to seize the clock-camera or allow police to inspect it without a warrant.
Bovard said he realized that excluding the evidence would gut the prosecution’s case, but said he had to do so anyway given the cumulative charter violations.

I’ll admit I haven’t taken a law class since high school, but finding a fucking hidden camera in the bedroom I’m renting sounds exactly like the sort of thing that cause for a search is made of. Yes, the cops probably should have gotten a warrant just to cross their Ts and dot their Is, but the way this reads it’s like the poor schmuck renting the place has no privacy rights of his own simply because he isn’t the homeowner. His right to privacy should be equal to that of anyone else especially since he’s paying, should it not? And if that’s the case, should it not `be made clear by the owner ahead of time that surveillance equipment creepy and otherwise is being used? Seems to me that we maybe could have avoided this whole thing that way.

The No Rogan Experience

When last we checked in on the state of realistic sounding AI generated human voices, The technology was getting better but still had a way to go before it was going to fool most people. But sitting here today, having just listened to this fake Joe Rogan, I feel very confident saying that my god, we’ve reached holy shit I would totally fall for that territory.

I’m sure somewhere there’s a diehard Joe Rogan fan screaming at me through his monitor saying come on, man! But no. You come on, man! It might not be 100 percent perfect, but as far as the general population is going to be concerned, goddammit, that’s Joe Rogan talking.

Here’s the voice of actual Joe by way of a random episode of his podcast for comparison.

Seriously, don’t even try to tell me that the two aren’t scarily close, at least not until you try this real vs. fake quiz, creatively named Faux Rogan. Somehow I managed to pass it with 5 out of 8 correct, but it was far from easy. I’m not sure that if I took it again after some time had passed that I would get a similar result, honestly. They really do sound damn near identical.

So where did this come from?

It’s the work of a company called Dessa and the RealTalk deep learning model its engineers have developed. That link will take you to a fairly technical explanation of how they did all of this, if you’re interested.

Importantly, the company seems to be aware of what they’ve done here and the implications of it, so much so that they have no plans to release any of their actual research or datasets to the public. That’s nice, even though it’s surely only a matter of time before some other company does.

Moron Explains Moronic Act Moronically

Numbnuts from the plane A.K.A. James Potok has enlightened us as to why he thought it a good idea to announce to everyone that he had a virus and cause his flight to turn around and go home. And true to what appears to be form, he did it for the same reason that anyone does anything nowadays, in hopes of going viral. NO, not Coronaviral, although who really knows with folks like these.

Thing is, see, that he fancies himself an entertainer of sorts and was looking for some of that sweet, sweet pub.

Potok, who describes himself as a frequent flier and an upcoming hip hop R&B artist, apologized to the 243 passengers aboard Flight 2702 to Montego Bay, Jamaica. 
But Potok, who has been charged with mischief and breach of recognizance, claimed he didn’t actually say he had the coronavirus. Halfway into the flight, he said he pulled out his camera, stood up, then asked if he could get everybody’s attention.
“I said: ‘I just returned from a flight from Hunan province.’ I might have said: ‘This is the capital for coronavirus.’ And then I said: ‘I don’t feel too well.’ And I looked around. I saw the reception of the people. They didn’t seem too happy about it. I don’t blame them. And I stopped recording and I sat back down in my chair,” Potok said.
Wuhan, the centre of the coronavirus outbreak, is located in Hubei province.

Asked why he performed this stunt, he said: “Well, it was really just to create a viral video, to get something that, in my opinion, would have gone onto 6ixbuzz,” a Toronto social media site.
Potok said he wanted to create a video that viewers would watch and share. 
He added he has done something similar before. Once, he said he stood up on a plane and made an announcement, saying (American rap singer) Lil Wayne just dropped his new album, then Potok said he stopped recording and sat down.
According to Potok, that video did go viral.

Way to not even get your dumb joke geographically correct, ya dippy tool. I’m guessing it’s that and not you checking to see how well people pay attention to their surroundings. That would require a level of sophistication doubtful to be found even if we searched for a thousand years.

Police disagree with him on whether or not he said he had the virus, not that it matters. By his own admission, he may as well have. His argument is basically “I didn’t threaten to kill anyone, I merely pointed out that they might die soon and that perhaps I would have a hand in it.”

And where did that extra charge come from? Wasn’t he only charged with mischief?

Potok said the breach of recognizance charge stems from an unrelated charge, for which he received a peace bond, and he was supposed to keep the peace.

I can’t even begin to process this. *headdesk*. Repeatedly. With vigour.

But at least he’s admitting that it wasn’t the best idea.

Potok said he felt guilty when he discovered the plane was turning around and he had ruined the vacation plans of 243 people. “That bothered me.” He said he never intended to induce fear.
“I am extremely sorry. I am completely remorseful to everybody that I damaged their plans. To WestJet, I am apologetic, very sorry for the situation at hand. Me being an entertainer, there are things to say and things not to say. This was probably something in retrospect I should not have said.
“Coronavirus is not something to joke about. People don’t take it lightly.”

Go ahead and joke about it. Just don’t do it several hours into your international flight for the sake of viewers that might never exist, for god’s sake.

Sorry World, You’ll Have To Wait. I’m Getting A Text

Impact Wrestling is a much better product than it used to be, but things like this aren’t going to help them shake the lol TNA vibe that’s followed them everywhere for years.

Like dude, how sad is that? A supposedly major wrestling promotion owned by an actual media company is streaming its live specials through a guy’s smartphone? Does it get any more low rent than that? The only way this isn’t the lamest thing ever is if the actual professional equipment malfunctioned and they had to do something as a last resort in order to deliver the show to their audience. That would be dedication, but I have a strong suspicion that that’s not what happened here based on the quality of similar specials I’ve seen.

Fans who watched IMPACT All Glory on Twitch were treated to a comical technical error during the show as the event was halted due to Josh Mathews needing his phone back. Mathews jumped in front of the stream and announced, “Guys, we’re done because I need my phone,” alerting the audience to the fact that the show had been streaming through Mathew’s phone.

Fortunately, another phone was found and the show continued.

Maybe We Should Send Him To China

I’m having one of those there oughta be a law moments after reading about this idiot.

Seriously, everyone involved in this trip, from passengers to flight crew to ground workers all the way down to the people who laid the foundation for the factory where the plane was built should get to punch him. He should then have to pay the cost of rebooking everyone’s flights and make them whole for their screwed up plans. Charging him with mischief feels like we’re letting him off easy. I like making a funny as much as anybody, but sometimes it’s good to remember that there’s a time and a place for it. Don’t be a fucking imbecile, ya fucking imbecile.

Just two hours into a WestJet flight from Toronto to Montego Bay, Jamaica, passengers had their trips unexpectedly cut short on Monday after a passenger claimed he had the coronavirus.
At some point during Flight WS 2702 the man stood up, announced that he was recently in China and had contracted the disease, according to Peel Regional Police.
“That announcement was shared by the flight crew to the captain and a decision was made for the plane to return back to Pearson [International Airport],” said Const. Bancroft Wright.
Passenger Julie-Anne Broderick says she and her family were concerned. 
“We were just over Florida and all of a sudden we felt the plane do a pretty dramatic turn,” Broderick told CBC News.
“We were flying in the opposite direction all of a sudden and it said our final destination was back in Toronto. So we were very confused and worried.”

She says she saw the man taking a selfie and telling passengers around him that he had the coronavirus. 
“The flight attendants came, gave him a mask and gloves and just told him that he had to move to the back of the plane” she said.

Perhaps part of the reason I’m losing my mind so much right now is the phrase “just two hours into a WestJet flight.” I don’t travel well. For me, two hours is a freaking eternity. Ask Carin. If somebody did this during a trip I was on, chances are solid that it would be the easiest day a homicide detective ever had.

Petty Criminal

It’s bad enough that you forget to put your mask on before you start robbing the dollar store, but it’s even worse when the dollar store you’re robbing is the one your girlfriend works at and people know you there. Also unhelpful? Said girlfriend making comments around other employees about you being in a gang and about the store perhaps getting robbed at some point.

A St. Paul man suspected of robbing a Roseville dollar store on Christmas Eve was quickly identified after forgetting to put on his mask.
Quincy G. Petty, 39, strode into the Dollar Tree on Larpenteur Avenue just after 8 a.m. and approached the cashier, saying, “Open your register, I’m robbing you,” according to charges filed last week. A store employee recognized the suspect as a colleague’s boyfriend before he remembered to put on his mask, court records show.
Petty and a male accomplice left the store with about $1,700 in cash, police said.
He was later arrested outside his girlfriend’s home, where authorities found more than $600 in his pocket along with a crumpled-up envelope with the word “robbery” written on it.

Yes, forgetting to throw out the paper with the word robbery written on it is also bad form, in case there was somehow any question about that.

Petty has been charged with a count each of aggravated robbery and simple robbery, the second of which seems rather appropriate.