Did She Have To Dust Herself?

Let’s be clear. Groping somebody who does not wish to be groped is never a good or smart thing to do. But it is especially unsmart when the person in question is the fingerprint lady who happens to be booking you into jail.

As Evans was being fingerprinted by technician Dena Pham, he allegedly “reached with his left hand down to the victim’s right buttocks area and rubbed the area.” Pham identified Evans “as the person who battered her,” and the incident was recorded by a surveillance camera, according to a criminal complaint.
Evans reportedly “stated that he touched the victim because he thought she was sexy.”

It’s worth pointing out that the reason Jack Dylan Evans found himself in such a position in the first place was a disorderly conduct charge stemming from an incident earlier the same day during which he hurled obscenities at patrons and told a bar owner that he’d like to have relations with her, so I don’t expect that my earlier advice is going to get through to him. Perhaps the charge of battery on a jail employee will, but who knows?

I’ll Swing For Ice Cream

Police don’t know who she is, but somewhere out there there is a woman who really, really likes chocolate ice cream. So much so that it’s worth spitting on folks and busting out windows when her eatery of choice has none available at 2:30 in the morning.

Investigators say the woman went ballistic after Rally’s workers informed her they only had vanilla ice cream available. Upon learning that there was no chocolate ice cream in stock, she spit on employees and then set upon the business’s windows with a baseball bat.
It is unclear whether the woman entered Rally’s with a baseball bat or retrieved it from her car upon learning that no chocolate ice cream would be forthcoming.
The suspect fled in a gray SUV before police responded to 911 calls from the restaurant.

Call Before You…Never Mind

We don’t use our irony tag all that much, but this seems like a good reason to give it some love.
Construction crew hits underground fiber line, causes outage of ‘call before you dig’ hotline

It looks like someone may have forgotten to call before they started digging and now others are unable to do so due to an outage of the Colorado 811 hotline caused by a busted fiber line.
A message on the Colorado 811 website says there’s an outage in the communication system. It says an underground fiber line was damaged and it’s causing “significant” outages in the Denver area.

Construction activity caused underground damage, according to the website. Crews are working to repair the damage, but repairs are not expected to be completed until around 8 p.m. Tuesday.

If those folks didn’t call first as is required by law, they might not have to worry much about it. It appears that enforcement is so lax that it’s actually gotten the attention of the federal government, but even now, years after that story was written, changes are still being worked on.

Hey Hey! Ho Ho! All Of Us Have Got To Go!

I totally understand being irritated by the constant noise, but I question the logic of using laxatives to *stop* incessant tooting.

Angered by the noise coming from a union picket line across frome their home, an Ohio couple allegedly made sugar cookies spiked with a laxative and gave the baked goods to striking school employees, police allege.

The couple lives on the same street where workers have been protesting since going on strike in late-March. Picketers on the line outside the Claymont Primary School in Uhrichsville are often saluted by passing motorists with a honk of a horn.
That repetitive noise, cops say, prompted Cosens and Sharrock to target the workers.

A representative for the union said that none of the workers had eaten any of the cookies, which were sent to a lab to be tested.

Wait, who doesn’t eat free cookies? Probably people who were tipped off to the plot by videos posted to a Facebook page showing the pair making the cookies and discussing their upcoming delivery. That’s my guess, at least.

Both were charged with felony contamination and jailed in lieu (In Loo?) of $1 million bond.

If You Need Something To Do, You Can Heat UP This Hot Dog

Serious question. Do pick-up techniques like those employed by Mustafa Demiray here ever actually work? I know that if I ever said anything to a woman to the effect of “hey, you’re bored, I’m bored, how’s about you lollipop my dong” it would be nothing but a ticket to the ICU to have the swelling treated, a shoe removed and the offending member reattached.

The woman, Demiray would reportedly tell cops, kept saying that she was bored and wanted to go home.
At one point, the woman sat down on a chair in a “small office/storage room” behind the cash registers. Demiray followed her inside.
Demiray, an arrest affidavit notes, told investigators that “since the woman was bored, he pulled out his penis and asked the victim if she wanted to give him a blowjob.” You know, as a way for them to jointly pass time on the lobster shift.
When the female worker declined to fellate him, Demiray “pulled his pants up.” Before exposing himself, Demiray advised, the woman gave him “a look” while she was on her cell phone.

I doubt that look meant what you think it meant, my dude. She was on her phone, for a start. And we all know it’s impolite for one to talk with one’s mouth full. So there’s that, plus the small matter of you likely creeping her the hell out.

Fortunately for Mr. Demiray, his mistake wasn’t a ticket to his local trauma centre. It was, however, a ticket to his local holding tank on a charge of indecent exposure.

Ahh What The Heck. I’m Already Here Anyway

I don’t know what other problems Casey Michael Lewis may have, but impulse control is clearly an issue for him.

According to police, Casey Michael Lewis, 34, was booked into the St. Lucie County jail around 4 AM Thursday following his arrest at a Walmart for grand theft, a felony, and other charges. Lewis bonded out of custody just after 9 AM.
Cops charge that Lewis, upon walking out of the lockup, proceeded to the jail’s parking lot and burglarized a vehicle. He was subsequently confronted by deputies who spotted him pulling on car door handles in an apparent attempt to enter unlocked autos. Lewis allegedly stole an iPhone, $547 in cash, cigarettes, a debit card, and a driver’s license from the auto of a female victim who told police that she accidentally left her car unlocked.

Not surprisingly, he was cuffed and put right back in before making it off the property. He was later able to bond out again, and somehow managed to leave the jail grounds carrying only things that belong to him…at least as far as we know.

Tansy’s Retirement Is Looming

The ID card the Ontario Attorney General made for us has come apart. It looks like a mess now. Nobody would believe that was a real ID card. I never managed to get it re-laminated in time. Now I’m not sure if someone could. Also, her harness got two frayed spots on it. We got those repaired, but that was a new experience for me. At least the shoe repair guy could do them quickly on the spot.

But I feel like maybe those are omens, indications that her career may be nearing its end. Thankfully, Tansy is coming to retirement much more slowly and gently than Trixie did, but there are definitely things that make me go “hmmm.”

There are the little things, like some days she walks slower than she used to. I don’t notice that as much when we’re walking alone, but it becomes obvious when we’re in a group. What I do notice when we’re walking alone is she’ll stop and I won’t know why. Sometimes it is for a good reason, but sometimes it’s for an obstacle that has been moved. But because we stopped there before, she will decide we have to stop there again. It’s like sometimes she’s running on autopilot and she has trouble doing that bit of problem-solving that used to come so easily to her. She’ll also sniff more stuff and be more easily distracted. Sometimes I find her unpredictable. I’m never sure if I’ve got focused Tansy or distracted Tansy, and because of that, I don’t always trust what she’s telling me.

There are other little things, like sometimes she does not seem thrilled to work when I call her. There have been a couple of times when she tried to stay away from me when I had the harness. There were always other possible reasons for her to do that, like someone she really loves was right there and she was wanting to spend more time with them, but it makes me think.

Don’t get me wrong, we still have lots of good days. But there are lots of bad days sprinkled in. I’m keeping a log, like I did with Trixie, to keep me honest. But we haven’t reached the point where I’m having to cut back her work (for more reasons than “Hey! Everybody stop because Coronavirus!”), and she’s only refused to go out once, and I could perfectly understand why. So hopefully, we have some time and hopefully I can get all the right signals at all the right times.

I especially hope we can hold on, now that Coronavirus has put our whole application on hold. The application has a medical component, and the doctor has said she will not fill out nonessential forms. Plus, since everyone is staying put, including our guide dog school’s follow-up people, if they can’t come see us, we can’t do the home interview that’s required for the last bit of the application. So for now, everything has been put on hold.

At least with all this staying at home, she has been getting lots of rest, which should hopefully give her some more energy to work a bit longer once things start up again, but we’ll just have to take it one day at a time.

But even with the best possible circumstances, I know the end is closer than the beginning. She will turn 9 next month, and a lot of dogs retire between 8 and 10. We have had a good time together so far, and hopefully I can retire her before she’s unhappy working. Shmans, I am going to miss the heck out of you, that’s for sure. But I want you to have a time in your life when you can just enjoy it as a pet.

Look On The Bright Side. You Did End UP Getting Screwed

The best thing about the story of Jon Omer Sengul isn’t that he called 911 to complain about a prostitution transaction gone awry, but rather that he seemed to know exactly what he was doing and didn’t much care. And yes, his name being Jon is also kind of fun.

When contacted by police, Sengul “began to make incriminating statements,” prompting Officer Gregory McDonald to read him his rights. After saying that he understood the Miranda warnings, Sengul continued his tale of woe.
Sengul said that he offered the four occupants of another motel room $500 “in order for one or more of them” to come to his room and “have sexual relations with him.”
At this point, McDonald “clarified” with Sengul that he was admitting to soliciting another person for sex. Sengul reportedly confirmed that was exactly what he had done.
Continuing, Sengul said that he called police because “after giving the individuals the money they did not come to his room to engage in the aforementioned sexual relations.”

Unfortunately for him, he didn’t get his money back. It would have come in handy when it came time to pay his bond, which was fittingly set at $500.