Of Course Governments Should Fund Library WiFi Lending Programs

This is one of those little things that makes me unspeakably angry. People bellyaching about how taxpayers shouldn’t be subsidizing home internet by way of WiFi hotspot lending programs at libraries. Seriously, what an idiotic argument. If you happen to be someone in favour of this stance, I humbly and politely suggest that you maybe read the fuckin’ news once in a blue moon, you dick. When you’ve got clowns like Doug Ford out here trying to make online learning mandatory for all students regardless of their ability to participate, government is exactly who should be footing the bill for these services.

But even beyond that, everything is online now. And if the goal is that everyone be able to participate and function in society as best they can, those people are going to need internet access. And newsflash, they can’t all pay for it because, among other reasons, they can’t get online to see all of the job ads.

This is the exact sort of thing that governments should be built to help with. To suggest otherwise is selfish, foolish and counterproductive.

Stop Buying All The Damn Toilet Paper, You Animals

What is this, diarrhea Black Friday? From fist fights to stealing off carts, toilet paper frenzy hits Guelph
Lineups form long before Guelph Costco opened and 1,000 packs of toilet paper were gone in 15 minutes

“Good morning and don’t kill us.”
And with those words, manager Armando Gumbs opened the doors of the Guelph Costco at 9:30 a.m. Friday for approximately 500 customers who had been waiting in line outside.
Two employees stood at the entrance of the store wiping off the handles of every cart with a disinfectant wipe amid the fear of coronavirus. 
Gumbs said there is only one item flying off the shelves in minutes: toilet paper. 
Some were seen with one pack and some were seen with four. Some were even seen going back for more after loading up their cars. 
“I don’t understand the concept of toilet paper. I can understand hand soap, hand sanitizer, or food or whatever, but the toilet paper process?” said Gumbs. 
He said yesterday, the store had 1,000 packs of toilet paper that were wiped off the shelves in 15 minutes.

Membership door greeter Michelle Malott said she sees toilet paper in almost every cart. And sometimes arguments get so heated, she experiences verbal abuse from customers.
Yesterday, a fist fight broke out over toilet paper she says.

“Somebody took it off somebody’s cart,” said Malott. 
She said when the store sold out of toilet paper yesterday, people waited on the floor for hours for the next shipment to come.

One of the things I learned from this story is that apparently, on some social media site or other that I thank fuck don’t frequent, there is a myth going around that an abundance of shit tickets can somehow heal you if you should happen to get yourself a nice case of Coronavirus. I can’t seem to find anything about this by way of Google or Snopes, but I do see one about toilet paper being recalled because the cardboard it’s rolled on comes from China and China is full of illness. It’s not true, but maybe it would be nice if people fell for it for a little while so that the rest of us could buy our regular, normal use sane person amounts.

And some of you may not believe this, but you shouldn’t be drinking bleach, either. That’s only good for people who spend their time spreading stupid, dangerous, irresponsible shit like this around the world.

Seriously though, please stop hording all the toilet paper. You’re panic buying and creating a shortage where none needs to exist. You’re doing no good for yourself or anyone else.

A Punk Compilation With No Punk Songs ON It! Order Now!


I first saw this commercial with no context beyond ha ha, look at this silly ass punk album that doesn’t have any punk songs on it. And while yes, it’s amusing enough that way, I’d love to know how this happened. How did we get all the way to the point of this going to air and being sold without anyone saying “uh, guys? Maybe an album called Punk should, like, contain punk songs or something”? Nobody really seems to be able to fully answer that, but a little bit of Googling does reveal that somebody did eventually clue the folks at Westwood Promotions Inc. in to the fact that 80s pop and new wave songs do not equal punk and they eventually shelved that branding and re-released it under the much more fitting name 80’s Retro.

But hey, awful ad and wildly inappropriate title aside, had I known about this back in the day I’m sure I’d have pestered the hell out of my mom to buy it for me. It’s got some pretty good tunes on it.

Disc 1:
1. ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot’ – Pat Benatar
2. ‘Who Can It Be Now?’ – Men At Work
3. ‘Voices Carry’ – til Tuesday
4. ‘Our House’ – Madness
5. ‘One Thing Leads To Another’ – The Fixx
6. ‘Rock Lobster’ – The B-52’s
7. ‘What You Need’ – INXS
8. ‘And We Danced’ – Hooters
9. ‘She Blinded Me With Science’ – Thomas Dolby
10. ‘I Want A New Drug’ – Huey Lewis And The News
11. ‘Whip It’ – Devo
12. ‘Talking In Your Sleep’ – Romantics
13. ‘Be Near Me’ – ABC
14. ‘She’s A Beauty’ – The Tubes
15. ‘Human’ – The Human League
16. ‘Send Me An Angel’ – Real Life
17. ‘Harden My Heart’ – Quarterflash
18. ‘Eyes Without A Face’ – Billy Idol
Disc 2:
1. ‘Hold Me Now’ – Thompson Twins
2. ‘Stray Cat Strut’ – Stray Cats
3. ‘So Alive’ – Love And Rockets
4. ‘Video Killed The Radio Star’ – The Buggles
5. ‘Cruel To Be Kind’ – Nick Lowe
6. ‘Don’t Dream It’s Over’ – Crowded House
7. ‘Someday, Someway’ – Marshall Crenshaw
8. ‘Jeopardy’ – Greg Kihn Band
9. ‘Karma Chameleon’ – Culture Club
10. ‘My Sharona’ – The Knack
11. ‘867-5309/Jenny’ – Tommy Tutone
12. ‘Chains Of Love’ – Erasure
13. ‘I Ran (So Far Away)’ – A Flock Of Seagulls
14. ‘Wild, Wild West’ – The Escape Club
15. ‘Mickey’ – Toni Basil
16. ‘Precious To Me’ – Phil Seymour
17. ‘You Might Think’ – The Cars
18. ‘Here Comes The Rain Again’ – Eurythmics

Me And Some Little Kid Down On Sesame Street


Yes, this is a video of Paul Simon singing “Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard” on an episode of Sesame Street in 1977, but the real star of the show here is the little girl next to him making up her own words about everybody dancing with her. Apparently Simon had no idea she was going to do that, but he seems to have been pretty ok with it. How could you not be, honestly? Cutest, funniest thing any of us are likely going to see today.

Let’s Get Ready To Rumble…If You Can

Many times I say I’m a weirdo. Now I know it for sure. I’m one of a small number of people who can make their ears rumble voluntarily! I can hear it now. “You can what?” Seriously. Ever since I was a kid I noticed that my ears made rumbling noises. I first noticed it when I was yawning or doing something that needed a lot of pushing or hard work. I thought I was breaking something so I would always make it stop because I was sure they weren’t supposed to do that. Then, as I got either more brave or stupid, I would just do it to see what happens. Yeah, blind kid, playing with your ears and hearing is a great idea, you fool! I never did it to drown someone out, I don’t think I could make a rumble that powerful. Maybe I’ve gotten weak? But I can make my ears rumble at will.

I told Steve about this and he thought I was nuts. I just assumed everybody could do this. Apparently, there are only some that can.

Well, there’s your weird tidbit for the day.

The Coolest Song About The Brain

Your brain is divided into two hemispheres
Your left controls your right side and your right controls your left side
And they’re both tied together in a neat little package
By the totally awesome Corpus Callosum
When you peel away that meninges layer
Wipe off that cerebro-spinal fluid
And you’re looking right at the four lobes of the brain

(You all know what I am talking about, say it with me now)
Frontal, temporal, parietal, occipital
And each one’s got a very special job, yeah
Each one knows exactly what to do
As you’re watching my disembodied head
Your rods and cones are sending their stimuli to your thalamus
Which joins up to your occipital lobe
(Which of course processes visual information)
As you’re listening to these words right here
The vibrations of the scillia down in your ears
Are sending those impulses along to your temporal lobe

And I know right now you’re probably thinking
“Al, how can these different parts of the brain
Communicate with each other?”
Well to answer that question
I’m gonna have to break it down to a microscopic level

This is a neuron, a funky funky neuron
You got your axon on the one side
You got your dendrites on the other
See the dendrites receive the signal from another neuron
Which sparks a chemical reaction in the nucleus
Creating a nerve impulse which travels down a long long myelin-coated strand

Through which the neurotransmitter molecules enter the vesicle of the axon terminal
And as neurotransmitters jump a millionth of an inch
Across the synaptic gap
And smash into the receptors
Of the dendrites of another neuron
Connecting neuron to neuron to neuron to neuron
All across your entire brain (oh yeah)

The more you use your brain (your brain)
The more connections you’re gonna make
And the smarter, the smarter you’re gonna be (dup doowah)
I’m talking bout your brain (dup doowah)
You gotta hand it to your brain (dup doowah)
Yeah yeah that’s your brain

Oh! my! God! I could have killed for this song when I was in neuroscience class. It was a hell of a lot better than “Parts of the Brain”.

I wonder what Professor Peters would think of it.

Aside: When Weird Al was doing his thing at the end when he said “what I’m trying to say is…” Clear as day, I heard Professor Peters’s voice say “You lose 40% of your heat through your head. Those people who walk around campus without a hat on? They are stupid! They deserve to have their brain frozen!” *hides face* I don’t wear a hat because I can’t hear traffic as well with a hat on…but I did hear you, I swear!

Covid-19, You are causing A Scene, At This Moment, You Wrecked Everything…

This stupid Coronavirus is ruining all the things. I’m supposed to be getting on a plane to CSUN on Tuesday morning…but am I? Hell nooo! It’s not because I’m afraid of the virus per se. I’m afraid of getting stuck somewhere for an unplanned extended stay because of the virus. I have several prescriptions that, if I suddenly came off them, would probably screw me up extra good, and some of them would be a bit hard to carry two extra weeks of them on a trip. So to play it safe, I’ll be staying right here.

I don’t remember another virus sending everyone into such a tailspin. Do I have a short memory? When SARS happened, I remember there were screening procedures if you were traveling or going into an ER or whatever, but I don’t remember everyone acting like it was the end times. Is it all social media’s fault? Is it the fact that there seem to be so many more mixed messages with this one? Is it both? What is it?

But at least while we’re all busy worrying about how long to wash our hands, we can sing good songs while doing it.

This brings us to another episode of I feel old. I could sing the songs recommended from the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s or 90’s, but don’t ask me to sing the recommended songs from the 2000’s and the 2010’s. I’m vaguely aware of them, but I don’t know them.

This is how I felt a few weeks ago when Brad was at our place and we played Song Quiz. I know it says it’s an Alexa thing, but it’s for Google and the iPhone too. Anyway, we all did pretty well at anything before 2000. After that, we all totally suuuucked!

One more random tangent before I get out of here. Someone said a little while ago that You can sing Covid-19 to the tune of Come On Eileen…

You can! Now that song is ruined for you all.

So, if you’re stuck at home sneezing your head off with some cold that may or may not be the Coronavirus, you can at least have fun guessing and singing songs I suppose.

I May Have To Move To The Yukon

Final spring forward: Yukoners to end seasonal time changes
For the love of god, can we please just do this federally already? I’m sick of my sleep getting even more fucked up than usual twice a year and it taking days to put it even somewhat right again.

We’ve been over this before. Everyone, like literally everyone, hates this shit. Just stop.

Yukoners will be changing their clocks for the last time this weekend after the government announced the territory will no longer participate in seasonal time changes.
On Sunday, Yukon residents will adjust their clocks an hour forward for the annual spring time change, as usual. After that, however, the government said the territory will remain on Pacific Daylight Saving Time.
The decision follows recent public consultations, in which the majority of respondents said they were in favour of putting an end to the practice of changing the clocks twice a year.
The survey drew more than 4,800 responses from Yukon residents and organizations between Jan. 6 and Feb. 16, according to a press release by the territorial government. The results of the study showed that 93 per cent of participants wanted seasonal time changes to stop with 70 per cent of those in favour of permanent Pacific Daylight Saving Time.

Sky Blue, Water Wet

This is really weird, but it turns out that if you give poor people more money, their lives tend to improve. Bewilderingly, when they have the means to afford things like adequate housing, good clothes and decent food, they become healthier, more confident and in some cases, more employable. Like what the hell? Everybody knows that poor people are poor because they want to be and that if you give them welfare they’re just going to live high off of their $600 a month hog.

Participants in Ontario’s prematurely cancelled basic income pilot project were happier, healthier and continued working even though they were receiving money with no-strings attached.
That’s according to a new report titled Southern Ontario’s Basic Income Experience, which was compiled by researchers at McMaster and Ryerson University, in partnership with the Hamilton Roundtable for Poverty Reduction.
The report shows nearly three-quarters of respondents who were working when the pilot project began kept at it despite receiving basic income.
That finding appears to contradict the criticism some levelled at the project, saying it would sap people’s motivation to stay in the workforce or seek employment.
“They continued working,” Wayne Lewchuk, an economics prof at McMaster University who was part of the research team told As It Happens.
“Many of those who continued working were actually able to move to better jobs, jobs that had a higher hourly wage, that had in general better working conditions, that they felt were more secure.”
The three-year, $150-million program was scrapped by Ontario’s PC government in July. At the time, then-social services minister Lisa MacLeod, said the decision was made because the program was failing to help people become “independent contributors to the economy.”

But what about the ones that didn’t keep working? According to the survey, around half of them decided to use their newfound flexibility to go back to school so that they could qualify for better jobs than the ones they were quitting.

I have no idea why this is so hard to understand. If you improve people’s lives, everybody wins. If people are healthier, they visit doctors and hospitals less. When they visit doctors and hospitals less, the government saves money. When people have more purchasing power, they will use it to buy things they want and need. When they buy things they want and need, business makes money. When business makes money, the economy gets better. When the economy gets better, it creates more jobs and means there is more money to go around. More money going around means more being spent and more being made, which is good for the government on either end because most purchases and any profits not hidden by shadiness and loopholes are taxed. All that healthcare savings and tax money is going to be at least enough to break even on this free money experiment and truthfully, you’re likely going to do a lot better than that.

It really is, as the article says, a tragedy that the basic income project didn’t get a chance to fully play out. This might be a fine time to reverse yourself yet again, Doug.