And the Survey Says…

It’s official. I need to stop bitching about the things people do or say because of the whole blindness thing. I just got proof in my inbox that people get asked far worse things than I ever have. Here are the 10 worst questions people have asked, in someone’s humble opinion. I don’t know who originally wrote this, and I don’t agree with all of them, but I still thought it was funny. So here goes.

10. Are your eyes real or plastic?

I’ve never been asked that one, probably because my eyes are supposedly constantly doing the jitterbug. Some have said it’s not so bad, but little kids, the most honest judges, always comment on the jiggly eyes. One kid actually asked me, “Did you cross your eyes too long once and they got stuck?” As the babysitter stammered and stuttered apologies, I laughed, and laughed, and laughed!

9. Did you get past first grade?

Um, the gall. The closest I’ve gotten is “Where do you work, or…do you work?” Or there’s always the time that woman called me a waste.

8. Do you want me to cut your meat? I meahn, can you tell your silverware apart?

Ok, I’ve had the first part of that, when it’s like some kind of thick steak or something, and I can understand where they’re coming from. Sometimes I’ve taken them up on having them help me get the food at some kind of buffet or something or if it’s all weird and hard to cut. I have never ever been asked if I can tell my silverware apart though.

7. Who helped you with your clothes? They match so beautifully.

I can’t even get mad about that one, except maybe they should have worded it like “How do you match your clothes so well?” Hell, if I could see and I saw a blind person walking around with perfectly colour-coordinated clothes, I’d be like how the hell do they do it? I’d just wanna know. Kinda like I’m curious about the medium in which deaf people think. I know that sounds dumb. But when I think, I hear a little voice in my head. So how do they think? In sign? Probably, but I’ve never had the chance to ask a deaf person.

6. Is it really true blind people have families?

Wow! Where do they think we came from? Or do they think that as soon as the parents realize that their kid can’t see, they pawn them off on some orphanage? I get the opposite. People are astonished that my parents live five hours away and I do stuff all on my own. They just assume the reason I live here is because I have family here. When they find out I’m here because I went to university, they’re all flabbergasted.

5. Goodness you’re amazing. Did you actually pour your milk?

Um yeah I had that. Once I was helping out and pouring these drinks called mocktails, like non-alcoholic mixed drinks, and the place where I was helping out was all unsure about how I was going to work in their office. When they saw me pouring cans of juice into the jug, they’re like “Wow! You can actually do that yourself! Maybe there’s a chance!” Um ok?

4. When you walk, do you put one foot in front of the other?

I don’t usually get that one, I get, “When you walk, do you count steps?” Or they assume that I do count steps and tell other people off who try to talk to me. “Don’t break her concentration!” they say. Or, they’ll assume that because my eyes don’t work, neither do my legs.

3. Should I help you in the bathroom stall?

Wow. I only get, “Will you be able to find everything in there ok?” But never phrased that way. I did get, “How will you navigate to the bathroom?” whenI was going to be taking this class for a month. I just looked at her and said, “Well, you are giving tours, I assume? So will you give me one too?” Then she was just speechless.

2. Were you born that way? You know blind?

I have 0 problem with that one. Never having vision and having it and then losing it are two whole different ballgames. That’s a decent question!

1. Are you really blind? You sure can’t tell it. I mean, you sure know your way around your house.

Um wow. If all the other blinks these people ever met couldn’t even get around their own houses, they’re a pretty sad sample. Oy yoy yoy. And the only time I had someone swear I wasn’t really blind,I was 6 and he was 7, and he just didn’t think it was possible. He kept waiting for me to slip up.

That was fun. Some of them must have come from a different time or something. I can’t even imagine getting asked some of those questions. But maybe tomorrow, I’ll go somewhere and get surprised. You never know.

Welcome to Throwbackville

I’ve been wanting to write this post since yesterday, but every time I think about it, words fail me. The only words that come to mind are “wow!” and “gees!” But I know those words do not a blog post make. So here I go, trying again.

Ok, how can I jumpstart this thing? How about some background. Well, I saw on the news that the tiny town of Herouxville, Quebec, is making quite a bit of news with a piece of literature drafted up by the mayer and city council. Apparently, they wanted to make sure that any new immigrants knew the standards of their new town before they decided to move to it. funnily enough, they never mentioned in this getting to know you guide that the town was made up of 1300 people, mostly French, white and catholic, except for one immigrant family. That poor immigrant family.

What they did mention, well, sounds like a joke. But no one is joking. Here are some choice pieces.

Our Women

We consider that men and women are of the same value. Having said this, we consider that a woman can; drive a car, vote, sign checks, dance, decide for herself, speak her peace, dress as she sees fit respecting of course the democratic decency, walk alone in public places, study, have a job, have her own belongings and anything else that a man can do. These are our standards and our way of life.

However, we consider that killing women in public beatings, or burning them alive are not part of our standards of life.

Lots of news articles say that they make clear that stoning to death, circumcisions and burning of women with acid are also strictly prohibited. But I don’t see that in the nice pdf of the standards thatI was lucky to stumble across. Either it was sanitized after the newspeople were all over it, or those references were removed when it was converted to English. But the point is the same. These people actually thought it necessary to inform immigrants that these things are not allowed. I guess it’s possible to meet an immigrant who moved from a place where this was done all the time and thought this was the way of the world, but I think it’s rare. I also think it was interesting that women got a passage, and so did children, I didn’t include that one because it wasn’t nearly as bad as these others, but men did not get a passage. Are these people to assume there are no men here? But anyway, let’s get back to the words of the townsfolk.

Our Festivities

We listen to music, we drink alcoholic beverages in public or private places, we dance and at the end of every year we decorate a tree with balls and tinsel and some lights. This is normally called “Christmas Decorations” or also “Christmas Tree” letting us rejoice in the notion of our national heritage and not necessarily a religious holiday. These festivities are authorized in public, schools, and institutions and also in private.

Ok, how big of a rock do they think these new arrivals live under? I think it is this town who has been living under a rock. People from other places than “the west” are quite aware of “western” customs because they have been seeping in everywhere. Ug. Let’s get back to the bigotry.

Our Health Care

In our old folks homes men and women are treated by responsible men and women. Please note that there is no law voted democratically that prohibits a woman treating a man and a man treating a woman. In our hospitals and CLSC’s woman doctors can treat men and women and the same for the men doctors. This same principle applies for nurses, firemen and women, ambulance technicians. These responsible people do not have to ask permission to perform blood transfusions or any task needed to save a life. For the last few years men have been allowed into the delivery room to assist in the birth of their baby. They have been with their wives to prenatal courses to help them in this task. In the said establishments the patients are offered traditional meals. There is often music playing in the background. There are magazines or news papers available and any other form of multimedia that shows our community spirit and our way of life.

So no mention of health cards? No mention of universal health care? No mention of getting a family doctor and how to get one? That all isn’t mentioned, but we must insist that men can treat women and women can treat men. and “old folks homes?” Who in christ calls retirement homes old folks homes with any kind of seriousness anymore? and I don’t know about you, but I’d be wondering what a CLSC was before all this other stuff. Yep, this was really designed to educate the newcomers. Sure, boss. Moving right along…

Our Education

In our schools certified men and women teach our children. The women or men teachers can teach boys or girls with no sexual discrimination. They do not have to dress any different to accomplish their tasks. In our schools the children cannot carry any weapons real or fake, symbolic or not. The children can sing, play sports or play in groups. To promote decency and to avoid all discrimination some schools have adopted a dress code that they strongly enforce. For the last few years to draw away from religious influences or orientation no locale is made available for prayer or any other form of incantation. Moreover, in many of our schools no prayer is allowed. We teach more science and less religion. In our scholastic establishments, be private or public, generally, at the end of the year you will possibly see “Christmas Decorations” or “Christmas Trees” The children might also sing “Christmas Carols” if they want to. Many of our schools have cafeterias that serve traditional foods. Students may decide to eat elsewhere. The history of Quebec is taught in our schools. Biology lessons are also given.

With regards to the talk of fake weapons, hey chief, nice reference to the ruling allowing ceremonial daggers at school. and I notice only Quebec history, biology, and briefly, other science, are said to be taught. I find it odd that there is no mention of French, math, art, music, or any other subject that *would* be taught in school. This is certainly and obviously not a comprehensive guide to newcomers by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I get the distinct sense it is aimed at one, and only one, group. You will see, if you just follow me a little further.

Our Sports & Leisure

For the longest time boys and girls have played the same games and often play together. For example, if you came to my place we would send the kids to swim together in the pool, don’t be surprised this is normal for us. You would see men and women skiing together on the same hill at the same time, don’t be surprised this is normal for us. You would also see men and women playing hockey together, don’t be surprised this is normal for us. In our public swimming pools we have men and women lifeguards for our security to protect us from drowning, don’t be surprised this is normal for us. All the laws adopted that permit these phenomenons have followed a strict democratic process. You would appreciate this new life style and share our habits & customs.

Hello there, Captain Repetition. Is everything followed by, “Don’t be surprised this is normal for us?” I think I get the point. And nice insistance that they enjoy our customs and tradditions. I picture someone saying, “Have fun, god damn it! I am ordering you to start having fun right now!” I know that particular little gem is probably an artifact of bad translation, but it’s kind of ironic that it fits with the general tone that basically says assimilate or leave, you filthy Muslims. Woops, the cat is out of the bag. I think it’s aimed at Muslims, and based on horridly out of date stereotypes and myths. I really don’t know what to say, more than, Ug. Next snippet.

Our Security

Our immense territory is patrolled by police men and women of the “Surete du Quebec”. They have always been allowed to question or to advise or lecture or to give out an infraction ticket to either a man or woman. You may not hide your face as to be able to identify you while you are in public. The only time you may mask or cover your face is during Halloween, this is a religious traditional custom at the end of October celebrating all Saints Day, where children dress up and go door to door begging for candy and treats. All of us accept to have our picture taken and printed on our driver’s permit, health care card and passports. A result of democracy.

I love the unflattering description of Halloween. Um wow. And another slap at Muslims. And, I don’t know what having picture ID is a result of, but I can’t make the leap that it is the result of democracy. I believe dictatorships *make* their citizens carry ID cards and soldiers often ask for them. The result of democracy. Allrighty. Now here comes some interesting fun.

Our Work Place

The employers must respect the governmental laws regarding work conditions. These laws include holidays known and accepted in advance by all employees. These work conditions are negotiated democratically and once accepted both parties respect them. No law or work condition imposes the employer to supply a place of prayer or the time during the working day for this activity. You will also see men and women working side by side. We wear safety helmets on worksites, when required by law.

I’m amaized that that wasn’t covered with instances of “don’t be surprised this is normal for us.” It seems like that would fit there. And again, no references to people having the right to a safe work environment, or unionized versus non-unionized workplaces. Oh no no no, the most important things to know are don’t pray at work, men and women work together, we sometimes wear helmets, so suck it up, and you get Christmas off, and not your own holidays, whether you like it or not, you filthy Muslims! Right. Uh-huh. Sounds to me more like they want to keep them away. Let’s see what other gems I can pull from this thing

Our Business

Our businesses are governed by municipal, provincial and federal laws. In our businesses men and women work together and serve the clientele whether they be man or woman. The products sold by these businesses can be of any kind. Food products for example must be approved by different governmental agencies before being offered to the general public. You might see in the same store several different types of meat, eg. Beef , chicken, pork and lamb. Other stores offer their clientele a place and equipment to exercise. These places have windows that their clientele can look outside while exercising and are composed of men and women dressed in clothing appropriate for exercising.

I don’t think the newcomer is going to need to know about windows in a gym right away. I don’t think they’ll care. They’ll have bigger things to worry about, like, oh, say, settling in a whole new country! And again, I think they’re ready to see all manner of food in a store together. I’m sure they’ve heard of that before. Did that section really give them any useful info at all? Can you see one shred? I can’t. Only two more sections to go. I’m getting tired. So much bullshit is sapping me.

Our Families

You will appreciate that both parents manage the children needs and both have the same authority. The parents can be of the same race or not, be from the same country or not, have the same religion or not, even be of the same sex or not. If a boy or girl wants to get married, they may, they have the liberty to chose who their spouse will be. The democratic process is applied to ensure each and everyone’s liberty to choose. In our families, the boys and girls eat together at the same table and eat the same food. They can eat any type of meat, vegetables or fruit. They don’t eat just meat or just vegetables they can eat both at the same time and this throughout the whole year. If our children eat meat for example, they don’t need to know where it came from or who killed it.Our people eat to nourish the body not the soul.

Aww, come on, no reference to prohibition of a herem? I’m amazed! Disappointed even! I was hoping they’d be predictable. And nice imperative at the beginning to appreciate our customs. And that whole part about food sounds eerily like someone who’s trying to tell their child who’s a picky eater that really, your meat can touch your corn and you won’t die. Like gees. And what the fuck department, help me out on that last sentence. I need you. I think the translator is getting about as exhausted as I am. Look at the rising number of errors. Last! Section!

Other

You might still see crosses that tell our past. They are an integrated part of our history and patrimony and should be considered as such.

*That* needed its own section? Come on now, anything would have been more important than that. I guess I lied, there is one last section, the conclusion.

To publish all the laws and standards of Municipalité Hérouxville would be a tedious task. The standards published above are just a sample so the new arrivals to this territory can clearly identify with us before making their decision to move here. Certainly, being the elected members, we would give the new arrivals the assurance that the conditions that they have fled from in their country would not happen again here in our territory.. Consequently, the peace of mind that we live with will always be. It must be very clear that any person or persons, groups legal or not that would like to modify our habits and customs or our general way of life cannot do so without going through a referendum process following all laws put forward by our towns and municipalities. These referendums will be at the petitioner or petitioner’s cost.

Signed jointly by the mayor and 6 city counselors of Hérouxville, all democratically elected.

We have reached the end, and it is good to the last drop, isn’t it? If this is a sample of the laws, then pick a better sample! Pick some things with some more relevance, why don’t ya? And who says everyone immigrating is fleeing horrid conditions? And nice final reference to democratic law and how it isn’t changing…ah hell, they should just say it’s not changing for you, you filthy Muslims! And then these pricks don’t even have the balls to sign it with their names. They’re just some kind of mysterious authority figures floating around.

I wasn’t going to put so much of it up, but it was so laiden with disgusting levels of closed-mindedness that I just had to rip it apart. If you want to read it, including the two sections I left out and without my intermittent rippings, or you don’t believe that such a document exists, you can find the PDF here. If you can’t do PDF’s, feel free to email me and I’ll send you a nnice text version.

What I find especially ironic about this is it is written by a predominantly French town. One would assume, then, that they wouldn’t much like to be told that they must assimilate into English Canadian culture because they are, after all, living in a province surrounded by English Canadians. Even if you put aside the language issue, because in the document, they did say they didn’t care what language people spoke, I don’t think they would be a fan of dropping everything else they hold dear and isn’t English. I don’t think they would much like being told what songs they could sing, what celebrations they could have, whether or not they could be Catholic. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if the town would be predominantly separatist. I know the higher the concentration of French-speakers, the more separatist an area is. So, if they are for separatism, then they are very much anti-assimilation. In fact, wouldn’t you say they are trying to recreate their country of ancestry? And one final thing. I think there would be a revolt if an English politician said that If they have such a problem with the erosion of French culture, why don’t they just move to France?

I guess I shouldn’t be so angry with this town. They’re doing all newcomers a service in urging them to stay far, far away. It would be better for both the seemingly closed-minded townspeople and the poor, unfortunate newcomers.

And if you’re wondering why I chose not to put accents on the e’s in the name of their town and province whenever I referred to them, it is because the English language views squiggly lines as only belonging in music sheets and colouring books. They have no place among alphabetic characters. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous?

Pet Rocks

I will readily admit that I’m a sentimental person. I like to keep things that remind me of people and times of the past. But there comes a point where sentimentality ends and morbidity begins, and when it comes to pets, that point is here.

Apparently, if your pet dies, the people at Pet Crematorium CPC have figured out a way to use the carbon from your pet’s ashes to turn them into a diamond, which I assume you can wear in a ring or whatever. I guess, then you can say that you will always have your beloved pet wrapped around your finger. And then I can look at you and say, ug!

What the hell is with that? They’re not the only one who does this sort of thing. This place does it with human ashes! What am I missing? I think it would freak me out if I knew that the ring that Aunt Olga was wearing was made of dearly departed Uncle Charles. It’s kind of like having a coin made out of World Trade Centre death guts. That’s just, just, ug! Why can’t people bury their loved ones and let go? How could you ever let go if you knew that you actually had part of them in your house? Strange things people do. Maybe I’m the one who’s weird.

What an Obama-Nation

I was cruising around snopes.com, and I saw there was a new no. 1 hoax, so I decided to go read about it. When I finished reading about it, I was left with a lingering sense of sadness.

The hoax is that Senator Barack Obama is a Muslim extremist. It is shown, without question, that he’s not even a muslim, and it’s a pile of crap. But it’s the way in which it’s shown that he is not a muslim that left me scared. It’s like the authors of Snopes equate having any connection to Islam as a horrible, bad thing and they have to work to clear this poor man’s name of such an attrocious accusation.

They also seem to see Christianity and Catholicism as things that can only be viewed in a positive light. Anybody remember what has happened in several Catholic churches over the years? Lots of sexual abuse. What happened to native children in Christian schools? Abuse! No religion is any better than any other religion. What does it matter what he worships? As long as he’s not preaching about death to the infidel dogs of the west or pushing his religion on anyone else, let him have whatever religion he wants.

Do you get the same feeling from the Snopes article, or am I just paranoid?

>The SWAN Turned Me Into an Ugly Duckling!

>I don’t know how to feel about this invention. Ok, let me try and break it down as best I can. They’re trying to invent this navigation system for blinks called SWAN, which stands for System for Wearable Audio Navigation. It’s supposed to help you navigate, and let you know about nearby objects and such. It’s sort of like a GPS and a cane/dog all rolled into one.

On the positive side, they’re trying to make the sounds as unobstructing of other sounds, and as easy to interpret as possible. They are also using bone-conducting headphones, or “bone phones”, (eeewww that sounds wrong) to conduct the sounds via vibrations through the skull, which also sounds very distracting, and somehow not plug our ears. I’m very happy they realize that we do need our ears, though. So many other technologies designed to help us want to encase our ears or heads in something that obscures all the other noises we need to use to get around.

But here come the negatives. This is a list of things the user needs to wear to get this system to work. As you read this list, picture R2D2 or the Six Million Dollar Man.

  • A small laptop computer worn in a backpack.
  • A tracking chip.
  • Additional sensors including GPS (global positioning system).
  • A digital compass.
  • Special headphones called bone phones.

Beebeebooboobeebeeboobeeboobeeboobeebuzz. Just picture that array of technology walking down the street, and all of it necessary just to navigate. God forbid you want to carry anything else.

We already draw stares just by walking with canes or dogs. This will make people gawk! Gawk, point, and stand far, far away. No one will approach us to talk to us because it will look like we’re in our own little world. Can you imagine trying to go through airport security with that get-up on? I can see it all now. “just a second sir while I unstrap my arsenal of gizmos. No sir, I’m not trying to blow up the plane! Honest, I’m not a suicide bomber! That’s not a detonator pack for Christ’s sake! Can’t you see I’m blind? Oh yeah, probably not because you can’t see my face for all this technology! Now where’s the gate?” Beebeebooboobeebeeboobeeboobeeboobeebuzz.

Can you imagine what would happen whenever you walked into a store? Oh lord the shoplifting alarms would have a hissy fit!

This reminds me of the other gadgets, gizmos and thingamabobs that people have designed over the years. My earliest memory of one of these things was something called the sonic guide. It consisted of something that went over my ears. When I try to find descriptions of it now, it talks about something that was like a pair of glasses. My memories of it were of it feeling like a giant helmet, but I was only 3. It beeped in my ears. Looking back on it, I remember feeling like my head had been encased in a box that you’d use to ship something somewhere. Tightly packed in foam. I guess that was supposed to hold the sound in. IT would beep louder as you got closer to objects. It wasn’t very good outside because of the open spaces. But in any case, I felt completely cut off from the world, and I think this was the point when my parents realized that replacing my sight with something else was not going to work, and we just had to adapt. I’m glad they didn’t push on with this sonic guide thing, because apparently this beeping box cost quite a chunk of change and needed to be on a service plan because it needed frequent repairs.

Then there was the cane with the laser in it. Real good until you smacked into something at a good clip and broke the technology.

Some things, like the travel mate, I can see as kind of good for people who have hearing problems too. As far as I understand, you clip it to your belt and it vibrates to let you know when something is blocking your way, and some people who have significant vision and hearing loss use it to follow people in line, detect overhead branches, etc. But it’s not trying to do the whole sight shebang. It just notices when something is coming up in front of you, and it augments what you already are using.

And then there was this glove designed by someone at the University of Guelph. You wore a couple of cameras on your chest, a computer, and one glove with vibrating motors sewn into it. The cameras would be able to detect objects up to 10 Metres away and send a signal to the motors. The closer the object, the more intense the vibrations. This made me wonder if you would constantly be feeling these vibrating sensations wherever you went. A lot of objects could be detected in a 10-metre radius. I was a subject testing how easily it was to detect differences in vibration intensity, and at the end of the study, my finger was numb! I think at one point, I had to ask her to stop because I didn’t think I could give her accurate feedback anymore because the feeling in my finger had gone all funny. Would you want that all the time, wherever you were going?

I really appreciate all the efforts that various people have made to design us synthetic eyes. It’s very cool. But replacing what is an evolved human sense with technology just isn’t practical. It’s cumbersome. It’s far too prone to being made unreliable by things. It’s expensive. Sometimes, simple is just better. Take a cane. You go tap, tap, tap, bump, tap, tap, tap. Even a dog is simpler because the dog has eyes that already see, for the purposes of navigation, like a human’s. It just has to be trained. I think, of all the senses that you could choose to synthesize, vision is the hardest. Hell, no other sense got a whole chapter of my first-year psych textbook dedicated to it, but vision did.

They say they might make this into something that you can put into a cell phone. Maybe, then, it might be ok. But until then, I’ll pass on the android outfit, thanks.

Much Love to the Google Help Group and Panther

Oh! Watch me dance! Dance and dance and dance! Do you wanna know why? Because a very nice person helped me tweak the code so hopefully it looks better.

Here’s a note to anyone who’s blogging with Blogger. If you need any help at all with your blog, hoof it on over to the Blogger Help group and sign up to the how do I section. You’ll have to have a google account of some variety to sign up. Don’t worry. Even though there are like 35000 members, they only send you one email per day with all the threads in it. If you’re lucky, you will get helped by a user known as Panther. He is the awesome. I need to learn where he got his infinite patience and get some immediately. He put up with my endless barrage of questions and need to nitpick over the details. He also was very cool about the blindness thing.

Not only does he help out the hoards of blogger users, he runs 3 blogs. All Blog Templates Collection, Beta Blogger for Dummies, and Making Money with Google Adsense, Blogging and SEO.

I need to learn a lot from this wise man, and maybe he can help you too. Thank you, Panther!

Hey! Buddy! You do have the Right to Remain Silent, you know!

Um wow. Just when you don’t think you can possibly hear of someone being more stupid, you read this story. I can no longer write. I’m still laughing.

A Monroe man allegedly was amazed when told his estranged wife’s boyfriend survived a Nov. 30 knife attack, Snohomish County prosecutors said Thursday.

“What? I thought I stuck him like a pig … What do you mean he’s alive?” Marshall N. Byers, 28, allegedly said after his arrest.

Prosecutors included Byers’ alleged statement when they charged him in Snohomish County Superior Court with attempted first-degree murder and first-degree burglary.

Police think Byers broke into his estranged wife’s house in Monroe and stabbed her boyfriend in the chest and back while he was sleeping. The man, 28, was treated for five knife wounds, deputy prosecutor George Appel said in court papers.

Byers was tracked down in Eastern Washington after he reportedly bragged to a truck stop clerk that he was “on the run,” and she later called police.

When questioned by detectives, the defendant was surprised the stabbing victim was still alive and also told detectives that he had “premeditated the whole thing,” writing about it in his journal, Appel said.

When detectives examined a notebook containing what they believe are Byers’ writings, they found a passage wishing his estranged wife an “unspeakable” death.

“Her boyfriend, HA HA HA Boy o Boy he sure doesn’t have a clue what’s coming,” the passage allegedly continued.

Byers also allegedly told police he was high on methamphetamine during the attack, Appel said.

Well, at least he’ll make their job really easy for them. I love how it says police *think* he broke in and stabbed the guy. Um, wow. Talk about your honest criminal. Someone should sew his mouth shut for his own good.

Are Thoughts Flukes for Fluckes?

Here are a couple of tips for the would-be user of a counterfeit cheque:

  • When you pull into Wal-Mart and you see 40 police cruisers in the parking lot, it is wise to suppose that perhaps now is not a good time to use the cheque.
  • If you decide to push on, thinking that the occupants of these cruisers might be elsewhere, think again when you find 80 uniformed officers filling the store’s aisles for a charity event.

If you don’t follow these two simple rules, you’ll end up like Calvin Fluckes JR. of Detroit who, after finding 40, that’s forty, police cruisers in the Wal-Mart parking lot, still tried to pay for merchandise with a poorly-photocopied, fake cheque for $848. Surprise surprise, he was quickly apprehended.

What! the hell! was this man thinking? I don’t know, if I was going to commit a crime, I wouldn’t do it where 80 people who could throw me in jail were right on location. At the very least, I’d decide to do it another day. If I were half-way smart, I’d think that since they’re all busy at Wal-Mart, I might have a chance with this cheque if I took it across town to the Home Depot. But that’s miles beyond the capabilities of our hero here.

I think the best part was a police officer openly calling him an idiot. Yes! He is an idiot! There is no argument!