Vomit Comet

So I have just returned from lunch and on this particular occasion it was time for something new – and since it’s not just new for me but is actually new for the world – I thought I would review it for you here so that you may base your opinions moving forward solely on what I thought of this product. I’m still campagning that that be how the world works. Moving along we get to today’s subject.

BURGER KING’S NEW STACKER QUAD!

So we’ve all seen the commercials (unless you have a life and don’t watch as much tv as me) where Burger King advertises their new burgers – Stackers – which can come with 2, 3 or 4 patties. Good enough idea I guess.

So lately it’s been my goal to try and eat, at least a little bit, better than I have been and results have been good as I’ve lost a nice little chunk of weight in the last few months. Now that’s not to say I’ve cut out fast food altogether (I’m only human) and I had a weekend out of town where I ate a lot of crap this weekend so I really shouldn’t have been doing it again today – but I was talked in to Burger King – and then in to sampling the quad as I’m a fan of oversized food, as I know some of our readers are. (I’m looking at you Steve, Jon and Lu).

So despite not having had one since the mini-diet started my favourite burger is the Wendy’s Classic Triple – so I’ll pretty much stack (see what I did there, sith the Stacker) this one up against that. Since I have yet to see a burger with 5 patties on it (and I’d like to) I will use the not-yet-famous 5 patty grading system. 5 patties being good, 1 patty being for little girls.

We’ll start where we always should when talking about food. Taste. You can have a 37 pattied burger but if it tastes like Steve’s burnt pubic hair it’s really all for not.

We’re gonna give the Stacker Quad 4 patties out of 5. It was indeed quite tastey. But really no different at all than any of their other burgers. That’s not necessarily a bad thing since they make a good burger and this was no worse – but if you’re gonna throw that kind of advertising behind your new huge burger – you might want to add a little spice or something to it.

Presentation. No Patties out of 5. Ya this one will hurt you. I give it this rating because when I opened the wrapping, it appeared there really were no patties on this thing. Just 4 patties thick of CHEEEEEEEESE. Upon closer investigation I discovered that there were indeed patties there, just covered in so much cheese that the patties were hidden and I wondered if I’d ever crap again if I ate it. It just looked far too sloppy and messy whereas the Wendy’s Classic Triple has a nice clean appearance to it. (which I’ll admit starts to fade as you start to power through it.

Size: Despite what your girlfriend has told you, size matters. Especially when we’re talking about my burger. While there indeed were 4 patties on the burger, they were not Burger Kings Whopper patties. They were small standard fast food patties. When you order a Classic Triple from Wendy’s you get 3 square patties (because they don’t cut corners… get it?) and they are quite large. So, while Wendy’s has one less patty, I certainly felt like I get more food out of their burger without the shame of having to tell my friends “it takes 4 patties to satisfy my fat ass.” That’s a big plus in my book.

Finally, Bang for your Buck. 3 Patties out of 5. To get the Wendy’s Classic Triple combo with fries and a drink costs you $8.04. Sure that’s expensive for fast food but you get what you pay for. To get the Burger King Stacker Quad combo with fries and a drink (which I above deemed to be the smaller burger) costs you $8.49. So sure it’s only 45 cents more – but it’s still a valid point if you’re actually getting less meat.

So in closing – while I was not dissapointed with the burger in and of itself, when stacked up against the competition it was not enough to win me over as my new favourite artery busting burger.

Eat accordingly, friends.

You know how I usually start these posts, when I have nothing to say, by saying that I’m just going to type and see what happens? Well today is a day, again, where I really have nothing to say. But this time I’m not going to type and hope something comes of it. So… ya…..

What is with this? A few months before we left the last place where we lived together, there was a nice big apartment fire in the super’s apartment, and now, yesterday, after we move back in together, what’s that sound I hear? Ding ding ding di-i-i-i-i–i-i-ing! The fire alarm! Luckily this one was just a false alarm, but what’s up with that? Is our being together the indirect cause of apartment building destruction everywhere?

I don’t have much to say, except, phew, we survived another move. I always underestimate how freaky it is to have everything you own put in boxes and transported to your new home. But it’s weird. And now everything we both own has made the trip safely, although I do feel sorry for the people who helped Steve. Hauling a bed frame up 6 floors because it can’t fit in the elevator has gotta suck. But everything fit beautifully, and our new home has the phone, the internet and the cable again, not to mention that it plain rocks. This is a strange thing to say, but because of Stupidhead and Ditz O Matic, I forgot how it felt to feel safe and secure in your own home. Being here has made me remember what it feels like. The neighbours are cool, I think I’ve met a grand total of one creep in this building, and he’s leaving soon, and everyone else has been nothing less than awesome, and there’s lots of nice people in the neighbourhood. Plus, I don’t know what my parents were smoking when they said there was nothing near us. Let me count the things I found when I went on a little walk with a friend. 3 convenience stores, a computer store, our bank, a pizza place, a drugstore, a hair place, a Mcdonalds, a Tim Horton’s, a Dairy Queen, two more restaurants, another ice cream store, and a beer store. And I’m sure there’s more! Oh yeah, and a giant park where lots of stuff happens. If that’s nothing, having everything near you must mean you don’t have to move and stuff comes to you. Now I just need to get a few groceries and Steve needs to come back from family stuff and the place will be complete! Oh I can see many many happy times ahead!

That looks like a strange thing to say, now that phones are everywhere and they’re so ordinary. But that must have been what they thought when he first invented the thing. And why would such weirdness be swirling through my head? Because I got a taste of what it must have been like before phones yesterday.

Like I said, we’re almost ready to get over to the new place. Well, my stuff is over there, and Steve’s moving on Saturday. Since we’re using Steve’s phone account and had to move it yesterday or be screwed until Monday or Tuesday, poor Steve was without a phone. I don’t know if he’d call himself poor Steve, but damn it he’s poor Steve for the purposes of this story. So I go down to the lobby to speak to our poor stressed out building manager to get my buzzer tied in with my phone and book the elevator for Steve’s folks/moving crew who are heaving things like couches into the new home, and I find out that the elevator’s not going to be available at the time we would have hoped. Now, what would one normally do? Call Steve and say hey, what should we do now? But he’s got no phone! Add to that that my internet’s not in at the new place because I need his big length of cable that, um, he’s using. So he may have the internet, but I have no way of reaching him. So all that’s left to do is take the bus across the city and talk to him face to face.

So off I go, thinking about how it must have sucked to not even have the bus back then, and only having horses and such. Then I get off the bus, and I really think I’ve been placed in one of those old movies. I’m running down the street, and I hear a slow spit…spit…spit. Within a minute, it becomes pit pat pit pat pit pat…and as I get close to Steve’s house, it’s more like pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter! Can’t you just hear the dramatic old movie music?

I have to admit that once I got the message to Steve, the old time feel died suddenly when we…sent an email to his mom and asked what time would work for her. But it really made me think about how much we depend on the phone, and how I never want to go VOIP! And it made me realize how important the words “Mr. Watson, come here, I need you!” really were.