A Few Words On Guelph Transit’s Ridiculousness

Excuse me for a second while I rant about Guelph Transit. Yes, again. Listen, guys. I understand that you have a tough job. Pleasing everybody in a city of 100 some thousand people many of whom have different wishes, wants and needs cannot be an easy task. I’ll even be up front and admit that …

What A Dmubass

I imagine there are quite a few vandals roaming around with a less than adequate grasp of spelling, but I’m not sure how many of them are as consistent or as easy to catch as Adam Hall. Last month, somebody Vandalized Brittany Speckman’s car. Whoever it was bent the license plate, keyed it and scratched …

Welcome To The Second Annual Shoplift With A Cop

For the second year in a row, there’s been a shoplifting arrest at a Shop With a Cop event. I’m hoping this is something we can expect every year, like Christmas and the Darwin Awards. Loss prevention officers at the Wal-Mart on Acton Lane saw a man in a back room cutting open packages of …

Hey Officer, Wanna See My Weapon?

I said yesterday that it was time to pick things up around here again after a few bad days, and what better way to do that than with a guy in a nightclub parking lot, pants down, putting a pink thing in through his out door while masturbating and eyeing up a couple of cops? …

If Jaws Was A Disney Movie

A fellow by the name of Caleb Hepler noticed that all of those Free Willy giant sea creature movies are pretty much the same. Big friendly sea creature, happiness, a bad guy or two…you know the drill. So to make a statement or perhaps just because he had a few hours to kill, he thought …

Complaining, Christmas And Wrestling

You know what sucks? Migraines. You know what sucks more? Migraines that last for a couple of days and then leave you a worn out shell for another day after they’re gone. And you know what else sucks? Getting over the migraine, feeling better for a day and then running smack into one of those …

Sploosh Splosh Swimmin’ In A Thought Pool

It’s random thought splatter time. Put on your rubber boots, this thought puddle’s a doozer. Like every year, I have to get my silly Christmas shopping talk in there. When December started, I was flipping out, I’d hardly bought anything, and it was…what was Steve’s word? De-fucking-cember? I can’t find it, but ya know. Anyway, …

I Was Wondering If You Could Help Me

This is the kind of thing I wish I’d thought of years ago and may have to try at some point. You and a friend write shopping lists full of nonsense items for each other. Neither of you know what’s on your list until you start asking questions. Yes, asking questions. With list in hand, …