Stabby Thanksgiving

Daring to start Thanksgiving dinner before your drunk girlfriend wakes up? That’s a stabbin’. Or maybe a carvin’ would be more appropriate, given the circumstances. Smith, 45, told officers that he had argued earlier in the day with Blake, who was reportedly intoxicated and had gone upstairs to sleep. While Blake snoozed, Smith began Thanksgiving …

Black Friday Body Count: The Best Of 2014

Circumstances didn’t let me do the proper Black Friday thing last year, but that doesn’t mean that such an important occasion should be allowed to pass without even the tiniest bit of fanfare. So to save me doing the hard work myself, I shall give you Gawker’s collection of the best of the season, complete …

At Least He Didn’t Ask Anyone To Blow Into This Here Tube

What’s up with the cops these days, man? It seems like if they’re not in the news for roughing up someone else, it’s because they’re too busy doing it to themselves. Meet Newton, New Jersey police officer Jason Miller, henceforth known as Constable Cocknballs. According to several statements and some video that’s said to not …

But Shouldn’t I Get Credit For Getting All Those Drugs Off The Streets?

I can only assume that Sylvia Mashiah had been doing a bit of quality assurance testing on the product she was attempting to smuggle into the United States, because there really is no other way to explain this. Instead of driving onward to her destination as most of us would after having been cleared to …

Should We Sing On Top Of Old Smokey Or On Top Of Spaghetti? Doesn’t Matter, They’re The Same Thing Now

If a single, stolen meatball from the office fridge is enough to earn you a stabbing, then it stands to reason that all of your spaghetti and meatballs being tossed out by your inconsiderate bastard housemate is grounds for something serious. But even so, this seems a bit excessive. Around 2:30 a.m., 33-year-old Melissa Dawn …