If You Get It Up One More Time, You’re Going Down

This is hilarious. Dangerous and awful, but hilarious. An officer was flagged down about a man trapped in a portable toilet near the Eastbank Esplanade at 8 a.m. The Honey Bucket’s door was against the ground, so Portland Fire & Rescue personnel responded to lift it back up and free the man who was inside. …

Hey Backpacker. Wanna See My Bag?

Most news headlines are pretty quick and to the point, but in the case of William Nicolas O’Donnell I kind of understand why they may have felt it necessary to title this one Women aged under 40 banned from Northern Territory man’s farm after he threatened backpacker with a knife and forced one to watch …

You Missed One, Checkpoint Guy

When you’re as drunk as Logan Shaulis appears to have been, generally you’re doing your best to avoid DUI checkpoints, not parking your car across a highway, pretending you’re a state trooper and pulling people over because you’ve decided that you *are* the DUI checkpoint. Troopers say 19-year-old Logan Shaulis, of Somerset, parked his vehicle …

Alright. There’s Only One Way To Settle This. Whoever’s Phone Can Call An Ambulance The Fastest Wins!

I have no idea why, but the iPhone vs. Android debate can get pretty intense sometimes. They’re just phones that you’ll be replacing in 2 or 3 years, losers! Get a life. But as nasty as it can be, I think this here brings things to a new low. Tulsa police say a woman found …

Don’t Make Me Throw Tea On You, You Old Bag

Sign I’ve been doing this for a while: I’m about to write the words this is pretty much your standard Floridian trailer park food feud arrest without so much as batting an eye. The Flagler County Sheriff’s Office was called shortly before 11:30 p.m. Friday to the Ponderosa Mobile Home Park on U.S. 1 in …

Hey Little Girl, Is Your Daddy Home? I Suppose That He Is, Since I’m Feeling His Bone.

Dear Corey Huddleston: While getting friendly with the family of the object of your affection is generally a good idea, this is not what most families have in mind. I doubt it’s going to do much to get them to overlook the small matter of the 38 year age difference, either. Huddleston allegedly went to …

That Guy Just Took My Phone. I’d Better Call The Me

When there are only 2 customers in the store one of whom is you and the other is a uniformed police officer, that’s a bad time to test out your I’m going to swipe something from this guy without him noticing skills. On Monday at 12:27 p.m., the officer momentarily put his cell phone down …