Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Makes You Sink Your Kia Van

People really can’t handle spiders, can they? The woman told a state trooper she was trying to back her Kia van down the Neel’s Landing Boat Launch to put her kayak in the river when a spider jumped in her lap. Naturally, she jumped out of the van. The van then rolled into the river, …

Too Distracted By Your Phone To Drive Properly? There’s An App For That, Because That Makes A Lot Of Sense

New app targets distracted drivers with traffic alerts Maybe I’m the idiot here, but it strikes me that the only app we should need to tackle distracted driving is one called the power button that shuts the fucking phone off while you’re driving because clearly you don’t have enough self control built in. Instead of …

If You’ve Ever Wondered What A Dickhead Sounds Like

This audio is about a year old, but it’s the first time I’ve actually heard one of these douche lords calling 911 to complain about an Amber Alert alarm. I commend the restraint of the police service. Were I them I’d have used the system’s tracing capabilities to find this rump pumpkin’s house, remove his …

The Conservative Leadership Race Just Got Interesting

Not really at least not yet, but it sure sounds like Bryan Adams (yes, that Bryan Adams) is gearing up for a run. Based on his first campaign speech, he appears to be trying to split the Derek Sloan vote. https://www.instagram.com/p/CADYjsonDVJ/ In case this ends up deleted, here’s what he said. CUTS LIKE A KNIFE. …

Anybody Know A Good Lawyer?

A billboard worker wound up in the hospital Tuesday morning when he tumbled off a rooftop sign in Brooklyn that happened to be touting the famed personal injury law firm Cellino & Barnes, family and officials said. David Fricker, 49, was working on the billboard around 10:28 a.m. near the corner of Church and Flatbush …

I Don’t Like Spiders And Brakes

I’m guessing that the Australian fellow who caused such a commotion while trying to kill a spider that neighbours thought a woman was being murdered and this New Yorker who flipped his car because one landed in his lap are not the same person, but I can’t confirm that. According to the sheriff’s office, the …