It looks like we finally got our winter. I woke up this morning to a hissing sound outside my window. That was a whole wack of ice pellets and snow smacking into the building. Yee ha, welcome to January. At least that seems more normal. Crappy, but seasonal. Maybe it’ll kill off the whole host of flus and colds that seem to be floating around, waiting to strike.
Well, after a lot of pondering and nashing of teeth, it seems that my epiphany was more than just a passing thing. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I don’t know if I can emotionally handle being a counselor or doing social work stuff day in and day out. I don’t know if the rewards would outweigh the draining aspects of it, and I don’t know if I could keep my enthusiasm for the work at the level it should be in order to, well, do a good job. So I’m thinking about maybe…gulp…starting my own business.
What’s that sound? Me drowning in debt? Hopefully not. I was thinking about being a vendor of computers and other assistive technology, and hopefully being an ADP-registered vendor. There are so many scammers, scumbags and ripoff-artists that it’s hard to find one good vendor in your region. So I’d like to be another option. Now all I have to do is…everything. Set up a website, learn how to assemble computers, find out what is all involved in running this business, find suppliers, promote myself, hopefully get customers and hopefully do more than survive…if I can even get this idea off the ground. I’ve got a long road ahead, but maybe I can make it. Now why is my gut spinning? At least it’s a different spinning than the spinning and twisting of dread I was starting to feel about doing any kind of social service job. It’s the spinning that comes with the fear of the unknown.
My main fear is what if I’m not any good. In everything I try and do, I excel up to a certain point, and then I fall ker plop on my face. If I can’t do well, word will get around, and soon I will be screwed. Then my student loan will feel like a few cents compared to the debt I would have incurred. And then what will I do? It’s a huge risk, will I be able to do it? I guess only time will tell. Everything’s so unsure. And then of course there’s the waiting game to hear about when I’ll be taking off to guide dog school. I’m still waiting for that news. So…here’s hoping this next plan doesn’t fall to pieces like the last one.