Yoko Ono Has Never Sounded Better


There is precious little I could ever hope to add to this. All you need to know is that it’s great, that the song is called “Voice Piece For Soprano And Wish Tree”, and that this is what it sounded like before it was improved upon.

This video comes to you courtesy of Andre Antunes, who you might remember as the guy who momentarily made Kenneth Copeland tolerable.

5EGG

I’m not sure this gentleman solved any of his problems when he walked into the cell phone store and began hurling eggs and epithets, but I hope he feels a little better. Maybe Telus can let us know how he’s doing.

On Saturday, employees at Quinsam Communications in Campbell River, Vancouver Island were left stunned when a man entered the store and began hurling eggs at displays, devices, and the workers.
The accused — dressed in a red sweatshirt with a grey bandana around his face walked in and began venting his frustration about Telus and its 5G technology. “This has got nothing to do with you, boys,” the accused said to the staff before pelting the business and the ‘boys’ with eggs.
According to the Campbell River Mirror, the accused believed that others were using Telus’ 5G network to gain access to his cellular devices, and based on his body language and tone, he appeared to be extremely unhappy about it.

CTV has video of him being extremely unhappy about it, and you can watch it here. I hope you like beeping.

I Am Dead. I Am Also Literally In Bees

Since we have a bit of a thing about bees around here or perhaps just because I have a thing about frightening poor Carin with stories about bees, I feel it necessary at this time to inform you that the damn things have begun evolving into meat eaters. Please enjoy the rest of your evening.

A team of entomologists, seeking to learn more about these pollen-eschewing bees, recently set up chicken baits in a Costa Rican forest. They ended up collecting a bunch of vulture bees (Trigona necrophaga) and analyzed their guts and genetics in detail.
“These are the only bees in the world that have evolved to use food sources not produced by plants, which is a pretty remarkable change in dietary habits,” said Doug Yanega, an entomologist at University of California, Riverside and a co-author of the recent paper, in a university press release.
While ordinary bees have pockets on their back legs to store pollen as they flit from flower to flower, the vulture bees have repurposed the stores as “little chicken baskets,” according to study co-author Quinn McFrederick, also an entomologist at UC Riverside.

The researchers aren’t certain why this is happening, but they speculate that it may have something to do with competition for the nectar and such that bees normally consume, which sounds totally sensible to me.

This is all a tad creepy, but it’s also pretty cool to see evolution in action like this. Just stick to dead things, bees. That’s all I ask.

So About Those iOS 14 Security Patches

Remember a few months ago when Apple announced that cool thing where you would be able to get important security updates for iOS 14 and not have to upgrade to iOS 15 before you were ready? Well, guess what. You’re ready, whether you’re ready or not.

So far there’s no official word from Apple about why they’ve gone this direction. All we have is the bunch of speculation in the second link up there. But if it’s anything other than a flaw so complex that it can’t be backported without messing up a whole bunch of other things, it’s a real shame to see it go. It was a nice, customer friendly option to have.

According to 9to5Mac, Apple suddenly stopped making security updates available to people using versions of iOS 14. The last security patch made available for devices not on iOS 15 was iOS 14.8.1, released in October. However, it’s no longer available for people using iOS 14.8 — the only upgrade option is the new iOS 15.2.1 update.

Hey Google, What’s All Of The Weather Today?

Lately I’ve noticed a bug in the way that our Google Mini reports the weather, but you can work around it, so here’s the solution if you’re having the same problem.

If you ask it what the weather is going to be today it will give you the expected conditions, the high and low and the current temperature. But it won’t give you the windchill, which can sometimes be important when it’s January in Canada. If you have the Continued Conversations feature enabled and ask what the temperature is during the same chat to try to coax a windchill out of it, you still won’t get one. You’ll just get the current temperature, which you obviously already know. If you’re determined to get it, you’ll have to let that conversation die and then ask “What’s the temperature?” in a new one. At that point, she’ll finally tell you that it’s currently -13, but that due to current wind conditions it feels like -27.

And just like that, you can once again be as miserable about how freaking cold it is as I am. Eat it, winter!

What’s The Deal With Paper?

Wondering if anyone else has noticed this, especially people who have to run their mail through a scanner to read it like I do.

For at least the last few months, I’ve been finding that most of the folded paper I get in the mail won’t lie flat anymore. In order to get a decent scan, I have to hold it down with one or both hands. If I don’t, it puffs up as though it wants to stand and float away on a breeze that doesn’t exist, completely screwing up the output.

Nobody is folding anything any differently, so what gives? Has something changed about the chemical make-up of paper? Is it something to do with the recycling process? Is this only happening to me? It’s strange, whatever it is.

No Wonder You’re Going Round And Round


I woke up with this in my head today. I don’t know why. But I suppose if you’ve got to have a random tune in your head you could do a whole lot worse than this one. Man, what a banger. A banger that I just realized is like 28 years old. Jesus. Give me a second.

Anyway, what was my point?

Right.

Even though I’ve known this song for decades, I’ve never been able to shake one little thing about it. It is called Toy Train. Obviously, “Toy Train” are the words being sung in the choruses. I know this. But every time it comes on, my ears and my logic get into an argument because it really sounds like he’s saying “toilet train”.

Just me?

This Means War…Or Something

Yes, Christmas is over. but I just saw…whatever the fuck this is and I just had to share it.

Apparently this was sparked, so to speak, by somebody who may have been a mentally ill homeless person setting one of Fox News’ Christmas trees on fire. But to the folks at Fox, it was so much more than that. It was a hate crime against Christianity and Fox News, and another shot fired in the war on Christmas. So sad and outraged were the Foxes that they started calling it the All American Christmas Tree and held tributes to it, including the one above where Reverend Jacques DeGraff gave that speech.

What I want to know is how anyone can tell the difference between a mentally ill homeless person and your average Fox News contributor. A pretty thin line, that one.

The network’s outrage crescendoed on Thursday when a Fox News contributor compared event, which caused a grand total of zero injuries, to the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941, which killed 2,403 American military personnel and 68 civilians.
The Five on Thursday broadcast a much-hyped lighting ceremony for the rebuilt tree, during which contributor Rev. Jacques DeGraff got so caught up in the moment that he was compelled to reach back into history for a comparison. “Somebody asked me why are you here,” DeGraff called out. “I’m here because these colors don’t run! Eighty years ago this week, they tried to extinguish the darkness in a place called Pearl Harbor. We didn’t fold then, and we won’t fold now because we have come this far by faith!”

Anyone Who Cares What Colour Your Texts Are Isn’t A Person You Want To Talk To Anyway, Kids

I don’t know if I’m old and tired of everyone or just have enough things to do/worry about on the average day, but this pissing match Google and Apple are having about what colour people’s messages are in group chats should win a who gives a swirling, bubbling shit award. Oh, and anyone who bullies a person for using the wrong phone and thus being the wrong colour when they talk can also fuck right off, preferably in the direction of a cliff’s edge.

Honestly, why does anyone care about any of this? “Does the system fucking work so that we can all goddamn communicate when we need to?” should be the only question on anybody’s mind here. Blue, green, marketing strategies, competing messaging standards…bite my ass, one and all.

Google has accused Apple of benefiting from bullying as part of a deliberate strategy to make Android users into second-class citizens on the iPhone-maker’s iMessage service.
Apple’s messaging service includes a number of iOS-exclusive features, like Memoji, and famously turns texts from Android users green instead of the iOS-native blue. This has turned iMessage into a status symbol among US teens, creating peer pressure for young people to buy iPhones and sometimes leading to the ostracization of Android users. Showing up in a group chat as a green bubble has become, for some, a social faux pas.

Nothing’s For Sure, That’s For Sure

Ontario’s top doctor says he ‘can’t guarantee’ that businesses will reopen on Jan. 26
Some days I wonder if anyone has learned a thing during the nearly two damn years that we’ve been dealing with COVID. I know we all want to see it over with for a lot of reasons, but by now we should have figured out that all of this rush rush rush to open everything up only makes sure that we’re going to have to shut it all down again. Similarly, the rush rush rush to ditch all of the financial help only makes the sting of pulling back worse when the inevitable happens.

No government should be guaranteeing anything to anyone at this point. It never ends well. This should neither be rocket science nor a revolutionary concept. Nor should anyone be in a position to have to worry about it. In a rich country like Canada, there’s no excuse for not having some sort of basic income that everyone can fall back on instead of having to navigate an ever changing patchwork of programs. This was a good idea two years ago, and it’s an even better one now. You can’t tell me that our reality hasn’t shown this to be true over and over again. We shouldn’t be fretting about the future of the sandwich shack. It should be able to stay comfortably closed while we sort out how to empty out the hospitals and keep schools open for more than a couple months at a time. It would be great if all of the various Chambers of Commerce and such could be just as loud about that as they are about wishing for certainty where none can exist.

Moore’s comments come after the Ontario Chamber of Commerce called on the province to provide clarity on what public health metrics are used to guide the government’s decisions to impose and lift restrictions.
President and CEO Rocco Rossi said in a statement issued Thursday that because the province has announced that schools will return on Monday, business owners need to know if they can reopen on Jan. 26.
“We implore the government to immediately clarify if Ontario will be moving out of Stage 2 of its Roadmap to Reopen plan so employers, workers and families can plan accordingly,” Rossi said.
“To help reduce business uncertainty, we continue to call for transparency and visibility into the metrics guiding the imposition or removal of public health restrictions.”