Raw Is Going Back To Two Hours Again, At Least For A While. Thank You, Lord!

I have been waiting for this day since 2012. It’s just a shame it has to start in October and not next week.

Even though the shows are orders of magnitude better now that Vince is outa here, three hours a week is too much. It’s especially too much when you’re expecting people to watch at least four more hours per week on top of it.

Please, don’t stop at 2024. Let’s keep this two hour train rolling right on into Netflix. I’ll beg if you’d like.

On the September 9 edition of WWE Raw, Joe Tessitore announced that Raw will be returning to a two hour format starting on October 7, 2024. WWE confirmed the announcement on social media and also noted that the change will last through the remainder of 2024.

Bell Lost A Court Case Over Shitty Customer Service, But It Won’t Matter

Man, do we ever feel this guy’s pain.

The case pertains to Gilles Tessier, a man who attempted to cancel his satellite TV plan way back in May 2019. At the time, Tessier was told in a phone call that service would be cancelled the next day, but noticed the following month that he had been charged up until mid-July.
Upon calling Bell back on July 2nd, Tessier spent around 75 minutes speaking to six different employees. In addition to being transferred multiple times and having to often repeat the same customer information and reason for his call, he was also hung up on at one point.
This all culminated in a 37-minute conversation in which there was “clearly a complete lack of understanding between the two callers.” As a result, Tessier was then transferred to Bell’s department responsible for new connections — clearly the exact opposite of what he’d been wanting to do — before being redirected one final time to the appropriate division.
Ultimately, Tessier was told the original May cancellation request was indeed in the company’s records, but it hadn’t, for whatever reason, been carried out.

Tessier wound up getting back the extra money he was billed, but still took Bell to court in search of compensation for the way he was treated during the process. He asked for $8000, an amount that, as someone who has had several of my own go rounds with Bell, I would describe as awfully nice of him.

The Judge found in his favour, but where I would have looked at $8000, said “that’s ridiculous” and then promptly doubled it at a minimum, Luc Huppé decided that a payment of only $1000 was appropriate.

Upon reviewing the case, Huppé determined that although Bell employees were likely acting in good faith based on their employer’s policies, this nonetheless made the process of cancellation service needlessly complicated and frustrating for Tessier.
“The fact the employees were continuously bouncing the call back and forth without resolving Mr. Tessier’s problem […] points to a dysfunction in the services offered,” said Huppé.

Citing the Civil Code of Quebec, Huppé concluded that service providers like Bell must ensure an easy contract cancellation process without imposing “an undue burden on them.”

I would argue that Bell’s employees doing what the boss tells them to isn’t the issue here. This isn’t a matter of whether or not the workers as individuals were acting in good faith, but whether or not Bell as a company is acting in bad faith by operating as it does. And it is, no question. It’s been that way for years. And if you’re going to tell them in a ruling that they really ought to finally fix their shit, the punishment needs to reflect that. Bell loves to cry poor, but they aren’t so poor that $1000 here or there when the very occasional person bothers to pursue the matter is going to change a thing about the way they do business. It’s better for the bottom line to string people along until they give up, and that’s all Bell cares about.

Faster Than A Speeding Gullet

South Yorkshire Police photos of Andrew Cross, Andrew Coy, Musfer Jabbar and Shabaz Ismail
Don’t call us late for dinner.

I imagine emptying out a gun shop is the sort of thing that would make a fella pretty hungry, but next time, maybe try holding those cravings until you and your rented car are a little further from the scene of the crime.

A gang who stole firearms from a gun shop were caught when one used his mobile phone to order a takeaway from the scene.
The four men have been jailed for their part in the raid at Hardy’s Gunsmiths in Sheffield on 3 April 2020.
Police said they were charged after a “meticulous” two-year investigation.
Andrew Cross, Andrew Coy and Shabaz Ismail, all from Sheffield, and Musfer Jabbar, of no fixed address, were sentenced at Sheffield Crown Court.
South Yorkshire Police said CCTV from the area showed Jabbar making a phone call, placing an order with a local takeaway for two lamb burger meals.
“This crucially placed them at the scene of the burglary,” a force spokesman said.

The CCTV footage also showed a distinct vehicle that turned out to have been rented by Coy.

Hopefully those lamb burgers were worth it, because they won’t be having them again any time soon.

  • Cross, 40, of Frog Walk, Sheffield, pleaded guilty to burglary, possession of firearm without a certificate and possession of a firearm when prohibited and was jailed for nine years.
  • Coy, 35, of Wood Road, Sheffield, pleaded guilty to burglary and possession of a firearm without a certificate and was jailed for five years and 10 months.
  • Ismail, 22, Glover Road, Sheffield, pleaded guilty to burglary, possession of a prohibited weapon, possession of a firearm without a certificate and other weapon and drug offences and was jailed for eight years and one month.
  • Jabbar, 22, was found guilty of burglary, possession of a firearm without a certificate and possession with intent to supply class A drugs and was jailed for nine years.

Even the shop owner had to pay a few hundred dollars in fines for not properly securing his business, so great work all around here.

Love Is Alive, By…Gwen Stefani?

I have no idea what the rest of this Judds tribute album sounds like, but the version of “Love Is Alive” that Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani did for it is shockingly good. I don’t mean that disrespectfully. It’s just that it was kind of hard for me to imagine the girl from No Doubt perfectly singing a Judds song until I heard her do it. It’s always been obvious that she’s talented, but it’s just so different from what my old, out of touch self is used to hearing from her.

Come And Get Your Shit Wrecked By A Mental Floss Quiz

Unless you’re in one of the areas that has a PA day today for reasons that no one seems to understand, happy first day of school.

I’ve talked before about the wee bit of sadness this time of year always brings, but I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned the bit of relief that also comes with it when I realize that the first day of school part doesn’t apply to me anymore. This, however, may be the closest I get to mentioning that. Based on the trivia quiz I just totally did not crush, I maybe ought to see if I can find a way to make hopping on the bus with the nephews seem not weird. I only scored 45% on the thing. Maybe you’ll have better luck. Give it a go if you want to feel smarter than someone today.

Bulldogs In The Oat Boat

A song came on the radio yesterday that made me right this down.

I admit we were standing outside the kitchen and we weren’t totally paying attention, but after we heard a certain line, we had to stop and listen.

“What did she say? ‘You’ll keep me warm until you’re burning my oat boat?'” Steve said. “That doesn’t make any sense!”

He’s right. It doesn’t, but with that mumbly voice, that’s kind of what it sounded like. It turns out it was “You’ll keep me warm until you bury my old bones,” but it will be a burning oat boat for us forever more.

But here’s a bigger point. What is up with all the singers nowadays that sound like they’re trying to do their best impression of a squishy-faced dog while singing? Or maybe it’s a kid making a weird face while singing? They all sound like their faces are scrunched up so the words can’t get out clearly. Years ago, we went through a phase where everybody sounded like they were singing in a paint shaker. But now we have squishy-faced dog kids. This song sounds like it should be very nice, but I can’t get past the squishy-faced kid mumble.

Now that I say that, I should be able to slather this post in examples to prove my point…but specific ones won’t come…except for Miss Oat Boat up there. Wait…there is this one.

All I know is that we often turn on the radio and yell “squishy-face” at each other when we hear the singing start.

All Is Well At The Animal Prison

I have breaking news, everyone. The orangutan that got out of its enclosure at the Toronto Zoo this week did not escape. It merely “accessed an area just outside of its habitat.”

Phew! That was close!

The oddest part about that sentence is that there were no quotes around it until I put them there, which means a reporter and editor made a conscious choice to write something that sounds like it came straight out of a public relations handbook.

It reminds me of a time back in school when a kid nearly drowned in the swimming pool. It was pretty serious, but you wouldn’t know that based on the assembly that was called to discuss it. While there, we were told that the boy had swallowed some water and was helped out of the pool. Technically correct I suppose, but if the goal was to get us to take water safety seriously, you probably should have mentioned the part where he was rescued unresponsive from the bottom. Softening the language like that was extremely unhelpful, and there were lots of people after the fact joking about it. Most of those people were kids, who are often much smarter than adults give them credit for being.

My point here is please, stop complicating everything. If something is simple, it’s simple. The more words you use, the more suspicious we get. That’s exactly what happened with the kid in the pool. When they weren’t joking about it, people were busy wondering what might be getting covered up. That’s not what you want.

I don’t know if I’ve posted this George Carlin bit before, but even if I have, I think we need it again. It’s as relevant now as it was in the 80s.