When Trump Was A Lad, Nobody Wanted To Sing At His Inauguration

Recently there’s been some controversy over who is or isn’t going to be performing during Donald Trump’s inauguration this January. According to a member of Trump’s transition team Elton John was going to be there, which sounded kind of weird to me given John’s support for gay rights and Trump’s…uh…Trumpness. Sure enough, the Elton John camp came out and said nope, he’s not playing, and that seemed to be the end of that.

I don’t know about any of you, but I can envision this scenario playing itself out over and over again since a lot of musicians don’t appear to be big fans of the new President. So to save himself the embarrassment of getting repeatedly shot down (not that the guy seems to care much about embarrassing himself in public), I have a suggestion. Just play this on a loop all day.

It’s festive sounding, it’s a nod to arts and culture, it’s a history lesson, it’s a life lesson…what’s not to like?

When Trump Was a Lad
Words: Michael P. Stein
Music: Sir Arthur Sullivan
When I was a lad, my dad did great at making money renting real estate.
For pinching pennies he had the knack, and he would never rent to anyone who’s Black.
(And he would never rent to anyone who’s Black.)
He pinched those pennies so carefully that now I am the leader of the GOP.
(He pinched those pennies so carefully that now he is the leader of the GOP.)
I quickly showed my business sense by coming into my inheritance.
I built a casino and office blocks, though I would have made more money simply buying stocks.
(He would have made more money simply buying stocks.)
I ran that casino into bankruptcy, so now I am the leader of the GOP.
(He ran that casino into bankruptcy, so now he is the leader of the GOP.)
At bankruptcy I became such a pro that they made me host of my own TV show.
I gave out tasks and never tired of calling someone in each week to say, “You’re fired!”
(Of calling someone in each week to say, “You’re fired!”)
I fired those people so gleefully that now I am the leader of the GOP.
(He fired those people so gleefully that now he is the leader of the GOP.)
I said I’d share the tricks I knew, so I started something that I called Trump U.
I found some suckers and pushed them hard to pay the fees by maxing out each credit card.
(To pay the fees by maxing out each credit card.)
I screwed those students so royally that now I am the leader of the GOP.
(He screwed those students so royally that now he is the leader of the GOP.)
I grew so rich I must be meant to run this country as its president.
Opponents childish names I’d call, and I never thought of learning any facts at all.
(He never thought of learning any facts at all.)
I learned so little … they rewarded me … by making me the leader of the GOP.
(He learned so little they rewarded he by making him the leader of the GOP.)
Now, rich men all, whoever you may be, if you want to rise to the top of the tree,
It doesn’t matter if you’re a fool, as long as you are guided by this golden rule.
(As long as you are guided by this golden rule.)
Just lie like a rug … and behave like you are three … and you may all be leaders of the GOP.
(Just lie like a rug and behave like you are three, and you may all be leaders of the GOP.)

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2 comments
  1. Thanks for putting this up – along with the lyrics. I sent a link to this page coupled with a link to the Gilbert and Sullivan original version to some people this morning.
    If we don’t laugh we’ll cry, or something.

    1. You’re welcome.

      It’s going to be an interesting 4 years. We might as well try to have fun with it as much as possible.

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