Sleep? What’s that?

Last Updated on: 10th October 2014, 08:51 pm

Really, someone should call me a waaambulance for this post. but I don’t care.

I can’t sleep. It’s 3 in the morning. I wake up. Ever since I’ve gotten the doggy news, I’ve been lucky if I’ve slept past 4 a.m. For the first couple of nights, I understood why. I was excited. I had a lot of things to remember. But I wrote a list so I *could* get some damn sleep. It’s not working. I’m not thinking about stuff, I just wake up ungodly early and can’t go back to sleep no matter what I do.

Last night, I was really tired and decided to go to bed at 9. I’d been awake sort of since 4:30, I figured it was ok. I lay down, and bang! I was out like a light!

Fast-forward to 3:00 a.m. Boing! Guess who’s awake?

The first thing I do is open the window a little. It’s cold, but sometimes that helps. Not tonight, sparky!

I’d decided last night that, in an attempt to coax myself back to sleep, I’d get out one of the books I got for my birthday and put it on. Hell, I fall asleep when I don’t want to while reading books, why couldn’t I use this to my advantage?

Sound that big gameshow buzzer! You lose! You’re wrong! That’s not what your body had planned.

I looked at the two books. One was by Lewis Black, and I was sure that if I listened to him long enough, it would rev me up. So I chose the other book. The narrator’s voice sounded soothing, I thought it would put me out. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I grabbed the book, and put the first CD in my stereo! It refused to play! What the hell? Is my stereo now broken? The tape works, the radio works, but now the goddamn CD player won’t work! Damn damn damn it!

I got out my diskman and settled back in. I figured I’d have lots of battery power. AT least the book wasn’t broken, I was worried I’d somehow scratched the CD on my trip to Ottawa.

The book, called “The Devil Wears Prada”, was all about this girl’s job as this superbitch’s personal assistant. If I wanted a book to put me out, this wasn’t it. I don’t know how the author can make me hate this girl’s boss so fast, but she succeeded.

I power through the first CD. Awake! I put in the second CD. I’m almost done it when my diskman makes that buzzzz click noise it does when it’s out of juice! Gaaaaa! Looking at the diskman, wanting to scream, I see the AC jack. AC!

I grab the AC adaptor and try to plug it into the outlet at the foot of my bed. It has to share it with an extension chord plug, which it just won’t do, the damn thing is so big! Seriously, must adaptor boxes be so goddamn large? Explain to me why it’s necessary to make them so fucking huge? It can’t be the voltage this thing has to carry, hell, the damn thing is powered by two double A’s if not by AC. People people people!

I go over to the power bar by my computer, thinking maybe I can still reach the bed if I do this. I have to unplug my cell phone charger just to fit the fucking box in, even though there are several free slots. I reach the bed, I finish the CD. It is now 5:48 a.m. am I going to get any goddamn sleep?

What is my body trying to do, curse this guide dog thing into not even being a possibility? If I’m worn out *before* I go, I won’t make it through a month of what seems like boot camp! I can’t live on fucked up sleep for that long, it’s physically not safe to do, I’ve learned this before, I don’t need a refresher!

Anyone got any tips on getting a body to go back to sleep. I’m willing to try anything!

Please don’t let me snap before guide dog school. Please please please! Ok I’m done ranting. Feel free to call the waaambulance now.

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