Black Friday Body Count: Possibly Drunk Old Man Runs Down A Couple Near A Walmart

Last Updated on: 23rd November 2012, 12:47 pm

I hate Black Friday. I really do. I mean I like good deals on shit I don’t need or that I’m going to give to somebody who doesn’t need it either as much as anybody, but when the simple act of bargain shopping degenerates into danger, injury and death with the approval and encouragement of retailers looking to pad balance sheets, it stops being about deals and starts being about everything wrong with us as human beings.

I’ve kind of half assed this in the past, but I want to try to go all out this year. If something bad happens that has anything to do with Black Friday sales, I want it up here. Not so I can take advantage of bad situations for the sake of pageviews, but rather so that maybe, just maybe, I can make even one person see the ridiculousness of it and not fall into the trap. If you think the riots and scuffles are stupid, stay home. As long as you go out, wait in lines and ultimately patronize these places and buy things, what happens is in a small way your fault. If nobody came, greedy corporations wouldn’t feel the need to ruin their employees holidays by opening their doors at insane hours to the greedy masses. If nobody came, none of us would be subjected to watching imbeciles fight over videogames and toasters. Better yet, imbeciles wouldn’t be fighting over videogames and toasters in the first place. If nobody came, innocent people wouldn’t be trampled to death while just doing their jobs. Please everybody, just stop!

With all that said, we’ve already got incident number one.

A 71-year-old Black Friday bargain hunting man who police believe may have been drunk at the time ran down a man and a woman with his SUV while they walked near the entrance to a Seattle Walmart last night. The woman was pinned under the vehicle while the man rolled up onto the hood and was then thrown to the ground. they were each taken to an area hospital (the woman was airlifted), and the man was charged with vehicular assault.

I hope this is the first and only post of the day, but I have my doubts. If you have one, send it my way. Contact info is here. You’re looking for Steve.

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