I have so many questions, and I’m pretty sure the answers to all of them are alcohol and Florida. A “heavily intoxicated” Florida Man was arrested Saturday night for calling 911 to report that his girlfriend “wished to eat Sour Patch Kids” according to police. An arrest affidavit does not reveal why Joshua Larson, 37, …
Category Archives: news
Shot Pocket
I don’t know whether or not I’ve ever eaten a Hot Pocket. If I think really hard I can recall something with little chunks of ham and gross tasting creamy cheese in it that I think might have been a Hot Pocket, but I can’t be sure that that’s what it was. For all I …
April 2023s Best News Bloopers
“Unfathomable” is kind of hard to say. Almost as hard as “statistical significance” or “anonymous usage statistics.” This has been Steve makes a joke that only Carin will understand.
“So What’d You Get For Christmas?” “I Got My Affairs In Order!”
I’ve seen several news stories in the last couple of years about how Christmas is the worst time of year for heart attacks. It makes some sense. the holidays, fun as they can be, are also a pretty stressful time for many. Money, Travel, family disagreements, your doctor’s office texting you that you have terminal …
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A List of Low Bandwidth, Easy To Read News Resources
Since a lot of news websites are cluttered as hell, it can be hard to find and consume what you’re looking for. this is true if you’re blind like me and want to beat the shit out of the next video/ad/countdown timer that won’t stop interrupting the screen reader or bouncing it all over the …
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March 2023’s Best News Bloopers
No no no,! It’s *fisting*!
Well Boys, Have I Got A Deal For You!
The story itself is a bit old, but the idea of drive drunk, damage car, head to dealership and attempt to sell damaged car is new to me. Officers say the calls started coming in around 4:40 p.m. Monday. They say witnesses reported seeing a SUV hit the median of the Lloyd Expressway near the …
I Appreciate Your Honesty, You Bloodthirsty, Murderous Douche
In America, there exists at least one honest Republican. I can hardly believe it. In response to yet another deadly shooting in an elementary school, Tennessee Representative Tim Burchett finally decided to cut the shit and say what everyone has always known to be true. “We’re not gonna fix it.” Rep. Tim Burchett (R-TN) on …
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Police Are Hoping To Speak With Karma About The Second Murder
For a lot of reasons, I’m pretty sure I would make a terrible murderer. I don’t think I’ve got it in me to kill anybody, for a start. And even if I did, the relentless regret and anxiety would almost certainly do me in soon thereafter. Or perhaps it wouldn’t even have time, because I …
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They Didn’t Relish Paying So Much, But They’ll Like It Even Less When The Cops Ketchup With Them
Not condoning this whatsoever. These guys probably shouldn’t be seeing sunlight for a decade or two. But $6 for a hot dog? What the hell, man? Jeremy Delgado, 21, and Bobby Wynn, 19, were arrested after APD officers spoke with witnesses at the scene and reviewed HALO cameras in the area of the incident. Through …
