It’s Daddy Daughter Day Down At The Courthouse

Yup, this’ll totally work. Won’t look suspicious at all. Daddy’s got you covered. According to the Washington County Sheriff’s Office, around 3:13 a.m. on Friday, Dec. 31, a deputy observed two vehicles traveling “unusually close together” on I-41 southbound near State Highway 33. The deputy noticed the lead driver was continuously swerving, driving half on …

And That’s Why It’s Called A Memorial Candle

Three intensive care patients in Ukraine have been killed in a hospital fire sparked by a candle lit to remember a recent Covid-19 death. Another four people are being treated for severe burns following the blaze in Kosiv, western Ukraine, on Tuesday. According to officials, it began when a candle was lit by a member …

The Drunk Tank Was Cheaper, But Not Nearly As Roomy

I’m not sure I ever want to be this drunk. But staying in a hotel that could be mistaken for the Romanian presidential palace might be pretty ok. Police said the Irish citizen jumped over a fence and escaped from the Defence and Protection Service after breaking a window to get into the palace. The …

That’s Not Even My Dong, Man

Telling the police that you don’t own the shirt or pants or jacket you’re wearing that just so happen to be stuffed with weapons or drugs or whatever is highly suspect, but at least it’s the smallest bit plausible. It might even be true once every couple million times. Trying that with the two bags …

All Jacked Up And NO Place To Go

If you’re going to steal a set of new tires, you could do worse than targeting a car dealership. Those places are, after all, a rich source of new tires. But it’s worth remembering that they also tend to be a rich source of security systems, which means that should your acquisition mission be successful, …

I’ll Be Right There, Officer. Just Dropping Off The Bail Money

Good idea: Ditching the money as quickly as possible after robbing a bank. Not so hot: Ditching the money by running outside and depositing it into your own account via the ATM attached to the building. State police arrested McRoberts Williams Saturday after they say he robbed the Wells Fargo on Old Capitol Trail at …

Good Luck In Life, Kid. I’d Say Break A Leg, But…

Reading this, my mind goes back and forth between two thoughts. As someone who grew up around my share of irresponsible drunks, I kind of hope this motherfucker never drives or sees his kid again. But the way that Canada and the U.S. treat these things, I imagine he’s already doing both regularly. As someone …

Hahahahahaha! You Should Have Seen The Look On What’s Left Of Your Face!

Guys, check this out. I put a fake gun in the middle of this here shelf full of real ones. When Stefan comes in, I’m gonna grab the wrong one and blow his fuckin’ face off by accident! It’s gonna be great! We’re all gonna laugh so hard! Except for Stefan, naturally. He’s not gonna …