Black Friday Body Count: Canadian Black Friday Is Lame, As Is Fighting Over TVs

Good morning everyone, and welcome to the annual shopping craze that’s sweeping the United States and because we have to do everything they do but with the sad and lame factor cranked up to 11, Canada. Yes, it’s Black Friday. And yes, we have it in Canada now. I don’t know what it’s like in other provinces, but here in Ontario, malls and stores all over the place are opening early in the hopes that they can take advantage of the Black Friday Hysteria that they’ve been desperately trying to manufacture.

I’ve made no secret of how I feel about Black Friday at the best of times (just look at the title of this series), but as pathetic as it is when the Americans do it, at least they had the good sense to build it around something. It’s Thanksgiving weekend there which means lots of people have today off, which means hey, let’s use our free time to get some trampling, stabbing and maybe even a little shopping done! But here it pretty much amounts to all of our retailers looking at us with puppy dog eyes and saying “guys? Where are you going? Please don’t leave us! We sell things too! Somebody? Anybody? Why are those crickets so loud?” Of all the artificial things that corporations want us to get behind, Canadian Black Friday is up there with the worst of the worst. Just be happy with Boxing Day, guys. At least it’s an actual thing.

With that bit of scolding out of the way, let’s get to why we’re here. Time to start chronicling some riots!

I did this last year and it proved to be quite popular, so I thought I’d bring it back for 2013. I’ll do my best to keep on top of everything, but if you come across some Black Friday violence I’ve missed, send me a note. You can tweet me at @VC_Steve, or you can send me a note at

And now, here’s what will no doubt be the first of many fights in a Walmart today, courtesy of Texas.

Getting our hands on one of these TVs is important, kids. If we get home and hook it up fast enough, we’ll be able to watch ourselves looking like assholes on the news!

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