What Matters Most, What Makes Us Whole, Is Knowing Who Is Annoying The Hell Out Of Us This Christmas

This friggin commercial drove me batty this Christmas season.


and not for the reason you’re probably thinking, that it ran six jillion times an hour, especially on certain channels. No, it’s for these three reasons.

First, I had no idea what it was for. This happens more times these days than I’d like. I’d like to record the audio of a bunch of these suckers and post them one after another just to give people an idea. It’s ridiculous! What’s up with the commercial where a guy’s voice talks about how you could tell her that she has the sweetest voice you’ve ever heard or that her eyes sparkle like diamonds, but you won’t, because that’s not you? Or that one with the creepy music and some high-pitched voices going “Quack quack quack!” Or the one singing about how we all need a hug in the morning, and one at the end of the day? And those are just the recent ones. I know TV is a visual medium, but part of getting products in people’s heads is to hit them with its name in multiple ways. And blind people do watch TV and might want to know about your stuff.

Second, I can’t understand if “what matters most, what makes us whole,” is being “around the evergreen, with the whole family-ee-ee”, why is she calling to wish someone a “merry Christmas, merry merry Christmas, baby”? Is he stuck in some foreign land on military service? Is there a reason that “baby” can’t be “around the evergreen with the whole family?”

And the last one is completely irrational. This commercial really started stepping it up when I decided that maybe this year I should break with tradition and go home to be with my family instead of going to Steve’s family because my dad was about to go through heart surgery. I was discovering that it might be harder to do than I had planned, and this stupid commercial kept taunting and taunting and taunting me. Listen, unknown entity, being told that what matters most is to be with my whole family when it looks like I can’t really pull that off makes me hate you with a burning passion.

I found out that the entity deserving of said burning passionate hatred is Sobeys. Thanks, Sobeys, for the frustrating and taunting commercial.

It ended up not being possible to get home to my family for a multitude of reasons, but I did have a good time with Steve’s family…so I got to be around the evergreen with that whole family, and they put up with my frequent calling and texting of my family, so it all worked out.

Now we just need to have my dad pull through his recovery from Monday’s heart surgery. It sounds like it’s going to be an uphill climb, but so far he’s doing ok.

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