Forgot Your Senses?

Now is the time to take a second to mock myself, apologize to some poor unfortunate soul, and allow everyone else to mock me too.

So last year, I got some stocks. I got my account set up on the place where they’re stored. It was a process and a half, but I did it.

A few months later, I wanted to log in to see how they were doing. I thought I remembered what my username was. I tried to log in with said username. I couldn’t quite remember what the password was, so I tried one. But it got really weird and mad. It asked me my security questions and I answered them, because they sounded like my security questions. But it didn’t like my answers!

This might have been a hint on the average website that something was off, but this website was a bit of an accessibility garbage fire, so I just figured something wasn’t getting along with the screen reader, because sometimes things would update and NVDA wouldn’t get the memo. So I tried again. And again. I tried so many times that I got locked out and had to wait a few days. I came back and tried again. Then it got really mad, and told me that it was going to mail me a temporary password and I would not get in until I got that password.

“Well, this is a giant pain, isn’t it?” I thought, and waited patiently for my temporary password to arrive.

…

…

and I waited.

…

…

Finally, I got annoyed and called them back. After going through a couple of agents, one of them asked some clarifying questions, and revealed that I am a giant tool!

You see, my username wasn’t what I thought it was. So I, being a stubborn but stupid human, had tried so many times that I had locked someone else out of their account. So some poor sap must have thought they had been hacked or their identity had been stolen or something else evil. Nope. It was because some other nimrod, me, had forgotten their username and didn’t catch on until it was too late. Hey dumbass, there is a “forgot your username” link right there. Use it next time, would ya?

So to that person, I apologize. I hope you managed to put your heart back in your chest. I will do better next time.