Happy Birthday To Me. Yup, That’s Definitely Me

The thing I’m most curious about here probably isn’t what most of you would consider the obvious one. We’ll get to that. But what I really want to know is why buddy here needed three birthday cakes. Were they all for him? How big was that party? Or does he just happen to have a …

The Following Section Should Probably Be Removed Before You Begin Reading Aloud

A New Brunswick politician has chalked up a dubious world’s first for Canada by reading out AI prompts in an official speech. In a June 9 speech to the legislative assembly, Progressive Conservative Bill Oliver read out the following line from a prepared text: “Here’s a more natural flowing version of that section that reads …

As AI Whitney Houston Might Say, I Bulorve That Choldreninen Are Our Fuviture

Tell me again about how AI is the future, because it sure as shit ain’t the present. A school in Kentucky sent students home with a bound agenda that included absurd errors clearly made by AI. The periodic table was nonsense. The map of the U.S. lists the state of Illinois as “Vitoiis,” and Kentucky …

I’m Proud To Introduce Our New Lead Detective

There was a ridiculous story back in February that we never got around to posting, but since there’s an update, let’s fix that now. A police officer, clearly one of the department’s best and brightest, pulled a woman over for texting and driving because he had seen her holding a phone in her right hand. …

The Jury Finds You Innocent On The Charge Of False Advertising

Excluding the last few weeks, I believe I’ve thought about the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool approximately 0 times in my entire life. Actually make that one time, because we know some people who saw it while travelling some years ago and told us about it when they came back. They thought it was nice, as …

Just Tell Him You Were Driving, Dog

Believe it or not, I actually know a couple of guys who tried to pull off the old switch places during a traffic stop thing once. They were both drinking, but decided, in their infinite wisdom, that the one that didn’t have a driver’s license was in better shape and thus less likely to get …

There Really Ought To Be A Light There

If you’re going to spend your night out doing classic criminal things like driving with a license you don’t have while wearing borrowed pants and mysteriously meth-filled socks, for the love of god man, don’t stop at the imaginary stop sign! This goes double if the police are already in the area. Police located methamphetamine …