That’ll Teach Him To Try To Rob The Blind

Last Updated on: 29th October 2013, 11:12 am

The story of a legally blind guy beating the crap out of an intruder and holding him at knifepoint for the cops would have been a great one, if not marred by a few quotes.

Let’s start with one from a police officer, who Steve and I have been calling Lieutenant Ignoramus. It reads: “It’s pretty remarkable for anyone that’s blind to be able to defend themselves, let alone make an apprehension. To be able to grab this guy and hold him down until police got there is pretty remarkable.”

The only thing difficult about defending yourself if you’re blind is to catch the moving target. Once you’ve got him, if you have even the remotest knowledge of anatomy, I think you can find his groin. If you know a few holds and you’re bigger and stronger than him, then vision makes no goddamn difference. And if you can do like Allan Kieta, the blind guy did, and grab a big knife, that’ll make an attacker get really still really fast.

The next one to contribute to the rapid decline of this story was Allan Kieta himself. He said that he couldn’t see to dial 911, and he only had one hand, and it took him 20 tries to do it. I could see having a shaky hand having more to do with the inability to dial than his not being able to see the buttons. Here’s a tip to the world. You do not need to see to dial a phone, especially your own damn phone. The buttons are always set up the same. From top left to bottom right, they go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, *, 0, #, in that order, in a cute little square formation, and there is often times a dot on the 5. If you can’t dial by touch by now, especially when you can’t see very well, I would be shocked.

The final quote that made me just about keal was this one: “When my wife was cleaning the blood off, she said ‘I think it’s all his,'” Kieta said. Dude, either you’re really making us look helpless, or the reporter is going out of his way to do it. Clean the blood off yourself!

Arg. Like I said, this would have been a fine story. It’s pretty cool that he dragged the dude into the laundry room, beat the snot out of him and then dragged him to the kitchen and called the cops. If we’d just left out all the parts where he was made to look like a helpless cripple, that would have been great.

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