Amtrak: From Simple Comfort To A Raging Inferno

Last Updated on: 13th January 2016, 01:44 pm

Brian Hopkins, 25, hasfiled a lawsuit against Amtrakover what he claims was the company’s failure to protect idiots like himself. Well, he didn’t quite put it that way, but he might as well have.

In 2006, Mensa candidate Hopkins decided it would be just swell to climb on top of a stopped train and hang out for a while, apparently because he suddenly decided at 2 A.M that he needed to get back to New York. At the time of the incident he was visiting friends in Boston and probably drinking like a friggin madman. The drinking part is total speculation on my part, by the way. I feel I should point that out just in case the little dumb arse tries to sue me for hurting his feelings.

But anyway, back to the story.

During his reach for the top, he failed to notice the live electrical lines above him and wound up in hospital with third degree burns over 85% of his body courtesy of 27500 volts. He eventually had to have his left hand and leg amputated. As an aside, yes, the fact that he’s got one leg and his name is Hopkins is indeed quite amusing to me.

That brings us to the court case, the part where things get even more stupid if you can imagine such a thing.

Amtrak “should have known that persons trespassed” in the South Station area where Hopkins was found, he and his parents contend in court papers.

The family claims that Amtrak should have monitored the area, cut off the electricity going to the overhead wires, and even parked its trains somewhere else when they weren’t in use.

“Ok, I’m gonna go ahead and move this here giant train out of your way Mr. Hopkins, you just hang tight. No, you can’t ride on the roof. Yes, I understand it looks like fun. No, we don’t let the cool kids ride up there.”

You know, I think I might just sue Amtrak too. Their blatant failure to provide enough voltage to kill him has caused me much mental anguish up to this point, and it’s reasonable to assume that we’re not done with stories about him, so the future isn’t looking that much better. Speaking of which, I may have to sue the media too because of their failure to protect me from reading about this tard. They know that people click on things like that, and if they really wanted to be responsible citizens they’d put those articles someplace where they wouldn’t be seen, someplace likeParalympic coverage.

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