Wanted: Good Title For A Post About Paint

Last Updated on: 8th August 2021, 11:32 am

They’ve been doing a bunch of painting in our building over the last week or so and while I’m glad to see them earning the rent increase we’ve just been given, I still hate them for it because paint fumes and I have never really gotten along. I’ve had problems with headaches ever since I was a kid, and one of the things that never fails to set the old noggin to pounding is the smell of paint. It doesn’t matter if it’s fresh on the wall or if it’s been dry for a few days, if I can smell it, I’m pretty much done for. Needless to say, I haven’t been the happiest guy of late.

Thankfully the smashing in my skull isn’t preventing me from thinking (yeah yeah yeah, first time for everything and all that other unoriginal shit), and today while being mad at the paint I got to wondering. All kinds of things are being developed in either pleasant-smelling or odourless versions, so why not paint? I mean if they can make stuff that has no need to smell like anything into a friggin lilac and cherry-flavoured bonanza and make soap into a block of nothingness, why has nobody bothered to fix paint? I’ve met exactly 0 people who like the smell of paint fumes, so why is nobody working on this?

To find out, I decided to go where everybody goes for answers nowadays, Google. and now that I’ve been there, my day has gotten significantly worse. It turns out that people have been working on this very thing, so much so that the stuff appears to be for sale. So that leads me to a new question. If odourless paint exists, why does nobody in the world appear to be using it? Is it a matter of cost? Is the quality poor? Are the odourless paint people long on creativity but short on promotional skills? Are painters just assholes that thrive on the misery of people like me? If anybody knows, I’d love it if you’d share.

In the meantime, if you need me, I’ll be trying to restrain myself from accidentally kicking over the next ladder I see up here.

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