Get Off…My Porch

I’m asking this question sincerely, because as much as I would like nothing more in this world than to continue not knowing, current events are forcing the curiosity issue a little.

So…uh…is borrowing sex toys a thing that people do, or is this an isolated incident and of course someone this weird and gross would end up stabbed in a fight over ownership?

According to an arrest citation, an officer was dispatched to Mitchell Hill Road on Saturday afternoon in reference to a stabbing. It states Crystal Denham called 911 stating she stabbed her cousin, Michael Barton, who is also her neighbor. Denham was sweeping the porch when an officer got to the scene.

Denham told the officer Barton came to her home and they got into an argument over the sex toy. She borrowed it and he said he wanted it back. The citation says she told him to get off her property, and when he grabbed her by the elbow, she used the kitchen knife she was holding in her hand to stab him. Barton’s injuries were considered minor and he refused medical treatment. He told the officer Denham began “acting crazy” and she stabbed him when he went to leave.

If the police report is to be believed, the bit about her acting crazy is probably true.

According to it, Denham was most upset when informed that she was under arrest. Upset enough that the officer felt it necessary to pull out his Taser. No, that’s not a euphemism and no, you can’t borrow it. At that point, the report states that she “formed a fist with each of her hands, bladed her body in a fighting stance, swelled her chest out, and began approaching” the officer. The officer stepped to the side and pushed Denham to where she became compliant and placed under arrest.”

She was charged with second-degree assault, second-degree disorderly conduct, menacing, and resisting arrest.

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