Sleep Talkin’ 4. Soon, Like Me, This Bit May Snore

Last Updated on: 12th November 2022, 09:36 am

I think it’s time to immortalize the last few months of sleep chatter because this may be the last sleep chatter we can catch! I’m going to write a whole post about this, but on Monday, I will finally be getting my CPAP machine. This will mean two things: better sleep, which might result in less talking, and if I do talk in my sleep, it will likely be indecipherable because of the mask. So we need to get these confusing utterances up here so we can all have one last good laugh at me.

But before we start laughing at me, I have to take a second to laugh at Steve. At least once, he has fallen asleep with the TV on, and been convinced he heard something he didn’t, like the time I thought the announcer said “there’s a big pile of dead babies out there.” One time, we were watching TV, and a commercial for Always overnight pads came on. Steve started chuckling and said “I’ve never heard that one before.” I said “I’m pretty sure that commercial’s been around for a while.” and he said “Really? The one that tells you you can use the soap for up to 10 hours, or to monitor the invisible man?” Bewildered, I said “Um no. It said the pads were good for up to 10 hours of protection no matter how you sleep. ‘So be a flamingo or a gecko…’ and all that stuff.” He said “Oh. That’s not what I heard. I must have been dreaming.” So I’m not the only one whose mind butchers actual things I hear while I sleep. But with that out of the way, let the laughing at me begin!

Those damn train whistles are back. This is not normally a cause for celebration, but last night they indirectly kicked off this new thread, so I’ll thank them for that since I am nothing if not a fair man.
They scared the hell out of me, of course. But as I’m internally cursing them out for potentially ruining a night of sleep before it had much of a chance to truly get started, I suddenly hear mumble singing from the other side of the bed.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the croooooooooooooooow gooooooooooooooooos caw…I guess it was alive…”
Mounted Animal Nature Trail,” I asked?
“Well, you know, it’s just like we said earlier.”
“What about?”
“Well…you know…it was the something…well I can’t find the words.”
At first I thought she said something about finding someone in the woods, but I’m pretty certain it was words.
Neither of us has any idea what might have sparked the sleepy, droopy singalong. I thought maybe the train was taking us to the nature trail, but Carin isn’t sure. She’s too busy cackling at herself.

If I could even make sense out of that, I’m going to have to hope that I heard the train in my subconscious, thought about Gill who was going to the Arrogant Worms concert the next day and took part of the trip by train, wondered what song she was going to yell for the Worms to play, thought about how many times they do the “Mounted Animal Nature Trail” song at concerts, and sleep brain decided to break into song. But that’s a new one…singing in my sleep. And again, I had this whole idea of why randomly singing that song made perfect sense…until it popped like a bubblegum bubble.

I awoke early this morning to Carin plotting some repair work.
“Hmmmm. I wonder if I can pull this off without causing any trouble.”
Sensing her starting to move, I thought I had better ask a question.
“What are you trying to do?”
“Well, I was going to see if I could fix the ahhhh I don’t have any of the words for it.”
And just like that, she was out like a light again.

I have 0 memory of this. Not a speck. Gees! I’m glad he caught me before I managed to get up. Who knows what I would have tried to pull off?

Carin’s been doing quite a bit of sleep chattering since she’s been back from her trip to the States. Unfortunately I haven’t been awake enough to catch most of it, but here are a couple I did manage to pick out.
1. “My bloop is off and running! Ha ha!”
I have no idea what a bloop is or where it’s going.
2. “I held your stuff in balance all the way from Egypt. That way if anything did screw up it would all be ok.”
Whose stuff? NO clue. Egypt? NO idea.

Once again, I haven’t a clue either. I wonder if my bloop is scoozy, like my eyebrows in that other chatter fest. We never found out what they did to the grey iPod either! I do remember once waking up in the middle of a TV commercial convinced the giant braille display we had borrowed for the conference was having a meltdown and started going on and on about how I had to fix it right now.

This was less of a chattering, and more of me doing something dumb in my sleep. One saturday night, I woke up and my watch was gone. “Strange,” I thought, “it was on my wrist when I went to sleep because I had to fix the time before I went to bed.” I looked on the little dresser thing beside the bed. I looked on the other night table thing. I looked on my desk. Nope. It was on the floor, somehow hiding under a pair of pants! Eek! I think I did that in my sleep!

I awoke in the middle of the night because I could hear Carin talking to…someone.
“So do you have to convince people about a lot of crazy stuff? How hard is that?”
I asked what kind of stuff, but as usual she couldn’t tell me.

And I am still devoid of clue.

No idea what Carin was dreaming about, but a couple nights ago I woke up to the words “Uh-huh. I guess we had better get this all set up for your head.” She was snoring again before I had a chance to ask any questions.
Brain scans maybe?

I think part of me wonders if I’ll be able to avoid the MRI this year. It looks like I’ll be ok. I did have a weird dream about a weird and wacky ct scan that I was going through…maybe that was it?

Last night I awoke to Carin moving around on the bed and babbling on and on about her dad and a “fuzzy elephant.”
“What’s this about a fuzzy elephant,” I asked?
“No no,” she corrected me nonchalantly. “It’s a fuzzy elevator.”
I was unable to get any clarification as she immediately returned to full sleep.

I did have a rather vivid dream about getting lost on a cruise ship, and Mom and Dad went on a cruise a few months ago and mom and I were talking about it. Maybe dad was on a fuzzy elevator? I don’t know.

Last night I was dreaming that I was chasing a baby with a very large head around a conference room full of politicians when suddenly, Carin’s voice came through the real and dream wall.
“Yes, it should have plenty of friction. Of course. And reading and writing. There should also be talking like the several other ones had.”
Unfortunately I didn’t ask any followup questions, but it almost sounded like she was helping write a story.

Man, I wish I knew what kind of story I was building. I lead such an interesting life in my sleep.

And that’s all we got this time. What a sad little collection. Let’s see what the future brings.

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  1. I called it. Carin decided to give us one more for the road around 4 o’clock this morning.

    “I had an identical idea,” she told no one in particular. “Gonna build a big ‘ol Courtney thing with plants around it.”

    I’m fairly certain I know who Courtney is, but I’m not so sure what’s being built in her honour. Is it in her honour? Maybe it’s meant to keep her out of someplace?

  2. Pretty sure this concept is still dead because her sleep machine is a miracle worker, but Carin’s nighttime brain is doing its best to try keeping it alive.

    She’s still sometimes convinced that things are broken and need immediate, panicked repairs. Some things never change, I suppose. Unfortunately, now and then this involves her sitting up in bed, trying to turn off the damn machine and then not knowing why she did it. I’ve caught her at it a few times and managed to stop it, but there was one night when she beat me to it.

    Carin: “Something needs fixing right away! This should only take a second.” *pushes button*
    Me: “Did you just turn off your machine for no reason?”
    Carin: “I do believe I did.”

    So far, my favorite new era thing happened on Sunday night.

    I rolled over, and all of a sudden…

    Carin: “Oops.”
    Me: “What did you do?”
    Carin: “I just heard what they said.”
    Me: “No one said anything. I just rolled over.”
    Carin: “Oh. I thought I heard somebody making fun of me and my all masked up voice.”

    It is amusing to make fun of her all masked up voice, I’ll admit. But it’s much more fun when everyone is awake to hear it.

    By the way, “doe doe doe doe doe doe!”

    Carin will understand that. And I’m pretty sure she won’t know what she was trying to tell me.

    1. Hahahahahah! Nope I don’t remember the “doh doh doh doh doh doh!” one at all. But I guess I was sure something was broken. One night I shut off the machine in my sleep, and then I had a dream I was turning blue and had to be rushed to the hospital. Then I realized why I might have been dreaming that. The poor machine wasn’t doing its air foofing thing. And nope, I don’t remember telling you about people making fun of my masked-up voice.

    1. Apparently not.

      That was pretty amusing. I wake up to you chuckling and saying “right, I get it. That’s pretty funny.” Of course I asked what it is you got, and you tell me “the joke that they sent out and put up. The one with the picture.” Then there’s a long pause. “I don’t know what it’s a picture of so I can’t explain it to you.”

  3. And on a somewhat similar yet different note…

    Carin: I see what you’re doing over there.
    Me: What, sleeping?
    Carin: I thought it was some of that freaky stuff.

    Neither of us knows what that freaky stuff would have been.

    1. It’s really weird waking up and getting told that I said that, and having no idea why. Quack quack ducks? What are ducks doing on Google? Did ducks learn how to type? Kind of like monkeys and typewriters writing Shakespeare? Does Duck Duck Go have quack quack ducks too? Were the ones on google defecting from Duck Duck Go? I have so many questions. I thought maybe I meant quack quack docs, like fraudsters putting up websites that I found when googling my symptoms, but it seems to be ducks!

  4. Carin was having herself a night on Monday. Twice I woke up to her saying “Dammit, I don’t have it. I thought I had it.” I don’t think either of us knows what it is. I definitely don’t. But my favourite was “What have ya got there, douche bag? I don’t think so. Nope…nope…nope…nope…nope…” I feel like there might be a story to that one. I hope she remembers it.

  5. In the wee hours of this morning, as I lie softly sleeping.

    Me: “Are you ok?”
    Carin: “Yeah. Think so.”
    Me: “Are you having a nightmare?”
    Carin: “No. I just thought you were having trouble getting out of the path of that crazy whatchamacallit.”
    Me: “The what?”
    Carin: *silence*

    1. Once again, I have no memory of either doing this, or the dream that could have caused it. I have no idea what the crazy whatchamacallit was that was going to mow Steve down. I did have a particularly scary dream one night when I was away where I was convinced someone had rigged my CPAP mask and if I breathed just the wrong way, it would set off a bomb. I hope I didn’t say anything very colourful that night. At least I was downstairs so if I did, nobody but the dogs would hear me.

  6. Twice last night, Carin woke me up laughing in her sleep. Like literally laughing. Ha ha ha ha he he he he he.

    The first time I asked her what was so funny, she said “look at that nice display.” Of course, I asked what was in it. She said “I don’t know, I don’t have it right now.”

    A few hours later when she laughed again and I asked the same question, she excitedly said “look at the bouncing boingy sproingly thing! It’s got springs! Where’s it going?” No clue what it was or where it ended up. I wonder if it was some sort of marvellous toy type situation.

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