Sleep Talkin’ 3

It’s time to mine the last “Sleep Talkin’ Me” post for comments and spend a good amount of time laughing at myself. I’ve built up quite a compendium.

Carin: Oh gees.
Me: What?
Carin: I hear mom and dad’s new cat.
Me: You do?
Carin: Yes. It’s going to be here in a second.
Me: I have my doubts.
Carin: I hear it.
Me: Your folks aren’t anywhere near here.
Carin: Well, it’s almost here. It sounds like it’s coming through the real and dream wall.

I kind of remember doing that, but not the real and dream wall part. Some cat meowed on the TV and in my dozed off state, I was dreaming it sounded like that cat that wandered into my parents’ yard and decided this would be a great place to call home. I was convinced that somehow it had arrived here. I’m so weird.

Carin, in the middle of the night: “Hahaha! Ha! Ha! That’s where they want to put it? It’s going to go there? What an unusual time.”
Me: What’s happening?”
Carin: “We’re trying to figure out where it’s going to go. We need to put it in the…in the…I don’t have the word for the thing, but it’s got to go there. We’re going to put it in the malary.” *Random syllables that sounded like something about the Baha.*
Carin can correct me if she remembers, but I believe the malary was her work calendar.

I think that was what it was. I woke up as I was saying “The Malary” and had several warring thoughts. “What the fuck is a Malary?” “What am I talking about?” “This is going to suck in the morning.” “Goddammit I woke him up again!” I’m pretty sure I was dreaming about a client from Australia and was worrying that we would have to meet in the middle of the night to make it a good time for them.

Carin in the middle of last night: “What’s that you say? What’s broke? They said it was broke. Something is broke.”
Me: “What’s broke?”
Carin: “They say something…are you broke?”
Me: “Nope.”
Carin: “Broke is the secret word!”
Me: *Tries not to laugh too loudly.*
I forgot a detail here.
When Carin did this, the radio was on very quietly in the background. I’m not sure how well she could hear it, but the discussion about housing affordability may have crept into her dreams and might explain why broke was the secret word.

I have no memory of this. But now I love saying “Broke is the secret word!”

Carin, very very early this morning: “Piss!”
Then, after a long pause…
“I’m a dumb head. Of course it’s in there. Why would it be anywhere else?”
This isn’t all that amusing really, but it’s interesting because for once she didn’t try to convince me that she wasn’t dreaming. She spent a couple of seconds fumbling for words, then said “I’m dreaming about something but I can’t really explain it yet.”

I’m going to be in a hotel in the summer, probably sharing a room with someone. I hope I don’t disturb them with random swearing and aimless moving. This worries me. I do all kinds of things in my sleep. One time, I woke up and found a pair of yoga pants next to my head. I didn’t put them there while awake, but if I dug deep enough, I found a vague memory of searching for a shirt, finding something, but it wasn’t a shirt…and then I came to my senses and realized I didn’t need to find shirts right now. But I didn’t come to my senses enough to put the pants back where I found them. So I woke up in the morning with pants next to my head. It’s a good thing Steve was sleeping on the couch that night…or he might have gottan smucked with random pants.
And then there’s this random exchange.

The other night I awoke to Carin thrashing her arms around, seemingly in a futile battle with blankets on the bed that refused to come off of her.
Me: Everything ok?
Carin: I’m trying to get all wrapped up.
Me: So you want the blankets on?
Carin: Yeah.
Me: They’re already on.
Carin: Oh. Ok.

Poor Steve. Even when he’s sleeping, he has to be paying attention in case I do something like this

Carin tried to go for a stroll last night.
I’m not sure how long we had been asleep, but it couldn’t have been very long. All of a sudden I notice, through my fog, that she’s trying to get up whilst mumbling something.
Me: What are you doing?
Her: I’ve got to go push all the buttons.
Me: What buttons?
Her: I need to turn all the fans off.
Me: There are no fans on. It’s winter time.
Her: Ok then. *flops back over, falls the rest of the way asleep.*

The other day, I woke up standing up. I was confused because I had some reason for getting up, but I had no idea what it was. Then Steve noticed I was walking around kind of aimlessly and said “I thought you had to pee!” Apparently I told him that was why I was getting up, but I was still asleep at the time.

Yes. You told me you had to get up again and go to the john. You got out of bed, started moving very slowly, then started kind of shuffling in circles that eventually found their way back to the bed. I asked you what happened to going to the can, to which you responded “I just remembered that I don’t have to do that.”

My brain is really trying to mess me up. Now I’m dreaming about stuff I may or may not have done in my sleep.
I had a dream one night that Steve came to wake me up one morning, and as he sat down on the bed he said “Did you mean to send me those garbled texts last night?” I said “Texts? What texts?” He said “I got some texts from you. They didn’t make any sense.” I said “Oh god! Now I’m texting in my sleep! I’m in trouble!” When I woke up for real, I had to check my phone to see if I had sent any texts in my sleep. Thank god I hadn’t. It’s gotten to the point where I’ll just wake up the next day and say to Steve “I think I did something stupid last night, didn’t I?” And that’s if I’m lucky. There are other nights like this one.

A couple of nights ago the two of us were happily, peacefully sleeping, or at least that’s what I thought. At one point I briefly woke up and rolled over. I didn’t touch Carin nor did I make a sound. But…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
“Is everything ok,” I asked, startled.
“Absolutely not!”
As she said this, Carin started to quickly try to get up as though she was in some sort of panic. I put an arm on her to try to calm her down. Thankfully it worked and in no time flat she was out like a light again.
She has no memory of any of this.

Sometimes that “real and dream wall” collapses and the results are just plain weird.

As I was busy writing a few minutes ago, my attention was suddenly grabbed by a commotion on the other side of the room. Carin, who had up until that moment been soundly sleeping, was flopping around on our loveseat.
I walked over in the hopes that if she said anything, I would catch it. I was not disappointed.
Carin, now sitting up: “Boy. Somebody really fucked up there.”
Me: “What happened?”
Carin: “Really screwed up. Screwed up…the…uh…”
Me: “Ok?”
Carin: “What did the man on TV say a few minutes ago?”
Me: “He said that it was a great night for baseball.”
Carin: “Oh boy. He did? It sounded like he said that it would have been fine three years ago, but because everything was backwards now there’s a big pile of dead babies out there.”
Me: “Um no. He definitely did not say that.”
Carin: I’m dreamin’ and dumb.” *breaks into laughter, then kind of falls asleep again.*

Legit I thought the dude on the TV was talking about something screwing up and because of that, a bunch of baby animals died. I must have been dreaming I was watching a vet show.

Last night I chuckled at something on TV while Carin was asleep. All of a sudden…
Carin: Yes! That is definitely the bad news bear of all time.
Me: What? What is?
Carin: We said that the other day.
Me: We did? What about?
Carin: About something. We thought something was screwed up.
Me: We did? I don’t remember that.
Carin: My brain is all he che che. It won’t come. Fuck.

“He che che?” There I go making up more words. I think that might mean frazzled or scrambled or something. But I’ll never know.

“Don’t be dumb, stupid!”
Words to live by, for sure. We could all stand to hear them now and then. But last night I thought I was hearing them directed at me for reasons I didn’t understand.
I walked into the living room and closed our sliding door. Carin, who had been sleeping in front of the TV, then said that loudly and emphatically. I asked who she was mad at and if she was dreaming again. The usual fumbling for words and futile attempts to convince myself and herself that this one was absolutely real ensued.
Turns out she was dreaming that she was using her phone as a remote control and it wasn’t quite working. She thought that the commercials in real life changing was a sign that her dream remote was malfunctioning, switching channels faster than she wanted.
Perhaps the beam has trouble getting through “the real and dream wall.”

Yup. I seriously thought my phone was messing up the TV. I have had other dreams where I have heard beeping from the TV, I have been convinced it was my fault, and started madly playing with my phone muttering “I’ll fix it!”

Carin: Oh Jesus! Don’t do that!
Me: What?
Carin: That song that was just on the TV.
Me: What song?
Carin: The one about having no feeling in your hands.
Me: What? I must have missed that.
Carin: It was the one about having all kinds of problems with his back and his legs.
Me: There was an ad for insurance a minute ago, but nobody was singing.
Carin: Oh dear.

I was sure that there was a big song describing this poor guy who couldn’t feel his legs and his arms. It took a second for that to finally go away.

Carin: Geesh. Oh boy.
Me: What?
Carin: All that stuff that just happened on TV there. You saw it.
Me: What happened?
Carin: Well………all them llamas spittin’ on everybody. Spittin’ everywhere!
Me: This is an episode of Forensic Files.
Carin: Oh. Well in my dream one spit on me. I don’t know why it did that.

I was totally dreaming that I found myself in a pen with some llamas. I was doing my best to not upset them. I was walking slowly, I was keeping my distance, and then…Hak tui! I got spat upon. I blame Seppa for this one. He was talking about llamas…and making me pretend to be one, which somehow involved lying on my back with my legs in the air and rubbing my belly while yelling “I’m a llama!”. Weirdest llama ever! And…the things we do for a six-year-old.

“Holy crapomatics! Something has gone bad. I am trying to figure out what it is. What is it? It’s gone bad. How? Why? What could it be? Or maybe I’m having one of those half sleep things where I’m crazed.”

I remember “crapomatics” most of all of that whole thing. I’m trying to remember what I was thinking. I think it had something to do with space or gravity being wrong or something. I can’t quite remember. I think I was thinking that something could pull on something else and cause a disastrous chain of events. Why do I keep thinking that will happen?

Last night, sleeping.
Carin: Um…We’ve got a bit of an issue here.
Me: We do?
Carin: We sure do. All the numbers are off centre…………..and I think I’m being stupid again.

Hahaha. I was dreaming that all the support beams in the apartment building had numbers and someone had tried to change the numbers, and because of that, the beams were going to move and the building would fall down. I was also sure I saw a bright light shining on me…which freaked me out on some level. And the theme of mass destruction continues.

Last night, Carin was sleeping on the couch. I was watching baseball and doing something on the computer.
Suddenly…
“Crippity crappity crudballs! That’s not good!”
“What’s wrong,” I asked?
“You don’t wanna know.”
Then, after a long pause…
“Or maybe I’m crazed again. I might have had a Stephen King dream.”
I hope it was a dream about how Stephen King spells Steven incorrectly.

It wasn’t, but it was about that book “11/22/63.” I think I’m the last person in the universe to read that book, but if I’m not, to everybody who hasn’t read it yet, you should read it. I really really liked it. I didn’t think I would, but he dragged me kicking and screaming into that world, and I guess I wasn’t ready to leave. In the book, there’s a reference to a watery ripping sound from the sky. In real life, it was raining. I think I woke up and heard the rain hitting the windows, and thought it was the watery ripping 11/22/63 sound. I was convinced it was happening for real.

And that’s the whole stack. It looked bigger in comment land. I’m sure there will be more. Apparently, there always are more.

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8 Comments

  1. There aren’t many reasons to be thankful that my sleep sucks as much shit as it does, but that these posts get to exist is definitely one. I look forward to filling this comment section with what will eventually become installment 4. I really do hope you’re ok, though.

  2. Those damn train whistles are back. This is not normally a cause for celebration, but last night they indirectly kicked off this new thread, so I’ll thank them for that since I am nothing if not a fair man.

    They scared the hell out of me, of course. But as I’m internally cursing them out for potentially ruining a night of sleep before it had much of a chance to truly get started, I suddenly hear mumble singing from the other side of the bed.

    “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the croooooooooooooooow gooooooooooooooooos caw…I guess it was alive…”

    “Mounted Animal Nature Trail,” I asked?

    “Well, you know, it’s just like we said earlier.”

    “What about?”

    “Well…you know…it was the something…well I can’t find the words.”

    At first I thought she said something about finding someone in the woods, but I’m pretty certain it was words.

    Neither of us has any idea what might have sparked the sleepy, droopy singalong. I thought maybe the train was taking us to the nature trail, but Carin isn’t sure. She’s too busy cackling at herself.

    1. If I could even make sense out of that, I’m going to have to hope that I heard the train in my subconscious, thought about Gill who is going to the Arrogant Worms concert tomorrow and took part of the trip by train, wondered what song she was going to yell for the Worms to play, thought about how many times they do the “Mounted Animal Nature Trail” song at concerts, and sleep brain decided to break into song. But that’s a new one…singing in my sleep. And again, I had this whole idea of why randomly singing that song made perfect sense…until it popped like a bubblegum bubble.

  3. I awoke early this morning to Carin plotting some repair work.

    “Hmmmm. I wonder if I can pull this off without causing any trouble.”

    Sensing her starting to move, I thought I had better ask a question.

    “What are you trying to do?”

    “Well, I was going to see if I could fix the ahhhh I don’t have any of the words for it.”

    And just like that, she was out like a light again.

  4. Carin’s been doing quite a bit of sleep chattering since she’s been back from her trip to the States. Unfortunately I haven’t been awake enough to catch most of it, but here are a couple I did manage to pick out.

    1. “My bloop is off and running! Ha ha!”

    I have no idea what a bloop is or where it’s going.

    2. “I held your stuff in balance all the way from Egypt. That way if anything did screw up it would all be ok.”

    Whose stuff? NO clue. Egypt? NO idea.

  5. So on Saturday, I woke up and my watch was gone. “Strange,” I thought, “it was on my wrist when I went to sleep because I had to fix the time before I went to bed.” I looked on the little dresser thing beside the bed. I looked on the other night table thing. I looked on my desk. Nope. It was on the floor, somehow hiding under a pair of pants! Eek! I think I did that in my sleep!

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