The former kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. “You need to use `big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She then asked Wendy what she had done over the weekend. “I went to visit my Nana.” “No, you …
Category Archives: jokes
Watching The News On 9/11
This one’s not exactly topical anymore, but it got me. A husband and wife were watching the news on television: The devastation at the World Trade Center; the videos of different countries around the world crying with Americans over the events of the past few weeks; reporters updating and attempting to analyze political strategy; President …
Do You Like…?
Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers. “Hello, sir,” she said, “Do you like movies?” “Yes, I do,” he responded, then returned to his book. Goldie persisted. “Do you like gardening?” The man again looked up from his …
Be Careful Who You Mary
Three couples, two straight and one gay, were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship. They all drowned, and soon they’re all standing in line before St. Peter. First up was one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly and said to the man …
Friday Afternoon Batch O’ Jokes
*Q: Why doesn’t god like cheesecake? A: Because he doesn’t exist. *The other day, I bumped into a friend I’d not seen in ages. “Are you still seeing that girl Helen,” I asked? “Nah,” he replied. “It’s a sad story. She bled to death from gonorrhea.” “You don’t bleed to death from gonorrhea,” I said. …
The Swimmer And The Gymnast
This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village. Once she’s inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement. After about twenty minutes of …
Snails
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to …
What’ll You Have
The bartender asks a man sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” “A scotch, please,” he answers. The bartender hands him the drink and says “Ok, that’ll be five dollars.” “What are you talking about,” the man asks? “I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, says to …
When Ya Gotta Go, Ya Gotta Go Quietly
After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. “You can’t make any noise,” she warned him. “My parents are upstairs and if they find out they’ll kill us.” Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol got the better of the …
Rooster Race
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. The farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn’t hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him …