I’m Sure It Means Well, But This Blows

Hurricane Katrina Returns To New Orleans To Apologize NEW ORLEANS—After a three-year absence spent wallowing in guilt for killing several hundred Louisiana residents and leaving the city in shambles, Hurricane Katrina returned to New Orleans Tuesday to beg the Crescent City for forgiveness, destroying everything in its path and killing hundreds.

So We’re All Doomed Then?

New Cell Phone Risks Cause Panic Among Assholes A new medical report showing that excessive cell phone use may increase the risk of cancer has sparked widespread fear among the nation’s assholes, prominent assholes confirmed today. For years, America’s assholes have talked relentlessly on their cell phones — while waiting on supermarket lines, sitting on …