So We’re All Doomed Then?

Last Updated on: 18th May 2023, 07:27 pm

New Cell Phone Risks Cause Panic Among Assholes

A new medical report showing that excessive cell phone use may increase the risk of cancer has sparked widespread fear among the nation’s assholes, prominent assholes confirmed today.
For years, America’s assholes have talked relentlessly on their cell phones — while waiting on supermarket lines, sitting on the bus, or even crossing the street — regardless of the effect their annoying chatter has had on those around them.

But with a new doctor’s warning that cell phone use could pose a serious health risk, many jerks and douchebags are considering changing their ways.

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